MegaSack DRAW - This year's winner is user - rgwb
We will be in touch
We live in a semi-detached house. The adjoining house has two kids - about 2 and 4.
The 4 year old boy sleeps in the bedroom directly next to our bedroom.
Since this family moved in about 5 months ago, it's been a bit of a noisemare.
Now during the day, I can handle the sound of kids stamping around and screaming etc..
It's life.
However, the boy wakes me up at least twice during the early hours. He wakes up crying and starts to shout
for his mummy and then his daddy. He then starts to SHOUT and SCREAM for them. He sounds distressed but the parents
do nothing. I am crap at getting back to sleep so it's really starting to affect how I feel.
Last night, I banged on the wall - it was about 02:30. This succeeded in getting a response from the dad who came for the kid. BUt he also rapped on the wall and said "bang again and I'll bang your effing head."
So now we have a problem.
Any thoughts you lot?
FWIW - we don't have kids.
this is only going one way.
fire fight 😀
they may be trying to break a habit of him wakign and demanding their presence.
I'd go round and try and stay calm. Explain the problem you're having, ask if they're trying to change his behaviour at night by letting him cry like that. See if they propose to do anything like move him to another room whilst they do this. If they just see it as 'the norm' and they don't have a better side you can appeal to then maybe work out where their room is and set a stereo up in the next room that comes on when their kid starts howling 😉
We were always fairly worried about night time noise from our kids but I know some people are less concerned.
[edit] trying to deal with it by exchanging shouts through the wall at 2am is only going to end badly.
Go around with a peace offering, Temazepam maybe?
🙂
Live with it. A few years ago in our old house we had the same. I had to physically stop mrsHora from going round and kicking off with the neighbours. I said what do you want them to do tape up the kids mouth? They would OBVIOUSLY either react very badly and will have had even less sleep than you. As you don't have to get out of bed or suffer the demands of a small child around the clock.
Our neighbours - I feel sorry for them (no I do). Their daughter works shifts in a Childrens Intensive care ward and must get woken by our lad but has never ever said a word to us.
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or
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Reply at 4am with this NSFW
NSFW at all
NSFW
You're grumpy today since you've had no sleep. It'll likely be the same for them too. Current advice from health visitors round here is "controlled cry" for kids who won't sleep, which basically means let them cry and don't give in and take them to your own bed. Tough all round. Man up and say sorry for banging, and if it doesn't stop soon, soundproof the wall or move. Could you switch bedroom to not be right next to him?
Could you switch bedroom to not be right next to him?
Lol maybe talk to neighbors and see if they will swap rooms
mikewsmith - Member
Could you switch bedroom to not be right next to him?
Lol maybe talk to neighbors and see if they will swap rooms
Mmm - a couple vs a family, shirley easier for the aggrievee rather than the aggriever to move.
Go round and apologise though
I believe that current wisdom suggests not running to a yowling kid every time it wants attention, as that simply perpetuates the issue (ie, the kid learns that screaming its head off all night is rewarded by attention). So I can understand the 'do nothing'.
Similarly, I can understand a parent who'd been kept awake for nights being short of patience and reacting in the way he did. Though if that parent were me I'd go round and apologise the next day.
Way as I see it, you've got two options. Talk to them, or don't.
If you don't talk to them, you'll spend the next few years with an elephant in the room, avoiding the neighbours and feeling generally awkward. If you do, then the noise situation might be improved, or relationships worsened depending on how he reacts, but at least you'll know where you stand. I think that'd be preferable. Can you catch the mother on her own, maybe? Don't be confrontational, just explain that it's really loud in your bedroom and is there anything they can do, maybe move the bed / cot to the other side of the room away from the adjoining wall?
Is there anything you can do? Earplugs, move your bed, sleep in a different bedroom even? I know you shouldn't have to, but needs must and all.
My son suffers from night terrors (Google 'em, they're very different from nightmares).
This means he can start screaming at the top of his voice [b]whilst he's still asleep[/b].
I really feel for my (semi-detached) neighbours when this happens, but there is nothing I can do about it. I've been to speak to them about it and luckily they're cool with it and understanding.
If I got banging on a wall at 2am, it'd get a similar response from me as from the OP's neighbour. No parent wants their child to scream and will try everything they can to quiet them down, because it's extremely embarrassing. Banging on walls doesn't help one bit.
