[Closed] Chatting up the ex under a different name!

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You could stop being a tosser.

Do you like Pina Coladas and getting caught in the rain?

you need help

I see what you are saying and yes, maybe it is a bit sorry and strange. I still love her though and want her back. I know she has been messaging blokes but she says it nothing dirty just chat.

Ultimately, nothing will happen. You'll waste even more of your time and it'll stop you moving on and finding someone who is better.

Step away from the ex

your a knob

iDave - Member
you need help

Drag it out for entertainment value

do you know a very very discrete taxidermist?

You need to protect yourself from yourself!

I think pics may help us decide?

it's just wrong and a bit bonkers isn't it?

cut out the chit-chat just go straight for the bunny in the boiling water 😯

Do you like Pina Coladas and getting caught in the rain?

I love this song!

The clues in the deletion and blocking..

Move on and get appreciated.

Choke her in her sleep and keep her in the cupboard. Then set up a Facebook account and pretend to be her. Then chat to her using your own Facebook account, except you will be chatting to yourself. But you'll have the last laugh as she'll be in the cupboard.

Yup stalking that'll win her back.

it's time to let go, start working on finding someone else (but FFS don't show them this thread!!)

Choke her in her sleep and keep her in the cupboard. Then set up a Facebook account and pretend to be her. Then chat to her using your own Facebook account, except you will be chatting to yourself. But you'll have the last laugh as she'll be in the cupboard.

😆

you are a freak and the sort of person who slips through the care in the community net and becomes a fully fledged sociopath whilst not really paying attention. Either get a grip and walk away or be prepared for the restraining orders and being sectioned if you are really lucky.

Why put yourself through this? It must hurt, knowing that she has moved on enough to meet *you*

You are going to drive yourself insane. She is over you, and clearly loving her single life. You should do the same.

She says she hasn't met anyone yet but this could be a first.

that's quite beautifully understated - i'm sure it will be a first

you know she thinks she's meeting someone other than her ex?

you know you may end up with a restraining order and maybe not be seen as a fit father?

get some help tomorrow

Leave out the insults, lets just say its not a wise move, the OP has said he still has a thing for the ex, not unusual, so lets back off...
Maybe...

**** what that ^ lot say drag it out sounds like right laugh! besides whats worse internet stalking or internet bullying.

How do I move on?

[b]Curly - [/b] Not quite the reaction you was expecting I guess 😀

You should take the hint and move on. It must tear you apart, living like that 🙁

Maybe coming on here wasn't the best idea of asking for help.

Sadly, it won't help.

I haven't been sleeping, I am due to be made redundant in a weeks time and have the threat of losing my house over me as well. I am losing the plot but don't know what to do.
This is an honest post as well before anyone starts.

Tell her how you feel instead of stalking her, afterall if she has been willing to sleep with you she hasn't helped matters and is not being fair.

where are you based mate?

the OP has said he still has a thing for the ex

And presumably she still has for him.......to an extent : [i]"but we still see each other and sleep together"[/i]

Are you asking for help?

Ask and you might get it.

1) - stop seeing your ex any more than essential for the kids. No horizontal jogging. She is your ex

2) stop stalking her on face book

3) consider professional help if are really in bits still.

Once you have done this then you might be able to move on with the next stage in your life. Breaking up a relationship youhave to go thru stages like a bereavement - eventually reaching acceptance thru anger and denial and so on.

Call a+e and ask to speak to the duty psychiatrist, there's no stigma, I do it fairly regularly, but this behaviour is just plain wrong. You may well still like each other, but really it's just plain wrong pretending to be somebody else to get to talk to her. Really, restraining orders are the last thing you need now which is whats gonna happen if you carry on this path. 🙁

Curly = crossed postes,

If you are being made redundant and in danger off losing the house get some good money advice - in 99% of cases house repossession can be avoided if you take the right steps.

You sound possibly depressed to me - go get pro help. GP first port of call, counselling can really help as well

When you are redundant get out on your bike! Exercise is the best thing for what ails you

You've got to force yourself to move on dude.

I had to leave my missus and 3 kids well over a year ago. We're back together now but for about 8 or 9 months I just made myself not think about her. First couple of months were hard work but it got easier. I got my own place, had my kids 3 or 4 nights/days of the week and just kept myself busy. We're stronger for it now though. I think we learnt more about each other the last 18 months than we did ever did in the last 10 years.

