We are expecting our first in Jan, i've read a few books etc. But haven't really come across anything that tells you how not to kill the baby in the first few months. E.g. we're quite outdoors focused, so plan to go for walks with the baby in the buggy - how do you know when it's at a suitable temperature? My default plan would be to shove a wireless thermometer near it and keep it around 36-37 degrees, however I imagine actually executing that plan would earn me a look from the wife. Or how often should you feed it? Do you just offer it a boob everytime it wakes up, etc?
So, any good you tube channels that offer straightforward practical advice on the first 6 months of parent hood? Ideally the type of channel that will provide some evidence (e.g. references to studies) for their suggested approach on things that are not straightforward (e.g. does baby led weaning actually result in better outcomes that kind of thing).
Any advice tips, etc welcome! We start NCT classes in a couple of weeks, and i'm sure that'll tell us something, but better to have more knowledge...
Congrats, best advice I can give is get some sleep while you can and if you really need to do something in the near future do it now.
PS those little devices to suck out bogeys are brilliant.
Go round to all the parents you know who are doing it wrong and tell them how to do it right. It is the last time you will have all of the answers.
Joking aside, babies are pretty resilient and let you know when they want something (food/burping/warmth/nappy change etc). The hardest part is remembering to work through the list as the only signal you get is crying, and lots of it.
My default plan would be to shove a wireless thermometer near it and keep it around 36-37 degrees,
This seems an entirely reasonable approach to parenting. Also, fuel in one end and occasional cleaning of the other. You can stop in about 18 years after which it's mainly about money...
(Okay, I recall small ones as being reasonably portable. V small sling round your front, bigger go on your back, but you'll be an expert by then. They need a lot of wrapping up. They're not difficult to keep alive, and generally you'll be let know when they're unhappy. The end. Right back to Mumsnet.)
Try and relax; babies have been about for a long while, are (mostly) tougher than you think and are more than happy to let you know when they need something. Early days are pretty much a constant cycle of feed/sleep/change nappy and depending on how you baby feels some of these things may be easy or some may be more "fun".
If you're going to try and get out walking I would suggest ditching the buggy and going for a baby carrier instead. For our last one we have have had an ergobaby carrier that worked well, though it can take a bit of practice to get a decent coat on to mum/dad when wearing it.
Go to NCT with loads of questions and ask. You'll be in a group of people who have no idea and hopefully make some friends in the process to help get through the process when the dirty nappies start.
There is a practical and emotional side to this.
Practical
1. Snot sucker (nose frieda/Frida)
2. Don't buy special bins for nappies. Just get kitchen bags or any other bag.
3. Don't buy nice furniture or new carpets - they will be utterly damaged
4. Just get the IKEA high chair
5 black out blinds ftw (proper).
Emotional
1. You are no longer your partner's most important person , you're a distant second
2. Your partner will rely on her mum / other mums perhaps in the beginning. You'll might feel left out.
3. Forget about sexxy time for a looking
They are all different so you’ll mostly need to play it by ear. Don’t over think it, people have been doing it for thousands of years.
Congrats!!
Don't go overboard and stress to much, you will get a good feel for what needs doing, usually sleep eat, poo. Dont bother with you tube talking about a different baby - they are all individuals. Temp wise check every so often and adjust blankets accordingly.
Get some sleep yourself, you will need it to help out. Your wife will be in full mother mode so go with her lead and support her.
Remember babies are very resilient
Joking aside, babies are pretty resilient and let you know when they want something (food/burping/warmth/nappy change etc).
This, really this. I have two little boys (7 and 5 now, but it doesn't seem too long ago...), but they're surprisingly resilient. Be sensible - most of ours spent their early years sweating when outside because we were so scared of them getting cold that they had about 7 layers on 🙂 If they feel cold, they'll cry but if you have them dressed appropriately, they're fine. Just keep an eye on cold cheeks - the wind is more of an issue than the cold for that.
The fact that you care enough to try to do it right means you'll be fine. Use common sense, ask parents/friends, but don't get stressed if you don't do exactly what the whole of the internet says you should do - and it'll stop you enjoying it. Kids are great, you'll wonder what you ever did with all the free time you had before 😉 but it's hugely rewarding, so amongst the things you ensure you do, ensure that you're taking the time to enjoy the moments and not just fretting constantly about everything you might be getting wrong (g'wan - ask me how I know 😉 )
Common sense is a great tool and has been working for generations, so ask when you're unsure, here if you want, but your best will certainly be good enough.
