[Closed] Am I being reasonable or just a grumpy antisocial bugger?

Wife wants to go for a meal for her birthday, I think I'd fall in line on this :-).

We went out as a family 2weeks ago for a meal for my wife's birthday, social distancing was all okay, the meal was great and it was a well needed change from eating at home.

If the taxi journey is an issue could you not drive and be designated driver?

Should I just shut up and do what she wants as it’s her birthday

I can't believe you even have to ask

I’m going to save you a few pages of waffle here and suggest raising these concerns with your wife.

Shut up and do what she wants, but pay the full price. Wife happy, restaurant happy, conscience clear.

My one trip to a restaurant, and several to cafes, since March shows that they are working really hard to space people out, clean and sanitise, and stay in business. If that's not how it appears when you get to the door, then walk away and find somewhere that is making the effort.

Edited to add

it was a well needed change from eating at home

Do not underestimate this factor. I have spent the vast majority of the last 6 months with the same 3 people in the same 4 walls. Much as I love them, going somewhere else and doing something "new" is pretty amazing.

I wouldn't go and i'd explain to her why.... if she doesn't understand, that would surprise me.

Absolutely not.

I would not risk it. It is rife in Greater Mcr. I know - I live here.

nope, not a chance

I'd go and not explain why - if she understands that would surprise me.

Sums up my week. Everyone here seems to be cracking on like there is no covid. Parties, days out, visiting friends like it's 2019.
At work I'm responsible for creating "covid secure" offices, so it's very much in the forefront of my mind.
I feel like the most antisocial, grumpy old git as apparently not inviting people into my home is rude and I need to lighten up.

I am down south though so of course it's all ok

... shut up and do what she wants as it’s her birthday..

Pretty much this.

Pay full price if the voucher thing isn’t actually just an add on excuse for not wanting to go 😉

if she understands that would surprise me

I take it you know his wife or are all women just the same?

Kerley - was a play on words from Weeksy's post.

I have no knowledge of anyone here!

I’m going to save you a few pages of waffle here and suggest raising these concerns with your wife.

Are you new here? That's no fun.

(And it's a Nope from me)

If it’s:

* Posh
* Socially distanced table spacing
* Do temp checks on staff + customers, segregate properly and all wear masks.
* Don’t recirculate air con / are able to ventilate.

You’ve got better odds than your local Chicken Cottage.

If the vouchers are gift vouchers they have received funds and should honour them. They have essentially relieved an interest free loan and benefited on their terms.

If it is a coupon they would have decided themselves to put it out to win customers. If you wouldn’t have gone without the coupon it is doing it’s job. Most customers with coupons end up spending more than they would without.

Ultimately no right / wrong, just what you are comfortable with. If not comfortable try and find another way to make it special.

If and IF none of you are vulnerable to covid - give her a hug, take her to the ****ing restaurant and pay the full price.

Don't be a dick about it dude, your loved ones can kick the bucket tomorrow. If it really is a risk do something special at home, but there will need to be effort put in to make up for it.

People are losing their shit with lockdown at the moment, your missus might be feeling the pressure of it.

Kerley – was a play on words from Weeksy’s post.

Sorry, missed that.

I don't however think that not wanting to go is grumpy or antisocial. In normal times yes it would be, but not at the moment.
I wouldn't take my wife to a restaurant at the moment and she wouldn't want to go.

Thanks all, I think I'll just leave it as her decision - I've said my reasons for thinking it's not a great idea. It's a pretty posh place with lots of space anyway, so I imagine risk will be pretty low. I have nitrile gloves for working on my bike too, so I'll just stick them on in the taxi 😀

Could be worse.

On Sunday I am taking my family to see children’s film The Secret Garden and then go to some new vegetarian cafe that my wife wants to go to.

For MY birthday treat. Total stitch up.

https://english.elpais.com/society/2020-10-28/a-room-a-bar-and-a-class-how-the-coronavirus-is-spread-through-the-air.html

Masks, ventilation etc all help, but it is an airborne virus, effectively, and bloody rife in Manchester right now, and aren't restaurants still mask-free environments?

