[Closed] FFS, Have a word...

was the letter delivered by bike to qualify for this forum then?

grief does strange things to people Crayola.

I'd be a bit miffed if it happened to me after one of my children died.

It's a bit different getting a letter 10 years after death, to a letter a couple of months after though isn't it? It was also not a letter addressed to the daughter, it was a letter addressed to the parents informing them that because of their daughter's poor attendance at school she would not be allowed to the prom, again, not quite the same as a bank statement or a direct marketing letter etc. I'd be pretty fuming too, and very upset if that happened to me.

I hope never to know how they feel so I'm not going to criticise them but I don't think I would react in the same way.

I can't imagine what it feels like for a parent to lose a child. But when I saw the story my thoughts were that, compared to the grief of dead child, the letter would be pretty much insignificant. In fact (and maybe it's just me) I thought that if I were in their situation and got the letter I would find it a brief moment of humour. It's not likely that they'd forgotten their daughter was dead and the letter brought it all back, is it?

I can understand how a letter like that would have caused the parents to be angry, and quite rightly so. However why does something like this make the news?

All aboard the outrage bus, fares please. Have your season tickets to hand......

Higgo, i agree - i know it must be a difficult time, but its a letter - human error - not a big deal.

i understand that it must have been a shock, but get a grip! its not a worthy news story IMO

Thing that gets my goat is that they go running to the press and the press laps it up. I mean wtf is this on Radio1 and the BBC News. Have we degraded our news service to such a level that this is all it can use for headlines. Pathetic.

Yes the parents had a right to be annoyed and ask questions
The school answered those questions by saying it was a computer glitch
Parents register complaint to school
School issues unreserved apology

JOB DONE

If the parents are grieving, what the hell have they achieved by going to national press and making a meal of things. I think in future i will refer to it as doing a 'Jade Goody'.

What really happened was the headmaster said to his admin to send out a standard letter to all pupils with x unattendance. Letter was produced on mailmerge and head signed them without looking. He didnt have any malicous intent so why cause the uproar. Oh i know, because the general public lap it up..

[i]However why does something like this make the news? [/i]

In a country where J**e G**dy is all over the front pages (and this bloody forum!) hardly surprising I'd say.

Having lost a child, and seen what it does to the mother, particularly, I can well understand that reaction, and can fully understand you NOT understanding it.

I'm glad to have had the six months we had with our daughter, and now am in a place where I can look back fondly. With sadness, but I have the thoughts mapped out in my head.

It's not the same for everyone, and particularly in an age where celebrity death is seen as more important that others, it must grate.

In the world of PA internet news feeds, all it takes is mum complaining to the local paper, and it's off on the wire globally.

Apologies for putting this in the wrong forum, is it possible to move it?

Higgo, I think you're right and I suspect they probably did see a bit of humour/irony in the situation. Hence the comments from her mother that I quoted:

If they want her to attend that much I'll take Megan's remains. It's disgusting.
"Megan doesn't go to that school any more. She's been dead for two months now so it's not surprising her attendance is low.

But dragging the school - who must be mortified by their apparent but perfectly understandable lack of sensitivity - is bang our of order in my opinion.

Brant, having lost a child, would you not have felt some sense of pity for the poor person that made such an embarrassing and insensitive faux pas, rather than want to see them villified in the media?

Vilification in the media isn't as bad as losing a child. That's the thought process the parent is going through.

[i]Vilification in the media isn't as bad as losing a child. That's the thought process the parent is going through.[/i]

Brant can read minds now. WOW!

How about

Attention whores seek national media coverage on back of daughters death

I find it hard to understand that during a time of such immense grief you would consider going to the press with the story. Does reading and hearing about their daughter in the press not make things worse for them? I would have thought, given what they must be going through, that the have far bigger issues to worry them.

But I've not been in that situation so I can't understand how they feel. There must be an element of the parents wanting to lay the blame somewhere and perhaps this gives them some way of venting their anger at their daughters death.

Hey, TheLittlestHobo - read my mind - {Now now! No personal abuse - mod}

But I've not been in that situation so I can't understand how they feel.

