MegaSack DRAW - This year's winner is user - rgwb
We will be in touch
From the dust jacket thread.
Used to love nicking books from pubs, when decent but obscure hardbacks were used as a means of decoration and insulation.
Essays on sheep diseases, obscure19th century travelogues, biographies of forgotten soldiers and statesmen, bad romances and pre Soviet era train timetables.
All good fun.
Only ever caught once, by the landlord of the Golden Lion in Tod. Was shown the boxes of books he kept upstairs and told to take my pick. 🙂
Never been tempted to nick anything else apart from the odd decent newspaper from MacDonalds.
You?
i once legged it from a Little Chef in Shropshire without paying.
On foot, because I was very drunk.
*Bookmarked
It's a fair cop guv 😶
Not the face......
Walked out of job with 27” Apple cinema screen in my (big!) rucksack. Due to policy/circumstances I knew it wasn’t going to be used by anyone else anyway so didn’t feel at all guilty.
Careful on them stairs....
The hearts of a few fine ladies.
Does scrumping over 50 years ago count?
sort of*.... a mate and I nicked a pub sign; the Kings Head in Guildford. 15th Centruy Inn, Good Food, Fine Ales, etc. An A-frame style one, about 4 foot high and 2 foot wide, it took two of us to carry it.
What was astonishing is that we carried it off up the High St, stashed it in an alley while we had a curry, and then persuaded a taxi driver to take us, and it, home. The rationale was that the description above, spelling mistake and all, was what was written on the sign, and we convinced the driver that the landlord had said we could have it because it was spelt wrong. He even had to fold the seats down in the back, and my mate sat on it all the way home.
We set it up on my back patio and then woke my girlfriend up to show her the gift we'd brought her. Unimpressed doesn't cover it.
* I say sort of because the bit about the landlord saying it was OK to take is an absolute lie. What is true is that we stole it at kicking out time, and I returned it very early the next morning, probably before it was even missed. Does it count as theft in that case?
It was a very long time ago, and may I also ask for morning after drink driving (unforgivable) to be considered in sentencing. I wouldn't have usually, but she was very annoyed.
(not annoyed enough that she's now my wife)
*Bookmarked
Proper LOL
Not theft if you bring it back quickly enough (or even abandon). Intention to “permanently deprive” is in the law IIRC. Hence TWOC as a specific offence.
Not that I've had cause to look this up in detail or anything...
I'm from Liverpool.
Don't you live near me?
Goes out out to check bike shed. (I'm from Birkenhead).
😆 @ weeksy
A kiss, at the turn of a mile.
Contents of a beer barrel from a local tennis club in our youth - rolled it into the bushes and syphoned the contents into empty IrnBru bottles. We were about 14 at the time and got very pissed very quickly and were pretty ill afterwards.
Were on a skiing trip to Avoriaz and "borrowed" a local restauranteur's 'goods sledge' made from a pair of 2m skis attached to very heavy wooden sledge. It took three of us to carry it up through all the inter-connected apartment lifts to the top of the ski slope in the dark and terrified ourselves on the descent - it was so hairy we didn't go again for fear of seriously hurting ourselves.
I tried to nick a snickers (marathon) once from the school tuck shop, a dinner lady caught me
I'm a shit thief
I stole the top 12ft of a 30ft conifer Tree, got arrested and the police and the owner took the piss out of me!
That drinking sesh cost me £500 to replace the tree plus a caution!
2 gear cables, from halfords.
i stood at the till for 10 minutes. nobody came. so i just walked out.
i didnt feel any guilt.
I can’t walk past a pick’n’mix without a quick swipe of a couple of cola bottles or the such like. Evidence usually destroyed.
RM.
I too borrowed a sandwich board from outside a pub. I managed to get it home and set up in my bedroom.
Next morning I felt pretty bad about it, not helped that I lived across the road from the pubs chef. So once it was dark I loaded it into the boot of my car and placed it by the road leading into town. Next day it was back outside the pub.
Oh, I woke up with a flashing beacon once too.
I remember stealing my pocket money in advance off my father in order to feed my hubba bubba gum addiction.
Just the glistening tear from the cheek of a golden child.
A large sack of lemons from outside a house in Elounda, Crete at 2am in June 1987. I was extremely drunk and it seemed amusing at the time. An old lady watched me do it.
I felt exceptionally guilty (and Ill) in the morning and took them back. They were bloody heavy and not sure how I’d managed the night before.
We nicked a picnic table from the pub across the road.
How the **** we didnt see the marked police car parked next to us i'll never know but i'm glad they just told us to take it back rather than having a little stop and search 😀
There's only a 5% chance of getting caught anyway...
Never stolen anything, only liberated things.
Actually I did get the sack from my paper round for pinching a 1p sweet.
