[Closed] Coping

For a ride, clear your head.

Let it happen and take care of yourself and the kids. Fighting to keep her is a waste of time I'd say, but the kids need major support right now. So you think about them. There'll be time to think about your own needs when things settle down in the not to distant future.

Through the very pits of hell.
It doesn't go on forever and YOU WILL come out the otherwise.
Good luck and surround yourself with love.

Do a poo in her sock drawer.

I have come to my mums house. I am in her spare room, with a gash on my head from head butting a thing in the gym last night. I have read the grief model, and I'm stuck between anger and depression.

The younger guy won't stick around. Think of your children and yourself. Tough times mate. You will get through it.

Just lying here crying

Ring some mates, have ya Ma cook a big fatty fry up, ride bikes, pop to the pub just for a couple and have a good old laugh with your mates. Come home to your Ma's big Sunday's dinner, it'll take time but friends and family will help you.

Best of luck.

Try to be calm, GO BACK HOME, and deal with this all in a civilised manner as best you can. It's likely that this other bloke will **** off soon enough; the question is what you want your marriage to be like afterwards.

Please don't approach the other bloke

(the above applies most particularly if you want to maintain access to your kids)

I did go home this morning, but her matter of factness about it all got too much, and I knew I would say things that would be counterproductive, so I left. (I really wanted to throw my coffee at her)

My lad has been fb messaging me, I am telling him that we both still love him, and that he mustn't be mad with his mum, and that she's a great mum.

My lad has been fb messaging me, I am telling him that we both still love him, and that he mustn't be mad with his mum, and that she's a great mum.

Keep this up. You will win out in the end, when you have found a newer better partner and your kids love being with you because you were never an arsehole you will thank yourself for taking the hit's like Mohammed Ali. I now it sounds lame but everyone on here feels your pain. Dedicate your life to your kids, and enjoy the moments when you have freedom. Life is going to get better.

As scaredypants suggests chap. Sounds like it's come as a shock to you? That in itself will take a bit of time to adjust to, so one day at a time may well seem rather trite at this moment, but it's probably one of the better coping mechanism's you can choose to adopt while it's still feeling very raw.

And find someone to talk stuff through, I have no doubt that you'll be feeling a mix of extreme emotions and these will become less extreme as things progress and let the process happen in its own time.

Maintain your integrity, find ways (like the bike riding) to release any anger, resentment, frustration and try to take control of the situation on your terms.

You'll get through this, good from bad. In every situation and you'll be a better person for it.

I very rarely contribute to these threads, but..

. I now it sounds lame

Been there mate so feel for you, it's a tough time and now your relationship with the kids is paramount, in my case he wasn't younger just wealthier.
Don't make any commitments to anything, stay calm, take notes, protect your money and get a good lawyer. Play the long game, you do come out the other side and life moves on. Good luck mate.

What an absolute cow!

I did go home this morning, but her matter of factness about it all got too much, and I knew I would say things that would be counterproductive, so I left. (I really wanted to throw my coffee at her)

Sounds like you're handling this really well. Better than I would be. Put the kids first and everything else will in time sort it's self out. Good luck. Don't move out, this is her problem not yours. Be with your kids etc If she isn't happy get her to move out and share the kids.

Do you feel less awesome because of what she has done, I don't know anything about your situation but mine did a runner with a tree surgeon in his 20s. After a week it was more a case of don't look a gift horse in the mouth it's just a big change, that is all you will probably find out its on a par with being liberated from occupation, Also when the fun has worn off with her new amour you may hear let's get back for the sake of the kids, your relationship will be fine without the baggage mate believe me

I have no insight to help you sxxc, but I can offer a virtual hug.

Thanks all. I'm not handling it well, I am in tears because I love her so much.

I can't be in the same house as her just yet, and I only have the bollocks to talk to my lad through fb. I know I should go home and give the kids a cuddle, but I haven't slept, and I am worried that they will see me arguing with their mum. Who I desperately love.

Such a horrible situation to be in and not one I am very qualified to offer much advice on.

But, having had a dad **** off me (and I know you are not about to do that with your son) I know how it feels to want to have a dad around so just do want you can to have the best relationship possible with your son.

Other than that my thoughts are with you.

you need to let it out and go through the emotion but not infront of her, you also need distractions like riding, drinking, seeing mates to have a laugh and stuff so you keep grounded that its a change not a disaster.
until you can cope enough to suck it up and deal with it you arent ready but do get legal advice and councelling tomorrow.
and you must sleep everything is easier to cope with after sleep but lack of sleep really screws your head up

Is it possible for you and your wife to sit down and talk, away from your children? Has she been herself? Anything she's been worried about? Any of her friends confided in you? She could be having some sort of personal crisis that she's unable to resolve.

