The op shouldn't be asking for advice on a bike forum in that case then IHN. To be honest OP I could probably guarantee you you'll be having a similar conversation with him after the next affair in five years time but never mind you'll be able to look his wife in the eye with no guilt cuz you know you've been a good mate
[i]The op shouldn't be asking for advice on a bike forum in that case then IHN.[/i]
The OP's not having an affair, he's asking how best to deal with his mate who is, which is a reasonable question. He's not asking, importantly, what he should tell his mate to do, but that's the answer he's getting.
[i]I could probably guarantee you you'll be having a similar conversation with him after the next affair in five years [/i]
Again, without knowing the people involved, you've nothing to base that on.
[i] without knowing the people involved, you've nothing to base that on[/i] except your Mumsnet style kneejerkin.
emma i can see you point of view,from what i've heard, seen and know about my mate i will be even more surprised if i am dealing with this again in 5 years time than i am this time and it was a absolute shocker when he told me. I think if he gets through this as he is telling me he wants i can cope with looking his wife in the eye, because there will be a happy family and inparticular kids who love their dad, having a happy dad and mum where they want and need them. Ok there will be secrets but i think we all have somethings that we would rather others did not know, and thats just a fact. I'm not saying it is right, but may be its not totally wrong either.
If i'm wrong and i end up having the same conversation again after another affair, i will not be as supportive as i am this time.
Not sure how anyone could even consider living a lie like that personally. Sure, I can see how it goes in the short term (shit happens), but anyone keeping something that big, completely quiet in the long term...well, I'd put them at the lowest ranks of the human order.
Well it's difficult and painful at first, but once you get the hang of it, further affairs become much easier.
if it starts affecting the kiddies fess up to the wife as they are numero uno and should be the first priority
That.
Marriage is also a partnership - once the initial shagging burst is over, her tits have hit the floor and you're a MAMIL you have to remember that you committed to each other, for good and bad etc. It requires work, love and forgiveness.
If you can't forgive your significant other when they f*ck up, then there are issues which you need to redress.
Having said that I'm in no rose garden, it's a long dry spell having produced 2 kids close together, feel all the usual loneliness etc but hitherto I've kept it in my trousers & have no such problems.