You are just being obsessive and you have to face it and stop it. She'll end up hating you, if she doesnt already.

curly, go see your doctor, explain all your negative feelings. It sounds like you are getting depressed, If doc thinks you are ok, then what have you lost, nothing! Just do it. Don't worry, we all lose it sometimes!

sc-xc - Member
where are you based mate?

I do need help and it's taking that first step I guess. She comes round every Wednesday for dinner with my daughter then sleeps round every Friday and Saturday night. I really enjoy it and don't want it to stop. Obviously she is up to something other?

Curly my man, dont listen to most of the sad ballbags on here. Internet warriors the lot who just love to put people down.

I really think you are going through a bad time with the ex wife, job etc. Take a step back and have a good look at what you really want. When you have this figured then you have to work out how about you go about achieving it.

Sometimes life just saves all its kidney-punches for the same time and it can feel like the its all getting too much.

Do you not have anyone you can talk to?

Sounds like it to be brutally honest and if she isnt, she is looking. You can't be thinking about that 24/7.

I have no one to talk to. I have no friends. I know a lot of people but no one calls to ask how I am or pops over for a coffee. Sad I know but that is how it is.
She doesn't get on with my son at all. He calls her fat and lazy which is hard for me to get in between them.

Curly please mate talk to your GP tomorrow, if you need someone to just listen drop me a mail and I'll give you my number. take care, chin up 🙂

Do you ever call anyone? Try it perhaps.

Seriously stop seeing her except the minimum amount you have to for the kids.

You don't need to see an emergency psychiatrist Curly, and you are not a [i]freak[/i]....... FFS

But you do need to let go and move on. After 18 months you should be on the home run, if you're not, then I guess seeing her and having sex has put things on hold. You both need to decide what you're doing. But chatting her up under a different name is no solution, and can only make things worst.

If you are struggling dealing with other problems, house, kids, isolation, etc, then do as TJ suggests speak to your GP.

Good luck, Gus.

Just try to stop worrying about the jealousy, she has said she has not met anyone, the chances are she knows it's you that has offered to meet her & is playing some kind of game with you.
If you have broken up then stop sleeping with her, that's a classic mind**** that will keep you on the hook.
Take a step back, stand up & take a deep breath, it's a long way down 🙁

I didn't say emergency I said "duty" they will simply arrange for you to see who they feel is most appropriate to talk to once they've talked to you, that may be y' GP, it may be one of the community mental health team. It's simply an initial point of contact., it may simply be a visit to or from the community psyche nurse.

After years of experience of the mental health system as a patient, most GPs, with the best will in the world aren't great with mental health and will just bang you on Citolopram and hope for the best.

Oh yeah and soryy, maybe freak is a bit strong, but you've got to admit it's not normal by any stretch of the imagination, and I'm bipolar and can get pretty 'kin strange sometimes 🙂

I have no one to talk to. I have no friends.

Not that uncommon if you have been involved in a long-term relationship. Make it a task, give yourself a goal.......go out and meet people. Do evening classes, take up a martial art, learn Salsa, whatever. Just get out of your house, do things, and go places where you will meet people. Are you in a cycling club ?

I started seeing someone last year and she was fantastic, made me really happy. The ex found out and soon made threatening messages on FB and calls. She soon put a stop to that.

Tried joining a club as a "casual"?
http://www.westsuffolkwheelers.co.uk/
Worth a go? Meet new people etc.
Have a chat to someone (family?) and keep your chin up mate.

Ernie - I have qualifications to teach a martial art! Not joined any clubs as that means paying a sitter for my son as the ex won't have him.

Christ, just read all this 😯
Luckily, we mostly seem to have calmed down by p2

There's people who can get their heads round having sex with their ex, but you honestly don't seem like one of them to me so I'd suggest you stop. Even if she does (have to) stay over weekends, presumably there's a couch or something ?

Is your son too young for you to go out without him ?

Do you ever get "free" nights when you could go out ? - do so, preferably with some people you know (they don't have to call you, call them & make arrangements). Moving on is going to be a bastard if you never leave the house, mate.