"i’m glad they just told us to take it back rather than having a little stop and search"
Bloody hell, how big are your pockets?
Vimto. Quite a lot of Vimto...
A book called the Book of the Book, from a house we used to rent. I just thought nah, this is awesome, i'm having it, sorry. Mild regret but it found a better home and it was thematically appropriate
At a mates wedding I took a bit of a drunken shine to an ornamental wooden toad on the bar at a Cardiff pub. 15 years on it's still rotting away in my Dad's garden:
Multiple road cones, temporary road closure signs and road work lights, the flashing amber ones. Had enough to close of both ends of the street at one point in time. Seemed a good idea when a pissed up teenager.
I’ve got one of those singing toads, you remove the stick from the mouth and run it down the back to make a very unlike “toad” noise
While holidaying in a caravan at Brean, I used to walk along the beach into Burnham, and nose around the shops. Had very little money, my dad had died several years before, so I used to go into WH Smith and nick Hot Wheels cars. This was when they actually sold toys, and they were ridiculously easy to pinch.
Not nicked, exactly but I still have a DeVilbiss Super 63 airbrush from a company I once worked for. I was the only one who could use it for retouching photos, and I had it at home when I left for another job. The original company folded six months later, which was why I left, writing on the wall, etc.
Then there’s countless pens, rolls of tape, scalpels and blades over the years, but they were considered perks of the job.
Was out one night with my Uni MTB club during a trip to the FOD. Went for a wee in the bushes, came back to the van with a 40 sign still attached to the pole.
Has anyone who works in IT ever bought software or hardware?
How the **** we didnt see the marked police car parked next to us i’ll never know but i’m glad they just told us to take it back rather than having a little stop and search
I have the feeling the contents of your pockets may well have something to do with the lack of observation.
Myself? I'm a firm believer that a good thief doesn't get caught, much less incriminate themselves.
Somafunk, the sound is a near-perfect rendition of the rare natterjack toad.
A copy of 'No rest for the Wicked' by New Model Army on tape from the bargain bin of Stratford Woolworths. I feel fairly sure that I'm not responsible for their collapse, but could have been a contributing factor 😐
An ice pop or two from the corner shop near primary school. Used to reach in the freezer and slide the odd cola ice pop up the sleeve.
Feel terrible about it.
Oh God, where to start. My friends and I whilst drunk or otherwise impaired have borrowed Sandwich board from outside a pub. We even wrote a ransom note on the other sign. Lights from roadworks, letters from various signs, lightbulbs from Christmas trees, pint glasses, road cones, shopping trolleys, For Sale signs (always more than one so that we could hit each other with them)and ash trays.
My favourites by far was when I fell over a garden wall and popped back up with one of those Stop - Children lollipop things. It stayed with us for the rest of the evening and then we took it back.
Awaits pm from bregante
"PM" incoming funkers.
When I was a kid Duracel ran a promotion to collect tokens and get a battery powered dinosaur.
A well know supermarket took quite a battering that summer because you needed to spend about £100 on batteries to get one, and I only had a paper round for £3.50 a week.
Never did get enough for the dinosaur but my bike lights lasted ages!
“PM” incoming funkers.
That was close! Geoff from next door but one doesn’t look very happy this morning.
Self service tills don't always work properly. It isn't my job so **** them!
I'm hoping someone might confess to having stolen my 3 bikes a few years ago.
I was stumbling home from a party at about 5am. I was well pissed and in full Superman outfit complete with Brylcreemed kiss curl. As I neared a row of local shops, a van pulled up and dropped off a bale of morning newspapers. I took the lot.
I woke around 4pm covered in Suns, Mirrors, Observers and a copy of Amateur Photographer! It took me a while to work out what had happened. Oops .
A chaise lounge from the hotel pub in town when I was about 20. Me and a mate just picked it up from the reception lobby and walked it down the high street one sat night!! Pissed up obvs but we felt proper ashamed the next day when friends commented that wasn’t this the chaise from the ...... hotel.
fessed up to the owner (who we knew) and brought it back. All forgiven. Also swiped a Bedfordshire Constabulary sign from an old station (out of commission) yonks ago.... that still resides on my back wall
A length of square profile aluminium. Machine setter spent ages looking for it. Ha, sweet revenge. I've not even used it for anything... yet.
A plastic dalek from Woolworths. Oh and a bag of M&Ms from the vending machine at work yesterday.
Oh yes now I think if it the hatton garden job I oversaw as project manager.
🤣
😢sadly not!
Some records... some borrowed and not returned, some from a house I was staying in 😆 I like to think they're far more appreciated by me, seeing as there wasn't even a working record player in the house...