Mmm - a couple vs a family
Household vs Household, anyone with a degree of common sense and dignity would be ashamed at putting their neighbor out wouldn't they?
Get some proper ear plugs.
I've tried loads of different types, and not been impressed, but these are awesome.
I can easily miss my alarm clock completely 🙂
You say it's a semi detached house and that your neighbours have 2 kids each with their own room. As semi detached houses are generally mirror images I'd guess that there are at least three bedrooms in both houses so why not change the room you sleep in?
Take the opportunity to make sweet love to your wife, unless she's woken up too.
Household vs Household, anyone with a degree of common sense and dignity would be ashamed at putting their neighbor out wouldn't they?
Possibly, but in practical terms, you have one couple in a 2 or 3 bedroom house and a family of 4 in the same type of 2 or 3 bedroom house - who is likely to be able to swap rooms easiest AND
who cares more about the noise
Sometimes practicalities trump petty battles with neighbours.
mikewsmith
have a go on this whilst you're at it..
also very very NSFW.. [b][u]NSFW[/b][/u]
Sleep in the shed?
It wont be forever but could effect your relationship with your neighbours. Talk to them. Don't let it ruin anything.
Children are off-limits.
A couple of weeks ago at the end of a ride we rode slowly past a woman with a screaming toddler and I laughed (not at her but kinda understood her pain)- she stared at me....as we were putting the bikes into the cars she walked the otherside of the road and I (stupidly) wanted to apologise that I didn't mean to laugh so I said 'excuse me'- she lookedover and shouted WHAT DO YOU WANT? I went quiet...
How much do ear plugs cost?
How do you get on with the nieghbours currently. Situations like this can easily get out of hand. Sadly living semi detached means this can be a common problem.
Perhaps now they know you're getting woken up they may take steps to reduce this?
at this point I remember we moved to Oz and live in a detached house like nearly everyone else 🙂
I think we had our first night terrors last night - not a happy event - child was inconsolable. To anyone listening in, it would have seemed like we were just ignoring.
I probably would have reacted badly to banging on the wall.
But I continue to be amazed by what a few parents consider to be normal
FWIW - we don't have kids.
Therefore you probably have little or no idea of what it's like "nurturing" toddlers through their sleep patterns. Hence it's a case of "accepting" this is the way it's going to be with the kid for a while. You either, as has been said above, put up with it, move rooms or have a polite word.
Man up and say sorry for banging
This. You were annoyed because it was late and you were tired. Hopefully it was the same for your neighbour.
At the end of the day, it is a small child you are talking about so you should consider this when getting uptight.
Saying that, I have apologised to our neighbour on several occasions for our kids making too much noise (but he always says it isn’t a problem and they don’t really bother him).
we also have noise problems but not the kids the parrents so i understand where your coming from the only thing i will say is having a 2 and 4 year old, the parrents are feeling it just as bad as you
but they CANNOT give in to the child and go in and tell him to be quiet, all he will do is see that as a new way to get them in and that turns into a cycle.
its MTFU time!
Go round and apologise for banging on the wall. If its stressful for you, imagine how stressful it is for the parents who actually have to get up and deal with it, and have probably had to for a couple of years. Having been in a similar situation before they are knackered and embarrassed and running on empty.
We had a similar thing with our neighbours, we were particularly concerned as next works on shift as a train driver. Everything is cool now but for a couple of months she shifted her bedroom to th other side of the house so it didn't disrupt her to much. We massively appreciated her doing this and there's a good relationship with them now.
mikewsmith - Member
at this point I remember we moved to Oz and live in a [b]detached house[/b] like nearly everyone else
is the RIGHT answer
*is slightly disturbed that some stwers don't live in detached houses 😯
if it doesn't stop soon, soundproof the wall or move
or the neighbor could soundproof the toddlers room...
better yet, mic up the kid and install some PA speakers in the room - blast back the toddlers screaming in antiphase to cancel it out...
so I said 'excuse me'- she lookedover and shouted WHAT DO YOU WANT? I went quiet...
If only you'd had some clothes on at the time.....
geoffj - Member
mikewsmith - Member
at this point I remember we moved to Oz and live in a detached house like nearly everyone else
is the RIGHT answer*is slightly disturbed that some stwers don't live in detached houses
and how in the good socialist (champagne or otherwise) mood offer to buy their poor neighbors a detached house 🙂
Don't you just loathe the type of individual whose answer to everything is physical violence. I can't get what I want by discussion and adult means so I'm gonna threaten violence or carry out actual physical violence, absolute waste of humanity.