You'll be sitting in a taxi alongside the vapours from all his previous fares that night, then sitting in a restaurant wondering about it as well. If you can still relax and enjoy it in those circumstances, fill your boots.

Thanks all, I think I’ll just leave it as her decision – I’ve said my reasons for thinking it’s not a great idea. It’s a pretty posh place with lots of space anyway, so I imagine risk will be pretty low. I have nitrile gloves for working on my bike too, so I’ll just stick them on in the taxi 😀

If you feel you're at risk then by all don't go but you will need to sell it as you being worried about her and you're going to have to go the extra mile with a birthday at home.

Be creative and empathetic, just remember that your missus might be getting pretty bad cabin fever.

Be positive and smiley and make the evening fun, even if it's not what she really wanted. It's not that hard to put on a smile for someone and it might make you feel chirpier as well.

Get out and live a little unless one of you is vulnerable. Take precautions, dont use the vouchers - or do and tip handsomely.

What’s one Birthday meal vs a potential lifetime of Long Covid?

Have a better one in 12-24 months time with the money you’ve  saved.

and aren’t restaurants still mask-free environments?

They sort of have to be if you want to be able to eat / drink....

I would just go if it was me. I'm not aware of restaurants being pegged as massive Covid hot-spots or anything.

Yes its more risky than never going out in the first place but if you're not willing to go for your wife's birthday then it seems you're committing to never going anywhere at all for the next 6 months- which is fine, but is a pretty big call if your wife's not also on board.

I think most people are reducing their time out out like this but not committing to literally never going anywhere.

and aren’t restaurants still mask-free environments?

Only one sat at your table.

If you're living or in close contact with elderly relatives, or people with compromised immunity, then you would be pretty stupid to go out.

If not, and it's a restaurant that takes this seriously, then it seems like the risks are pretty low. All the restaurants I've been to have been well spaced out. I might be tempted to drive though.

I wouldn't even consider going at all.

I had a very amicable divorce with my wife, we spent the absolute bare minimum on solicitors etc but you know what it still added up to a very large number of very nice meals. 😊

I’m not aware of restaurants being pegged as massive Covid hot-spots or anything.

Other than Eat out to help out being evidenced as a major kickstarter to the second wave.

every single person outside of your bubble is a walking threat. However, your wife may also become a walking threat. It is a tough one

@howsyourdad

Meanwhile in Manchester....

I’d go, in fact I’m due to go out tomorrow in Birmingham. As long as it’s still allowed It’s down to you and your wife to weigh up the risks.

I do think as a poster above says, if you say “no” you’re setting yourself up to not go out for 6 months, that’s up to you to decide if that’s something you’re comfortable with.

There’s a distinct “last days of summer” feel amounts my friends. We know lockdown is coming so there’s a real feelings of going out whilst you can. Again, many will call that irresponsible but if the rules allow then can you blame them?

I would not be going out to eat in Manchester right now.

I'd put a fair dollop of the covid risk as the taxi in that evening. Is that just a drinking thing? If so, you are mental.

You need to have a conversation about this: but early on in all this the wife & I had an agreement that, given neither of us are complete idiots, this sort of thing had to be comfortable for us both. Covid is not a nice thing and it is important that we both felt we have the right of veto.

A month ago we went to Manchester city centre (Deansgate) to go to Cotswolds to get my girlfriend some new hiking boots, she also wanted to nip into House of Fraser which is next door. We genuinely couldn't believe it....there were about 7 other customers in the whole of HOF that we could see, and one other person came into Cotswolds in the entire time that we were in there. The whole place seemed like a ghost town! Maybe it gets busier during the evening? Compared to some of the other places we've been to, I'd say eating out in a posh place in Manchester is probably one of the safer places to go currently!

We'd drive though were we to go, definitely not public transport.

Another one here for go but drive and don't drink.

You need to have a conversation about this: but early on in all this the wife & I had an agreement that, given neither of us are complete idiots, this sort of thing had to be comfortable for us both.

Similarly, If I decided I didn't want to go then it wouldn't be a surprise or an issue.

Happy wife, happy life.

Go to the restaurant. Just tell her to have a beaker ready for when you get home.