I think abandoning all expectations is the key. I would be careful with any Youtube / Facebook stuff as it can set unrealistic expectations of what you can or should try and achieve, if indeed there is anything to achieve. The massive unknown is your baby - how it will react and what it will enjoy. I wish I'd read Robert Plomin's work before we had ours as I wouldn't have stressed as much. Basically middle class parent's probably spend way too much effort trying to create the perfect environment for their kids with little evidence that it changes outcomes.
Best advice is just take it easy in the first year. Take tiny steps and see what's enjoyable for you and the baby. Babies are fairly sturdy but stuck in a pram or back carrier it is easy to freeze / roast them without realising and you need to keep an eye on them. Some people will manage to climb 40 Munros with their babies first year. Other people will have a baby that won't go in a sling and does explosive shits 3 times a day rendering leaving the house a mission in itself.
NCT seemed more about getting through the birth than looking after them later.
Temperatures - an IR thermometer is definitely a good thing to have just to check. But generally aim to keep them a bit cooler, if they’re too cold they’ll wake and complain, if they’re too hot they can pass out. Under rain covers in pushchairs can get surprisingly hot and it’s out of the wind too.
You just work out the rest (feeding, sleeping, etc) as you go, don’t stress about it, they don’t need any kind of routine at first.
Congrats and enjoy, although I found the first 6 months hard and not just the sleep thing. All those cliches about instant outpourings of love for your newborn aren’t true for everyone, it can take some time.
Sometimes they just cry for no reason. They're fed, burped, warm, comfortable, clean, but still they cry and it will drive you both to despair.
Completely by accident we found out that when we switched on some white noise - hairdryer was the most effective for us - son #1 would stop crying and calm down. Worked for son #2 just as well.
Don't get to hung up about whats right/wrong, whatever works for you. Babies let you know when they need something, best advice is to work in shifts with your partner and grab sleep when you can, both ours were nocturnal as babies as they are as teenagers.
Get a stairgate before the baby starts crawling.
Most of all enjoy the experience take plenty of photos, they grow up fast.
Oh and fwiw we found the “Secrets of the baby whisperer” book most helpful. I watch a lot of other YouTube stuff and wouldn’t go near it for baby advice.
Dad of 18mnth old, second all of the above. Sleep now while you can.
I had our lad out within couple days in pram to walk the dog while mum slept. They cannot regulate temperature well so just keep an aye and always have extra blankets in bottom of pram.
It's just survival for 1st few months, but you'll be grand.
Best advice mate of mine, father of 3, gave was - ignore all the advice you get and do what feels right for you guys and baby. It's worked a treat for us. Baby will let you know when it needs something.
Yep, as above. They are tough little buggers and have only very basic needs - warmth, being clean and not being hungry or tired. It's a pretty simple checklist really 🙂
There's no one size fits all advice, but it is pretty intuitive. One thing I will say is - be kind to each other, the first few months can be hard!
Good luck!
I think the most important and positive change in engaging with the first baby that came into my life was understanding the difference between caring and minding. It's a bit of a personal philosophical thought and I'm not always the most eloquent of people, so please excuse me if this is a bit jumbled.
I think a lot of the way that we are engaged with getting things done in the modern world is by being taught to mind about it. Once you mind about something you create goals and strategies to achieve those goals. You make put yourself in a critical mindset that motivates and can push you forward and people can achieve incredible things when they mind about something. The trouble is it's not a strategy that works for all situations, and in my experience it particularly doesn't work for babies because there are no goals or agenda, you have to give yourself over to them and the only way to do that is to put yourself in a mindset of caring.
Caring is about being present and attentive outside of your own needs, whilst still acknowledging that you have to look after yourself. Caring is how you learn to change a nappy in the middle of the night without being really sure if you are awake or not. Caring is laughing at the baby sick on your clothes in an important meeting.
I think reading all the books you can find is no bad thing, they can really help on some specifics, but I think the overall underlying mind set is the most important thing.
Reading that back it sounds awful preachy, sorry, didn't mean it to be, hopefully someone else has something more specific to help.
Good call on the IR thermoeter. Just to clarify - I get that this will all go out of the window the first time it poos all over my hair or something 🙂 Just figured best to have a bit of knowledge. I also understand that a baby is not like a SLX groupset and doesn't just need technical tweaking 🙂
So did anyone use any pre birth resources to learn about stuff? I'm a bit of a just in time type of person, and I figured a couple of months beforehand was about correct to start worrying about it. I'm not seriously worried about killing it - as pointed out above they're presumably fairly robust!
Google new-born babies.
They come out a very strange purple colour. I was tempted to ask if this was normal but kept quiet as no one else appeared to be concerned.
Swedish Matt makes some very good points.
Don't overthink it. Thermometer for going outside? Just wrap them up in blankets in the buggy and use a rain cover to keep wind and rain off. Cheap/second hand stuff is absolutely fine too.