They need to be responsible and consider their neighbours when the baby is doing this - they know its unreasonable to do this to you but there is pretty much F all they can do about it
The threat may just be frustration but I would go round and talk [ nice friendly letter first to say you sympathise but you also want some sleep and talking about how best to achieve this] IMHO they should at least move the baby from the room next to yours-our neighbour agreed to ours being next to their lazy assed teenage son 😉
YOu need to accept it is not going to be silent and they need to do their best to make sure you are not woken up
Its a difficult one but you do need to talk
Just leather him fgs, the dad not the kid
😉
Sleep with his wife. Let the third child that cries be yours.
Don't you just loathe the type of individual whose answer to everything is physical violence. I can't get what I want by discussion and adult means so I'm gonna threaten violence or carry out actual physical violence, absolute waste of humanity.
Oh, I don't know, really. Don't knock it til you've tried it! Maybe you should try punching someone you don't like, really, really, really hard in the face. Then let us know if its changed your opinion 😀
Just curious - was the house next door invisible when you bought yours ? If you live in a tenement, apartment building, terrace etc then well, you have to expect there will be other people.
My neighbour upstairs makes heaps of noise, I hear when he flushes the look, turns the kettle on, walks across the floor, has the TV on loud, stomps out to his work at 0700 if I'm still there etc. Installs underfloor heating, seems to be constantly working on his house. I say live and let live, have never said anything.
He had the nerve to get shouty and abusive at me, hammering on my door when I had some music on (not loudly) and he came home from his work drunk a couple of times. Some people are just p****s.
If you don't like it, buy a house in the middle of a field. It's not like they are torturing the kid on purpose to get at you.
The parents were either doing the controlled crying thing, or were in there trying to get the child to calm down. Either way, banging on the wall didn't help the situation, did it?
Report the parents to a childrens charity,you never know if its abuse or just a temperamental kid, let them decide.
Remember to have a good supply of plywood to board up the windows, when the neighbour smashes them.
Seriously though there may well be something mentaly ill with the child, perhaps talk to the parents as they must be really stressed and upset, at the child not being well, and possible neighbour disruption.
mikewsmith - Member
at this point I remember we moved to Oz and live in a detached house like nearly everyone else
IIRC, [i]that[/i] was at the request of [i]your[/i] ex neighbours 🙂
Either way, banging on the wall didn't help the situation, did it?
probably more understandable and reasonable than the threat of violence that was the reply
I just shouted sorry and took mine downstairs the one time it happened to me
Im sure you banging on your wall was just the last thing he needed.
We have a 2 yr old who is teething at the moment, my wife gets stressed when she cries during the night worrying about keeping neighbours up - this only ends up making things worse.
Move, become more undertstanding, wear ear plugs, ignore, MTFU whatever but stop banging on their wall like a moron.
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Banging on the wall like a moron? Why should their problem become Starbellies problem? They chose kids, their choice. Why are we all expected to subvert ourselves to those that procreate? And don't get me started on Supermarket parking.... 😉
FFS - "excuse me is there something wrong with your child?"Seriously though there may well be something mentaly ill with the child, perhaps talk to the parents as they must be really stressed and upset, at the child not being well, and possible neighbour disruption.
"No he's got ****ing night terrors, its a natural process that many children get and they grow out of eventually, but it can take months or years".
"So why did you threaten me?"
"Because we've had no sleep for months because our apparently mentally ill child is keeping us awake"
"But why don't you shut him up?"
"Because that is not the correct thing to do. Night terrors happen when you move into the next phase of sleep, to shut them up you have to wake them up, if you wake them up the same thing happens in a few hours".
"But you stopped them when I banged"
"Yes because despite your banding being quieter than the screaming we heard it, just like we hear every ****in noise your wife and you make but have never been rude enough to complain about. We appreciateted you were disturbed so decided to wake our 4 year old and let him suffer so you could feel better!"
"Can you stop it happening again?"
"Sure there are three options you pick:
- suffocate my son?
- wait till they stop, the more good uniterrupted nights sleep the better this is likely to be.
- make you feel unwelcome enough that you move out and someone who understands that party walls aren't perfect moves in"
boblo - those who procreate are making people to pay my pension and care for me in old age...
