[Closed] Any toddler tips to share?

sticker charts and rewards.

Or rather than stickers, we did marbles in a jar for the same effect, except you can also take marbles out of the jar. When it gets to the agreed number or up to the line, reward earned.

Tips?

Don't expect it to get much easier.

Stickers and reward charts.

It's incredible what a toddler will do to get a sticker 😀

Stickers and rewards for good behaviour and the naughty step for bad.

Praise lots of praise and whoops when they do something.

Other than that enjoy being a parent having awkward kids is all part of it.

Hot poker and a cattle prod

Something that we were told about but have never done - get a jar, put a marble in every time they do something good, take one out when they are bad. When (if) it reaches the top, they get a reward.

And one that we *DO* do - choose your battles. If everything you ask them to do turns into a war of wills and shouting, then it isn't enjoyable. The theory being is that then they get a better understanding of when they have overstepped. For example, if they say they don't want any more breakfast then say 'fine, get down, we'll get ready now' - they don't need to eat it all so don't make it a big deal.

And negative psychology can work - if they don't get dressed say 'fine, you can go to nursery in your pyjamas then - but no-one else will be in their pyjamas'.

Other than that enjoy being a parent having awkward kids is all part of it.

I think this is probably true. And from talking to some other parents I know it could be a lot worse, hardly ever have any bedtime trouble and he sleeps well!

Praise lots of praise and whoops when they do something.

Do a lot of this and it does help. Though with some things he really digs his heels in.

Not sure he'd get the jar thing yet, maybe in a few months time.

Hot poker and a cattle prod

Sometimes tempting!

And yes, picking battles is a good one. Though hard when short of time and needing to get him out the door.

Give him a choice of clothes to wear - change the argument from "am I going to get changed" into "what am I going to get changed into"
works every time

"Do you want to blue T-shirt or Red T-shirt?"
"Pirate"
"Blue or Red?"
"Dinasaur"
"BLUE OR RED?!!"
"Buzz Lightyear"

Not sure he'd get the jar thing yet, maybe in a few months time.

Talk and listen to him, and work with him. From his point of view, you're trying to force him to do something that's wrong for some reason or other. His reasoning will be completely different to yours but that doesn't mean you can simply overrule it. Explain why they have to do something and what'll happen if they don't. And give hugs when they get upset about it.

Find a way to make the situation work for him. Toddlers are people, with by our standards a weird outlook on life. Every one is different, and don't assume that there's a standard way of doing things that'll work. If there were, we'd have figured it out by now, everyone would know and we'd all be fine 🙂

Give him a choice of clothes to wear - change the argument from "am I going to get changed" into "what am I going to get changed into"

Good idea - giving people a say in a process empowers them and makes them feel better about everything - toddlers and adults. My youngest can be stubborn until you give her something to control herself, like what clothes to wear etc.

Oh and beware of too much praise - when I was a kid I hated people making a fuss over me like that.

[url= http://www.independent.co.uk/news/education/education-news/children-with-low-selfesteem-could-be-harmed-if-they-are-lavished-with-too-much-praise-by-parents-study-claims-9039956.html ]Also beware of too much praise.[/url]

When you can give them the illusion of control - take out two t-shirts, let them choose which.

Stickers on a big chart on the fridge. When you get 5, ice cream for pudding. Or whatever.

Set a daily routine and stick to it.

Never make threats or promises you can't/won't keep.

And be prepared to accept that some days it just won't work.

Every one is different

EG: Last night our two were racing to be first out of the bath. Child One was first out then started to bawl. Why? Because she wanted to be second out.

Err.....

Never make threats or promises you can't/won't keep.

nothing new to add... naughty step for naughty boys, straight away, for a minute or two, no messing about. but also rewards for good boys, straight away. carrot and stick, basically. 'pick your battles' is a good one, too.

we're not quite at the marbles/jar stage yet, either, but I'm down with that idea, teach the lad that doing good stuff equals rewards BUT not necessarily immediately.

Talk and listen to him, and work with him. From his point of view, you're trying to force him to do something that's wrong for some reason or other. His reasoning will be completely different to yours but that doesn't mean you can simply overrule it.

Yes you can, it's part of what being a parent is about. While it's definitely worth listening to their reasoning, at the end of the day the kid's two, and can't go to school in their pyjamas or have ice cream everyday for dinner.

The naughty step rule - one minute per year I believe.

At 4 (nearly 5) our two are barely ever on it now though. In fact, I am seeing a little light at the end of the tunnel.