And what you want to do going forward may not be quite the same as what you realistically can achieve going forward. Learn to adapt, maybe scale back some plans.
You will be tired, stressed and emotionally wrung out for at least the first 12 months. As will your partner. Make sure you each get an evening a week and half a day at the weekend to do your own baby free thing. Even if that's just sleeping.
Every minor issues in your relationship will magnify 100 times due to the tiredness and stress. There's a reason a lot of relationships fail when kids come along. Be aware, try and think before you snap at each other.
It is the scariest, most emotional rollercoaster you can ride, and I don't regret a second of it. Your world turns upside down the moment you first hold them.
And once you've figured it out with the first one and decide to have a second, you'll discover that they are all totally individual.
But generally aim to keep them a bit cooler, if they’re too cold they’ll wake and complain
This is dangerous advice - yes they will often wake but particularly if using a pram / sling / car seat you cannot assume that they will. It doesn't mean you need to be super paranoid but you do always need to be aware how they're doing.
There was a book by a former soldier which was pretty good - Commando Dad.
Best advice I ever got was never turn down anything someone wants to give you, particularly clothes. Just take it, they’ll ruin it anyway and you can sell on or giveaway.
Advice should be taken with a pinch of salt, particularly from your parents. Unless they are foster carers for they have the experience.
Don’t stop doing what you do, for the most parts, babies are fine in the pub etc.
Make time for you and yourselves.
Congratuations!
I'm now at grandad stage so re-living (part of) the experience.
As for the outdoorsy bit - get best quality buggy/pram you can afford with strong frame and wheels; rain cover; warm clothes for baby - layer up so you can help regulate their temperature.
They have an in-built warning system - when they want something, they will cry.
I doubt you will find anything worthwhile on youtube; GP and health visitor are your best sources of information and advice.
NCT wasn't around when mine were born but I'm told they're good.
Grandmothers have tendency to proffer advice - whether you want it or not.
As above ^^^ common sense and caring will cover most things which happen.
It's the greatest time of your life - enjoy!
Congrats, best advice I can give is get some sleep while you can and if you really need to do something in the near future do it now.
^^^^
My default plan would be to shove a wireless thermometer near it and keep it around 36-37 degrees,
You're over thinking something humans have been doing for millennia.
however I imagine actually executing that plan would earn me a look from the wife.
Hopefully.... this might sound unlikely right now but trust me you'll know, it's instinctive.
and FFS... she's got to do childbirth soon. Help relax her not wind her up. 😉
Ours was off in the buggy/chest harness in the Polish winter in the mountains at 3mo old... just wrap em up... they let you know if something is wrong.
Or how often should you feed it? Do you just offer it a boob everytime it wakes up, etc?
Again it will let you know.... they mainly like routine and they pick up on your mood or uncertainty.
Any advice tips, etc welcome! We start NCT classes in a couple of weeks, and i’m sure that’ll tell us something, but better to have more knowledge…
Nah... just chill and go to NCT.
You'll need a rear facing car seat ... a cot and lots and lots of nappies and a changing mat or two and industrial amounts of wipes.
You are also THE most vulnerable person to advertising....
We succumbed to all sorts of useless stuff... you get advertised to think you need.
We got a changing table for example... we used it once. After that it was just easier to stick the changing mat on the bed. [when you need to change them you don't wanna be pulling out a fold up table]
I mention this because I think it feeds your current feeling.
Do NOT under any circumstances be tempted to watch it come out. The rest will be fine.
Advice should be taken with a pinch of salt, particularly from your parents. Unless they are foster carers for they have the experience.
Our experience was they couldn't remember...
At the time it seemed weird ... how can you not remember... but now I get it. You just adapt to the age they are as they reach it and forget the details.
I doubt you will find anything worthwhile on youtube; GP and health visitor are your best sources of information and advice.
NCT wasn’t around when mine were born but I’m told they’re good.
NCT were great.... and I'd go further and say watching YouTube will just lead to more anxiety.
PS those little devices to suck out bogeys are brilliant.
We're a skoosh (Sterimar) then suck household - it's kinda like a baby version of Dynorod. Youngest currently finds it hilarious, which is handy.
Or how often should you feed it? Do you just offer it a boob everytime it wakes up, etc?
Get involved in feeding if you can, makes everyone's life a bit easier if you can take over a certain feed (could be combination feeding, wife could express, whatever - it's up to you two). If you can do some feeding it means your other half can get away for a while, even if its just to relax somewhere. Longer term it will make it a lot easier for her to go out sans-baby. And its quite a nice thing to be able to do tbh
watching YouTube will just lead to more anxiety.
This.
Amazingly the human race managed to thrive before YouTube - you're looking after a baby, not fixing a lawnmower..... everyone's different. You'll be fine so stop overthinking it.