Its odd i would not be happy if this was my sleep pattern tbh and as a parent - its not like you are enjoying this- you have a duty to your neighbours to minimise the disruption IMHO
I appreciate this is not always easy tbh
The parents were either doing the controlled crying thing, or were in there trying to get the child to calm down. Either way, banging on the wall didn't help the situation, did it?
probably true, would have been best mentioned in a "Junior's not sleeping well is he" conversation in daylight
as for the solution, very loud energetic sex, the parents won't want to explain to him what's going on, they'll be too embarressed to say anything and the kid will get moved to another bedroom
HTH 😉
"Sure there are three options you pick:
- suffocate my son?
- wait till they stop, the more good uniterrupted nights sleep the better this is likely to be.
- make you feel unwelcome enough that you move out and someone who understands that party walls aren't perfect moves in"
Option 4) switch rooms so that the noisy child is next to an outside wall and the quiet one is next to the party wall.
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It's give and take really, isn't it. You have to expect some degree of noise from a neighbour, but they should try to minimise that where possible. Bit of courtesy from both sides.
Kick the front door in, that's what my neighbour did last year and it ended up in a brawl in the street. As everyone in the street is no doubt awake too you may as well provide some entertainment.
poly - Member
boblo - those who procreate are making people to pay my pension and care for me in old age...
That's it right there. The slightly smug 'we're fullfilling our social obigations we are'... Tsssk. Parents. All the young uns I know are currently spending their way through Uni on Student Loans and working out how to avoid paying them back or contributing anything at all to your old age Poly so good luck 🙂
Can't understand how builders and local planners thought, or still think it is acceptable to have attached dwellings. Causes so much grief.
The problem with the UK is that there are vast numbers of really rather ugly and impractical dwellings, jammed into very limited space.
It's ridiculous that they are so expensive too.
Seriously though there may well be something mentaly ill with the child
Except you clearly aren’t being serious are you. Are you?
You seem to have answered your own question as to why we dont all have detatched houses - clue space and expense
Can't understand how builders and local planners thought, or still think it is acceptable to have attached dwellings. Causes so much grief.
Absolutely old boy. I live in solitude in my huge detatched home, surrounded by 100 acres of rolling countryside. I don't know how anyone lives in any less. Should anyone enter my land I have a snipers rifle to take them out. That's if they make it past the dogs!!
[img] http://www.theargus.co.uk/resources/images/2183458/?type=articleLandscape [/img]
that's not his house, it's his mausoleum. You'd have to have very noisy kids...
I've got a toddler, and I'd have some sympathy for you here. We've always tried to be careful about baby noise in our terraced house, the kid is in the room with no party walls, and we do go to her if she shouts in the night. And I do think that whatever your view on leaving kids to cry or shout at night, a terraced house or semi-detached, on a party wall is not a good place to have a kid making loads of noise at night without comforting them. .
But then if they've got a 2 and a 4 year old, and the 4 year old is the one waking up, that's surprising and unpredictable. They may well have put the 4 year old in that room because they didn't want the 2 year old disturbing the neighbours and then the 4 year old started waking up in the night.
Like some people have said above, it is hard to know what it might be, whether it is night terrors, waking up after nightmares, waking up hungry or needing the loo, or what, and whether it is something that you can comfort them out of or not.
And whilst it is no excuse for threats of violence, they probably are pretty stressed out if they are being woken up all night and having to deal with it too.
Personally I'd see what they were like next time I saw them. If they were 'sorry about last night, kids been having sleep problems', then okay, fair enough, it is a pain, but at least they are apologetic. I wouldn't be going round apologising though - not to someone who threatened violence last time you spoke to them.
boblo - you appear to be a person with issues around procreation (and therefore the survival of your species if not the continuing existence of civilised society); are you:
(a) firing blanks
(b) so socially inept that you have no real prospect of finding someone to bread with?
Cougar - not sure that moving bedrooms is recommended best practice for a child with night terrors - it adds further disruption to their 'sleep hygiene'. Any presumably there is no guarantee that the younger sibling is sleeping or will continue to sleep through the night.
STW gold...
Thank you all.
(b) so socially inept that you have no real prospect of finding someone to [b]bread[/b] with?
Dirty Poly! Ughhh, bread based breeding comments....
