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Do you ever call anyone? Try it perhaps.
Seriously stop seeing her except the minimum amount you have to for the kids.
You don't need to see an emergency psychiatrist Curly, and you are not a [i]freak[/i]....... FFS
But you do need to let go and move on. After 18 months you should be on the home run, if you're not, then I guess seeing her and having sex has put things on hold. You both need to decide what you're doing. But chatting her up under a different name is no solution, and can only make things worst.
If you are struggling dealing with other problems, house, kids, isolation, etc, then do as TJ suggests speak to your GP.
Good luck, Gus.
Just try to stop worrying about the jealousy, she has said she has not met anyone, the chances are she knows it's you that has offered to meet her & is playing some kind of game with you.
If you have broken up then stop sleeping with her, that's a classic mind**** that will keep you on the hook.
Take a step back, stand up & take a deep breath, it's a long way down 🙁
I didn't say emergency I said "duty" they will simply arrange for you to see who they feel is most appropriate to talk to once they've talked to you, that may be y' GP, it may be one of the community mental health team. It's simply an initial point of contact., it may simply be a visit to or from the community psyche nurse.
After years of experience of the mental health system as a patient, most GPs, with the best will in the world aren't great with mental health and will just bang you on Citolopram and hope for the best.
Oh yeah and soryy, maybe freak is a bit strong, but you've got to admit it's not normal by any stretch of the imagination, and I'm bipolar and can get pretty 'kin strange sometimes 🙂
I have no one to talk to. I have no friends.
Not that uncommon if you have been involved in a long-term relationship. Make it a task, give yourself a goal.......go out and meet people. Do evening classes, take up a martial art, learn Salsa, whatever. Just get out of your house, do things, and go places where you will meet people. Are you in a cycling club ?
I started seeing someone last year and she was fantastic, made me really happy. The ex found out and soon made threatening messages on FB and calls. She soon put a stop to that.
Tried joining a club as a "casual"?
http://www.westsuffolkwheelers.co.uk/
Worth a go? Meet new people etc.
Have a chat to someone (family?) and keep your chin up mate.
Ernie - I have qualifications to teach a martial art! Not joined any clubs as that means paying a sitter for my son as the ex won't have him.
Christ, just read all this 😯
Luckily, we mostly seem to have calmed down by p2
There's people who can get their heads round having sex with their ex, but you honestly don't seem like one of them to me so I'd suggest you stop. Even if she does (have to) stay over weekends, presumably there's a couch or something ?
Is your son too young for you to go out without him ?
Do you ever get "free" nights when you could go out ? - do so, preferably with some people you know (they don't have to call you, call them & make arrangements). Moving on is going to be a bastard if you never leave the house, mate.
Definitely seek help financially (get advice soon, CAB etc can help there - DO NOT hide from the bank/landlord) and think about the suggestions of medical help - we've got no idea whether you genuinely need that but if you do, I think you know it since you're posting this here.
Good luck +1
Is joining a cycling club sound advice ernie, I mean you have seen the folk on here right?
Anyway, on the plus side the OP seems to be getting it more than me, by quite a margin, & I'm still married 🙁
First off, ignore the childish repsonses on here and bear in mind that people love to poke fun, regardless of the consequences.
I think you need to get something sorted out between you and the misses for the benefit of your children.
It sounds to me like she is having her cake and eating it, but where do you fit in? Is everything that happens, on her terms?
Are you divorced. or just seperated?
Have you actually discussed with her the reasons why she left?
There are some guys who would quite like to have space between them and their other half. There are quite a lot of couples who live like this and it sounds like your "arrangement" could continue indefinitely. If you felt secure about her committment and loyaly in the current circumstances, could you live with that?
If you haven't had any relationship counselling, this might bring some clarity, but perhaps neither of you want to face up to the reality of your situation. You have dependants however and their welfare has to come first!
If the marriage is over, I can't see the point in continuing with recreational sex. It could be that one partner is taking it more seriously than the other, thus making themselves rather vulnerable. For that person, all that this is doing is keeping them dangling on a string and so they will struggle to move on.
Whilst this will possibly seem a bit scary, get professional advice as a couple and sort it out.
Good luck!
Curly - you seem to be up to your eyeballs in problems but only you can sort it. The last few posts have been spot on about talking to someone. But im spotting a bit of a worrying trend in your replies. They are all very short and negative.
I think that you need to either split 100% from your ex and deal with it and move on so you can both be happy or make a go of it together. You cant have it both ways. As you are now finding out the hard way.
Bud dont let your problems push you under and turn you into a push-over. This is when you have to be strong for yourself and your kids.
