Into a grumpy, stressed, irrational and obsessive kind of person, for example?
Just saying like.
yep, they are now 4 and 2.5 and still the same.
didn't change her into that no. 😆
she was that before having kids... it never got better... or worse.
Get a rugby ball pulled out of your arse, see how you feel.
I don't think having a baby changed her, but the sleep deprivation certainly makes her a 'grumpy, stressed, irrational and obsessive kind of person'!
Can't remember what my wife was like before we had kids, in fact I cant even remember what my life was like before we had kids and its only been 3.5 years. I've chosen to forget 😀
Obsessive over what? The other things are normal female traits exacerbated by sleep deprivation.
irrational maybe, rest of that no. however she has grown a love of shite TV programs which has had me grasping for the scissors to cut the aerial cord a few times...
Yes.
But it also changed me into one as well.
It's generally par for the course, I think.
Four years in we're pretty much too tired to argue...
ON a serious note, Post Natal Depression hit my ex with horrifying consequences for all of us. Keep an eye on your loved one.
Yes, but overall for the better I reckon she's got a bit more perspective on life and what's important now, we actually work better as a team too, mainly because we have to.
However she always wanted to be a mummy it was always her no.1 ambition, I think that if she'd always wanted to be X,Y or Z and had to put that on ice for the kids it would have been a lot tougher for her.
I'd say a basic no, but she did have support from a brilliant husband
Two exceptions
Sleep deprivation
A horrendous moment 36 hours after getting home with the first one when she lost it big time. Tears and ranting. Never seen anything like it before or since from her (pr anyone else). I did think "is this the rest of my life what have I done". It took me a couple of hours to realize that she was really ill with a massive temperature. Turned out to be mastitus
Nope, in fact i cannot recall a day my wife has been in a bad mood, she's one of those eternally cheery people.
Did having a baby change your other half?
No, but having 3 did 😉
Being serious(ish) for a moment - I don't think she's changed, once she'd got into a routine and got over the initial shock of reduced sleep etc, things are pretty much as they were before.
Me, on the other hand........
Having a baby didn't change her, it simply highlighted her true self along with the massive failings in our relationship.
+1 Mr P, with all relations in firing line too, in-laws and out-laws!
Bat shot crazy for a while!
Miserable, irrational, negative but worst of all lost much of her confidence - not physically, but messed up her risk/reward thought process - I don't mean doing drops on her MTB or anything like that but in planning for the future in life in general - she seems
(un)happy to accept our lot in life at the moment and I never am.
To be honest, as much as she's dreading it returning to work will do her wonders, my Mate's wife is a full-time housewife and the mundane, unimportant shit she stresses about... I've reached the conclusion everyone sets their own acceptable level of stress and if your life is limited to housework and daytime TV then you'll focus all your stress at that - it's better to have something actually difficult to stress about.
Hell yeah, changed a lot, some good some not so good. We just have to learn and adapt!!
Nope, no different here.
Get a rugby ball pulled out of your arse, see how you feel.
Ermmm! They don't come out of the arse.
short lived emotional volatility which to be fair is understandable, turned to ordinary behaviour until pregnancy loomed again the hormones kicked in and emotional volatility resumed.
she's still wonderful though and I wouldn't have her any other way*
* 'in case she's watching' disclaimer
Mine did... Four years of her being self obsessed, continually moaning about money, doing no housework at all. Then to top it all off she had to have a medical miscarriage last year due to serious complications. This made her 100x worse for the last twelve months. Never happy. Never wanted to spend time with me, or as a family.
We are now separated. I couldn't cope with living with her any more.
Generally Mrs JAMJ has been the same as before. We are both a quite a bit more tired and often more irritable than we used to be though...!
Having a baby changes everybody. She's probably asking her mates about their fellas......
Corr I'm quite lucky my wife's not much different tbh
Does stress more about getting em in the right schools etc
But she is back in her career which she enjoys, probably helps a lot
Bums got wider though, but I'm all sirmixalot about that 😉
a grumpy, stressed, irrational and obsessive kind of person,
Sounds like both my missus and me to be honest.and my arse is much larger.
Nope. Mine Is the same as she ever was. My kids are angels too which has helped.
Yes. My missus had all sorts of problems after ours was born. All over the place. Hormones out of control, depression, lethargy, all sorts. Pretty shit really. Took her years to get back to her normal self. Doctors were useless.
Ermmm! They don't come out of the arse.