Neither of your options apply, I'd just like to have the choice without having everyone else's spawn inflicted upon me and mine. And as for [i]civilised[/i] society.... Do me a favour and have a look out of the door 🙂
Cougar - not sure that moving bedrooms is recommended best practice for a child with night terrors
Fair enough, assuming that's what it is of course. Not something I know anything about.
presumably there is no guarantee that the younger sibling is sleeping or will continue to sleep through the night.
Good point, well made.
Guess banging on the wall wasnt the best way to start a conversation about the issue.
[i]without having everyone else's spawn inflicted upon me and mine[/i]
boblo fails the Turing test.
Drum kit!
Tell social services they're beating their kids....
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Kidnap the kids and keep them in your soundproofed cellar!
Seriously though [u]there may well be something mentaly ill with the child, [/u]perhaps talk to the parents as they must be really stressed and upset, at the child not being well, and possible neighbour disruption.
WTF? You've never had kids have you?
wwaswas - Member
without having everyone else's spawn inflicted upon me and mineboblo fails the Turing test.
Yawn, stretch... yeah, yeah ....whatever.
boblo - you appear to be a person with issues around procreation (and therefore the survival of your species if not the continuing existence of civilised society); are you:(a) firing blanks
(b) so socially inept that you have no real prospect of finding someone to bread with?Cougar - not sure that moving bedrooms is recommended best practice for a child with night terrors - it adds further disruption to their 'sleep hygiene'. Any presumably there is no guarantee that the younger sibling is sleeping or will continue to sleep through the night.
Go green, abort your next baby. Also...do us a favor by not lowering the average IQ level of the UK by having one.
Can't understand how builders and local planners thought, or still think it is acceptable to have attached dwellings.
yes, at least semis should be built with central passageways and decent thickness walls between the dwellings.
But the neighbor also choose to live in a semi detached - which should mean that they are aware of the need to keep to socially acceptable levels of noise - which means not putting a kid with 'night terrors' next to a party wall.
At least they should have come round prior to apologize for future noise and discuss how best to accommodate it.
When our d1ckhead neighbors moved in we asked them why they moved - they said they didn't like being overlooked by next-doors garden.
So then they put a trampoline in the garden so their kids, complete with the most wimpy, annoying voices, can overlook our garden from a great height.
Combine that with
1. continually either kicking footballs into our garden to await retrieval (they have a big collection so they can avoid coming round to grovel for them)
2. kicking the footballs into the garden fence which is my responsibility (the balls are now foam to minimise further destruction, but it's too late now - cue big bill coming)
3. badly practicing guitar in the garden
and we will probably be moving soon...
People with kids just seem to have a completely different set of priorities that seem to all be based around viewing everyone else as either threats or underlings.
simple confront and then go to the Police
if it continues you tell the Police you will keep calling them
People with kids just seem to have a completely different set of priorities that seem to all be based around viewing everyone else as either threats or underlings.
Oh please... do have a word with yourself.
Children are off-limits
AND you also declared that LA is no longer your hero.
Well done, you're really coming along leaps and bounds.
😀
Oh please... do have a word with yourself.
I have, but it is still true...
People with kids just seem to have a completely different set of priorities
And so they should. It's just that some go too far.
[i]Some[/i] people with kids become obsessed to the exclusion of all else. I understand how your offspring might be the most important thing in the world, but not the only thing in the world. People
I've watched previously well adjusted friends become empty shells, living their lives by proxy through their children. They're unable to form a sentence without forcing some reference to the child even if it's utterly unrelated ("went to buy some new pants today but the baby doesn't need any"). Facebook profile picture is the baby, LiveJournal / blog essentially reads "babies babies babies babies babies babies *breathes* babies babies..."
Here's the thing. No-one else shares their obsession with their child, it's just them. Other people exist in the world, and whilst we'll try and accommodate their obviously perfect little angel we'd quite like to be left in peace occasionally too.
jesus, whats wrong with you lot? life is a set of compromises, its how you deal with them that define what kind of a person you are. maybe try and work that out first, then work backwards and find out how to behave. if you have to ask strangers on the internet how to behave, well...
and are you sure you don't make any noise? never play music? have the telly on? never had a party? super loud sex? all of the above at once?
Good thread this. I don't even need to add any of my normally moronic ill judged comments.
Apart from this one obviously (and no selective quoting you ****nuts)