I love my kids to bits, they are my lifeblood at the minute. If it wasn't for them, especially my son living with me I may not be here writing this!
I keep saying that nothing else can happen to make me feel any lower. This year has been the hardest of my life, even getting sent to prison was easier than this!
The past few weeks has been nothing but downs. Work van broken into and stole all MY power tools and work won't replace them, redundancy notice, legal letters from creditors etc etc. CAB are on the case but very slow.
Not joined any clubs as that means paying a sitter for my son .....
OK, I understand.......but you will have to find a solution to that problem - you MUST get out of the house ! Do it for your son - he needs a happy dad !
Pick something (Salsa's good) and get out, making it your mission to become good at it. Immerse yourself in a new interest, one which involves meeting people.
Tell her the truth and she'll post on facebook -you'll be a laughing stock.
You should just close the account and move on -you're not doing yourself any favours.
Do not discuss your inner thoughts of getting back with your ex as the sex will stop -sex is good you're a man! but the hormones can create false love.
Get a new GF, date, experience, grow self esteem and move on and stop being silly.
Go ride your bike more!
Or go ruin your reputation and dating life and be a laughing stock-this is not an option!
MTFU and ride.
Rich, not helpful you t wat.
Keep off Facebook!
If you loose your income, you will get the interest on your mortgage/your rent paid. You also get you council tax paid. There are other benefit you will qualify for, but go see the CAB for advice.
If you become insolvent, your creditors will not be able to pursue you. There are different options for managing debt, again CAB will advise.
If you can pull [i]her[/i] on facebook under an assumed identity, you can pull someone more deserving of your affection who won't play mindgames with you.
DTMFA and get on your bike.
Ok.
Get some help GP tomorrow not every A+E can provide emergency services although many have a crysis team.
As for not joining clubs why not join with your son it'll help you both.
.......apologies then drac
Jeremy Kyle helped me when I split up with my wife. He took me to watch my favourite football team, Man Utd, and we talked about how I should get a job. He even shouted at me. It did help me sort my life out though. Curly68, you should give it a try, he was, and still is, the saviour of my marriage.
Don't underestimate Jeremy Kyle, some people on here are complete snobs. He changed my life and I have his mobile number in my phone to prove it.
I really appreciate some of the replies. I will try to work this out and the right thing to do is to stop seeing her. Just been talking to her via msn and she says she enjoys chatting to the blokes on the sites as she can tease them and be whoever she wants to be!
It can work out for the better as I am not the only one that is going through it or has been. Hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel though.
Don't frikkin talk to her on MSN
She is your EX. She is playing games with you and doing your head in.
No j_me
glittergary -you're an unfeeling ****. Curly68 -get a grip mate, you have the tools..
Curly - there have been some sensible suggestions on here. You do need to step back and make time to take a long hard look at yourself and your situation.
Once you reach the point of clarity, you will know what to do.
But, as others have suggested, a visit to your GP would be a good starting point.
Meantime, probably best to avoid any relationships until you are in control of your situation.
Do hope things work out for you.
Edit: I do hope that those who have posted unhelpful replies do not find themselves in a difficult situation. There are some particularly stupid responses.
Call a+e and ask to speak to the duty psychiatrist, there's no stigma, I do it fairly regularly
😆
i work in mental health, duty psych is usually asleep at night,
Lets keep this thread alive & positive, a word of support can work wonders, and you never know when you might need the same.
Cheers.
Your ex is stringing you along. If there was a future for you, you'd already be back together.
Harsh words, but you need a clean break and to build your life back up without her.
As stoatsbrother said:
If you can pull her on facebook under an assumed identity, you can pull someone more deserving of your affection who won't play mindgames with you.
You need to start setting some boundaries with your ex and try and regain some control of the situation and stop it getting more complicated and probably worse than it already is. This could include telling her that she will not be welcome to stay overnight when she is visiting your daughter. You could also close your new Facebook account and block your ex from your original one - if you keep prying you will eventually find out some information you will not want to hear, such as when she meets someone new. She seems to be controlling you - you state you met someone else last year but your ex somehow caused it to end - this is not acceptable behaviour.
If you are feeling very depressed you could also consider the Samaritans - they will at least be non-judgemental listeners which you obviously need.
Good luck and hope it all sorts itself out positively!
Kevevs - Member
Curly68 -get a grip mate, you have the [b]tools[/b]..
Curly68 - Member
Work van broken into and stole all MY power [b]tools[/b]
Hmmm. Other than that.... Loads of good advice here. Years ago I was in a slightly similar situation - fortunately for me and unfortunately for her, the lady concerned was on a downward spiral of drunken depression which made me see her in a new light and I was able to just cut off all contact (she lived two floors beneath me, so this required a Herculean effort). I'm now good (facebook) friends with her and happily married.
