[Closed] Becoming a New Dad - general advice very much required...

Why is your wife buying Fiesta?

It's on a special at the newsagents.

Har-har! Yes, your life will change, no doubt, but lets be frank, you've got over far more momentous changes. Get a trailer, in fact, contact me (e-mail in profile), I've got one you can have for nowt, my 2 have grown out of it.

lol @ crikey

I have no children of my own, but I was once a tiny baby myself. No, it's actually true.

You've enjoyed a car journey with me for several hours. I know you're not very good at coping with stressful situations, as you're just a whiny little girl, but on that occasion you coped ok really, so I'm sure you'll be fine.

🙂

X

felt amazing, all coped fine! rode my bike the same day/raced the following weekend

NCT classes?

the internet can be helpful but personally I'd GTF away from forum advice, it's a real life baba.

1) Didnt hurt in the slightest, didnt feint, and I went for a ride on the bike before they got home.
2) Dunno, they wouldnt let me go to the breast feeding class,
3) You're already here.

As a Dad of 3;

Don't look at the business end while it's coming out; one day you may want to visit that area for fun...

Spend whatever cash you have spare on whatever you want now, because you either won't have the cash or the time later.

It's a baby. In spite of your frankly awe-inspiring story, it's just like every other baby in the world, so remember that others may not seem to be so impressed.

You will lose a lot of sleep, but it's just sleep.

It's still only a baby; it doesn't need an expensive buggy, the heating on full for the next 6 months, a new wardrobe from (insert expensive shop of choice).

Do your share of the shitty stuff.

1)It's amazing. Life changes and priorities are totally re-adjusted. Well, for me they were. You'll be too tired to ride for a while. And you'll learn to live on a lot less sleep.
2)No. It's common sense. Make it work for you and your family. There are no instruction manuals and every little one is different. Routines are good if they work for you. Start young I'd say as it makes it easier when they get older.
3)You're already here!

Tim
One 4.5 year old and one 10 day old. Off to bed now whilst all is quiet.

In spite of your frankly awe-inspiring story, it's just like every other baby in the world, so remember that others may not seem to be so impressed

(and congrats, obviously)

1) didn't hurt a bit. Fine. Didn't get a look in for at least three days.
2) what's nct?
3) mumsnet?

1)Witnessing the birth of my children was an amazing experience (although there were a few scary moments with number 2) . Both my kids were born 5 weeks prem so spent a couple of weeks in transitional care , this meant my maternity leave was used up while mum and no2 were in hospital. Biking was severely reduced for the first 2-3 months but has crept back to normal levels.

2) NCT classes? , never got to them due to premature births.

3) mumsnet ! 😉

What crikey and timbur said.

Also, keep your hands away from Mrs B's teeth during the event, I got bitten when Mrs D was bearing down. It hurt.

You can't really prepare for it. You might think you can, but you can't. It is so much about instinct when it happens and your reactions will be different in some ways to anyone elses. It is massive - really massive. Sleep as much as you can between now and then. Any time you might do something else, just sleep.
If you have the strength to ride and not to the detriment of your wife, have a ride. Remember that she will be far more limited to just nip out and do stuff than you, so you have to use that empathy thing.
We knew more than most about the birth before it happened, so we didn't need most of the classes - but we were different.

its the bestest thing ever

even if it does mean no sleep, no riding, no partying ......

but its all totally worth it

on a practical note sleep whenever you get the chance
try and get a routine going, meals, bedtime etc
any big jobs need doing get them done now eg decorating, everything becomes a bit trickier when you have to factor in a baby

kimbers jr is 363 days old
and likes smith eyewear
[img] [/img]

I've got a pic of my eldest wearing some Oakleys just like that! (they were white frames with pink lenses to keep thinks on track wit being a bike website and all!)

Everything that crikey said

+ one word - relentless

can't add on what others have said generally but NCT classes - great. I enjoyed ours and we have made some good friends.

Enjoy every minute of it - it changes everything tor the better

^^ just goes to show, even a cute innocent baby can't make cycling glasses look any less "special" 😉

Oh.. and some babies actually sleep LOTS.

1) How did it feel? How did you cope? What happened to the bike?

2) Did the NCT classes help?

3) Are there any forums I could join that would help prepare me for the inevitable life-explosion about to happen?

1. Worst day of my life was watching labour.
2. Not much, but the Mrs has a good group of friends to help out now.
3. STW has all the answers you know that.

They are kind of dull for 3 or 4 months and then they get fun. Tomorrow is Franks first b'day, its quite scary how much you love them.

Oh.. and some babies actually sleep LOTS.