You really need to get to the bottom of this. Relationships are never easy and need to be worked at.

You both need to talk and then talk some more. Take care of yourself.

She told me she doesn't want to work it out, because she's in love with this guy (who she met less than 1 month ago). I have asked her to try relate, or to talk, but she is saying that if she loved me, this wouldn't have happened - therefore she can't love me.

She had a stroke 3 years ago which was he'll, but we got through it. Part of her brain tissue in her left frontal lobe is irreparably damaged, which may lead to these kind of decisions, but I'm not underestimating the strength of feelings she has for this guy.

The more compassion, love and dignity you can muster at this point, tough as it seems, the better you will feel about yourself in a year's time. The stroke thing makes me think your partner may need an equal dose of this, no matter how roughly she's treating you right now.

Good luck.

because she's in love with this guy (who she met less than 1 month ago).

Part of her brain tissue in her left frontal lobe is irreparably damaged, which may lead to these kind of decisions,

That sounds really terrible mate. Heart goes out to you.

She obviously can't be "in love" with someone she met less than a month ago. Regarding the other bloke does he know that she is leaving her husband for him after a few weeks?

I really can't give you any advice on how to deal with this!

Have you spoke with the MiL?

Yeahs he knows. Mil phoned me last night in tears. It's gonna tear apart everything.

I know nothing about you or your situation sc-xc but I do know from this comment "I love her so much" that you will be going through a living nightmare which will be as bad as if she had died.

And despite not knowing your situation I know it's highly probable that your wife is extremely confused, in a state of crises herself, and very far from happy. Things happen for all manner of reasons.

Try to get her to agree to talk, with you, to a professional councellor such as from Relate, who is trained to help people in this very far from uncommon situation.

There might of course be a lot more, but, "I'm in love with someone else" however hurtful it might be for you, doesn't in itself necessarily spell the end.

scaredypants comment carries much wisdom :

[i]"It's likely that this other bloke will **** off soon enough; the question is what you want your marriage to be like afterwards."[/i]

Do you even know how the other bloke feels ?

Edit : I just seen this :

I have asked her to try relate, or to talk, but she is saying that if she loved me, this wouldn't have happened - therefore she can't love me.

I've heard that false logic before. Apart from anything it is perfectly feasible to be in love with two different people, unfortunately. She does sound confused. I would still work on trying to get her to see Relate. Don't pressure her though, give her space, perhaps someone else can advise her ?

scxc - had similar about 18 months ago. Somehow, I had the common sense to make sure that every single decision that I made was based around what was the best thing for our 7 y-o boy.

It was an awful year or so - not always, but regularly, when I had to be civil etc etc.

Things are now very good, and I look back with pride on how well our son has come through it.

Be strong, try to swallow your pride when you feel like lashing out, and lean on your mates - they can truly be awesome.

Don't know where you are, but if you're near S Wales and fancy a ride/beer whatever, then let me know...

She says their feelings are mutual

She said though that if she doesn't leave for him, she doesn't love me anyway. So I guess I have to accept that.

Funny thing is, we are half way through building a great extension, just booked a week in Tunisia in Easter, booked festival tickets , booked a half term holiday in May, booked summer holiday etc

My lad has been fb messaging me, I am telling him that we both still love him, and that he mustn't be mad with his mum, and that she's a great mum.

That takes balls. Look after your kids, maybe try and see the doctor yourself to seek an opinion if this is attributable to the stroke, it won't make it any easier, but you'll "know" that there's nothing you can do.

A few years back, my brother and his girlfriend had just bought an expensive new home together, within three weeks she'd left him for a new guy at work. Nothing had happened with the new guy at work, but she said "if she could feel this way about XXXX, the it wasn't right with him". He was gutted, she was the "love of his life", he was 26. A string of failed relationships later (over 13 years), he's finally found the right one and got married 18 months later. But at the time he'd have crawled over broken glass and red hot coals for his ex.

Have a couple of beers with mates, ride a lot, take your kids out and do stuff with them. Maybe have a weekend away from home with a couple of mates and get shitfaced drunk*, but don't do that near home or near a phone.

*That one worked for me when an ex left me for a "good friend".

Do all the things you would normally do with your kids.

