[Closed] Celibacy..........

It is if you're an ugly c**t!

or married

or married!!

i see..........!

no, cos there is someone for everyone.
and when you meet the one, juices start to flow and you can't help yourself......... 😉

why do you ask?

why do i ask? just wondered if anyone actually has the willpower!

Plenty of people seem to manage it; voluntarily even.

Is it willpower or fear?

for me it would have to be willpower

Yes, it does exist. Around 8 years for me, as stopped dating around then. Got trashed by someone I loved and decided to draw the line there.

So aleigh are you wondering if you are a bit to free with your favours?

Mudshark, i think what aleigh means is she like a bit and is gagging for it, but would rather try to celibate than be free with her flower.

Oh and ftr, i couldn't.

i'd rather be dead

Midnighthour that's a shame. They're not all like that. give it another try, you might get a pleasant surprise.

and no, I'm not offering 😉

i'm not too sure what you mean mudshark!

lol @ sharki 😆

...would rather try to celibate than be free with her flower.

Managing to resist those that want to pluck her?

wouldn't have quite put it like that 😆

It was the 2nd time I got really burned. Too old now to do the family stuff and can't face dealing with someone who has their own kids, would feel too left out and not part of it all.

You miss sex to start with, but you notice it less as time goes on.

Me and my willy used to get into all sorts of trouble until I discovered that a side affect of anti depressants was zero sex drive......everybodies appy!!

don't feel like that - you could still get joy out of bringing up someones elses kids 🙂

Gizzard, made me smile, thanks. Its a common problem with ADs I think.

Sorry to hear that Midnight.. plenty of folk out there with no kids, don't want kids, etc. etc.

Not even the sex what about companionship etc...

I tried that. Bloke I just started dating but had been friends with for ages got a call from an ex saying she was 3 months pregnant, after we had been dating for a month. Stood by him for 2 years of hell she put us through - it had to be her that went to family events and me that was left out - and when it started getting better and the future looked more rosy he told me I had never mattered to him and why would he want me if he had a child?

Nope, no one with kids. Too much pain.

What about enforced celibacy?

Strangely I suffered it when I was with the girlfriend, and now I'm not with her I'm stuck with it just as much because I'm a funny looking funker and I can't pull...

I think wee superstar might have died 😯

superstar_opponents, not just a limp hand shake then...;)

Gizzard Puke - Member

Me and my willy used to get into all sorts of trouble until I discovered that a side affect of anti depressants was zero sex drive......everybodies appy!!

another side effect of some of them (paroxetine especially IIRC but I work in kiddie mental health now so sex doesn't really come up that often..) is that you last a lot longer when you do. Do it, that is. You could be making that special someone at least 30% happier! 😉

Superstar, sympathy, as I dont seem to be the sort of person people want either. Different levels of sex drive can be a real problem (remembered from back in the days when I did indulge!).

Midnighthour - you have experienced some unpleasant events but don't let it affect your outlook on life. There are a lot of decent people out there so be filled with optimism rather than despair.

sharki- it's not so much limp as got in a huff and hidden.

Fortunately you can make a fleshlight on the cheap using a latex glove wrapped inside a tea towel with the opening folded over the top. A squirt of GT85 and it's surprisingly realistic.

I am sure there are lots of very nice guys out there - its just they want pretty 25 year olds and I certainly dont count as one of those in either respect 🙂

Off to bed now (alone!). Thanks for nice comments. Hope all your sex lives err, pick up!

optimism? i've never heard it called that before.

Mignighthour, your lack of wanting/looking for anything will mean it will happen when you least expect it, it will be even more special because of that, reguardless of the whether it's sexual, platonic or just gaining a soul mate.

you last a lot longer when you do.

Oh, I'm afraid it was nothing like that- it wasn't me not working, just a lack of interest.

Would women object if I started calling my business "wee superstar" do you think?