Many congratulations - sit back and enjoy the rollercoaster!
This is coming from a clueless dad of 1 x 20yo girl and 2 x 18yo girls. There's still many issues to deal with on a daily basis, but now it's boys, universities, CV and driving tests rather than milk, projectile poo and lack of sleep 🙂
edit: and please never complain about "how hard it is" - you can only say that when you've raised twins, triplets, etc.
You'll look back one day and realise that it was probably the best time of your life.
You will do it wrong. It's the only way!
Try and have a bed time routine and a routine in general but at the same time be flexible.
Get out asap for mental well being even if it's just to supermarket. We went out as soon as partners came home from hospital. Day 3 I think. Don't lock yourself up. Baby's are plenty tough enough to be outside.
Re walking get a good baby carrierand a large coat. When very small we found a wrap best as it supported the head. There are more expensive ones but we got on fine with a cheap one. Practice with a teddy.
When a little older baby bjorn carrier chest carrier. We tried a cheap one but no good. Got a second hand baby bjorn well worth it.
Then a back pack bit that's some time down the line!
We did use a pram but in general baby was happier in carrier and more convenient.
Amazingly the human race managed to thrive before YouTube – you’re looking after a baby, not fixing a lawnmower….. everyone’s different. You’ll be fine so stop overthinking it.
My OH read/watched something and convinced herself exposure to sunlight would lead to instant skin cancer... she'd even shield the poor sod from the car to front door and nothing I said would change this.
He ended up with Vit D deficiency...(only spotted before it was trendy because our GP was Indian)
You are also THE most vulnerable person to advertising….
We succumbed to all sorts of useless stuff… you get advertised to think you need.
True companies will sell to your fear. Don't buy too much. Buy as you need, beyond a changing mat blankets, nappies and child seat that's it. Cardboard box will do as a cot. It honestly doesn't matter.
P.S. keep an eye on your partner for depression. I think it tends to come a few weeks after birth as hormone levels drop.
The New Father: A Dad's Guide to the First Year by Armin Brott. Brilliant book that takes you through all the development stages and explains what that little meatsack is doing. Helped us loads.
swedishmatt
Free Member
There is a practical and emotional side to this.Practical
1. Snot sucker (nose frieda/Frida)
2. Don’t buy special bins for nappies. Just get kitchen bags or any other bag.
3. Don’t buy nice furniture or new carpets – they will be utterly damaged
4. Just get the IKEA high chair
5 black out blinds ftw (proper).Emotional
1. You are no longer your partner’s most important person , you’re a distant second
2. Your partner will rely on her mum / other mums perhaps in the beginning. You’ll might feel left out.
3. Forget about sexxy time for a looking
I came to post this. The emotional bit is the most important, I would add:
4. Accept that there is more than one way to bring a child up, and your wifes way is the way that is chosen and you will back this up. If you don't do this, you will regret it, much more than regretting not doing it your way.
Given your name...Ewan the Dream Sheep!! 😀 My boy is nearly eight, and it still lives in his bed, albeit not really functioning anymore. He does turn it on sometimes in his sleep which is quite sweet. I think the newer versions are machine washable these days. Ours is the colour of a sheep that’s just come in from a wet day in the valleys.
Don’t get hung up on routine. The little one will settle into its own pattern in its own time.
Google Dream Feed (not for a few months after birth) - good bonding time for dad and gives mum a chance to get an unbroken 5 or 6 hours sleep.
Get involved! Pay scant regard to any penis person that tells you “it’s just a blob...really boring...I just let ‘er indoors get on with it...” He’ll be the same bloke whinging about how “left out” he felt for the first couple of years.
Lastly, depending on travel restrictions of course, take baby to see friends and family that want to see him or her rather than having loads of people round your place. That way, you get waited on and you get to decide when to **** off home. Your house will be, shall we say, a little disorganised for a few months and you don’t want to be stressing about tidying for visitors and having stuff in for them.
Enjoy. It’s a very special time. Best of luck!
I've got 2. Can confirm they are all different.
Best advice:
- Don't buy a load of tat...there's a whole industry looking to prey on your insecurities
- Ikea high chairs are the best and cheapest
- Slings are much better than buggies if you're out walking in my opinion...loads on ebays
- Look after mum
- Look after yourself
- Enjoy the wild ride ahead (and don't focus on how tired you are!)
Good luck!
Don't overthink it. With new-born's it's a simple cycle of eating, sleeping & pooing. Some people try and impose a routine, whilst that works for some it can be restrictive. Try and get some sort of bedtime routine of feed, wash, bath and down in dark room going.