Focus on the kids.

Consider moving home, even if it means sleeping on the sofa, it will make it harder for the new guy to just pop round when it's convenient for him. If he has to put more effort in, he might decide it's too much trouble??

Be cool, stay strong for your kids, and cry when they're not around, don't bottle it up.

No experience myself, though been close a couple of times.

Your kids need you more than ever right now, you need to be with them if at all possible. Sounds like family are there for you, everyone here will be there for you, so you should worry about the kids.

And from what I've read on other similar threads, you need to be keeping one eye on not being the one who has moved out of the house.

She may well feel she is "in love" with him after a short time, it's the staying in love that's the tough part. You need to be strong for the kids, give yourself time to clear your head (and riding is great for that) and see where all of you are in another month or two's time.

Thanks again everyone. I know what the advice would be if I was giving it to someone else...just hard to think straight right now. My lad has just bed in touch to say bek has taken eleanor (my 5 yo) to the park, so he is coming row to my mums for a chat.

Whereabouts are you sc-xc? I feel for you and if you're around Hants, Surrey, Sussex and fancy a beer or ride with a complete stranger who enjoys listening and been known to impart the occasional insight, I'd be honoured to help.

West kids, but thanks for the offers guys.

I think I need a day of crying, anguish, shit...then start on the practicAlities...

Logically, I know this pain will pass. But it's tough at the moment.

I really really appreciate all the support though. Makes me realise how powerful this place can be .

Lots of sensible advice based in experience here. I've been through this and did some things well and somethings badly so for my tuppence worth here goes.

Kids are the most important but you have to be strong for them. So try to get some stability in your life. A real routine so that you have less time to flounder or wallow no matter how grim you are. Ride, drink, socialise whatever but stick to it. Don't cry in front of kids. They know you are hurting, but will be unsure about how to respond. Keep away from Facebook. Things will be/get distorted know matter what you say. Face to face contact asap or there will be a difficult gap to bridge when you do see them. Typing takes no effort, turning up does and that counts far more than you can imagine.

Talking to my kids 20 years on they said that the best thing that me and the ex did was never blame the other or make them choose between us. We got to the point of agreeing dates a year in advance! That helped them and me as it provided structure. They have turned out as great kids and even though me and ex never talk kids feel that they have had good input from both of us.

If you are not at fault don't move out. Her choice so she has to back up her decision. Even if you have to her cash to go and set up with new man or on own. It also means you have the kids. That might be a really hard thing to sort when combined with school and work but its the best financial decision you'll ever make. I left the house so that the ex could have some space and that sealed 10 years of being screwed financially and emotionally. Possession being 9/10ths etc.

As others say time heals and it does. Take care mate.

I was going to say the same thing why have you moved out ? Is the new BF moving in or something ?

She's ended it for a new life etc. so shouldn't she move out ? having another man around the house with your children will be very unsettling for them (sorry to say as not wanting to make you hurt even more.

Ask her to move out you stay with the children...when this new fella is there is she going to give the 5 year old the attention required ? The new BF wont...

If there's any reconciliation make sure its on your terms...

sc-xc stay strong fella and if you need some creative therapy...do share some jokes here...and I'll laugh 😛

I think that her permanent health condition could be the key here - did she receive good medical advice as to how to deal with not being the person she was? It must have been bloomin' hard for her to deal with and to feel that she became different. Could go some way to explaining her actions in that a new person takes her for what she is, not how she was.

How did you deal with this different person? Did she feel that you were undeserving of this change?

Perhaps some psychological help is needed to enable her to come to terms with what's happened and probably her fears for her future?

I do find some of the responses on here to be pretty crass and wonder how some manage to have relationships.

Hang in there, ride your bike and stay away from booze.

Poor guy/sends a hug.

Let her go and move on- easy to say but it's what you have to do.

Definitely try and move on if you can. And if you do definitely don't take her back.

Definitely try and move on if you can. And if you do definitely don't take her back.

Seems harsh, particularly in light of her medical history. What about some empathy dude??

Thanks again to everyone. She is going to move out.

Virtually the exact same thing happened to me 3 years ago. Together 10 years, 2 kids. We'd had some challenging times related to health (my son went through treatment for Leukaemia for 3 years - all fine now).

I had to find out, but it all amounted to the same thing, she announced that she had fallen in love with a bloke 10 years younger. I moved out, three weeks later she moved him in.

At first it hurt like mad, rejection, jealousy etc etc. I thought that she was the one for me and I believed that I loved her.