I thought it a bit more straightforward then getting a vagina but I suppose if he's going to get a rugby ball shoved up there he may as well get it right.
OP - I'd take this fairly seriously TBH
Yup. And to echo what's already been said. Sleep deprivation plays havoc. Eldest is 8'and is still a nightmare a bedtime 🙁
You're not selling this having children lark...
You think the insanity is bad, wait till you realise the expense!
Top tip-I've heard in a few places that sex dries up and then never really returns. You put it down to different priorities/growing older and tired (not true after 2yrs etc). Thats when affairs can start at work.
So.... Talk to your other half about the coil contraception. It can turn them sex-obsessed again at home. 😀
Theres a certain coil that can do this as a side effect ).
Having children is fantastic, but changes everything.
Both of you change as a result of having kids, some of it good, some bad.
Lack of sleep, lack of ability to do what you want when you want etc etc. If people think it is only the female partner that is the one who has changed/grumpy etc, I suggest they take a long hard look at themselves if they want their relationship to continue.
Sleep deprivation is a right killer, and turns pretty much anyone into an unpleasant, surly person you don't want to be around. Me and my wife have never argued as much as we did that first month.
Post-natal depression is a real thing, too - might be worth checking.
Another thing is that everyone expects the mother to be perfect with kids, that somehow (by art of magic) she knows exactly what she's doing with the newborn. This is a lie. She has no more idea about it than the father, there's just a whole load more pressure on her. So it's not just the general stress of a newborn, it's even worse.
How much of 'having kids is the best thing ever' is after the fact rationalisation?
Justifying it because now it's done you're stuck with it so if you keep saying it's great then eventually you'll believe it?
Serious question.
From the sound of this thread up I'll keep with my dog. My missus is grumpy enough
As said lack of sleep is the biggest factor. Dont both be up with the kid(s) awake all night take turns and each get some sleep. You might not see each other much though which may or may not be a good thing.
Yes mines changed, it was tough for a while but I've learnt to deal with her a bit better now, she has good days and bad days but more good than bad at the moment say 60/40ish, though she is currently pregnant with no3 so I expect that split to reverse over the next 18months but should improve thereafter I'd be happy to reach 75/25
Let's just hope she's having a good day when that canyon box turns up
Yes very much so, wife had bad post natal depression for a few years after the birth of our second child, it was hard going for both of us. People seem to always support the sufferer but the ok apparently partner is left to it. She got through it eventually but weening off the happy pills was hard and gradual. I literally could tell if she hadn't taken them after just a day.
It didn't change my wife one bit. It changed me completely. Hateful experience and one which I will never repeat.
"Best thing ever"? The singularly worst thing I've ever been involved in!
The whole experience is unimaginable..
Yourguitarhero good question but irrelevant once we had crankbrat ,about whom I was totally ambivalent prior to birth , genetic drivers or personality change kicked in he quickly became the focus of our lives and a constant source of joy. My wife's personality has not changed as such but it is evident that she would sacrifice anything to keep him safe and happy, her attitude to risk is totally different now,for instance after I got hit by a car last year she gave up commuting on the basis that as a family "we" could afford to lose me but not her.
There are some very dark depressing days with having children... But then they can also be amazingly funny, cute and a source of pride and pure joy. Some days are a frustrating struggle that pass by in a stressful blurry fatigue. Then there are days that are just indescribably magical. In the end it's these days that carry you and you'll treasure. I have 3 girls under 6 and my real pain is yet to come.
Yes
Yes and we split up, my sons now 13 and we do stuff together, i dont treat him like a kid never have really.
Love him to bits but can't see the attraction of having them on purpose.
Yep. We split up on the back of it. Never been happier. Got a cracking group of mates, great family, lovely daughter, and fledgling relationship after 5 years of shit
Pesky hormones innit!
We almost split but I fought for it/she pulled herself through. Dark horrible days. The hilight was her dialling 999 because I wouldnt do as I was told. She said the same to the officers - one laughed the other said he could sympathise. I wasnt laughing.
Cloudnine says it right.
Yes and we're in the process of getting divorced.
Would we still be together without kids? It may well have ended sooner. The plus points to the last 14 years are my three amazing kids. Two of which I took up Lochnagar in the clag today and despite not seeing a thing, the loved the adventure. Those are the moments we'll all remember.
My wife's been a real trooper. Me on the other hand. Working with sleep deprivation is just a killer. I barely remember the last six years!