I absolutely agree with those suggesting you cut off contact, other than that required for the wellbeing of your kids.
Best of British.
I was thinking along the lines of Philby, above. She is enjoying having control of you, for whatever reason that gives her a kick. She deliberately shut down the other relationship you mentioned. What right did she have to do that?
So you should take control of your own life - which as everyone here says, includes stopping her control you. It's not easy but you can do it. Set your own rules in your house - certainly don't let her stay over. She won't like not controlling you and will shout, so cut off the MSN and Facebook contact and ignore her yelping. It's your life, not hers. There are women like that (and men too). Don't let them.
EDIT: show yourself too that you can sort out the other problems in your life, piece by piece put it back together. Prove to yourself that you don't need her control to do it. Then enjoy your life.
As usual, a lot of polarised opinions, and some childish, pretty brutal responses. It's sad that you're having to resort to asking for help on here, but let's face it, you're not the first, and I'm sure you wont be the last. First off, stop with the facebook and msn stuff - as most people have said, it's never gonna have a happy ending. Your ex does indeed seem to be getting some kind of gain from all this, whereas you're just ending up totally screwed up. I can empathise (from personal experience) about your current situation regarding feeling totally alone, etc, but believe me, what your doing at the moment isnt the answer. Things can, and do, change, you'll wake up one day and it'll just click, but right now, you need to put some distance between yourself and your ex. Do more stuff with the kids, make them your priority, but if it's at all possible, try to avoid letting them take sides - it's all too easy for kids to be used as pawns in these situations. My e-mails in my profile if you wanna off load, and in the meantime, please try and avoid facebook. Oh, and Ernie, I have an image of you doing salsa that I wish I didnt have!
You need to ask yourself why your wife is 'stringing you along' like this.
She has power over you by occasionally sleeping with you etc and it may suit her for you to be hanging around just waiting for a call from her (she clearly isn't comfortable about you seeign other people).
I agree with the sensible posts above - keep the relationship with her 'professional' (i.e. just practical stuff about kids/money/etc).
Go to a club with the kids, take them for bike rides or whatever but you need to get out and leave your wife in the background - she's clearly enjoying manipulating you and you're playing straight into her hands.
What size is your lad? If you wish I can borrow a bike from work for him and we can ride at Thetford tomorrow. Good luck with resisting the ex. Get through today and hopefully I'll see you tomorrow.
TALK TO HER. Don't deceive or trick, it can be seen as extremely insulting.
I didn't sleep again last night. Have today off as I am working tomorrow so went for a walk up into town. Popped into the county court and dropped off my papers there for the repossesion hearing in a couple of weeks, then splashed a little cash on a pair of Vans for my daughter's BMX racing! That felt a bit better but not as good as the look on her face will be when she gets them later.
Tried to ring the doctors but they were busy! Will try again later.
Your replies are very similar (well the honest ones anyway) and I will have to make a decision and man up as it were. Everytime I try to talk to her about what she wants, she gets all narked and turns it around onto me!
Ian,
You need to stop listening to Slipknot.
Beware of Facebook.
How did you know I walked into town and back with Slipknot and Lamb of God on my Ipod?
Read all this this morning and didn't really feel i could add to the good advice.
Hope you are going to stop letting her manipulate you and ditch all the facebook stuff. Hope you also realise you have more people to talk to than you thought.
Curly68 - Member.......... Everytime I try to talk to her about what she wants, she gets all narked and turns it around onto me!
Stop talking to her. Minimum contact for the sake of the kids and that is all. She doesn't stay at your house, she gets nowhere near your bed, block her on msn and facebook
You have to take charge and this will be a liberating thing to do. She is manipulating you.
Lets not demonise the mother of your child/ren as in the long run you have to stay in contact with each other. Yes she may be manipulating you but most likely its probably not in a concious vindictive way, like you her self esteem is probably low, she feels alone so being able to control you and your libido makes her feel better about herself, however it will also ultimately make her respect you less and less. Why else would she be chatting to men on the internet if not to boost her self esteem?
You have to start making things more on your terms but not in an agressive way. She will probably go mad at you at first, just be the bigger man and be calm and assertive. After a while she will get her respect for you back and at that point you can seriously discuss how your relationship should continue. From experience you should either be together or apart as the situation you are in now just eventually leads to more pain and resentment. It is tough when you are lonely, something good always comes along eventually.
If you can't get away in the evenings is there club/activity you can rope your son into at the weekends so you can meet mums?
I am fairly sure that this is actually illegal...