1) How did it feel? How did you cope? What happened to the bike?

Exhausting, but good fun. Don't plan to do [i]anything[/i] for the first three months - you will be so underslept that you won't want to even if the wife allows it. Bike mileage much reduced (now picking up a bit since Miss RBIT is 10 months and in nursery) but was so desperate to get out that I went out in Jan in the ice, fell off, broke collar bone and bent mech hanger...

2) Did the NCT classes help?

As has been posted elsewhere, there will be one couple who are yoghurt knitters and one couple who are taking it all far too seriously but the rest will be good value. We've kept in touch with our lot, and anecdote suggests you'll not be the only dad there into bikes (which fits with my experience). Worth it for the social factor and not-being-in-it alone, though some of the advice need to be taken with a pinch of salt.

3) Are there any forums I could join that would help prepare me for the inevitable life-explosion about to happen?

STW=Dadsnet. In fact, there should probaby be a parenting sub forum to go with 'Bike' and 'Chat'.

Good Luck.

Andy

ohh and I didn't mind the business end one bit

Crikey has it spot on.
Do remember to do the cheesy bit and lift little bullock/heifer out of the cot, walk over to the window and whisper ' I can give you nothing but the world....'
NCT - I'd say do it. Mrs O and I met some good friends through it even though we only went to one meeting due to a premature birth. If nothing else they are going through the same things as you about the same time.
Mumsnet - not a chance! Spend less time on the 'puter and more enjoying your wife's larger ahem, upper body. As you won't get near em if she's breast feeding! 😀

Don't look at the business end while it's coming out; one day you may want to visit that area for fun...

Word.

Spend whatever cash you have spare on whatever you want now, because you either won't have the cash or the time later.

You will lose a lot of sleep, but it's just sleep.

It's still only a baby; it doesn't need an expensive buggy, the heating on full for the next 6 months, a new wardrobe from (insert expensive shop of choice).

Poverty, permanent lack of sleep are inevitable. However both creep up on you so you have a little time left think nothings changed

Most baby stuff is bought not becuase babs needs that it but you want/perfer it. Just like buying MTBs in fact.

NCT was mostly wast of time, but did help you know the names of the different drugs your wife will call for inbetween screaming etc. More seriously both times my missus only had gas&air as I got her to do breathing techniques and come off gas&air between thingies. Didnt want my muppets to come into the world doped up before their first breath. Wife want too happy afterwards when she realised I had deprived her of her rightful hit of analgesics.

Baby mostly sleeps for first 2 weeks, some form of denial I think, then it all really starts. NCT also talks you through things like the nasty nasty black first nappies and horrifying sh...stuff like that.

Blah, blah, blah - i'll shut up now

......being able to hold up your own offspring with one hand is priceless - esp. 'cause (most) girls havent got big enough hands 😆

Don't worry about stuff. Once the baby is born everything will be have changed.
it's all good.

not sure if it happens to everyone but i didn't need much sleep for the first three months because i felt like i had been given some mad new father performance enhancing drug by mother nature. 😀

i oddly ride my bike a fair bit because when i get the chance i go, no tossing about with one more brew or ooooh it looks a bit nasty out ...etc.

congrats mate and all the best with it.

they all do - just not when you want them to...

1. its good! you just sort of do it. still cycle once a week too (and commute daily)
2. Didn't bother
3. Didn't bother

don't listen to other people otherwise you'll be confused with scores of contradictory advice, you're the parents, do it your way. you'll make mistakes, but thats how you learn.

Time flies, don't wish it away!

William, 18 months old (not the best pic):

[img] ?t=1320785784[/img]

1/ Went though ICU etc with my twins, you'd think everything after that would seem like a breeze. Nothing prepares you for how demanding and draining parenting and holding down a full time job and a hobby is. Something will probably give. In my case its a bit of all 3. I dont mtb anymore though so that tells you something
2/Categorically no, seems like the only benefit is to buy middleclass friends. I'm a cynic, but it wouldn't have helped me. All they do is eat sleep and shit, its not rocket science, but it is draining and a source of worry...
3/ You will go through a phase of asking for help, then you will just think **** screw that I'm just going to make it up as I go along

And if you do the NCT classes make sure you pay attention - babies can arrive before the midwife has time to get to yer house 😯

[i]They are kind of dull for 3 or 4 months and then they get fun[/i]

This is one of those 'yes, I do agree, but better not say so' things!

I gave up biking after our first 2 were born; I simply didn't have the time or the energy to train as much for XC racing. I started running instead, and used that to stay fit/become my new obsession until I could start riding again. Then, because I was doing so well, we had another....