Yep, 1 min per year is about right though my daughter (she's two now but was 1.5 then) once spent 40 minutes on it when refusing to say sorry. Wonder where she got her stubbornness from...

She does now knows that the naughty step isn't an idle threat and will start to behave when it's mentioned now. I think that the difficult thing now is to not overuse it or things get too negative.

Yes you can, it's part of what being a parent is about. While it's definitely worth listening to their reasoning, at the end of the day the kid's two, and can't go to school in their pyjamas or have ice cream everyday for dinner.

When you can give them the illusion of control - take out two t-shirts, let them choose which.

Haha, we do this sort of thing, just because he picks it doesn't mean he'll let us put it on him!

Talk and listen to him, and work with him.

Yes you can, it's part of what being a parent is about. While it's definitely worth listening to their reasoning, at the end of the day the kid's two, and can't go to school in their pyjamas or have ice cream everyday for dinner.

Molgrips, wise words. Mogrim, this is true. I think we have a good understanding with him but it's really the things he needs to do that he just doesn't want to do that are most painful. Thankfully there aren't very many of them.

It gets easier when they develop a bit more reasoning and the whole rewards for good/threats for bad works more. Early on it can just end up developing into a battle of wills and that just never worked with our little one.

Patience is the number one thing. I'm quite patient, but I used to lose it with ours. I've learnt it more, and it's got a lot easier as well. They live in a world of their own, and time constraints is not something they understand.

Just keep the routine, keep yourself sane, and it'll all come together and get easier.

Some things can be made into a game, teeth brushing was a real battle until I started asking to see her teeth and brushed my finger over them making a scratchy noise saying oh no they are all dirty!

Then after she brushed them I would do the same and make a squeaky noise and lots of praise about what a good tooth brushing she did, go and show mummy how squeaky your teeth are!

As above though, sometimes it just doesn't work and the stress isn't worth it.

She went through a phase of not wanting to get dressed, naughty step was employed a few times which was like an instant behaviour modification (After 3 minutes of sitting there) and mostly she lets us get her clothes on, or we make a game of seeing if she can do it herself if there is time...

All good fun! 🙂

I think you take Molgrip's advice too literally - I think he means we should listen to our kids. When push comes to shove yes we *can* over-rule, but we shouldn't *automatically* over-rule - we should listen to them. And get down to their eye level too.

That's more or less what I wanted to say; whether that's what molgrips meant is another thing!

Oh and the choosing which colour knickers etc to wear was great until she started choosing blue so we would give her blue to put on, then she would cry wanting the pink ones!

She gets what she's given now and if there is a meltdown it's forgotten about within a few minutes.

Patience is the number one thing.

I usually have loads, but we now also have a 4 week old baby so lack of sleep is diminishing my patience reserves 🙁

happyrider, shall see if something similar works with the teeth brushing.

Hoping in a few more months when his language/reasoning is a bit better that more of these types of things will work.

Molgrips, wise words. Mogrim, this is true. I think we have a good understanding with him but it's really the things he needs to do that he just doesn't want to do that are most painful. Thankfully there aren't very many of them.

He's two, it happens. There's a reason they're called the "terrible twos", you probably thought your little angel would be the exception? 🙂

Realistically there will be days when you just have to put your foot down, and if that means bundling a screaming kid into the car so be it. It happens.

They do get better, and then (assuming my 14 year old is normal) they get worse again. Something to look forward to.

some things can be such a pain, e.g. getting changed, brushing teeth.

Step 1: watch this, laugh, and understand you are far from alone..

Step 2: lots of good advice above. Routine, sticker charts, illusion of control, pick your battles, naughty step. We use pretty much all of that in varying degrees. Still get plenty of tantrums mind you - but ultimately she knows we don't give in to them and they won't help her get her way.

you probably thought your little angel would be the exception?

Haha, have enough friends with kids to know we were unlikely to be that lucky. On the whole though I think we've had it pretty easy with no 1 so far (especially when I read some of the toddler/baby sleeping problem threads on here!)

we're getting good results using two intermediaries. Harry the guinea pig (Mummy's hand) and nice fish (daddy's hand). Oddly talking to these creations is ok. i think she does know its us - just breaks the conflict.

stickers still good.

TM

Step 1: watch this, laugh, and understand you are far from alone..

