[Closed] Combining finances - the age old problem

An account each for your own money and a joint one for joint expenses.

How you contribute is more difficult to advise on, but surely if you have a fair and open relationship, you will be able to agree on a a solution that is fair to all concerned...

Of course, as she is soon to be your wife, surely the split of money should never be a problem, what is yours is hers and vice versa... That is how I approached it when moving in with, then buying a house then marrying my partner although I was the one with the majority of the capital at first.

Nowadays (changed when Mrs Clubber went on maternity so wasn't earning, have just kept it the same since)
-All our pay goes into the joint account
-We each have a personal account which gets a monthly allowance from the joint account to use as we each want.

Before
-Pay went into our individual accounts
-fixed payment each month into the joint account for rent/mortgage/food/bills/savings.

we run a joint account out of which all the household expenses and car loans etc come. We pay an amount into the account each month commensurate with the ratio of our earnings to cover the total plus a little bit for unexpected things like car repairs. Works well because it is a fair reflection of our earnings (she earns nearly twice what i do)

mastiles_fanylion - Member

An account each for your own money and a joint one for joint expenses.

Each to their own, I suppose, but if you;re in a relationship and are living together that shows a certain amount of committment - if you can't trust your partner with your money, how far do you trust them?

Personally when I moved up north from That London to live with Mrs NBT, I set up a joint account and my money goes into that. Mrs NBT doesn;t earn as much as me, but when funds permit (she's self employed and income varies) she also pays into the joint account. I had no qualms at all about setting up a joint account. To be fair, there are no kids involved

@clubber - I think those are the two basic schemes, it's just choosing between them that's the problem! She's said she was happiest when using the 'pocket money' system with a partner in the past, so perhaps that's the one to go for.

Much discussion over a bottle of wine at the weekend methinks!

Further input appreciated 🙂

it also works as like mrs nbt i am self employed and sometimes need to dip into the overdraft of the joint account until i can pay it off

if you can't trust your partner with your money

A joint account that both salaries get paid into. All bills and food paid out of that account

We each have our own individual account and we transfer an equal amount from the joint account each month and that's our own spending money to do with as we please.

Separate accounts here nothing to do with trust as that's just shallow, just no need at all the bills are all paid from my account the wife pays for other things. We spend our own money and share our money never felt the need to put it all in one pot.

Do what you decide is best it's all about how you feel.

Yep, me and the Mrs both chuck the same into a joint account each month to cover mortgage, food, ulitities etc. Then what we have left over is our personal pocket money for bike bits, nights out, clothes etc.

Works well for us but right now there's less than £300 a year between our annual salaries.

Well, we got married ealier this year, and in the last couple of months we've totally dispensed with our personal accounts. Everything goes into one account now, and we take £10 a week each out for pocket money (Newspapers, snacks at work etc)
We've been paying most of out money in for years now, and paid EVERY bill and holiday out of it, but I just couldn't see the point any more.

So far, MrsPP has had a new saddle and seatpost, and I've had a chain.... (No that I'm counting or owt!) 😉

When I married a few years ago my wife had pretty much nothing and I had a nice house other stuff. I earn 3.5 times what my wife does and all the bills come out of my account and my wife used to transfer most of her money into mine when we still had a mortgage as just wanted to pay that off but now that's done she keeps hers in a savings a/c and I put mine into that too so as to reduce income tax - so I still pay all the bills inc joint credit card. This is very much a 'what is mine is yours' situation though I'm in supposedly in charge of our assets and what we do with them.

I'm suprised to see so many people with exactley the same system as me & Mrs PM re'pocket money.

I have to confess I found it a little hard to adjust to at first as I used to have a cheap flat and after bills about £300 a month to spend on myself (big dinners every lunch etc) and now it's less than half that once we conbined and got a mortgauge. But on the upside I have all my bills paid and a lovely house instead of a pokey flat.

An account each for your own money and a joint one for joint expenses.

Yep same here.

I'm married three years and we've been together for 15 years.
There is no issue of trust - it's just easier.

We get paid into our own accounts. A standing order then transfers a set amount to the joint account. All household bills, leccy, council tax, mortgage etc come out of the joint account.

Makes budgeting very easy as you can very quickly see all your outgoings for bills etc.

When the joint has more than a grand spare in it I transfer it to ISAs or our general savings account.