Although people are correct in that it changes everything, it does so relatively gradually apart from the birth, so you get chance to adjust.

You should both be able to say to each other " **** it, you'll have to take over, I can't cope any more", and expect the same in return.

And each time you despair through lack of sleep/excess of poo/overwhelming relatives/fear for the future remember it's how you got here, so it can't be that hard!

Think of all the riding and other things you do now.....Establish about 20% of it that's really important and want to keep doing....halve that in order to be realistic...then end up having the energy to do about a quarter of that......

😉

Good luck!

Dr 'Daddy' P

Its life changing you will re-prioritise, but bike time (for me) is getting away from it all so you'll work it out again.

NCT is more important for Mum IMO, especially if this is your first child. She builds a friends style relationship with a bunch of people going through the same issues and challanges, and its good for her sanity to know she's not doing anything wrong/different or isnt going insane any more than other people.

Oh, and you will appreciate sleep as a whole new wonderfully high value thing...

Yours, Mr tired after the recent fireworks have kicked off a 2yo's fear of the dark (yawn)....

You will go through a phase of asking for help, then you will just think **** screw that I'm just going to make it up as I go along

Sooner you get to that point the better. So much advice is handed out, and in reality, impossible to follow.

Things that worked for us...

Relaxing and having the confidence to ignore advice.

Not falling out with the inlaws (didn't do too well at that).

Get him/her on dual fuel (bottle and breast) as soon as you can.

Don't buy a baby monitor. You need a break without listening to every whimper. Baby's are actually pretty good at getting attention when they need it 🙂

We are on our third, and looking back, it was us who created most of the stress.

1) How did it feel? How did you cope? What happened to the bike?

2) Did the NCT classes help?

3) Are there any forums I could join that would help prepare me for the inevitable life-explosion about to happen?

You're already here 8) In fact, this place was the first I came to when MrsG went into labour.

<gratuitous photo of my kids> *proud dad*
[img] [/img]
</gratuitous photo of my kids>

Our boy is 10 m old. Never wanted kids but if i new how great it would be i would have tried for one years ago. Despite the sleepless nights and working all the overtime i can get to pay yet. Our tips are
Buy your pram or buggy on ebay.
Buy car seat and other stuff online.Go to mothercare and get them to demo everything and then buy else where
NCT was bollocks waste of time and money. meeting times were changed most weeks and the other five couples we have not spoken to since thank god . they were a nightmare. We made excuses twice not meet up with them for get togethers. Its pot luck whonyoubend up meeting but we was advised not to bother but we new best .

The dynamic of your relationship will change, so be ready to adjust to that. I've found it quite difficult at times to watch my wife always put the baby first. Not in a selfish way, just when she neglects herself on occasion like not eating properly.

Fantastic fun though, so wonderful to watch a new human develop on a daily basis.

"1) How did it feel? How did you cope? What happened to the bike?"

I coped without turning into a really feeble parody of an 80s self help manual. A lot of other people have too. The bike melted instantly and both my legs fell off so I can no longer ride! 🙂

"2) Did the NCT classes help?"

Nope. They do not have the answers you are looking for. The chances are that nobody else does either. There are an awful lot of fathers out there. A surprising amount of people have them, and an awful lot of people also are them! It's not a big deal. You are probably better than at least 50% of them so don't worry. 🙂

"3) Are there any forums I could join that would help prepare me for the inevitable life-explosion about to happen?"

http://www.get my balls back dot com

Seriously man. You are not living in a movie. You will still be the person you used to be, you are not doing anything that isn't done by an incredibly huge number of people again and again and again.

Stop worrying!

You are going to be fine at it... even more so if you don't turn it into a little stress fetish! 🙂

Hi mate

Congrats on your impending arrival, it's seriously the best thing you'll ever do.

In terms of your questions:

1) It was a really intense experience, and a bit scary as a dad - I've never felt more generally useless. Adrenaline keeps you going through the actual birth, the knackeredness doesn't hit you till later. I managed a ride the day after our first was born, but it wasn't popular, so I wouldn't recommend it. I cut back on the riding quite a lot, mainly because I was so knackered with lack of sleep. If you don't already have one, get a turbo, it's easy to pop on for 30-45 mins just to keep your legs turning.

2) We didn't do the NCT classes, still made plenty of friends locally, Mrs HH went to several mother and baby groups, you just seem to meet other people with kids. Most of the parenting advice is pretty common sense anyway, grandparents are very useful.

3) +1 for STW, definitely Dadsnet

The best piece of advice I got before the birth was relating to changing nappies after a "code brown" - (assuming you're right handed) hold both the baby's legs in your left hand and wipe buttocks with your right (holding a wipe, obviously). If you leave one of the legs free, you'll get crap kicked everywhere.