But you don't know that they sought national media coverage do you? I can understand how this would get into a local paper, and from there all it takes is one press agency to pick it up and it's in the national media. it doesn't mean the family went out an courted national coverage at all.

don't get me wrong, I'm not saying this should be headline news, but it's easy to understand how it gets there.

Someone in the family/close friend must have gone to the media. My problem isn't with the parents or family, they must be going through a terrible time, but the public seems to love this sort of stuff - family suffering, then more shit heaped upon them by the 'authorities' through 'computer error'. The public seem to enjoy watching people suffer.

I might be wrong Mrs Flash, but I could have sworn I saw both the mother and the father, sitting on a sofa talking to a TV camera and a journalist. Might be wrong though.

🙄

Why Brant, because i dissagreed with you. I am sorry but you are coming across the same as the people who comment on Cancer and say you cant have an opinion unless you have experienced it.

I have plenty of sympathy for anyone who loses a child. It is the worst thing possible. What i dont need you to preach to me is what i should or shouldnt think of someone going to the press about something that deserved to be kept private

Why Brant, because i dissagreed with you. I am sorry but you are coming across the same as the people who comment on Cancer and say you cant have an opinion unless you have experienced it.

Did you read all my posts on this thread?

So are they pissed off because they still want Megan to go to the prom?

I think he did Brant, but he doesn't understand punctuation so it's easy to misinterpret his posts. I can only assume he misinterprets a lot of what he reads too.

*s****s at Gary M*

Yes i did brant, and having read them again i can see what you are saying.

I just have a real dissbelief of how we use our press these days and it is really at gutter level on a national basis now. This is both from the press itself and the public.

Ignore my comments earlier, but i stand by the fact this should have been a private issue between school and parents.

Yes i did brant, and you have my deepest sympathies

Well thanks for all that. In a strange way it's both the worst and best thing that ever happened to me, and probably ever will.

Its no coincidence that i dissagreed with your stance on Jade Goody as well.

I can't remember ever really having a stance on Jade Goody.

{Abuse removed - Brant! Please don't make me ban you... again - Mod}

I found the wording amusing some what amusing, however it is wrong that no one picked up on the letter being sent out. A school isn't the same as a corporation or government body the know the pupils at a personal level.

As for it being news, well not sure it should of made national news but can see why the parents were angry, they probably just told local news who then would sell the story.

[i]But dragging the school - who must be mortified by their apparent but perfectly understandable lack of sensitivity - is bang our of order in my opinion. [/i]

School is bang out of order for not updating there system more than them being portrayed as evil by the media. The carry on with the school will be forgotten within a week or so, the parents may be effected for months.

Never lost a child but dealt with infant deaths at work it's far from the same as an adult even young adults.

Brant, I altered that last post before your response.

that's bang out of order LittlestHobo - changing your mind as a result of having read something someone else posted on stw...

You must really care what i think to make that last statement. I dont really know you so have no opinion whatsoever about you Brant

I bet brant still thinks you're a cock though.

You must really care what i think to make that last statement. I dont really know you so have no opinion whatsoever about you

{Aaaargh! Brant! - I know it's an emotive subject but... that's it! - Suspended - Mod}

School is bang out of order for not updating there system more than them being portrayed as evil by the media.

"Megan's name had been taken off the school roll when she died, and removed from the main school database," the spokeswoman said.

"However, unknown to the school, her details had remained in a different part of the computer system and were called up when the school did a mail merge letter to the parents of all Year 11 students about their prom

Never let the facts get in the way of a good story/rant.

how amusing, Drac?

My father died 12 months ago and today would have been his 64 birthday. Everyone deals with grief in different ways. My mum still gets hospital appointments for my dad and yes it both upsets and anoys her and in turn myself too. When someone dies there is a system of sorts in place to stop mail and other types of correspondence unfortunately it's not always 100% effective. Some people on here seem to lack stmpathy and compassion possibly because they have not felt the loss of a loved one.