Thanks. In tears watching that, not great at a client site! The zip thing is very true. I almost lose it sometimes trying to do up the bloody zip on the growbag when he's rolling around. Why why why put it right under their chins?!

twiglet_monster, you may have to video that and post it on here!

Our daughter is 22 months and has been testing boundaries for the last couple of months. Stuff like wanting to take soft toys into the bath, thumping / pushing people etc. We just stand firm, and the tears only last a minute or two until you can distract her.

We've used the bottom of the stairs as a naughty step a couple of times after biting, she put herself there after doing something very innocuous at the weekend! She's also gotten very used to saying sorry, especially when bumping into her teddies!

Cheers,
Jamie

We found a good one for hitting. Rather than react and tell her off for hitting (which resulted in her copying what we were saying which sounded aweful!) we started showing her what she could do as an alternative.

"Instead of hitting mummy and daddy you should be stroking our faces." then hold her hand and stroke your face with it. Worked a treat, no more hitting and lots of getting her face really close to ours and stroking saying "helooooooooooo"

I was wondering what age to start the naughty step thing. Our boy is 23 months and we were thinking it was a little early.

Also I'm not sure I want to do the naughty step for just being difficult, think I'd reserve it for proper naughty, which to be fair he rarely is.

"Instead of hitting mummy and daddy you should be stroking our faces." then hold her hand and stroke your face with it. Worked a treat, no more hitting and lots of getting her face really close to ours and stroking saying "helooooooooooo"

We were on that very early as we have a dog and two cats. He now knows to be gentle with them and very rarely does he do anything but stroke them.

all of the above work.
we've yet to start the stickers/reward chart with our nearly 2 year old...but playing good cop /bad cop always works. good cop then does the explaining why bad cop is being bad which is always followed by a sorry and a hug from the little madam.
naughty step used to work with her brother and we've used it on her a few times to good effect...its not a step but we make her stand in the corner holding her ears....we actually use the step for her brother as a timeout spot.

its not a step but we make her stand in the corner

Good advice! Not everywhere has a step, but most places have a corner.

I live in a lighthouse with a lift.

but playing good cop /bad cop always works

Cheers,
Jamie

Do you both play the same role each time? I'm not sure one of us would want to be labeled as the bad cop- but changing roles might confuse little one?!?

I'm guessing it depends on who's first at the crime scene 🙂

Do you both play the same role each time?

we try to alternate so the kids dont always see one of us as the constantly angry shouty one

I'm guessing it depends on who's first at the crime scene

the standing in the corner whilst holding ears always works for us...our 6 year old son has always been disciplined in this way...for added effect they face towards the wall and it doesent even have to be a corner...just stand them facing any wall and leave them there....this is followed by an explanation for said reprimand from us or us asking him does he understand why he was told to hold his ears.

this is followed by an explanation for said reprimand

more effective, get them to explain why they had to stand there. Only if they can't should you then explain. They need to be able to work out for themselves what caused the time out, not just have it dished to them.

They need to be able to work out for themselves what caused the time out, not just have it dished to them

yes yes yes.

TM

more effective, get them to explain why they had to stand there. Only if they can't should you then explain. They need to be able to work out for themselves what caused the time out, not just have it dished to them.

We do that with ours now. And they don't get off with a sorry unless they mean it. (One of them now just shouts 'sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry' constantly as soon as she does something wrong assuming it will get her off.

Agreed - if they are older, but not at 2.

Mine too young for this, not a chance of getting him to explain. Shall definitely keep that in mind in 6 months time.

One of them now just shouts 'sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry' constantly as soon as she does something wrong assuming it will get her off.

When she is in the wrong mood our 3.9 year old responds to the slightest chastisement by silently marching herself off to her room and staying there for a while! 😯

We call her the "ThreeNager".

Any toddler tips to share

Never, ever try to reason with them! Bribery & coercion are the only way to get on 🙂

Not quite a toddler, but I was reading with my 4 and 11/12ths yr old the other night and he said something funny (not read something funny, said it in response to something he'd read), so I laughed. Cue much wailing amd saying "don't laugh at me!". My reply was "I would be a pretty horrible person to laugh AT you, wouldn't I. Do you think I'm a horrible person?" - to which he replied "Yes" and then proceeded to reel off a few choice reasons why I won't be winning Dad of the year any time soon in his opinion. Kids eh, who'd have em! 🙂

Woody2000, I'm often reminded of this quote from terminator...

It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are dead.

🙂

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When she is in the wrong mood our 3.9 year old responds to the slightest chastisement by silently marching herself off to her room and staying there for a while!