Best of luck!

Barn (the bloke from the Oktoberfest with the T-shirts from Al)

FOLLOW THESE 14 SIMPLE TESTS BEFORE YOU DECIDE TO HAVE CHILDREN.

Test 1 - Preparation

Women: To prepare for pregnancy:-

1. Put on a dressing gown and stick a beanbag down the front.
2. Leave it there.

3. After 9 months remove 5% of the beans.

Men: To prepare for children:-

1. Go to a local chemist, tip the contents of your wallet onto the
counter and tell the pharmacist to help himself
2. Go to the supermarket. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to
their head office.
3. Go home. Pick up the newspaper and read it for the last time.

Test 2 - Knowledge

Find a couple who are already parents and berate them about their
methods of discipline, lack of patience, appallingly low tolerance
levels and how they have allowed their children to run wild. Suggest
ways in which
they might improve their child's sleeping habits, toilet training, table
manners and overall behavior.
Enjoy it. It will be the last time in your life that you will have all
the answers.

Test 3 - Nights

To discover how the nights will feel:

1. Walk around the living room from 5pm to 10pm carrying a wet bag
weighing approximately 4 - 6kg, with a radio turned to static (or some
other obnoxious sound) playing loudly.
2. At 10pm, put the bag down, set the alarm for midnight and go to
sleep.
3. Get up at 11pm and walk the bag around the living room until 1am.
4. Set the alarm for 3am.
5. As you can't get back to sleep, get up at 2am and make a cup of tea.
6. Go to bed at 2.45am.
7. Get up again at 3am when the alarm goes off.
8. Sing songs in the dark until 4am.
9. Put the alarm on for 5am. Get up when it goes off.
10. Make breakfast.

Keep this up for 5 years. LOOK CHEERFUL.

Test 4 - Dressing Small Children

1. Buy a live octopus and a string bag.
2. Attempt to put the octopus into the string bag so that no arms hang
out.
Time Allowed: 5 minutes.

Test 5 - Cars

1. Forget the BMW. Buy a practical 5-door MPV.
2. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment.
Leave it there.
3. Get a coin. Insert it into the CD player.
4. Take a box of chocolate biscuits; mash them into the back seat.
5. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.
Test 6 - Going For a Walk

Wait
Go out the front door
Come back in again
Go out
Come back in again
Go out again
Walk down the front path
Walk back up it
Walk down it again
Walk very slowly down the road for five minutes.
Stop, inspect minutely and ask at least 6 questions about every piece of
used chewing gum, dirty tissue and dead insect along the way.
Retrace your steps
Scream that you have had as much as you can stand until the neighbours
come out and stare at you.
Give up and go back into the house.
You are now just about ready to try taking a small child for a walk.

Test 7
Repeat everything you say at least 5 times.

Test 8 - Grocery Shopping

1. Go to the local supermarket. Take with you the nearest thing you can
find to a pre-school child - a fully grown goat is excellent. If you
intend to have more than one child, take more than one goat.
2. Buy your weekly groceries without letting the goat(s) out of your
sight.
3. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys.

Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having
children.

Test 9 - Feeding a 1 year-old

1. Hollow out a melon
2. Make a small hole in the side
3. Suspend the melon from the ceiling and swing it side to side
4. Now get a bowl of soggy cornflakes and attempt to land them into the
swaying melon while pretending to be an aeroplane.
5. Continue until half the cornflakes are gone.
6. Tip the rest into your lap, making sure that a lot of it falls on the
floor.
Test 10 - TV

1. Learn the names of every character from the Wiggles, Barney,
Teletubbies and Disney.
2. Watch nothing else on television for at least 5 years.

Test 11 - Mess

Can you stand the mess children make? To find out:
1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains
2. Hide a fish behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.
3. Stick your fingers in the flowerbeds and then rub them on clean
walls. Cover the stains with crayon. How does that look?
4. Empty every drawer/cupboard/storage box in your house onto the floor
& leave it there.

Test 12 - Long Trips with Toddlers

1. Make a recording of someone shouting 'Mummy' repeatedly. Important
Notes: No more than a 4 second delay between each Mummy. Include
occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet.
2. Play this tape in your car, everywhere you go for the next 4 years.
You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.

Test 13 - Conversations
1. Start talking to an adult of your choice.
2. Have someone else continually tug on your shirt hem or shirt sleeve
while playing the Mummy tape listed above.
You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a
child in the room.

