[Closed] Dadstrackworld

Had too much to drink did we?!?

I had a similar evening. Got home after kids were in bed. Mrs FB follows me upstairs and then asks if I had let rip as there was a smell on the landing. Think nothing of it and go to have tea.

Later when we went to bed, the smell was worse- go into FB jnrs room and he had pooed in his pants and it had escaped so full bath for him and washing the pillow, duvet, bed clothes and cuddly toys.

Nice.

I look back on the days when the biggest problems my kids presented me with were pooh and vomit related quite wistfully.

It don't half get complicated when they start growing up and have emotions and hormones and stuff that you have to deal with.

My daughters chest is growing and she's only 11. I've been told not to notice as she's self concious.

had pooed in his pants and it had escaped so full bath for him and washing the pillow, duvet, bed clothes and cuddly toys.

We've all been there.
Not happened to either of my boys yet though...

They'd picked me up from the station as we were going to her first ever parents' evening (nursery - she's 4). About 10 mins out she started puking all over the car and I do mean all over it. I scrabbled to find something in which to contain it, and the only thing was a wellington boot.

I feel your pain. I have had to shower things down before that were covered in vomit before putting them in the washing machine, it is pretty tenacious stuff!

Had three internal vehicle vomitting experiences as well when they were younger (but old enough to do 'adult sick')!

I usually throw it all in the bath and rinse it off. If it's too chunky then we have a plunger 🙂

Edit: Ah, a car vom. Not had one of those yet. Good work on the welly though!

I'm currently at the 'learning curve like a brick wall' stage of new parenthood. My 5 day old daughter managed to projectile poop a good 4 feet across the bathroom in the early hours of this morning, leaving my good wife resembling a scatalogical Jackson Pollock.

At this point, my sense of gallantry failed catastrophically and I may have laughed quite a lot, which was probably not helpful at the time. Lucky for me she saw the funny side too.

haha I was assuming that said 'child' was older and had made it all the way home from a night out and spewed on the driveway 😀

My mates 13 year old managed that feat and was too drunk to get up the stairs :$

This is the first proper barf everywhere double barreled multi-pint one. She's very rarely sick - probably only two or three times since we got past the baby spit up phase.

I may have laughed quite a lot

It's the ONLY way to deal with it, trust me 🙂 New parents and people without kids act all horrified, but really, poo and puke aren't that big of a deal. It's just a squishy unpleasant smelling thing. No point in getting worked up about it 🙂

EDIT my fingers still smell of puke a bit.. where's the nailbrush?

anyone else learn never to speak to a boy chld when changing a nappy the hard way?
Not happen to me
the youngest did once start peeing on me when i was giving hima shoulder ride.
like an idiot i immediately picked him off my shoulders so he continued to wee on my head and it trickled down my face. DOH!!

He laughs about it now - I still dont think it was funny

Just something to maybe make you feel better - a mate's little girl had really bad D&V. While changing a nappy, he was distracted just when she then let rip.

The room needed repainting and the carpet had to be replaced.

Nice.

Feeling your pain.

My 3 year old daughter “bulked up” all over herself and me whilst I was carrying her across Deansgate in Manchester on Sunday.

I then had to carry her about a mile back to the car, suffer a 30 minutes puke stinking wait for my wife and son and a 20 minute drive home.

I did derive a certain grim satisfaction when my baby son used to projectile piss all over his own face as he lay on the change mat.

Flight from Newcastle to Girona. As plane takes off am aware warm feeling on my lap. Son aged about 18months had had a bit of a 'tummy' and was sitting on me belted to my seatbelt. Unbearable smell starting to spread from us sitting towards rear of plane towards front of plane. By now brown liquid is oozing all over my shorts, legs, seat etc. No chance of fasten seat belt signs being turned off any time soon. Everybody's eyes are on us....

Lolz at everyone.. we have been lucky 🙂

I’ve got a mate who is an armed response policeman used to tackling all sorts of situations that would have most of us running the other way.

Just after the birth of his first child he said to me “I don’t mind taking a knife off somebody, but I’m struggling with these crappy nappies.”

Never had a problem with my daughter, but did have a few with my son.

First was on out first outing to my parents house with him - he was a couple of weeks old. He was laid across my lap having a doze; I felt him tense up and emit an enourmous paaaarrrpp... I thought it was gas until I noticed the spreading brown stain from the small of his back/top of nappy, up his spine and squirt out of the neck of his top onto the sofa. Nice.

The other noticeable incident was on his first birthday. Lots of family at our house, big spread of food on the table. Loads of uncles and aunts making a fuss. I'm bouncing young MasterG on my knee, he tenses again - I expect poop and ready myself for it, lifting him off my knee, and point his backside away from me. In doing so, I pointed his face towards the table and he obliged by projectile vomiting all over dinner. The whole lot had to be chucked. 😯

The memories are flooding back now!

Once the boy leaked all over his cot. We got him out, cleaned him up and changed all the bedding. We put him on the changer, which was mounted on the cot rails, just in time for him to launch another one all over himself, us and his clean bed.

He also fired a slug of crap ( a torpoodo ) whilst being changed that landed in my wife’s lap.

The daughter (11 months at the time) had the first eruption of what turned out to be norovirus about 10 minutes into a 7 hour drive to Norfolk. That was a long day that won’t easily be forgotten by us, or everybody who had a window seat in the Little Chef somewhere near Boston who witnessed her “grand slamming” on a patch of grass next to the car park.

Prior to parenthood, I never believed it possible for a baby to poo with such force that it ends up in their own hair. We now refer to such events as a poonami.

I remember as kids, when we were going on a long journey he used to put a duvet on the back seat so that we would be nice and comfy and could sleep easily if we wanted to... I realise now, he did it, not out of the kindness of his heart, but so we would puke on the sheets rather than on his nice velour seats!