Time heals everything though and I realised that life with her was probably not what I thought it had been, that she wasn't the person I thought I lived with, and I got on with my thing. Did lots of 'interesting' things and went off the rails for a year, but one day I woke up and the world was brighter. The pain and hurt had gone.

Realised that I couldn't change anything, and ended up not wanting to. My kids seem happy, they get on fine with her new partner, they love my new partner, financially I'm better off than ever before (the ex must have just sucked money out of me), and life is amazing now.

What seems like it's the worst thing in the world now, might in time turn out to be one of the best things to have happened to you. Learn to say yes to opportunities and you'll have some interesting times.

I won't make any comments on whether things will or won't last with this guy who your wife is besotted with, nor that you should hope/expect or want things to fail for them. Focus on you, keep yourself busy and the rest will start to take care of itself.

One final thing, DO NOT think that it can all be settled amicably as it won't. You have to be prepared for her to become the enemy and the sooner you ready yourself for the conflict, the better you'll handle it when it does happen. You don't need to be a dick about things, just know your rights, know what you want and be strong about things. My ex turned from being amicable to communicating through a lawyer; what she didn't expect was that I'd already seen the largest family law specialists outside of London, so I had all the info and knowledge that I needed. To this day, their advice still represents excellent value.

Life will get better.

Thanks squin. Trouble is, I love her, and I genuinely believe we were happy. She even said it a few weeks ago....'we are the happiest we've ever been'

See if you can get one of her family/friends to suggest a visit to the Doctor.
The suggestion won't sound right coming for you, but it could be part of her injury following the stroke.

Please don't take this the wrong way, but I remember seeing a documentary on C4 or maybe 5 about people who were "nymphomaniacs", one woman had received a brain injury and literally couldn't go out of the house without meeting someone and screwing them. It was a result of her injury. I'm not trying to be clever or make light, it's a genuine concern for you and your family.

Here's a link from Headway, the least lurid that I could find:
https://www.headway.org.uk/heather-howland.aspx

You have my sympathies mate

You could always take the "Geordie" approach to this...

Round up yer mates, find the 26 year old lover and beat the living crap out of him.*

*seriously DON'T do this, the "Canadian" approach is better

Round up yer mates, find the 26 year old lover and have your mates hold him down whilst you rev a chainsaw in the direction of his groin whilst screaming "I'll give you a s..gging you wont forget!" **

**seriously DON'T do this either, I'll put my sensible head now.

Been here, got the t-shirt and actually caught to ****t coming out of my house one time.. suffice to say I had "a little moment" all over him that ended up with the police in attendance, whilst satisfying it's not recommended and I was bloody lucky his family told him that he had been a right knob and deserved the beating they would disown him if he pressed charges.

If it's only been a month then it ain't love it's infatuation which is often worse. I'm suspecting the 26 yo will get bored. Personally you have to stake the claim on the house and the kids, stand up for your kids rights and youself. Really with her actions she has NO claim on the house or kids and rightly should leave. But that's just my tuppence worth and I can be a tad cycnical with regard to women now.

The pain will go away it is just gonna take time.

Yeah I bet she was happy. Cake and eating it!

Seriously, I doubt that 26 year old will hang around for long with a 36 year old mother of two. Then she'll be stuffed. However, at 41, you've got pretty good market value. Lots of cool women about who've worked out they want to live rather than wait around for hubby to get home from work/pub.

Just think, in a year you could be on a plane to go shred the alps with your new mountain biking girlfriend.

****.

Jeez. I don't know what to say, shocked.

I'm here for you mate, if you need a beer/ride give me a shout, I'm working tomorrow evening but I'm off Tuesday and Wednesday.

Only advice I can add - I know you may want to give him a slapping,but don't, short term relief but will cause you headaches long term. Get angry, but get angry in the gym or on your bike

Tom.
I've only just read the first post.

Can't even bring myself to read the rest.

That's ****ing shit mate.
If you want a ride to take your frustrations out or a place to stay for a while you know where I live.
Please feel free to come round any time you want.

Think stu and I need to take you for a ride/beer

all the best scxc.

Cheers guys, cheers stu and houns.

I used the semi anonymity here to vent, in the real world I need to really make sure that the kids understand that their mum still loves them, they don't know about the other guy. I went for a beer with Paul just now, and found myself saying that my wife needs mates and support just as much as I do...so those that know me, can we keep it clean on the outside 😉 and I can use this thread to do my virtual crying.