Test 14 - Getting ready for work

1. Pick a day on which you have an important meeting.
2. Put on your finest work attire.
3. Take a cup of cream and put 1 cup of lemon juice in it
4. Stir
5. Dump half of it on your nice silk shirt
6. Saturate a towel with the other half of the mixture
7. Attempt to clean your shirt with the same saturated towel
8. Do not change (you have no time).
9. Go directly to work

You are now ready to have children.

Good luck and enjoy. 😀

NCT classes: nope, there were none available to us. But we did both go to a breast feeding class run by a local hospital which was excellent. Missus ended up meeting other mothers in hospital and at baby clinics so NCT classes are not the only way to make friends.

Don't buy a baby monitor. You need a break without listening to every whimper.

Mmmmm.. each to their own we have a video one and as first time parents we find it very reassuring. Plus it meant we could easily tell when we needed to intervene before it escalates (i.e. blanket off, getting cold) and when we could leave well alone.

a sign above the door reading - abandon hope, all ye wh enter here will sum things up

All that jazz about how it completely chages your life, mate it doesnt even start to cover it!

how will it affect the biking - depends how understanding mummy is, and work on the principal that less will have to be more.

So all this wonderful advice and stuff, but where's Bullheart himself, eh?

Probbly messing around with railway sleepers too much to give people any attention.

[img] [/img]

See what you've done?

1) How did it feel? How did you cope? What happened to the bike?

Short term, less biking. Long term, more people to buy bikes for!
[url= http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2535/5776367833_f2d3853fa9_z.jp g" target="_blank">http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2535/5776367833_f2d3853fa9_z.jp g"/> [/img][/url]
[url= http://www.flickr.com/photos/matthewjb/5776367833/ ]DSCN1621[/url] by [url= http://www.flickr.com/people/matthewjb/ ]Matthewjb[/url], on Flickr

2) Did the NCT classes help?

3) Are there any forums I could join that would help prepare me for the inevitable life-explosion about to happen?

Also read this. It doesn't have answers, but it does have reasonable advice in an approachable humorous way.

[img] [/img]

I should add, at some stage when the baby becomes capable of independent movement there will be a small accident. This is when you learn more about how to position the baby safely. It is VERY ****ING IMPORTANT that your wife, and definitely not you is caring for the baby at this point. She will be hysterical and you will get to keep your testicles 😉

2 boys here: 2.5 yrs and 6 months.

Watching them pop out is pretty special and made me cry the first time. Second time; been there and done it so just happy he came out looking as red and ugly as the first one. Overall they are ace and you'll love them loads and worry about what their future brings and if they will be healthy etc.

Now for some truths:
**You will argue more than you have before - lack of sleep and a new responsibility do that.

**Sometimes you will resent the children for stopping you doing what you want to do - but looking back on it when they in bed you will think they are ace and the best things ever. Don't beat yourself up if you feel like this it's normal (I hope)

**They are pretty boring for the first few months and do little. Once they get to 4-5 months you can see their personality developing and then they start smiling and all is good.

**Women generally think they are ace, blokes (especially those with no kids) don't and are not that bothered so try not to bore you mates with stories about how ace they are - your mates don't really care.

**Babies are U.G.L.Y until they get to 6 months or so. This is even more true for baby girls - they look just like their dad's. So if you meet people at NCT etc who have girls you'll need to practice your lying or at least try not to recoil in shock the first time you see the baby girl.

**If you got to an NCT class in a posh area it will be mainly full of people who you are not interested in staying in contact with.

**You're wife will get a bit mental and fixed on certain the things - she'll need a certain pram and then realise in a few months that it was not really necessary. She will also be really worried about keeping things clean and not having second hand stuff etc. By 6/7 months the baby will be on the floor licking it and putting everything in sight in it's mouth!

**Breastfeeding - yeah it's the best but if you're baby and wife are not getting on with it and the baby is loosing weight then tell her you are happy for the kid to have a bottle (if you are that is). This happened to us and my wife thought i would be annoyed if we gave him a bottle - baby lost weight and wife was very stressed and unhappy and we were getting no sleep. Started to feed both ways and it was all so much better

So all this wonderful advice and stuff, but where's Bullheart himself, eh?

Trying to get a refund.

Your wife is going to need her sleep.

Take on the small hours feeds, changing, and comforting.

And never, ever, argue with a first time mum. They are the only people who know more than the big hitters on here...

Careful where you put the coin.

2 boys, nearly 5 and 3 and a half.

Got family nearby? Will make HUGE difference if they are the helping type.

1) How did it feel? How did you cope? What happened to the bike?

2) Did the NCT classes help?

3) Are there any forums I could join that would help prepare me for the inevitable life-explosion about to happen?