Definitely seek help financially (get advice soon, CAB etc can help there - DO NOT hide from the bank/landlord) and think about the suggestions of medical help - we've got no idea whether you genuinely need that but if you do, I think you know it since you're posting this here.

Good luck +1

Is joining a cycling club sound advice ernie, I mean you have seen the folk on here right?

Anyway, on the plus side the OP seems to be getting it more than me, by quite a margin, & I'm still married 🙁

First off, ignore the childish repsonses on here and bear in mind that people love to poke fun, regardless of the consequences.

I think you need to get something sorted out between you and the misses for the benefit of your children.

It sounds to me like she is having her cake and eating it, but where do you fit in? Is everything that happens, on her terms?

Are you divorced. or just seperated?

Have you actually discussed with her the reasons why she left?

There are some guys who would quite like to have space between them and their other half. There are quite a lot of couples who live like this and it sounds like your "arrangement" could continue indefinitely. If you felt secure about her committment and loyaly in the current circumstances, could you live with that?

If you haven't had any relationship counselling, this might bring some clarity, but perhaps neither of you want to face up to the reality of your situation. You have dependants however and their welfare has to come first!

If the marriage is over, I can't see the point in continuing with recreational sex. It could be that one partner is taking it more seriously than the other, thus making themselves rather vulnerable. For that person, all that this is doing is keeping them dangling on a string and so they will struggle to move on.

Whilst this will possibly seem a bit scary, get professional advice as a couple and sort it out.

Good luck!

Curly - you seem to be up to your eyeballs in problems but only you can sort it. The last few posts have been spot on about talking to someone. But im spotting a bit of a worrying trend in your replies. They are all very short and negative.

I think that you need to either split 100% from your ex and deal with it and move on so you can both be happy or make a go of it together. You cant have it both ways. As you are now finding out the hard way.

Bud dont let your problems push you under and turn you into a push-over. This is when you have to be strong for yourself and your kids.

I love my kids to bits, they are my lifeblood at the minute. If it wasn't for them, especially my son living with me I may not be here writing this!
I keep saying that nothing else can happen to make me feel any lower. This year has been the hardest of my life, even getting sent to prison was easier than this!
The past few weeks has been nothing but downs. Work van broken into and stole all MY power tools and work won't replace them, redundancy notice, legal letters from creditors etc etc. CAB are on the case but very slow.

Not joined any clubs as that means paying a sitter for my son .....

OK, I understand.......but you will have to find a solution to that problem - you MUST get out of the house ! Do it for your son - he needs a happy dad !

Pick something (Salsa's good) and get out, making it your mission to become good at it. Immerse yourself in a new interest, one which involves meeting people.

Tell her the truth and she'll post on facebook -you'll be a laughing stock.

You should just close the account and move on -you're not doing yourself any favours.

Do not discuss your inner thoughts of getting back with your ex as the sex will stop -sex is good you're a man! but the hormones can create false love.

Get a new GF, date, experience, grow self esteem and move on and stop being silly.

Go ride your bike more!

Or go ruin your reputation and dating life and be a laughing stock-this is not an option!

MTFU and ride.

[url= http://www.itv.com/lifestyle/jeremykyle/ ]This[/url] may help.

Rich, not helpful you t wat.

Keep off Facebook!

If you loose your income, you will get the interest on your mortgage/your rent paid. You also get you council tax paid. There are other benefit you will qualify for, but go see the CAB for advice.

If you become insolvent, your creditors will not be able to pursue you. There are different options for managing debt, again CAB will advise.

If you can pull [i]her[/i] on facebook under an assumed identity, you can pull someone more deserving of your affection who won't play mindgames with you.

DTMFA and get on your bike.

Ok.

Get some help GP tomorrow not every A+E can provide emergency services although many have a crysis team.

As for not joining clubs why not join with your son it'll help you both.

.......apologies then drac

Jeremy Kyle helped me when I split up with my wife. He took me to watch my favourite football team, Man Utd, and we talked about how I should get a job. He even shouted at me. It did help me sort my life out though. Curly68, you should give it a try, he was, and still is, the saviour of my marriage.

Don't underestimate Jeremy Kyle, some people on here are complete snobs. He changed my life and I have his mobile number in my phone to prove it.