We found using a sling to carry a baby works really well. You can monitor the temperature easily, covering/uncovering with jacket as required. They also allow you to easily access footpaths, shops and steps that you can't get a buggy on easily. I've seen babies being towed in sleds by cross country skiers in Finland at -15 C, so don't worry about the cold.
Sleep when you can. 20 minute naps during the day will help keep your sanity when a baby cries for no obvious reason at 3 in the morning.
Have a large, easy to carry bag that opens up easily. Have this packed with nappies, change of clothes, changing blanket, wipes, cream etc. Be ready to go. You need to be able to get out of the house quickly whilst your between a hungry and pooing phase.
Slings are better for dad maybe
Without going into detail sling use contributed and extended post birth issues.
Mum will appreciate a buggy.
Try and have a bed time routine and a routine in general but at the same time be flexible.
Nothing more stressed than the parents that MUST FOLLOW THE ROUTINE!!!!! Babies are more like the British Rail timetable than the Japanese
P.S. keep an eye on your partner for depression. I think it tends to come a few weeks after birth as hormone levels drop.
This is a big, serious, one. Hormones will be all kinds of weird and wonderful things, but post-natal depression is serious and can take months to really come on (or can be very quick). Annoyingly I can't remember the proper phrase - "it's ok to be sad, just not all the time" or words to that effect are what I've always had in my head and help catch my wife when she started having issues after the 2nd born
If breast feeding ... Introduce and keep on top of bottle feeding early once the innital breast feeding link has been established.
We had issues where after we got her going on a bottle along side breast feeding I had to travel for work at 5 weeks old for 3 weeks and the bottle was forgotten. She has never taken a bottle since which made it hard for my wife.
If breast feeding … Introduce and keep on top of bottle feeding early once the innital breast feeding link has been established.
But don't forget to leave some for the baby
Don't worry bud, we had our first back in December last year.
We worried about the same thing - how do we keep her alive? I thought I'd be a pretty crap dad as I've never really been into kids but love it and took it all in my stride. Its hard work to start off with when she just cries and you think you've tried everything, but you won't have, they'll stop crying once you've pandered to their need, it's just trial and error till you get there.
The temperature gauge is overthinking it, the rule is one extra layer than you're wearing. It's a judgement call and he/she will cry if they're too cold but just sleep and sleep if too warm.
NCT class was great for meeting like minded people and the wife has made loads of mum friends out of it, its kept her going in lockdown but NCT doesn't teach you a damn thing about keeping bubs alive, in that sense it was rubbish. It was just all about the birth and showing you how horrific natural births are and that C sections are the way forward, haha.
Anyway as others have said, you wont realise it but you'll learn really quickly that the little bag of wrinkles is pretty sturdy and will let you know how he/she wants to be treated i.e. feeding etc. You'll manage, don't try to fret to much but you probably will!
It’s just survival for 1st few months, but you’ll be grand.
Best advice mate of mine, father of 3, gave was – ignore all the advice you get and do what feels right for you guys and baby. It’s worked a treat for us. Baby will let you know when it needs something.
A lot of that ^
One of my sons put it best.
When they were little, the first time I ever raised my voice and gave them a real telling off (for something trivial) they were stunned. It had been at the end of a long day of looking after them, trying to get food ready for us all and their Mum (still at work). No excuse, completely my fault and I felt horrible.
I sat down with them and said “Boys,I am really sorry for being angry Dad, there was no need, you didn’t deserve that, sorry for shouting”
Smallest child then says” It’s ok Dad, you’re just the Dad we need”
From then to now, that’s what I have tried to do, be just the Dad they need.
Only resource we used was a book called something along the lines of: your baby week by week. It helped in that 1) it gave you a few indicators as to why your baby's behaviour was changing - things like changes in sleep patterns were remarkably accurately predicted with respect to the baby's age 2) for the most part it told you that almost everything was normal and chill the heck out.
The big cloth slings are really nice at the start, keeps the baby warm and asleep for ages if you want to go out for a walk in the cold.
Enjoy them while they can’t talk.
I think you're worrying too much. Take everyone's advice with a pinch of salt and find what works for you (and you will get lots of advice). As someone said above babies are very resilient!
I have 3. Parenthood has involved me taking them out in boats and canoes when far too young, losing a couple in diy stores, dropping one, putting one off cycling for life (too much, too soon). All three are now in their twenties working for the NHS and seem pretty well rounded adults.
Kids don't come with the manual for a reason. Everyone is different and finding you're own path is part of the experience. Enjoy it + many congratulations to you both.
You’ll look back one day and realise that it was probably the best time of your life.
Having a new born baby? You've got to be kidding. It's a bloody nightmare.