Well, sex is alright but you can't beat the real thing! [img] [/img]

imagine what you could achieve if you were celibate and actually wanted no more to do with it. Most blokes (and lots of women's) waking thoughts are peppered with sex, constantly... I should think if we all followed midnight's example we'd have invented a cure for cancer by now.

I think it is possible but kissing a lady you love is priceless.

Sex? there's always mastercard

Celibate, but not by choice

Been on the singles scrapheap for too long now & I think it's starting to rust a little....

Orangista- go on then. You'll do.

If you dont push back then you are not gay 😯 fact

Might solve a few problems 😀

I'd go so far as saying it's probable 🙁

Still, I'm sleeping well 😀

Fascinating thread, you learn something new every day on here 😯

Following a crappy marriage and getting divorced at 26 I decided I would steer clear of long term relationships, whilst I thought this wouldn't last and don't rule out getting married again, I don't think I've had a relationship last much over 6 months in the last 10 years, and it's been a blast 🙂 But when I do finish a relationship I do generally decide to go a couple of months 'without', as I'm not really into to hopping from one to another. I tend to find the first couple of weeks without is a roller coaster ride of hormones, leering at women like a sex pest, but then all falls into balance and I don't think twice about it,...well not until the next opportunity presents! I think the key to it is just being comfy with yourself.

Well, that's a pretty young age to have been married and divorced by. But I guess it hasn't put you off completely as you are certainly, in your words "comfy with yourself". As long as you understand why the marriage failed, you can move forwards.

aleigh - Member

why do i ask? just wondered if anyone actually has the willpower!

It's all in the mind. Control your own mind you win otherwise you will be gagging for it.

😆

As long as you understand why the marriage failed, you can move forwards.

Thanks 'Dear Deidre' 😉

Married ! - just get use to knocking one out on your own 😆

[i]Well, that's a pretty young age to have been married and divorced by.[/i]

I'm in that club too CG 😆

[i]Control your own mind you win otherwise you will be gagging for it[/i]

Sex isn't the be all and end all for me - just to have someone there where love, hugs, support, conversation and laughter is reciprocated is far more important.

I think once you get to a certain age range (varies within your social groups behaviour patterns), its very difficult to meet people to date anyhow.

You get to a point where everyone you know is married or in long term permanent relationships so there are no 'spares' in your social group.

When they start having kids, your friends get too busy to socialise, or worse if they are the snobby sort I have sometimes encountered they start commenting sneeringly on you not having any kids (even if you have no option in this).

I have been told very sincerely by people that as I have no children, I cannot possibly understand what it is to really love something - which to me just means they have mostly been shallow selfish people themselves in the past. Its usually said to me in a patronising simplistic way, as if huge love and loss is a concept I have no understanding of.

Because of the kid thing and because many couples don't want single or childless people around as we don't 'fit' with their own lives, it gets harder and harder to meet anyone, or indeed to be 'socially acceptable' at all and you become more and more outcast and meet less and less people and go to less and less social events. So 'celibate' becomes ever more difficult to avoid.

I think you need to find yourself a new circle of friends, midnight. The current ones don't seem to value you for who you are.

Try meeting up with some fellow STWers for some bike riding. Then you'll meet people who do value you for yourself. Make it a social ride with drinks/cake afterwards, preferably at one of the many MTB-friendly pubs out there.

[i]Gizzard Puke - Member
Me and my willy used to get into all sorts of trouble until I discovered that a side affect of anti depressants was zero sex drive......everybodies appy!![/i]

This is a common problem with the SSRIs as serotonin inhibits orgasm (they appear to affect the threshold for ejaculatory and orgasmic responses). Thus leading to either delayed ejaculation (can be a good thing within reason!), inability to ejaculate/orgasm and/or "willy" desentivisation where orgasms just do not feel that pleasurable or intense.

There are other anti-depressants that do not interfere with sexual functioning. The most notable is Mirtazapine. This is very unlikely to result in any sexual dysfunction and may in fact enhance it.