Simples.

When Mrs Windowshopper first moved in and was working full-time we had our own accounts but we paid a share of the bills proportional to our share of the household income. So (for example) if I earned twice what she did, I'd pay twice her share of the bills.

Seven years and two kids later, she's only working part-time and it's much less formal. I pay all the bills and she bungs me a few quid as and when.

The pocket money thing works for us. It means I don't have to justify the price of a new XT cassette, and the missus doesn't have to tell me how much all her beauty treatments cost.

To the OP, personally I don' think the day-to-day money is a problem is you are both reasonably cool with the whole issue or slightly unbalanced income (though that is offset slightly by her kids presumably spending/using her money).

I'd suggest a good solicitor for you both to discuss what happens with house purchases, wills etc. - that's when it'll get messy - that's where having assets will count god forbid you split up/one of you dies.

I dont get people / couples who stake claim to 'their share' of joint income.

I have a mate who works full time as a teacher. £40k odd. His wife works part time as a teacher and the rest of the time with their child. He makes sure that they keep their money seperate but that there are 'proportionate' outgoings.

Every month he bangs on about having to bail her out and loves the fact that each year it is he who pays for the holiday etc etc and that he has managed to save X hundreds etc whilst she has to ask for £20 to pay for a day out whilst she looks after their daughter! FFS!

Its like he needs to feel in control.

My advice: put it in one pot and just talk to each other or discuss about what you are spending it on. Open and honest relationships work better.

Open and honest relationships work better.

Agreed, but there is nothing particularly secretive or dis-honest about maintaining separate accounts. It's just easier.

And do you really want to know how much your missus has spend on your secret birthday present...?

Married for 19 years, living together for two years before that.

All money is paid into the joint account from both if us (I earn 2x MrsG's income). We also have a budget account which is drip fed by standing order (or whatever it's called) from the joint account. This covers the mortgage/utilities/car expenses etc. What's left in the joint account is for our disposal - we save some, invest some and spend some. I haven't got a problem with MrsG buying herself something and she hasn't got a problem with me doing the same - neither of us take the p*ss. If we want something a bit more expensive, then we have a natter about it.

[i]Open and honest relationships work better. [/i]

They do that's why I always tell my wife what I'm buying, bought and how much it cost you don't need joint account for that. In fact it could say the opposite that you don't trust them.

My wife and I both have our own income.

We have a monthly expenses spreadsheet and that includes everything. I pay the mortgage as I am the bigger earner and we go 50/50 on the rest. Works OK. Anything left over is ours to spend as we see fit but we agreed to consult on major purchases £250+ (generally that means "if your having forks I'm getting a handbag etc etc).

I find the whole think about a single joint account weird. Ok I don't live with my dude but do stay there a lot so I do pay him for half the food and towards electricity and gas. But if I were to live with someone I don't like the idea of what its your is mine. I work for the money I earn if I want more I work harder, if I want to buy something expensive I save. I personally could not take, in an essence someone elses hard earned cash to buy something I wanted which I could afford if I wasn't with that person.
I earn a lot less than my dude and feel that I should pay for half of the things that we do split. So it is interesting that people seem to do it that way and it works for them. But for me I think that the same amount from each side should be put together to pay all the bills etc.

Each to their own, I suppose, but if you;re in a relationship and are living together that shows a certain amount of committment - if you can't trust your partner with your money, how far do you trust them?

Nothing to do with trust on our part, in any way shape of form. But having two seperate accounts means that I pay bills and rent, she pays food and odds and sods in an income-proportionate manner and whatever is left is hers to do what she likes with, and whatever is left in my account is mine to do what I like with. If we shared a single account we'd both have to make serious thoughts about what we bought, what percentage had come from who etc etc. Now it's simple - I want a bike part, I buy it if I can afford it. If she wants a bike part she buys it if she can afford it. If she cant afford it I'll offer to help out, and vice versa.

So far, MrsPP has had a new saddle and seatpost, and I've had a chain.... (No that I'm counting or owt!)

MrPP you forgot to mention your [b]little[/b] overdraft when you suggested combining the bank accounts. 🙄

I don't like the idea of what its your is mine

We're married. What's mine is hers, what's hers is mine. YMMV.

nbt just because youre married doesn't mean you're a single person, it's nice to maintain some level of your own earnings, own spendings etc.