I really appreciate some of the replies. I will try to work this out and the right thing to do is to stop seeing her. Just been talking to her via msn and she says she enjoys chatting to the blokes on the sites as she can tease them and be whoever she wants to be!
It can work out for the better as I am not the only one that is going through it or has been. Hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel though.

Don't frikkin talk to her on MSN

She is your EX. She is playing games with you and doing your head in.

No j_me

glittergary -you're an unfeeling ****. Curly68 -get a grip mate, you have the tools..

Curly - there have been some sensible suggestions on here. You do need to step back and make time to take a long hard look at yourself and your situation.

Once you reach the point of clarity, you will know what to do.

But, as others have suggested, a visit to your GP would be a good starting point.

Meantime, probably best to avoid any relationships until you are in control of your situation.

Do hope things work out for you.

Edit: I do hope that those who have posted unhelpful replies do not find themselves in a difficult situation. There are some particularly stupid responses.

Call a+e and ask to speak to the duty psychiatrist, there's no stigma, I do it fairly regularly

😆

i work in mental health, duty psych is usually asleep at night,

Lets keep this thread alive & positive, a word of support can work wonders, and you never know when you might need the same.

Cheers.

Your ex is stringing you along. If there was a future for you, you'd already be back together.

Harsh words, but you need a clean break and to build your life back up without her.

As stoatsbrother said:

If you can pull her on facebook under an assumed identity, you can pull someone more deserving of your affection who won't play mindgames with you.

You need to start setting some boundaries with your ex and try and regain some control of the situation and stop it getting more complicated and probably worse than it already is. This could include telling her that she will not be welcome to stay overnight when she is visiting your daughter. You could also close your new Facebook account and block your ex from your original one - if you keep prying you will eventually find out some information you will not want to hear, such as when she meets someone new. She seems to be controlling you - you state you met someone else last year but your ex somehow caused it to end - this is not acceptable behaviour.

If you are feeling very depressed you could also consider the Samaritans - they will at least be non-judgemental listeners which you obviously need.

Good luck and hope it all sorts itself out positively!

Kevevs - Member
Curly68 -get a grip mate, you have the [b]tools[/b]..

Curly68 - Member
Work van broken into and stole all MY power [b]tools[/b]

Hmmm. Other than that.... Loads of good advice here. Years ago I was in a slightly similar situation - fortunately for me and unfortunately for her, the lady concerned was on a downward spiral of drunken depression which made me see her in a new light and I was able to just cut off all contact (she lived two floors beneath me, so this required a Herculean effort). I'm now good (facebook) friends with her and happily married.

I absolutely agree with those suggesting you cut off contact, other than that required for the wellbeing of your kids.

Best of British.

I was thinking along the lines of Philby, above. She is enjoying having control of you, for whatever reason that gives her a kick. She deliberately shut down the other relationship you mentioned. What right did she have to do that?

So you should take control of your own life - which as everyone here says, includes stopping her control you. It's not easy but you can do it. Set your own rules in your house - certainly don't let her stay over. She won't like not controlling you and will shout, so cut off the MSN and Facebook contact and ignore her yelping. It's your life, not hers. There are women like that (and men too). Don't let them.

EDIT: show yourself too that you can sort out the other problems in your life, piece by piece put it back together. Prove to yourself that you don't need her control to do it. Then enjoy your life.

As usual, a lot of polarised opinions, and some childish, pretty brutal responses. It's sad that you're having to resort to asking for help on here, but let's face it, you're not the first, and I'm sure you wont be the last. First off, stop with the facebook and msn stuff - as most people have said, it's never gonna have a happy ending. Your ex does indeed seem to be getting some kind of gain from all this, whereas you're just ending up totally screwed up. I can empathise (from personal experience) about your current situation regarding feeling totally alone, etc, but believe me, what your doing at the moment isnt the answer. Things can, and do, change, you'll wake up one day and it'll just click, but right now, you need to put some distance between yourself and your ex. Do more stuff with the kids, make them your priority, but if it's at all possible, try to avoid letting them take sides - it's all too easy for kids to be used as pawns in these situations. My e-mails in my profile if you wanna off load, and in the meantime, please try and avoid facebook. Oh, and Ernie, I have an image of you doing salsa that I wish I didnt have!