The downside is in many people Mirtazapine results in very significant weight gain (i.e not just a few pounds). So no one would want to f*** you anyway then 😆

Trazadone is another AD that shares some of the properties of Yohimbine (an aphrodisiac) and actually brings orgasm forwards. Trazadone, (I believe) is rarely used as a primary AD these days

I'm surprised Hora hasn't chipped in on this one. He's like a labrador on heat. We often find him humping holes in trees

given what 'my friend' has seen online, there are plenty of elderly non supermodels out there looking for a home. give it a go. there's a square hole out there for every round peg. what have you got to lose?

Because of the kid thing and because many couples don't want single or childless people around as we don't 'fit' with their own lives, it gets harder and harder to meet anyone, or indeed to be 'socially acceptable'

It's not "socially inacceptable", more the case that when you have kids it's easier to meet other parents, as you know they'll understand when your offspring decides to be a brat for the day, your house is a mess, etc. You also end up having to get home earlier, you need to plan ahead and get a babysitter etc.

... you become more and more outcast and meet less and less people and go to less and less social events. So 'celibate' becomes ever more difficult to avoid.

Give them a couple of years and the divorces will start, you'll be back in demand in no time 🙂

"Because of the kid thing and because many couples don't want single or childless people around as we don't 'fit' with their own lives, it gets harder and harder to meet anyone, or indeed to be 'socially acceptable' "

It's not "socially inacceptable", more the case that when you have kids it's easier to meet other parents, as you know they'll understand when your offspring decides to be a brat for the day, your house is a mess, etc. You also end up having to get home earlier, you need to plan ahead and get a babysitter etc

People with kids just have less time for socialising outside the family - it's not that they don't WANT to, just that they CAN'T.

Thanks 'Dear Deidre'

Auntie C_G to you!

Midnighthour - I have noticed that more people are choosing not to have families these days, what do you think?

Agree with john, find a new circle of friends. This place is ideal, don't know what area you live in but there seems to be rides all over the country. The very first time I went on my own to an STW ride was terrifying, I turned out to be the only girlie despite having checked that there would be others there!

[i]People with kids just have less time for socialising outside the family - it's not that they don't WANT to, just that they CAN'T.[/i]

Amen to that!

Midnighthour - Just another one to agree with DrJ - as a relatively new parent (18 months), it's been really hard to keep up with friends who don't have kids - once you've got them you just run to such a different schedule (eg you can't go out for a night out at the drop of a hat or around meal times so easily) with problems (eg you can't just drop in on a mate's house and leave your child to run about or they'd trash the place!) that just limit it.

I very much doubt they don't want to keep in touch with you.

My kids are adults and left home years ago. So now it's just me and it's still a novelty living on my own. Bikes in the lounge, tyres on the dining table, rock music played loud, maps spread out on the floor 8)

I have so many bad habits now 🙄

celibate ? it's just something I've learnt to live with. If I get sex three times in a year the gods are working their miracles.

I've done extensive tests of celibacy - including while married - and I can confirm that having sex is better than not having it. A lot.

maps spread out on the floor

what and you spread on top ?? Isn't that taking your obsession just [b]slightly[/b] too far ??

I have an obsessive personality Simon although you doing extensive celibacy testing is pretty extreme!

although you doing extensive celibacy testing is pretty extreme!

it wasn't voluntary on my part 🙁

It's all about the riding!

If you really need a ride that much get it out and go crazy with it.

Works both ways and one will always take your mind of the other.

Sharki, one bike ride in 3 months 😳

celibate ? it's just something I've learnt to live with. If I get sex three times in a year the gods are working their miracles

Surely "Celibacy" is a chosen state and entirely different from "Not getting any" ?

Edit: 😉

I think it's starting to rust a little.

Following on from Aunty C_G's point you have to put the effort in to keep a social network running if you aren't having kids and are happy to be single. As the parents have pointed out their time becomes limited by necessity rather than choice. So as a long term single I find I have to be the one putting myself out there joining different social groups/ activities, as the friends I have that are parents come and go as their responsibilities dictate. I'm now getting to the age where a lot of my close friends that became parents are now getting their social lives back, and I'm re-establishing friendships from years ago. I think life as a lazy single would be fairly bleak, I say yes to most things and just get out there.