They do that's why I always tell my wife what I'm buying, bought and how much it cost you don't need joint account for that. In fact it could say the opposite that you don't trust them.

Yep. Personal accounts and a joint for bills means that we know that all the bills are properly covered. Amount remaining in the joint account each month tells us how we're doing on budget. Amount left in personal accounts is money is surplus that is available to spend or save as required.

I [i]trust[/i] her to spend and save on her personal account as she sees fit, so I don't need to monitor her spending via a joint account.

Maybe I';m the weird one eh? 🙄

Not really nbt. I'm with you. What's mine is hers and hers is mine. No questions.

I have absolutely no issue with putting everything I earn into the joint account. When I have bought her a present that I'd rather she didn't see the price of - I pay for it on the credit card and ask her not to look at that month's bill.

What GrahameS said, mostly, except that I also pay for some expensive things that MrsJ would have a hard time affording half of, like holidays etc. I earn more, but it could be argued that that is because she followed me with my work instead of pursuing what was best for her own career, so she is entitled to half of what we jointly have. Don't tell that to any divorce lawyers, though.

Maybe I'm the weird one eh?

Not at all, if that works for you then great.

I just object to the implied [i]"Hah you don't trust your wife"[/i] from some folk. It has nothing to do with trust and everything to do with practicality and budgeting.

She is rubbish with money though.. 😈

Have an account each, and share a joint account for any monthly expenses you want to include. Up to you how you work out the contribution, e.g. 50/50 or based on percentage of wage difference.

>Maybe I';m the weird one eh?<

LOL - was beginning to think it was just me.

Quite an insight to see the amount of people who 'simplify things' by making them more complicated...

freddyg - Member
All money is paid into the joint account from both if us (I earn 2x MrsG's income). We also have a budget account which is drip fed by standing order (or whatever it's called) from the joint account. This covers the mortgage/utilities/car expenses etc. What's left in the joint account is for our disposal - we save some, invest some and spend some. I haven't got a problem with MrsG buying herself something and she hasn't got a problem with me doing the same - neither of us take the p*ss. If we want something a bit more expensive, then we have a natter about it.

Simlar for us, married 21 years now. Our salaries are paid into a joint account and we pay and play from that. I now earn loads more than she but was about equal when we first got together.

I'm happy that our combined earning power provides the lifestyle we like and don't begrudge her spending anything so long as it doesn't take us overdrawn. Oh, and I'd quite like to have a few quid left if/when I wish to buy something 🙂

It all gets a bit like trying to value 'contibution' if you get too anal about it and I just can't be bothered with that....

Quite an insight to see the amount of people who 'simplify things' by making them more complicated...

Nothing complicated about it. 🙂

I would find the "simpler" approach (having one account that everything goes in and out of) far more complicated and time-consuming to manage.

A number of accounts is not complicated to set up and is done once, and it saves later complications on a month to month basis as the joint payments occur regularly and automatically and are always budgeted for. If there was only one account we'd both have to monitor it in much more detail as one could spend more than expected and bring the joint account too low to pay off the bills and I'd have to ask her if it was OK if I bought something pricey this month in case she wanted to as well. As it is with seperate accounts we just take care of our own account and spending/saving. Ultimately if it works for you it's fine obviously, but lets not have people suggesting it's a trust issue or not following the "whats yours is mine" philosophy of marriage.

When I have bought her a present that I'd rather she didn't see the price of - I pay for it on the credit card and ask her not to look at that month's bill.

Buying presents from a joint account seems pointless, they may as well buy it themselves. If you trusted her that much and vice versa then why would her seeing the price matter?

well said coffeeking.

coffeeking - Member

When I have bought her a present that I'd rather she didn't see the price of - I pay for it on the credit card and ask her not to look at that month's bill.

Buying presents from a joint account seems pointless, they may as well buy it themselves. If you trusted her that much and vice versa then why would her seeing the price matter?

As I said. If it's something special, I pay by credit card. Seeing the price has nothing to do with trust - it's about surprising her.

I like to surprise mine with presents I've bought for myself 🙂

As I said. If it's something special, I pay by credit card.