Once they get older 16 month + then it's great, but the first bit is awful
NCT
Lullaby Trust
Sleeping bags
They might not like which ever bottle you buy so don't go balls deep on buying them in.
Blackout blinds, like proper proper blacked out. I bought black out material and cut it to the size of the window, stuck it on with velcro with a little overlap, ideally a channel fed blackout roller so no light gets in, then I have a set of blinds and black out curtains.
About month 8-9 concede to contacting a baby sleep expert and pony up the £2-300 for some tips which will get your sanity back.
Contact your partner at least once a day when you are out, support is a constant need for a mother who has had no sleep and the monotony of having a newborn.
Batch cook and freeze everything, get a spare freezer
Don't buy a sterilizing machine, get a decent size bucket and some tablets, 10mins and you are done.
Once they come off the breast or split up feeding get a perfect prep machine and make up the days portions religiously.
Preparation not panic.
Thanks all the good advice. At the moment I wouldn't have said i'm worried about it, just keen to learn from the mistakes of others! I'm sure i'll be bricking it at 0 hour. Surprised there isn't anything on youtube - it's a great educational resource, don't get me wrong there's a lot of bobbins on it, but stuff like smartereveryday, the stuff oxford uni puts out, medlife crisis, etc, is vastly superior to most of the stuff that passes for science on normal telly.
Perhaps there is a gap in the market - how to raise a baby, a peer reviewed guide (huge winky face).
Congrats! My advice - if you spot any BOGOFF for baby wipes just stock up now. Its not possible that'll you'll end up with any left over and if you do somehow manage that, they make excellent bike cleaners.
Good tip. Always need more bike cleaners! We've got an ever increasing amount of baby shit in the spare room - main problem is we're in the process of moving home. No completion date as yet, but I expect it'll be two days before the birth date - I figure that'll produce maximum stress!
Getting outdoors with them is achievable, so you don't have to give that up!
Reminds me when we took our 13mo out on a short snow hike. He was in a backpack and double his size with all the layers. All went well and he was a happy chappy until we climbed a hill and the biting wind hit. He sure did let us know he wasn't happy! We quickly descended and found a spot for mum to give him some warm milk (advantages of breastfeeding!)
My advice for an outdoors person is to spend your money on kit to make getting out easier and forget about all the other pointless stuff the baby products industry tries to tell you is essential.
Don’t buy a sterilizing machine, get a decent size bucket and some tablets, 10mins and you are done.
I was a big fan of our microwave steriliser - even easier to use.
Buggies are good for hanging bags of shopping off. Assuming you get one, make sure it'll fit in your car as some are huge.
I became a dad for the first time in May. The two best bits of advice that were given to me were don't bother reading too much as the advice is so conflicting and all babies are different. The other, really important bit, was make sure that you and your partner are nice to each other. It can be pretty stressful when you're sleep deprived and don't really know what to do but it really helps if you can maintain calm and provide the occasional treat.
If your partner is breast feeding then for the first few months you're likely to be a glorified helper for her every need. It gets more fun though as they start to get more interactive.
Second hand is great if you're on a budget. There is so much baby stuff available either cheap or free it's madness to buy much new. We got about £600 worth of burly, off road buggy for £100 and that's us sorted for years. Bundles of clothes can be had for not much money as well. Facebook marketplace and eBay are good.
Only skimmed through the thread but here's a couple of extra bits that may or may not have been said before:
New babies are very sweet and so on but it's not really a 'person' until he starts showing recognition etc. Don't be surprised or worried if it's difficult to feel a proper connection or love at first, it will come!
Nappy changing - this takes practise 😉
Our first had the most incredible projectile pooing abilities, could shoot a stream of it about a metre away. Hilarious if it's not your turn to change!
Your wife/partner/whatever will be very emotional what with hormones going haywire and the whole experience. Keep reminding yourself of this and don't take everything to heart that may be hurtful. Also bear in mind that seemingly innocent things you say might be taken too much to heart by her!
Baby blues is a real thing too and may not be obvious to you.
People will have all sorts of advice, some of which might be excellent for some babies but useless for yours. Babies are all different. I had some patronizing comments when mentioning that I thought our first was starting to teeth at 8 weeks old - hey just because yours started at nearly 1 year doesn't mean anything! (He was teething. So there. Someone else I know had a baby born with a tooth showing!)
Hands or feet are a good way to tell if baby is feeling too cold, they turn blue and feel cold to the touch quickly. Also careful you don't make baby too toasty hot!
My qualifications: father of 4 young boys, youngest is 11 weeks old now and hardly pees on the ceiling at all.
Congratulations!
We were told to layer the baby up in whatever we're wearing +1. So if we're going outside in t-shirts and jumpers, baby needs vest, jumper and jacket. Daughter has survived to 13months so it seems to work okay!