I appreciate this may sound harsh. I am very tired. 🙂

actually...the one to watch out for is not the first time mum, but the first time mum in law...

...do not try to discuss anything relating child rearing...

Now for some truths:

Hmm, pretty much disagree with all of them. 😀

A lot of guff is spouted about having a baby, but there's some great stuff up there ^

1) How did it feel? How did you cope? What happened to the bike?

Pre-birth - lots of DIY. Birth - lots of looking after Mrs Udder. Emergency C section for Mrs Udder after ~26 hours. Udderlet in ICU for three days, but luckily he was fine. Not so fine were all the other babies in ICU that he woke up by yelling at the top of his voice whenever he needed feeding - the boy has lungs like Miguel Indurain.
The bikes went in the shed for the first few months - I think I got a couple of short 45 minute rides in, but as you can imagine from the previous sentence, the nipper kept us very busy. At the time, it's frustrating as hell, because a short ride really helps me get rid of a lot of stress really quickly, but sometimes you just have to suck it up instead.

2) Did the NCT classes help?

Yes, although the first few classes were pretty disappointing. Then we all got on as a group, with a couple of exceptions. It was very helpful for Mrs Udder, too, as it's good to be able to share the same problems - believe me when I say stuff that's a big deal in the first few months is replaced by other stuff that's a big deal later - it's a continual cycle. We were lucky enough to get a great NCT teacher whose first bit of advice (and it's good) was: you'll get a lot of advice, including stuff from me, that is not relevant to you in the slightest. It's entirely up to you whether you take it or not.
Generally the classes were good mental prep with a fair chunk of practical thrown in. Certainly we didn't come across any yoghurt knitting breastfeeding nazis, which is what some people seem to dismiss NCT as.
I'd say NCT is worth a punt - go along to an introductory one (they do an early pregnancy one for 15 quid from memory) and if it's good, sign up for the whole course. We found it really useful for knowing what was happening during childbirth, but YMMV. The NHS ones are equally good/bad too, by the way.

3) Are there any forums I could join that would help prepare me for the inevitable life-explosion about to happen?

No. As said above, it's real life. plus interweb forums are full of gimboids of the third water, and going anywhere near pregnancy and childcare ones will drive you insane with worry. Ignore them. You really, really don't need them.

The birth was truly amazing.

After 9 weeks I didn't want to go home.

On week 10 I rediscovered my joy.

11 months in and it is so rewarding that although my riding time has suffered, I couldn't care less!

Tips, for what it's worth. (my own as we didn't do NCT)

There is no such thing as the 'Mystical' or is that 'Mythical' routine for the first few weeks/months.

Be prepared to break all those rules you are making right now. But bear them in mind as the months fly by. (not plonking my kid in front of the box, no dummy's, not in our bed, etc)

Buy nearly everything second hand as it will most likely be like new.

If someone offers to have your baby for 10mins or overnight, say yes please.

Tell your missus when she is doing stuff well and bear in mind that, that fantastic, logical wife may lose her marbles for a week or two.

Sleeps overrated.

Watch your friends with lovely well behaved kids and copy them.

Watch your friends with orrible little buggers and avoid doing what they do.

Hope this helps and good luck 🙂

Oh, as said above, take as much weight off your wife/girlfriend's shoulders as you can. It all helps. I can fall asleep as required (probably a result of all the offshore sailing I did when younger) so did the night feeds as much as possible. I still do most of the getting up at night when the Udderlet wakes (not that often) and get a nice lie-in in return often enough for it to be a treat, but not so often that I take it for granted. Mostly, however, I do it because my wife on no sleep is like a bear with a sore head.

Shall we tell him about the meconium? 😉

Get a waterproof watch.
Use lots of Sudacreme (on the baby, not you).
Don't expect the second baby to be easier than the first(it might be, but then it might not).
NCT round here is a bit poncy and high concept, the NHS ante-natal classes were more down to earth.
Don't panic, babies are tough, the odd accidental fall off the sofa, or dip under the bath water won't do them any harm.

Oh god, almost forgot the most important one: under no circumstances take any notice of The Contented Little Baby Book. I believe the author used to be a contented little Nazi.

Shall we tell him about the meconium?

So GrahamS you would rather see your baby starve and your wife get very depressed than give a baby a bottle?

I'd also be suspicious of someone who does not find an increase in arguments when deprived of sleep and given 'advice' by everyone you speak to.........but maybe you're the quite type who doesn't like to argue (unlikely seeing as you post on here!)

Fair enough if your experiences are different - but I still think baby girls are ugly (you have girls don't you?).