What, you mean you have separate credit card accounts? 😆

We have a joint account. That's it. All our money goes into it. I earn more than MrFC but that's not an issue. We have 2 kids together, a house together, etc.
Don't get all this personal spending money thing. If I want something I get it(like my new bike). If MrFC wants something he gets it(like his new bike). We talk about what we spend.
Our lives are complicated enough without a few different bank accounts to be sorting out.

GrahamS - Member

As I said. If it's something special, I pay by credit card.

What, you mean you have separate credit card accounts?

No. As mentioned earlier - I ask her not to look at that particular month's bill.

Our lives are complicated enough without a few different bank accounts to be sorting out.

But but.. it's really not [i]"complicated"[/i]. It's decidedly simpler. 😕

And better financially as well.

How can it be simpler?
One account, one statement.

But but.. it's really not "complicated". It's decidedly simpler.

Agreed. You don't have to figure out what direct debits still have to come off the account before deciding whether you can afford to spend £200 on a new handbag/set of wheels/whatever

if you pay bills by DD its far more complicated

I used to use a joint account to pay all the bills from - but she would just see money going spare and use it for something, so I had to constatntly check the balance to make sure there was enough there to cover the bills

much easier to keep a single account for important bills, and have another account each for more "fun" stuff

Don't get all this personal spending money thing. If I want something I get it(like my new bike). If MrFC wants something he gets it(like his new bike). We talk about what we spend.

We like to know that any money we spend on fun stuff for ourselves was earned by ourselves and we're not borrowing off each other or going to miss a payment on a DD because we both bought something. For example, if we had a joint account and I wanted to buy a bike I'd have to organise buying it with her so that if she wanted to buy something else she'd have to wait or we'd have to organise cash to cover it. Instead we set up a joint account, pay a fixed sum and any savings per month into that and the rest of the time we just spend whatever free cash is left in our pay accounts on what ever we like. If we need to wait a while to save for something larger we do, but it's independant of each other meaning one doesnt interfere with the other.

IMO that's simpler than a single account.

Do any of you lot with all your "own money" have children? Who pays for all the expenses that they incurr?

I'm really not hung up about MrFc spending money I've earned or vice versa.

Im with coffeeking on this. My dude spends 4 times as much a week than I do. If I was to live with him I wouldn't want that to change for him but I also wouldn't expect him basically to give me the extra so that we are the same. I would expect us both to pay the same when it comes to the bills no matter how much we each earn. When it comes to going for dinner or going on holiday if I couldn't afford to pay half I would say and then it's up to him to pay if he wanted to or we would come to an arrangement.
I guess everyone has their own ways of dealing with money and the OP was just looking for options in how to play things.

How can it be simpler?
One account, one statement.

Right... which sounds simpler in these scenarios a) or b) ?

[b]Question: Can I afford to buy/save [i]x[/i] this month?[/b]

[b]a)[/b] look at current balance of personal account.

[b]b)[/b] look at balance of joint account. Add up and subtract all outstanding bills, direct debits and standing orders that have still to come off this month. Don't forget that this month there is no council tax to pay, but the TV licence is due. Then consult with partner to make sure they don't have any big spends this month.

[b]Question: what is our total monthly outgoing on bills?[/b]

[b]a)[/b] compare joint account balance to same time last month.

[b]b)[/b] trawl through the statements for the combined account trying to pick out the regular bills from the other stuff. Have fun trying to figure out if [code]"Marks&Spenc-WD £39"[/code] was for the house insurance or for that new bra.

mema...I think we are in entirely different situations. I don't have dude...I have a husband of 14 yrs.
If I had a "dude" and didn't live with him...then no way would I have a joint bank account.

Our set-up works very well for us, as I'm sure everyone elses does for them.

Do any of you lot with all your "own money" have children? Who pays for all the expenses that they incurr?

No, but it's no different, they'd be a joint expense and come out of the joint account.

I'm really not hung up about MrFc spending money I've earned or vice versa.

I'm not hung up about it either, its just easier to look at my own account and say "I've enough to buy that for myself, I'll buy it" than say "we have enough in to buy that now, but when the gas comes out later we might not, and if she wants to do this later in the month will we still have sufficient cash to cover the council tax? I'll have to call her and ask her first to check..."

On a day to day basis it's just easier to budget and have independent spending.

mema...I think we are in entirely different situations. I don't have dude...I have a husband of 14 yrs.