I'll say again, I appreciate all the support.

You know how to reach us. Nothing shall be said in real life™

Cheers mate, will be in touch

Not a lot to add, just all the best!

Oh mate really sorry to hear this, can't offer a lot but riding or a beer or two when/if you're up to it.

Take it easy mate...

I predict Paul getting his ass handed to him on a plate if you go out on a road ride with him. 8)
Tom.
Take your frustrations out on the bike and try to stay strong.

Nothing shall be said in real life

Balls to that . Bitch to me all you want mate.

Get back round and dont move out,once you are out that is it. If anybody should be shown the door its her. Somebody I know has been through this and as he moved out the ex kept dangling a carrot of him moving back it was all sbout keeping her options open. New blokey runs off she just moves you back in. This sounds wrong but it is you and the kiddies that matter here not mister noob moving into their home.

That sucks man, be strong and just focus on the kids and you will get throught it. I would recommend getting legal advice asap.

I would get back in the house asap, if not at least so she can't move the new guy in. I would be very concerned about someone else living with my kids I had never met.

Just do right by the kids and you will make it through.

Putting all the emotional stuff aside and thinking seriously I am glad about this:

Thanks again to everyone. She is going to move out.

And agree with this:

I would get back in the house asap, if not at least so she can't move the new guy in. I would be very concerned about someone else living with my kids I had never met.

Also get some legal advice about what to do to protect your position. I know it is horrible stuff to be thinking about but do it now. Even things like checking if you can legally change locks, not saying you should or shouldn't but there are situations when things go downhill quickly that you need to.

All I can add is go and see a good lawyer don't listen to advice from unqualified people, find out what you need to know ref the house and kids or you could find you ate screwed financial and regards access to your kidss. Oh and have a few beers but keep it in check and make sure what you do to pay the bills remains unaffected.

I hope it works out OK for you

Really sorry to hear your woes. Things to do ASAP.

You move back in to your home to be with your kids.

Take care of your kids.

She moves out. Where she goes is up to her. If she wants to be with lover boy so be it.

Go see a solicitor and get things sorted legally.

Get on with your life with your kids, if she wants to be part of that life then it's on your and your kids terms.

I know it sounds brutal, but she has made her decisions and she will have to live with them.

Now go do the things you need to do and get on with the rest of you life with your kids.

At least she had the balls to say something. Just found out that a good friend is shagging around (for well over a year). And she doesn't want her hubby to find out because if they split up, she wouldn't be able to work out the childcare and her career could suffer.

Nice. No worries about how the child might deal with it, just her career.

I think she has just become an ex-good friend .

Hope everything works out for you OP

From my own experience and Im by no means out of the woods yet! Keep a focus on your kids wellbeing but remember to look after your own as well (airplane oxygen mask scenario). Don't try and make too many big decisions in the early stages, they just end up clouded by grief and anger. Try and focus on getting through the days one at a time, trying to control the bigger picture and the future is unproductive and creates unnecessary stress.

Don't start seeing your ex as the enemy, your kids and and you will suffer from the fight.

Lean on your friends, the real ones will want to help. I rode and talked a lot with my mates, honest the ruthless piss taking does help :0)

The last and best bit of of Buddhist wisdom i found was 'Let go or be dragged'. In the earliest stages it helped me a lot.

Take it easy dude :0)

I didn't leave the house when it happened to me. Told her she should leave. I kept the house and the kids. Don't leave your house and family. She wants a new relationship she can leave and move in with the new guy. Whatever you do think very carefully before you commit to anything financial. Let your head rule not your heart.

I have told her to leave by 430 today, she can see the kids at arranged times but she can't sleep at the house. Going to see bank and lawyers etc today.

Feel numb.

Outstanding mate your doing the right thing for the future for you and the children.

Tough day for you fella... Best of luck with it all.

Well done, that's a courageous step. Knowledge is strength and allows you to have a sense of control. That is a real positive in this type of mess. The Buddhist bit is so right but so hard to do.

Sc-XC, sorry to hear this. Sounds like you are being amazing with the kids and with your wife. But don't fall into the mistake that many blokes make ie, neglecting yourself. Make sure that [b]you are ok,[/b] keep exercising, eat well, talk to people and don't be afraid to help. It's not selfish, it's what you need to do to get through these things. No one wins if you suffer too much. Take care and good luck.