Got arrested with my big bro for shop lifting in about 1978, if that counts. I got away with a pen knife that I hid down my pants, until someone nicked it off me. I blame peer pressure.
Best thing I've robbed was from a pub. On a leaving do, I admired the whiskey glasses. My boss said "take one then". Being an easily influenced 19 year old, I did. Still got it and I'd hate to lose or break it. It is a lovely glass -
years ago I had a house that needed a replacement loo pan, it had the original Victorian toilet with the flush above the head and the pan bit needed an external flush pipe connector - the only pans you could get to fit were either from salvage yards or new reproduction and both options were £200 or more (this was in 2001 and I was skint) so I spent ages researching and looking
then a week or two later I saw EXACTLY the right thing in a garden with a load of other stuff about to be chucked by some d1ckhead builder doing a sh1t job of renovating a house (ikea kitchen and magnolia everywhere). So I went in the middle of the night and liberated it 🙂 now I know how antique collectors feel when they see an old master or ming vase in a charity shop, and it would have ended up in a skip so I feel no remorse
My d1ckhead noisy neighbours new mattress. Came home to find a new mattress dumped in my front garden. After a few days I dropped it round to the side of their house as I was feeling charitable.
Came home a week later to find ANOTHER KIN MATTRESS in my front garden!! I contacted the courier telling them to collect it. Of course they never returned so I claimed it as my own.
Its of no use to me as its too big, so will get around to selling it one day. I think they were trying to pulling a fast one as evidently they received the 1st one.
Delivery drivers are 'tards. Surely part of the interview should be to identify numbers on a door & match it to the number on a label.
What is true is that we stole it at kicking out time, and I returned it very early the next morning, probably before it was even missed
Sounds like an episode of The Archers!
I stole a small plastic figure from another child when I was aged 5. I was so racked with guilt and fear afterwards that was the day I hung up my loot bag and life of crime. Can't even take a pub glass these days!
lots of stuff a long time ago . No regrets .
lots of stuff a long time ago . No regrets
Pray tell why?
Because things aren't always black and white . That is not a defense that would hold up in court 🙂
Aged 8-9, my school had some kind of fair where different classrooms had myriad items for sale. The last bit went over my head though as I rocked up, grabbed a book on space travel and a pencil and disappeared. Without paying. Hardcord uproar.
I have stolen lots of books.
Mostly by actively going in to book stores and secreting them about my person. but I have also had the opportunity to do so whilst working in what were essentially book 'warehouses'..
Both from WHSmith and Blackstones if anybody is really taking notes.
I stole a copy of 'Thatcher - The Downing Street Years' from a book store in Oxford to ensure that the recipient didn't receive a legitimately purchased copy.
That turned out to be the last book i half-inched - it's not so easy now.
In my defense, i was young and stupid at the time.
Garden gnomes ...then sent ransom notes..
Always returned ( sometimes months later ) ..with or without the extortionate demands being met ..
A porny mag from a news stand at Newcastle Central station. I laid another mag over the top of it, asked the stall holder "how much?" paid him and picked both up. My younger sister was with me; we were going a bit off the rails because we were both teenagers fizzing with hormones and life was hell at home with Mum and Dad fighting horribly all day.
More recently a couple of Road Closed signs from each end of our street just a day before the street, long abused as a rat-run, was reopened after four months of glorious peace while they replaced a bridge. The street was reopened and I nipped up and closed it for three days longer before the council took away the signs. A cycling club buddy worked at the Highways department and reported that his boss was fuming:"We can't have members of the public setting up diversions!" I suspected my buddy knew I was involved. He may even read this!
Only hearts 🙂
Because things aren’t always black and white . That is not a defense that would hold up in court
So what was it? A rainbow?
Lastly week.. A set of grips from a bike at a trail centre.. 😉
10 years ago I drove a family friend to her uni halls with all her stuff then went to the Student bar for a few drinks with her new halls mates. On the way back many hours later we passed a set of temporary traffic lights, the ones that have their own batteries and work by radio signals. Seeing as they have a carry handle and wheels I might have suggested we take them back and put them at either end of the narrow corridor in her halls to stop the inevitable squeezing past that happens. Set them up in the corridor and went to bed. Got up the next morning and they were still there, changing away. Even had the odd hungover person wait for the green light! Did have a little giggle to myself as I drove home and had to get through the queue going past the roadworks that now had no lights.
I'm not sure how old I'd have been now, but it was walking home from primary school so maybe aged 10ish? I shoplifted a pencil eraser, shaped like one of those Nintendo Game & Watch things with a lenticular 'screen' on it. I spent the next two weeks shitting myself, every time the doorbell went I thought it was the police coming to lock me up. Thus ended my prolific life of crime.
I once told a joke on here about lactose intolerance.
Retribution was swift and brutal.