Now now, stop with the petty terminology pedantry. mema makes perfect sense and your picking holes in her chosen phrase suggests you think your relationship is better or more trusting than hers because she chose to use the word dude instead of the word "husband" or "long term partner" 🙄 .

Incidentally I'm not married but I've been with my other half for the same length of time as you've been married.

I wonder if those who have joint accounts have fairly predictable outgoings month on month, that's the only way I see it being simpler, and even then I'm not convinced.

Incidentally, another option is to just have two joint accounts, one for bills the other for combined personal.

Perhaps this would be a happy medium for some.

LOL!!!
GrahamS...thanks for all your hard work with your post!!

As I said, our set-up works for us.

And how anyone who refers to their partner as a "dude" expects to be taken seriously is beyond me!! 😉

*eagerly awaits lots of quoting and explaining*

Right...I'll get my lovely new coat which was bought with funds from our joint account!! 8)

Having not read much beyond the initial few posts here's my experience.

Partner and I no dependents. Both on good wages, her a lot more than mine she has more assets. I pay half for the yearly running costs of a car owned 100% by her. She will be putting in vastly more when we buy a house. It's very one sided but as neither of us our on the poverty line it doesn't really matter.

We pay the same into a joint bank account to cover joint expenses. This includes boring stuff like food and bills but also holidays that we both go on.

The rest we look after ourselves so we can spend it as we like. Anything big that we couldn't take out of the joint account we talk about and work out.

I couldn't share one account it wouldn't work. Between us we have nearly 10 anyway with various ISAs. We find it easier to manage our finances i fit's done separately. Means I can spend what I like on bikes as I know how much money I've got and she can spend what she wants. Neither of us has to worry about spending the others money.

If I were you I would sit down and have an open conversation about finances and decide how much you want to each pay into a joint account each month to cover joint expenses. Then leave the rest in individual accounts. Having separate accounts isn't not trusting your partner it's just a way of managing your money effectively.

Oh, and nice edit coffeeking btw! 8)

No need to get so worked up...it's only money after all! 8)

We have salary going into our accounts, and a jointy for bills / shopping.

Other than obviously neither of us wanting the other to go broke, I don't mind what she spends money on, and same goes the other way.

Joe

Oh, and nice edit coffeeking btw!

No need to get so worked up...it's only money after all!

No idea which edit you're talking about, I did about 6 over the space of 4 minutes 🙂 Not worked up, just slightly bemused and like to clear up answers to questsions rather than leave things with more questions 🙂 Who knows, I might want to change my methods if you put up a reasonable case.

[i]Do any of you lot with all your "own money" have children? Who pays for all the expenses that they incurr? [/i]

Yes. We do.

[i]And how anyone who refers to their partner as a "dude" expects to be taken seriously is beyond me!! [/i]

I was going to add that phrase to the "Get on your janglies" thread, I didn't have one but I do now. Phrase that is not not janglies.

Not the case with everyone, but certainly many women see a joint account as proof of trust on the husbands part. That, in itself, shows lack of trust. It's like marriage - I don't see the point without kids really, it takes more commitment to stay with someone when not legally tied to them than it does when you're not, it's just a tool to reduce relationship insecurity.

Not married but living togther.

Everything comes out of my account, my boyfriend transfers money to cover shared expenses every month.

Don't really see the point in joint accounts.

I earn roughly 20% more than my mrs but all the money goes into a single account. I get paid at the end of each month and the rent, bills etc come out within the next few days. Her wages get paid weekly which then acts as spending money for the month. Doing it like this seems to remove the disparity in the money we bring home.

As for buying stuff - we live together, if one of us wants something then the other generally knows about it and we plan accordingly. Neither of us will go out and spend a significent amount without telling the other we've done it afterwards and neither will criticize the other for buying whatever it is. (She's after some X0/Noir stuff this month...)

What really bugged me when I worked in an outdoor shop was the amount of people, both male and female, who had to ask their partner if they were "allowed" to buy something...

What really bugged me when I worked in an outdoor shop was the amount of people, both male and female, who had to ask their partner if they were "allowed" to buy something...

Yup, that does make me chuckle, but when people use the same account and have opposing views on what cash should be spent on, you can see why they do it.

As a little aside we have 3 joint accounts, 1 for bills and one each. This cuts down on probate problems if I have a bad climbing fall or stack on the bike.