Best advice I was given was to prep the fresh nappy (and nappy bag) before taking the dirty nappy off.
Try not to worry too much - it's an amazing experience. Sleep will become a genuine currency between you and your partner, and to be honest all of the tips and tricks you read on the internet will fly out of your head as soon as you're knackered and you'll resort go into survival mode. Trust your instincts - there are plenty of idiots out there that somehow breed successfully, you'll be fine.
Oh, and the mum will probably be ruined for a good 3months afterwards - be as supportive as you possibly can and treat her like a queen. Birth is bonkers.
I'm sure you've already had plenty offers, but genuinely if you just want a chat/offload then PM me and I'll give you my number.
Us biking dads have got to stick together.
Just chill, it's at two that all hell breaks loose and as far as I know continues for at least another 26 years.
Thanks all the good advice. At the moment I wouldn’t have said i’m worried about it, just keen to learn from the mistakes of others!
Seriously, don't worry. You'll make your own mistakes, they won't matter ...
We’ve got an ever increasing amount of baby shit in the spare room – main problem is we’re in the process of moving home.
All you need is a changing mat or two, rear facing car seat (if you drive) and pram or something to get about, cot and a couple of blankets AND as many nappies and baby wipes as you can get. Some bottles (whether your planning breastfeeding or not)
Given your post, get an infrared thermometer as well to stop you worrying.
I very much regret buying half the stuff we did... it just didn't get used - I just convinced myself we needed it. If the OH is planning to breast feed then an pump might be good (depends on her) but something better to have if you need rather than find she needs and not have.
Pretty much everything else you either don't need or you can just get as the requirement comes up.
We're using reusable nappies (mainly off Aliexpress, also some second hand bundles from Facebook) and wet wipes (Cheeky wipes) for the last 7 months - no idea on environmental difference (no landfill, more washing) but they have been a huge help in terms of never running out of nappies (panic buying/brexit etc may affect supplies at certain times?) plus a lot less cost overall if that is an issue.
It'll get harder as the baby gets older, but at the moment it's just a case of sticking the dirty ones in a net bag in a sealed bucket, then chucking the whole net bag on a long wash every few days.
Do what works for you, multiple breast feeding vids/books all with their unique selling point/techniques left my wife paranoid she was doing it wrong. If the baby/partner are happy, then keep doing what you're doing.
Batch cook / freeze meals - saves hours each week, plus gives you time to ride!
Nothing on youtube because there is no time in the day to be creating content like that lol!
Nothing on youtube because there is no time in the day to be creating content like that lol!
That's spot on... anyone that has the time is doing it to sell you something you likely don't need. Usually by creating a worry with what has to be the worlds most vulnerable consumer group...
It's not like you don't get to go riding anymore I've been out at least 5 times in the last 18 months lol
On the breast feeding front, if the baby won't settle while mum is cuddling offer to do the job as you won't smell of fresh milk.
Mastitis is the very devil as is post birth infection of any episiotomy wound.
Don't be afraid to do your parenting in a different manner to your partner.
On the same topic you're parenting not child-minding if in sole charge. (Winding mother up with this should not be undertaken in early months unless you can sleep with an eye open).
If you get the fathering part and support right sexy times will happen sooner than the naysayers would have you believe. 😉
I’d say ignore everybody (I don’t mean on this thread) and make your own decisions, one at a time. You’ll get most of them right and that’ll do.
If you enjoy the first year or so, it’s a bonus. Most of my mates really didn’t enjoy early fatherhood and worried a lot about that - it worked out for all of them in the end.
Oh aye - hormone crash causes baby blues about 3-5 days after birth, so be nice to your partner who will in any case be sleep deprived and recovering from the birth.
Longer term, if you can create a bit of protected time off for each of you each week then do it. I kept my weeknight 5-a-side football one day a week and made sure my partner was left to her own devices for an hour or two at the weekend, then when the kid was older she went back to netball. Just gives you a bit of a release and an opportunity to not be a parent/worker bee for a little bit each week.
Take as much time off work as you possibly can.
Shared parental leave, holiday, unpaid leave, 4 day week whatever they will give you.
Work strict hours when you do go back 9-5 on the dot etc.
Play an active role in changing nappies, settling crying baby, 3am cuddles - don't just do the washing up and cleaning and go to bed as you "have" to work.
It's OK to cry. Men can cry.
Watch for and recognise signs of depression in yourself and your partner, talk about it - do not let it cause problems between you.
Longer term, if you can create a bit of protected time off for each of you each week then do it. I kept my weeknight 5-a-side football one day a week and made sure my partner was left to her own devices for an hour or two at the weekend, then when the kid was older she went back to netball. Just gives you a bit of a release and an opportunity to not be a parent/worker bee for a little bit each week.