Seems to be two seperate trains of thought going on here (From my limited grasp of english)

There are people (Including me) harping on about why this actually reached national press. Then there are others talking about the pain and anguish losing a loved one can cause.

Its difficult to express an opinion about the first issue (Which i believe the OP was getting at) without sounding unsypathetic to those talking about the grief.

The above was written without wanting to offend anyone and without resorting to childish abuse.

[i]Some people on here seem to lack stmpathy and compassion possibly because they have not felt the loss of a loved one. [/i]

My dad died almost 7 years ago, I still think about him every day. But I can still have perspective, I don't have to feel compassion and sympathy for everyone that dies, do I?

I agree not worthy of national news. No you don't have to feel compassion and sympathy for everyone it's just a feeling you might recognise in yourself and others don't in theirselves.

I hope Brant's suspension is a short one and that the mods take into account that he was goaded by TheLittlestHomo. And I hope he didn't take offense at my comments, they certainly weren't intended to and I admire his resolve.

TheLittlestHomo, you might think it's childish abuse, and I didn't see the comments that have been removed, but Brant was certainly right about one thing.

stumpynya12 are you capable of your own thoughts?

Mods, i have no beef with Brant or anyone else. I can see how my comments were taken as abuse on his behalf so i dont see any point in a suspension.

[i]Or is this just another case of a couple of ****wits, so obsessed with celebrity that they don't mind that their daughter's 15 minutes of fame came 15 minutes too late.[/i]

Crayola what makes you any better than TheLittlestHobo? You're hardly in a position to name call over insensitive comments.

It still should have been private. It's a simple and sad cock-up. The school's not being evil or deliberately hurting the parents, so why the fuss? Seriously, I don't think they should have entertained any press at all. It's not fair. What's she hoping to gain from it? Does she have some kind of campaign for holistic IT systems that she needs press coverage for?

IT cock-ups happen all the time, unfortunately. It's just not news.

Crayola what makes you any better than TheLittlestHobo?

As far as I'm aware, the parents aren't mountain bikers, they certainly don't look like mountian bikers anyway. So I think it's fairly safe to assume that they won't be reading this forum. Brant stated his position and Hobo made a rather insensitive comment directly at him. I think that was unnecessary.

just because you don't think you would have the same reaction in the same situation doesn't mean you can't be understanding of that reaction. I work in a grief/loss/angst/rage/general-messed-upness 'industry' and honestly, if it were possible to quantify and award 'grief and pain' points for things, the loss of your child would be right up there. And so the understanding and acceptance of a wider range of ways of dealing with/not dealing with your grief should be right up there too.

Have a look at how other non-western/americanised cultures deal with their grief. They don't go to the tabloids but they do and say some pretty unusual-by-our-standards stuff.

Sure the parents might look back on this in a few years and wonder if they needed to make such a big deal of it but anger does strange things. Including wanting to make life as difficult as possible for other people if what they do comes anywhere near the subject of your loss. At least they aren't starting fights in pubs about it (yes that does happen in my professional experience and yes it is hard to explain to the magistrate too).

[i]directly at him[/i]

So why do you have to get involved in the name calling?

I didn't call anyone any names. Time for a careful re-read methinks Gary.

[i]TheLittlestHomo, you might think it's childish abuse, and I didn't see the comments that have been removed, but Brant was certainly right about one thing.[/i]

It's very plain to see what you're getting at Crayola. Of course you'll say that's not what you meant but you and I both know what you're trying to suggest.

Perhaps you should think more carefully before casting aspertions in the direction of someone who thinks more carefully.

Yeh right, whatever.

I might be wrong Mrs Flash, but I could have sworn I saw both the mother and the father, sitting on a sofa talking to a TV camera and a journalist. Might be wrong though.

Yes they were, my point was though that they probably didn't just run to the Sun. I would imagine that they went to a local paper, which imo is understandable. The story was then picked up by someone else.

Don't ****ing well roll your eyes at me matey 🙄 😉

Yes they were, my point was though that they probably didn't just run to the Sun. I would imagine that they went to a local paper, which imo is understandable. The story was then picked up by someone else.