Midnighthour _ I agree with you about the friends with children. However some of your friends sound dreadful to me.

I'm not a looker but always got by on my personality (even though I'm naturally shy). Try and focus on your good points, of which you'll have many.
Get out on the bike and as c_g say's meet up with as many STWers as possible. I've ridden with loads of them now, they are mostly men, all of them have been friendly, helpful and had me in fits of laughter.
It does sound like you need a bit of cheering up. Bite the bullet lass and get out and meet up with them.

Edit - Whoops D.P.

Mate of mine once said jokingly he hoisted a flag in the rear garden everytime he had sex with his missus.

TBH if I had it less than multiple times a week I'd focus on my relationship and what was wrong. In a relationship, when the sex dips something underlining is giving you a big warning signal.

Ps. I could only be celibate if I stopped fancing my partner/other women.

I lost my virginity when I was 16. Found it again when I got married.

[i]In a relationship, when the sex dips something underlining is giving you a big warning signal.[/i]

i agree

Mate of mine hasn't made the beast with two backs for over 10 years now - got shafted by the child support agency after a one night stand reached it's natural conclusion & now runs a mile from any temptations....

I was celibate for some time a number of years ago after divorce and unable to get a date. After a couple of years met a lovely woman and we have now been together 16 years. Though I suspect if the relationship comes to a sticky end I will just retire this time....

Midnighthour - Cycling and running clubs are full of men, some single, with few women - you will be fighting them off should you choose to go along. Been on a couple of stw group rides and ladies are a rarity so go along to the next one in your area. And if you can't be good be careful!

Apart from the confusion between sex and relatinship (some poeple are discussinng one, some seem to be disccussing the other) and the bawdy comments this thread makes some good points.

aleigh - Sex isn't the be all and end all for me - just to have someone there where love, hugs, support, conversation and laughter is reciprocated is far more important. - Me too, and respect that is important to me.

midnight - agree in practice but agree with the others that say it's not always or even often that the couples don't want to see you, it's just you are lower down their list than the partner and kids. I know how you feel though. I am the singly left with no other single mates. Currently been single for 6 months following a 2 year relationship. I make every effort to arrange stuff, throw dinner parties, suggest evenings out etc. etc. and rarely get any takers. Actually it is even rare to get a polite, 'Nice idea, thanks for the offer but can't' mostly I just get ignored. That can be very frustrating and depressing. I try my best to not get angry though and just keep trying to find fun things to do to tempt people out.

I've also been trying a dating website for the last 3 months. That is an unpleasant process. I've not given up on it yet, but its not plesant.

Oh and my circle of immediate/nearby friends is small, having moved to London from Bristol a little under 2 years ago. I've made every effort to meet new people, tried to get work colleagues out, posted on here for people to ride with etc etc. it does work, but very, very slowly. I've made 3 new friends in my time in London, all 3 are in relationships and fall into the 'often too busy' category. Theyu ar estill friends though.

In a relationship, when the sex dips something underlining is giving you a big warning signal.

I'm not sure I know any couple who go at it like they did in the first few months, but they are in good relationships. But from my previous posts my experience of this is very limited. I like Wispa's but if all I could eat for the rest of my was Wispa's, I'm not sure my desire for them would stay as intense, but I would still need them 🙂

reading this thread has sort of made me realise i'm not handling being by myself anywhere near as well as i'd hoped...

Reading this makes me realise i'm a whore.

"Fortunately you can make a fleshlight on the cheap using a latex glove wrapped inside a tea towel with the opening folded over the top. A squirt of GT85 and it's surprisingly realistic."

Surely you have to microwave it? 😆

My only issue with the celebacy concept is missing out on the simple joy and confort it brings, esp. if your life is otherwise not that joyful. But yes it can be done.