Poomageddeon, that's what we call our earliest big poo adventure.

She may have been 4 or 5 months old. Perhaps younger (maybe older?). One moment I was changing her. The next I was being coated in poo. Then I was coated in poo. There was no time during the 'action' phase that I could've done anything to save myself. Head to waist. 🙁

My wife still laughs about my pathetic cries "please come upstairs, I think I need some help..."

I think it's part of a plan to get you used to dealing with poo. That meconium poo is grimmer by far than anything else you face for a good long while. It leaves the next one feeling easy! Then, every so often, you get little booster shots of 'this is how bad it can be, you've got it easy' that keep you ticking along nicely.

molgrips - Member

They'd picked me up from the station as we were going to her first ever parents' evening (nursery - she's 4). About 10 mins out she started puking all over the car and I do mean all over it. I scrabbled to find something in which to contain it, and the only thing was a wellington boot.

I`d be prepared for more of the same from the rest of the family in that case.....
We`ve just had our second bought of that and as soon as it becomes airborne through V or D then everyone goes down with it, regardless of how careful you are.

Ted's first ever act after being born was to pee all over the paediatritian waiting to check him over.

Up the back = Poobacca.

We've had it easy, worst in 18 months has been in mother bath once and a leaky episode at the Father in laws'. S****.

Mine stole the iPad off his sleeping mother last night before I went to bed, only to return it 5 min before the alarm this morning. Funny as he can't normally get up before 7:20, and only then after the duvet has been removed from the room.

This from the child who used to rise at 5:15 every morning 🙄

I remember a time when one of my daughters was about 6 months old. Whilst changing her nappy, she managed to put her foot in a particularly sloppy poo and then stamp on my leg, so I was left with a brown smelly footprint on my trouser leg.

I remember holding Jnr in my arms, which had the effect of easing his nappy and baby vest to one side just enough for the poo to get a clean shot at my arm, my shirt and my trousers.....

I also remember him proper vomiting down Mrs MCTDs plunging neckline one evening - that put my plans for the evening on hold.......

Only one proper car-vom - he'd just got over chicken pox, and it came out somewhere in consistency between jelly and polystyrene, great big solid white stinking chunks of it that could not possibly have come out of a human throat so small......

These were the thoughts that sustained me when I realised that the surgeon doing my vasectomy had not used enough local.....

This puke was proper grown up pavement pizza type stuff, saturday night special.

After the puke we were still driving, and she stayed quiet as it soaked into her clothes and the upholstery. Bout 5 mins later she said 'ooh there's apple in it. And look, banana.'

That meconium poo is grimmer by far than anything else you face for a good long while.

I am glad to say that, after last week, I will never have to change a mec nappy again.

Andy

Expecting our first in June so have all this fun to look forward to.

My wife lifted up our little girl at arms length up other air, cooing with and saying baby things . Poppy launched a stomach full of aptamil into the wife's mouth. I laughed.

My wife lifted up our little girl at arms length up into the air, cooing with and saying baby things . Poppy launched a stomach full of aptamil into the wife's mouth. I laughed.

Took our oldest son and a friend out last year for his 7th birthday , on the way home he started to puke so I pulled over and opened the window so he could heave outside the car. It backfired as about a pint of puke went down inside the door and I had to remove the door card to clean out the inside.

Oh dear i was laughing quite hard on these.
My 5 week old daughter did a chainsaw massacre-esque sh1t up the wall the other week. Wife and i were killing ourselves laughing until yours truly had to get busy with the baby wipes. Since then i have been systematically shat on, p1ssed on and spewed on. I'm getting used to it. Seems every time we go somewhere she does a pant filler so now we leave an extra 10 minutes just to get it dealt with !

I scrabbled to find something in which to contain it

Had she eaten alphabet soup? 😉

This thread is teh awesum! Laughed and worried in equal measures. Thank the Lord for leather seats in my car. Finlay's only four months so the worst is yet to come...

When our son was only a few days old and still in hospital (took a week for mum to be discharged) I was across the hall cleaning the bottles and feeding bits'n'pieces when I heard all manner of wailing and general commotion coming from our room. I turned to see my mother-in-law exiting the room in tears, hysterical, and nurses rushing in to investigate the commotion.

Turns out junior had had an explosive episode, it was like a chicken korma grenade had been released in there! My wife was desperately struggling not to laugh so as not to tear her stitches out...

On another occasion I noticed that he had filled his nappy with #2 so started changing him pronto, as it was very full and quite runny. Got him cleaned up, raised him by his ankles to get his bum off the mat so I could slide a fresh nappy underneath, only for him to start a second huge runny poo. Luckily it wasn't explosive and the clean nappy caught it all, but I'll never be able to look at those chocolate fountains you get at weddings in quite the same way...

I doesn't stop, even when they start growing up.

My 5 year old son has just finished his morning dump with a shout of "Daaaadddd. Come and check my paperwork!"

This thread is great, makes me feel slightly less of a failure for all the mishaps I've had with mine 🙂

Probably the worst for us was an explosive mid nappy change poo from the changing table when my eldest was about 2 months old. My wife just managed to dodge to the side, but after we'd got over the shock and had a laugh we were so astounded a photo was required tom embarass him with in later life.

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How the hell can a 2 month old project something that far? Like a solid cable of poo? With so little warning? That stains so badly? 😯

(We've since learnt the error of our ways, mat on the floor, easier to control a wriggler and less range to any projections!)

Glad we have tiled floor in the kitchen after blobby jr did such a runny one in his high chair that it ran out of his nappy, down his leg, and formed a big pool of poo on the floor. Luckily we spotted/smelt it before the dog who was swiftly moving in to mop up 😐