Bingo 😀

We've given her a bean bag - when she's angry about something she's allowed to go throw that in her room. What's funny is that she's got such a short attention span - gets angry, gets distracted easily, then remembers she's mean to be angry and runs off to her room for some therapeutic throwing, then comes back, and repeats.

When she's procrastinating I occasionally do the counting down from 5 thing. Always works so far - just as well as I haven't quite worked out what I'm going to do when I get to zero...

Cue much wailing amd saying "don't laugh at me!".

Yeah - have to carefully explain that we're not laughing [i]at[/i] her, we're laughing because she said something funny.

Still sometimes say something wrong, though - then she sprints off to her room and there's the sound of the beanbag hitting the wall a few times 😉

And, just recently, I've had good reason to be very glad I made a non-slamming door for her room when I built it.

We don't have a naughty step. Occasionally we have 'go to your room', but the real punishment is our disapproval - that upsets them. I think that lots of people resort to a naughty step far too early when the kids don't really understand what's going on. You have to be quite grown up to understand crime and punishment imo. Our almost 5yo would, but our 2.5yo would not.

When we need them to do something we always try and explain why we want them to do it. Sometimes this involves bare-faced lying - "No, you can't have crisps for breakfast - it's just not allowed. I'm sorry, I don't make the rules". Of course I DO make the rules.

Haven't read the thread so I dare say I'm repeating what every other parent has said, but anyway...

Teeth brushing - restrain child on floor by kneeling gently on it, pinch nose with one hand, brush child's teeth with the other. Result - clean teeth plus child learns quickly to brush without Dads help.

Feeding - provide food that was yesterday's favourite and has been requested all day, refuse to provide anything else when child refuses to eat, advise child that it will become weak and feeble if it doesn't eat and the baby will soon be bigger than it. Result - child will eat a healthy breakfast the next morning.

Toddlers are specifically designed to be small and light enough to be picked up and moved to wherever they need to be, and thereafter easily restrained with one hand.

Be careful with the old naughty step routine because it can backfire. My 2yo put me on the naughty step for knocking over one of his toys, I can tell you 38 minutes sat on a step is a looong time....

"you can either come and put your shoes on by yourself OR I will come and grab and put your shoes on you myself in 5. 4. 3. 2. 1."

& always follow through & don't give up if they start bawling, after 3 months he/she will be at your feet by 3.

Good cop / bad cop. Really? Ours seems to respond better to a uniform approach from mum and dad so she appreciates consistently what is right and wrong.

Whoever said choose your battles had it right.

Otherwise, best advice I had... Things change. The good stuff will get worse and the bad stuff will get better. Don't be too smug and don't be too worried.

mine so far in order of deployment as the boy develops.

Restraint: tell child why wrong then hold child upright for count of age in months repeat why done wrong kiss and end " I love you crankbrat but you must not throw stones at the greenhouse"

As above but get the child to say what done wrong.

warning followed by loss of a bed time story crankbrat starts off on 4 stories.

reward chart with stickers building to a weekend treat like a ride on a bus.

The counting down as funnily as possible 5 "crankbrat to the bathroom clean to teeth" 4 "emergency teeth clean" 3 "preparing to unleash spiky daddy" 2 "to bathroom please full name to bathroom" 1 "unleash the spiky daddy" 0 is the point I pick him up and carry him in he normally protests and agrees to go back to his starting point and go under his own steam. we rarely get past 3 without him saying no no no counting and running to comply.

food, he always has his alter ego woofy the woofmeister with him at the table . when he unreasonably refuses to eat woofy is sad and has to leave the table if he wont eat and only agrees to return if CB has two spoonful's.

life is a daily battle at 32 months but maintenance of effort and consistency appear to work. At the end of the day he is an individual with a developing personality and it is in it's own way great fun to try and maintain just enough control. Now he can argue and reason it is even funnier.

Counterpoint - my kids do not respond well to being physically forced to do things.

Nothing to add that hasn't already been said (and I've learnt a bit of here myself!) But, saw this video the other day and it seems appropriate to the topic, this kid has some excellent negotiating/debating skills!