-----

Serious response. I wouldn't want to be sitting inside a restaurant at the moment and I've not done so since April.

Just saw a crazy post featuring data from public health England.

Apparently only 2% of COVID infections picked up in restaurants.

29% Care homes
24% Work
22% School / Uni

Do your own fact checking but yes, keep
your mask on and open the windows in your cab. Just in case the past occupants were students on the way back from their Saturday job, off to see their nan’s at a care home...

Or ride 😂

Just tell her to have a beaker ready for when you get home.

I won't kink-shame you.

Apparently only 2% of COVID infections picked up in restaurants.

29% Care homes
24% Work
22% School / Uni

It should be borne in mind that this assertion relies on data from our world-beating track and trace system, and it is relatively easier to identify contacts in care homes, workplaces and schools.

It should also be noted that, earlier this year, the official line was that there was no evidence of transmission in school environments, so people should draw their own conclusions.

I’m not aware of restaurants being pegged as massive Covid hot-spots or anything.

Other than Eat out to help out being evidenced as a major kickstarter to the second wave.

I agree it probably was but Eat to Help Out was a nationwide incentive to get people to spend money out in restaurants rightly or wrongly. It doubtless contributed to the infection rate rising along with ending lockdown in July and a million other restrictions that were eased. But I don't think that means the OP will be entering some kind of covid high risk hot-spot just by going to a restaurant. I mean, he might be, but equally he might not. The same as if he goes to a shop or gets his haircut.

There is no right or wrong answer here anyway, only a sliding scale of risk and a point on it that the OP feels comfortable with.

I live in Manchester and its not quite the dystopian nightmare that people imagine it to be. It sure can feel like it at times but as somebody else has said the city centre is pretty sedate these days and you can get a meal and a pint without being crowded.

29% Care homes
24% Work
22% School / Uni

But doesn’t this reflect the relatively small numbers of people in restaurants at present and the amount of time they spend there. I would suspect that the number of people being infected on a nuclear submarine is (almost) zero. Doesn’t mean that it would be safe to do a three month tour on one along with someone who was Covid positive.

Also in the guardian is a piece that states that eat out to help out implicated in one fifth of recent cases

Is it Sam’s? I’d go if it was Sam’s.

I just said no to a a meal ina curry house.
Last vist was a shambles. Handed a pen and paper by a non glove wearing member of staff so we could write down our order , using a pen they have touched ,a nd paper they have touched as opposed to telling the waiter our order so he can write it down with his own pen
Another waiter then insists on lighting the tea light in the middle of the table. His face was 6" from mine. I am out for a curry with a mate , the candle really isnt neeeded to make our eyes more alluring
food dishes handed over by leaning over everyone , a 1980s hostess trolly would be much better and a little bit of self service

Would I risk it , in Manchester ? no probably not . Too many contact points on doors etc , plus people in their own world who think they are exempt from catching a virus and the rules do not apply to them wandering around sans facemask

@sillysilly

The link below is taken from the Covid thread.

Research showing the spread of Covid within the likes of restaurants, socially distanced or not.

If you and you wife are happy to go after skim reading this (and watching the animations) then you are a braver man than I https://english.elpais.com/society/2020-10-28/a-room-a-bar-and-a-class-how-the-coronavirus-is-spread-through-the-air.html

Enjoy a night out with your wife. I'm currently having to socially distance from mine before going off on holiday for a week, tomorrow (mainly to keep the dog away from fireworks) as she was in close contact with a confirmed case whilst at work. It's horrible to have to effectively avoid someone you love.

I watched read that article this am. It helped me confirm that if restaurants and pubs follow restrictions then the risk of substantially reduced.

We’re going out for my youngest’s birthday tomorrow night. The pub in question is very strict of following the guidance.

I like the elpais link.

It’s my wife’s birthday on Sunday, we hadn’t planned to do anything due to COVID but she’s now suggesting going to a restaurant we have vouchers for tomorrow night.

suspect it is irrelevant - based on what we see here if it’s a good restaurant it will likely already be fully booked for tomorrow night due to reduced capacity, all the more so if they have incentives/vouchers to encourage you to go.