What I was trying to get across was that it's not all rosy and a delightful experience - some of it is pretty stressful. But I think this is natural and in the end you'll look back on it and be happy

it all came across just fine lucas, don't listen to him anyways he bought a video monitor 😉 *

* joke mr S.

So GrahamS you would rather see your baby starve and your wife get very depressed than give a baby a bottle?

Nope. That was the bit I agreed with. 😀

The missus and I didn't argue more. We were stretched, no doubt, and sex virtually stopped but we've been together a long time so we got through it okay (so far anyways, ours is 19 months).

Fair enough if your experiences are different - but I still think baby girls are ugly (you have girls don't you?).

Our little girl was absolutely stunning from birth. But I'm biased. 😉

My firstborn is 11 months old - not ridden a bike much or been out on a weekend properly cos we have a lack of babysitters which is a bit of a bummer but it's worth it

NCT is useful but don't be afraid to call bs if you don't agree - get registered early with the local surestart centre as they do free classes

mumsnet is way too hysterical for my taste, ask specific questions on here 🙂

bullheart - Member

"So all this wonderful advice and stuff, but where's Bullheart himself, eh?"

Trying to get a refund.

😆 😆

For me Babies were crap. Toddlers were also pretty crap. Once they get to about 5 they are awesome. My 8 yo is my best little friend.

Ok that is a bit of an exaggeration but I the Boss and I have said Mummy is the light of their lives till the age of 5 or so. Then Dad becomes the coolest thing ever. I guess this ends about the age of 11/12. Not got there yet but am currently in the best bit for me.

Lots of good advice here, but can I add one thing that stopped me and the missus killing each other? You'll both be going non-stop for the first 3 months or so, but after that agree that each of you separately will have a full night off baby duties once a week. This night is untouchable, and can be used for whatever you want* - so you might go cycling, she might want to go for a meal with girlfriends, you get the idea. And do go out just as a couple if you get the chance.

*What you'll want to do is sleeeep. But make the effort to do something else - it'll do you good to spend some time with people who [i]aren't [/i]dribbling, shouting, and pooing themselves, sometimes simultaneously**.

**You may want to avoid arguments on here for the same reason 😉

Being a Dad is the bestest thing ever. They will touch your heart in ways you never thought possible and stir emotions you never realised you had. Children are fantastic and they are for life. They can be hard work at times but the payback is more than worth it.

After what you've achieved, you'll be a great Dad.

Trying to get a refund.

Did you not read the Terms and Conditions?

Idiot.

😐

oxytocin is a wonderful thing. without no child would survive 🙂

Get a trailer - keeps you fit (try riding your road route complete with all the usual uppy bits towing two little kids), I took up MTB'ing after the birth of my second one, as soon as they're old enough show them as many Danny MacAskill vids as you can then go out and do a really rubbish bunny hop - he/she/it will love you no matter what.

For me Babies were crap. Toddlers were also pretty crap. Once they get to about 5 they are awesome. My 8 yo is my best little friend.

Ok that is a bit of an exaggeration but I the Boss and I have said Mummy is the light of their lives till the age of 5 or so. Then Dad becomes the coolest thing ever. I guess this ends about the age of 11/12. Not got there yet but am currently in the best bit for me.

Now dont go taking this the wrong way uphillcursing but that does come across rather like the problem for you is/was, how do I put it? Well, you - in fact seems its all about you.

Toddlers are brilliant, but it is all about them, not how cool they think you are.

mate dont be afraid of it imbrace what is going to happen mines now 3 and its been rough it patches due to mecical conditions and is never a shining rainbow.
BUT the good times will outway the bad as mentioned get a trailer/baby seat at 6 months it will ensure theye are away from the tv on the weekend mornings we were out all the time in summer and still do when the chance comes up.
the bike never got left alone i went out on sunday mornings and she went to the pub 1 night a week so all was happy
from age of 2 she was in gaurage with me asking what the tools are and watcing me work with the radio on now i cant get to the shed without her wanting to join me and work on her bikes yes she has 2 and yes they have been tinkerd with (even if shes using a screwdriver to undo a pedal/headset shes having fun) thats the main and most important thing.

sorry bit long winded but its best way i can explain, do not fear it this is what were here to do.

See, they've got it all wrong above....

HAving a child is all about.. REVENGE....

Dressing them up in stupid Spiderman outfits you mum made you wear.
Enforcing the rules about when they go to bed/get up.
Making them wear sill knitted jumpers their nan made
feeding them lemons just to see their face they pull
feeding them sprouts, my mum made me eat sprouts and cabbage, you can bet they won't be getting away with it
throwing good snowballs at them, they need to toughen up and learn the hard ways of the world.
Finally getting to say "right, get to bed, you're not having any tea, just get to bed.... NOW "

1) How did it feel? How did you cope? What happened to the bike?