I found a routine that gets things done early works well with ours (3 year old) as he seems more amenable first thing. So he gets up when his alarm goes off and wonders into our room, he usually then discusses something completely random for a few minutes while I wake up. Then its straight into the bathroom for toilet and getting dressed and then its straight down stairs for breakfast. If I let him choose what he wants and help get it ready then he's more likely to eat it. He can still be a bit awkward and slow but it doesn't matter so much as i can carrying on having my breakfast, getting ready for work etc. whilst he's messing around. He also knows that if he finishes early he watch CBeebies whilst i'm sorting myself out. It's then just coat and shoes required to get out the door.

i have to admit that our "hold your ears and stand over there while you think about what you've done" routine is the last resort (that is before one of us shouts loudly at said child)
the look of disapproval is the first step...this is followed by explaining to them why we are disappointed with said behaviour
if that doesn't work then it escalates to
"eat your food or you go hungry"
"tidy your toys away or they go in the charity bag for a child who doesn't have any"
"put your shoes/clothes on or they go in the charity bag"
"go and pack your bags, we're calling the police to come and take you away for being naughty"
"pick a toy that we can throw in the bin for you being naughty"
...these idle threats work for our eldest.
other methods we've used also include
also telling him that God will be very very saddened at the way he is acting
threatening to leave him behind/not take him if we are going somewhere
removing stickers from his reward chart
or having a conversation along the lines of
"who's the boss of this house?"
"mummy/daddy"
"who should you listen to?"
"the boss of the house"
"who am i"
"the boss"

we find that we have to be very creative as parents to counter their creative ways of misbehaving...we treat each act of mischief on its individual merits and one of the above measures is called upon...but we would never do this as a united pair. like i said if one plays bad cop the other automatically plays good cop...mainly to explain to them the reasons for our response and to explain the repercussions of their actions/behaviour.
our youngest is 21 months old so we can only implement the disapproving looks/naughty corner at the moment but with the eldest who is 6 and a half its easier...but as he gets older i fear we will have to get more creative in how we reprimand him.

Counterpoint - my kids do not respond well to being physically forced to do things.

Teeth brushing - restrain child on floor by kneeling gently on it, pinch nose with one hand, brush child's teeth with the other. Result - clean teeth plus child learns quickly to brush without Dads help.

Amauter - Sit child on your lap sideways with their right arm under your arm pit so it can't move, hold their left arm with your left. This leaves your right arm free to brush their teeth (from my mum, special needs teacher!) don't have to do it these days (3 and a half)

This morning I got her mostly ready for school while she was still half asleep in bed, poor mite has been poorly.

The greatest threat for her though, when we're late: "If you don't hurry up we'll have to go in the car, not on Bikey" She does love riding to school on her bike 😀

"Don't mess with the bull young man, you'll get the horns!" usually does the trick.

One thing I forgot to mention: if all else fails, make sure you video the tantrum. Pure gold when he turns up 18 years later with his first girlfriend 🙂

Lots of good advice here.

Part of being uncooperative can be them wanting to have some control. So give them choices. Let them choose what they want to wear. Don't stop them wearing odd socks etc

Choose your battles. If they don't want to eat that's OK. But they have to stay at the table while everyone else finishes. Most times they will start eating again.

Or make it a competition. First one to finish their broccoli is the winner.

Oh and enjoy it. Just wait until they are teenagers.

I just think about how I'd like it if someone was trying to force me to do what they wanted all the time.

Or make it a competition. First one to finish their broccoli is the winner.

That only works if you have competitive kids 🙂

mrsdt's has a good way of dealing with the kids (2.5 and 4.75) squabbling over toys.
She just describes each child's annoyance back to them. Eg. Oh yes, your realy upset, you wanted to play with said toy and HT's playing with it, then in front of HT you are trying to play withstand toy and it's very annoying because PT keeps taking it off you, that must be so annoying...
It lets both of them know that you get their annoyance, and they seem to understand that both of them are not getting what they want...
Then say something like "do you think you could come up with a way to play together with the toy?"

Another vote for choices and picking the right battles.

Routine. Routine. Routine.
Reward good behaviour and don't reward bad in any way at all.

Buy this excellent book:

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Intersting thread.
Li'l J (19months) has started playing up last couple of months..
He has a very quick southpaw that would make a boxing champion proud,
when he lands one on me I just tell him I'm sad & make him do more house work; mopping , hoovering & wiping. 😀

Routine is not important for some people.

^ there's a million ways... ultimately, you got to go with whatever works best

Once they hit 18ths old place in a darkened room for another 18mths, then on 3rd birthday release back into the wider community.

The only practical benefit of child-rearing books is something to pass the time while you're waiting for your child to grow out of whatever unpleasant phase they're in.