Stay strong, all the best with today.

sc-xc, sorry to hear of your situation.
Having read the thread it sounds as if your wife has changed since the stroke? If that's the case then it must be even harder to come to terms with because she's not the person you knew? Wouldn't have a clue if her 'condition' is a permanent situation or something that might improve with time?
Hope today goes ok, maybe some space will give you some time to think and reflect about the situation.
Who's to say the fling wont burn itself out after a while....? If it does and you still want to get back with your wife then I'd suggest before you do get her to go to relate with you and maybe get some more medical advice about her 'recovery' prognosis etc.
Good luck with everything, stay strong and keep being a good dad to the kids. It sounds like you have some good local support so take them up on their offers when you can and try and get out for some 'me' time.
All the best.

Sounds like you've got ALL your priorities right here, keep it together in front of the kids and then see a good mate to offload it all onto, a real mate will be happy to take it on-board.

Stay strong man.

(Big man hug at ya)

Sounds like you're getting it together. Well done.

My priorities in this situation would be making sure the environment for the kids was as stable and loving as possible.

Part of that is avoiding the trap of your grief turning into bitterness. Your kids will need their mum as much as they need you, even if her priorities, for whatever reason, are skewed at the moment. The best way of achieving the best result for your kids is to keep things as amicable as possible, hard as that may be to take right now.

Dude,

You are not alone. This is pretty close to what happened to me 7 months ago. Wife of 10 years, mother of my two, realised she had feelings for someone else so left me - fortunately I have the kids, like you. Believe me they will help you through this more than anything else in the world - and never feel bad for those days you just hurt too much to believe you're loving those tykes enough - you are and they will see you as their 'kin hero when they grow up!!!

As part of my coping I've gone for as many road rides over the high peaks as pos (more meditative than MTB, though both are good!), started climbing, kickboxing, going out drinking and dancing with all my mates I thought I wasn't really friends with any more, gone to a therapist a few times, hung out with my mum and family and done a stupid amount of meditation - like at least twice a day, often four or five and up to an hour each time. If you have a Buddhist centre near you check it out, extremely peaceful places. If you want some of my thoughts on meditation or anything else PM me; also up for a drink if you live near Mcr.

You will cycle through the grieving process more times than you think you can cope with, but you can cope. Read up on it all, knowledge is power. Again I can recommend several books I've found helpful.

I've finally got to a place where I genuinely don't want her back - previous iterations have been based on anger (and I wanted her back really, I just pretended to myself I didn't). With space and trying oh so hard to win her back and being played with I've come to realise a lot about her character that I was ignoring as part of trying so damn hard to support her through chronic emotional issues and the strains of nurse training. She's not really the woman I thought she was. Right now I can't tell if she ever was, which hurts like hell, but that doesn't matter really - I'm actually less stressed out and the kids are doing much better with her out of the home.

Take it from me - don't sleep with her again! It might seem fun but the sense of rejection that follows spoils all that.

Finally a note to everyone else who posted:

you are all such beautiful people! It brings a tear to me eye, it really does.

Sorry to hear about your situation mate.

Can only really +1 to what most have said above re looking after YOURSELF, your KIDS and maintaining diplomatic relations with the missus.

Would also add that my ex had a car accident years ago that left her with some kind of brain injury "condition". Basically she would flip out, usually totally irrationally, and there would be no way of bringing her back in line. She would have to work through it herself. An example: she'd been in hosp for an op and I was due to pick her up at 4pm ... on the way I picked up some flowers and ended up being 10 mins late ... not only did I get an earful on the ward, but she blanked me for 2 full days at home except when she was having a go at me.

Sometimes she would get so "messed up" over our relationship that she would go for a random walk at night or flirt with someone openly. Yet I always felt she wasn't doing it maliciously or indeed on purpose - it was the result of her brain injury putting her in this weird zone.

Tuppence = I can't say whether she has or hasn't changed her feelings for you, but right now she might need time/help/support/space AND NOT anger/resentment/bitterness/fighting. She might not be the evil bitch you (or others) might think she is.

Demonstrate your inner resilience by looking after yourself and your kids but IMO DO NOT do anything dramatic to push her away. This will help you (internally and externally) AND it will demonstrate your ability to man up. By all means make it "hard" for the other fella to move in. Just don't **** with her head. You might find she comes out of this the other side and you're back on track.

Good on you OP, taking control in this situation gives you a sense of direction, and is a stepping stone on the path to recovery. Keep it civil, keep virtuous. Best wishes

I suspect some of your mlehworld quality jokes may have something to do with this.

(sounds reet poopy, love and jiggles from the other channel)