Don't ****ing well roll your eyes at me matey

*Fixes gaze firmly ahead*

Again, I may be wrong, but during the sofa scene, I don't recall a big, scary media mogul in full-length leather trenchcoat and trilby holding a gun to their heads. But as I said, I may be wrong...

Or it might have been a clever crop on the cameraman's part...

🙄 Oh bugger...

good grief. put your toys away kids, go stand in the corner, and think about what you've done.
for those still getting mail for deceased relatives, sign them up for the mail preference service ( mps.org IIRC ), and this should substantially reduce the problem.

for those still getting mail for deceased relatives, sign them up for the mail preference service ( mps.org IIRC ), and this should substantially reduce the problem

Schools aren't generally members of the Direct Marketing association. If the direct marketers did [url=

honourable thing[/url], their relatives could sign them up for their own list.

Again, I may be wrong, but during the sofa scene, I don't recall a big, scary media mogul in full-length leather trenchcoat and trilby holding a gun to their heads. But as I said, I may be wrong...

Or it might have been a clever crop on the cameraman's part...

Or they may have lost their daughter recently and so are not really functioning rationally?

Does no-one have any photocopying to do? 😐

I assume they'll be suing for compensation next then?

Exactly what I was wondering, Big Dummy.

Cheers Gary-M for the correction, 'e' one never stop learning ow 2 rit proper english... 😉

I really don't understand this thread tbh.

A couple have lost a child and are grieving. They made the news over something that was entirely avoidable.
It will be out of the news just as quickly as it entered the news. Let it go.

I think the thread title (FFS, have a word...) should apply to some of the posts here, rather than be directed at the parents, press etc etc.

that they went to a local paper, which imo is understandable.

I don't think so. I'd not have done anything. I'd have called the school and said 'Look, you've cocked up here' and that would've been that.

Perhaps they went to the papers as they intend to sue the school for emotional distress?

Deleted, cos i quoted the wrong person 🙂

Molgrips last comment makes most sense to me.

Deals with the issue with as little fuss as possible.

Perhaps they went to the papers as they intend to sue the school for emotional distress?

My thoughts entirely.

[i]I don't think so. I'd not have done anything. I'd have called the school and said 'Look, you've cocked up here' and that would've been that.[/i]

Exactly. If they're going through as painful an experience as I imagine they are and this cock-up has upset them further surely broadcasting it to the world can only make matters worse?

just had a look back at this [url] http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/7964654.stm [url]

nowhere is compensation mentioned, the parents have their say, then a statement from the school, and the IT company is read.

They went on the telly to express their anger at a stupid mistake, no-one forced them.

A worthwhile story to tell IMHO

A worthwhile story? How the hell is it 'worthwhile'? Will publicising it benefit the public? Will it prevent people from making very unforunate but very rare mistakes like this again? No.

Has it enriched my life? No. Do I need to know that this happened? No. Will it help the parents' grieving proccess? No. Will it bring their daughter back? No.

Will it make ordinary, sensitive people feel even worse about a mistake that they're probably already very, very sorry about feel even more wretched than they already do? Yes.

So no Martyn, it's not worthwhile at all. It's bordering on the malicious on the part of the parents and the press should know better than to have their strings pulled by a couple of bitter people who want other people to feel as bad as they do.

"It's bordering on the malicious on the part of the parents and the press should know better than to have their strings pulled by a couple of bitter people who want other people to feel as bad as they do."

blimey...

Its news.. simple as that. News is "unusual" stories this is unusual. I think the press were totally justified in running the story, and I think there was sufficiant interest in the story to run it.
As all sides were covered there is no "string pulling"

I'd love to know what you think "news" is...

"[i]Will it help the parents' grieving proccess?[/i]" And you know what about parental grieving? Cock all I'm guessing. I do. It's a very dark place to be. You have no idea what you are talking about. You've been a **** in your previous disguises but you really have proved yourself an attention seeking **** of the highest order with this little stunt.

Oh enough!