The birth of our first was frankly alarming. The hospital really didn't cover themselves in glory, but then there was a scare when we were told that there was 5 mins to get the baby out or it was going to be an emergency caesarian. So, relief would be the main emotion when No 1 child emergedI coped astonishingly badly. I'm fine with kids but terrible with babies, and I generally had a year of despair. Hardly any sleep, struggled to cope with the change in the relationship, pressures at work......not great.

I didn't ride MTBs at the time, but my motorbikes each did about 200 miles that first year.

2) Did the NCT classes help?

No. Not even a little bit - unless they've changed, they were all about the point leading up to the birth, with very little focus on the practicalities of dealing with a kid who's ill and constantly crying, or how to cope when you're both perpetually knackered.

It's a bit like preparing for a marriage by concentrating solely on the wedding - a necessary precursor, but nowhere near the whole story

3) Are there any forums I could join that would help prepare me for the inevitable life-explosion about to happen?

No idea. Here's probably at least as good as any - just fire away and we'll answer.

Advice I'd give - do your share (at least) of the rotten stuff, like taking days off when your kid's ill and can't go to the childminder (happens quite a lot), changing nappies, cleaning the house, doing the shopping. Listen to your wife when she tells you she'd had a terrible day at home (assuming she'll be home with BabyBull for the first few months), because I'm assured there's nothing more miserable than being stuck at home in the middle of winter with nothing but a crying child for company.

Taking weekends off to do bike races? Forget it for a while.

1. Avoid mumsnet. Do not let your missus near it either.
2. You will bicker over the smallest things due to lack of sleep. Accept this now and understand at times you may think 'our relationships gone, its gone downhill etc'. Some men walk out on a new mother rather than being a partner.
Your missus may have some wild hormonal anger etc- mine called the Police. Twice (once when I refused to let the dog back in and the other time when I was on a ride the dog disappeared). Yes hormones. Nice.
3. Go out now, both of you. Even if your partner feels tired etc- go see friends, go out for meals etc etc etc etc. Make the most of it and have a fantastic Christmas.

Enjoy 🙂

My better half (39) and I (43) knew nothing about kids when she announced she was pregnant, due March this year. We'd not grown up around any and not taken much of part in the kids lives of our friends....

We did 6 NCT classes. At first, we thought they were a waste - but actually, on reflection they were excellent. Prepared us for the emergency C section (we knew what was happening) - but mostly (and this sounds well corny), post birth, my better half had 5 other mothers all going through the same thing at the same time (ish). Really good support network. The classes were worth it just for that.

We were lucky - the 5 other couples on our course were all normal.

We didn't do the state run courses as friends had been and told us that they were generally full of younger parents, some who didn't want to be there and made it obvious.

EDIT - they do not prepare you for anything from birth onwards in my opinion.....!

1) How did it feel? How did you cope? What happened to the bike?
Fantastic elation at the birth.
You just get on with it and don't really have time to do anything else to start with.
The bike got me to work and got properly used some months later. A lot depends on whether you have an easy baby or one that is a F R I K I N N I G H T M A R E that never sleeps, has colic etc....

2) Did the NCT classes help?
Some basics to begin with never hurts but practise makes perfect.

3) Are there any forums I could join that would help prepare me for the inevitable life-explosion about to happen?
You are already on it. Read the sage like wisdom above and soak up all the Pops experience like a sponge.

Life will never be the same but it will be better.

(Sometimes as Mr T struggles with hair bobbles and not those shoes Daddy on the school run, but its by bike so we'll have fun)

Every baby is different, every parent is different so dont be worried about doing the right or wrong thing.

However, routine is your friend, babies like it and it will make your lives easier. However babies too are cunning little buggers and will manipulate you with out you even realising it 🙂

You will never sleep again like you have done in the past.

As above in the first few weeks you will be that knackered you wont want to go out on the bike, and will have that much going on that you wont have the time.

Also - Try and create time for yourself and Mrs Bullheart. With so much going on its easy for your own relationship to go by the wayside. Further to that try and create time for both of you to do your own thing independantly you will want a break from looking after baby every so often.

We didn't do the state run courses as friends had been and told us that they were generally full of younger parents, some who didn't want to be there and made it obvious.

Mrshora went to those and the local NCT ones were booked solid for almost 6months ahead.

There were 15/16yr old girls there and all of them had issues just articulating speech let alone being a bloody mother.