This, and also make use of in-laws/parents at least once a month to go out for a meal as a couple - you'll worry and feel guilty the first time, but don't worry: it soon wears off 🙂
Congratulations, exciting/ scary times! This has been my first year as a parent, so from my own experience:
- Book: Contented Baby by Gina Ford.
- A schedule is what kept us sane. We knew roughly when we should be feeding, when the sprog should be sleeping etc. Obviously it didn't make getting up in the middle of the night for feeds easier, but we knew broadly that it had to be 10pm, 1am, 4am (or whatever) and could plan around that.
- Knowing how much the baby was eating was key too. We were bottle feeding breast milk (long story), so it meant we knew exactly how much sprog was having at each mealtime. And we tracked it - how much milk, poo, pee, sleep etc - every day for the first 2 months.
- From there, being lucky to have a fairly happy and healthy baby, we generally knew that screaming meant hungry (but unlikely because we knew how much we were feeding and when) or dirty nappy. Obviously you're naturally really careful around a newborn, but for the most part with the feeding and sleep routine under control, we had a bit more confidence that if something was seriously wrong, the sprog would let us know.
...and it also meant that we could escape demand feeding, which I know can be an absolute killer for mothers in particular, and the worry of "OMG we haven't fed the sprog enough, maybe it's starving!"
Oh, and:
- baby Bjorn bouncy chair was a massively worthwhile investment
- we were told the nose snot sucker thing was amazing, bought one, and it has not been used once!
Good luck!
Sleep now while you can.
Was meant as a joke, I think, but you won't realise for a long time just how utterly knackered you are all the time.
I found time to ride. Much reduced compared to what I did before, but still a few hours a week, often very early morning or late at night. BUT the knackeredness I mentioned probably contributed to many crashes and several injuries that I still carry, and possibly a weird chronic fatigue syndrome type thing that eased off as the kids got older. (Youngest is 9 now..)
And most important:
When they were little, the first time I ever raised my voice and gave them a real telling off (for something trivial) they were stunned. .............................................
Smallest child then says” It’s ok Dad, you’re just the Dad we need”
Ignore this - it's not normal and his smug virtual face needs a virtual slap! 😀
Stay up the dry end.
DO NOT look, no matter how persuasive the midwife tries to be.
Do a head count at the end of each day. If everyone is still alive then you're doing a great job.
All babies are different. Listen to everyone but ignore them all if you don't think it'll work for you.
The second one is much easier.
The third one is much harder than the first two.
It'll all be fine.
Buy all the batteries in all the sizes. Nobody warned me how much I’d end up spending on batteries. Also develop a caffeine addiction. As for serious advice, there’s already been loads in this thread so I’ll end with a question. What size TV for a newborn?
Congratulations and you’ll do a grand job. I’m the most useless person I know and I’ve got two fully functioning little ones.
I'm sure some people will be able to relate to some of these...
FOLLOW THESE 14 SIMPLE TESTS TO SEE IF YOU'RE READY TO HAVE CHILDREN....
Test 1 – Preparation
Women: To prepare for pregnancy:-
1. Put on a dressing gown and stick a beanbag down the front.
2. Leave it there.
3. After 9 months remove 5% of the beans.
Men: To prepare for children:-
1. Go to a local chemist, tip the contents of your wallet onto the
counter and tell the pharmacist to help himself
2. Go to the supermarket. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to
their head office.
3. Go home. Pick up the newspaper and read it for the last time.
Test 2 – Knowledge
Find a couple who are already parents and berate them about their
methods of discipline, lack of patience, appallingly low tolerance
levels and how they have allowed their children to run wild.
Suggest ways in which they might improve their child’s sleeping habits, toilet training, table
manners and overall behaviour.
Enjoy it. It will be the last time in your life that you will have all the answers.
Test 3 – Nights
To discover how the nights will feel:
1. Walk around the living room from 5pm to 10pm carrying a wet bag
weighing approximately 4 – 6kg, with a radio turned to static (or some
other obnoxious sound) playing loudly.
2. At 10pm, put the bag down, set the alarm for midnight and go to
sleep.
3. Get up at 11pm and walk the bag around the living room until 1am.
4. Set the alarm for 3am.
5. As you can’t get back to sleep, get up at 2am and make a cup of tea.
6. Go to bed at 2.45am.
7. Get up again at 3am when the alarm goes off.
8. Sing songs in the dark until 4am.
9. Put the alarm on for 5am. Get up when it goes off.
10. Make breakfast.
Keep this up for 5 years, look cheerful at all times.
Test 4 – Dressing Small Children
1. Buy a live octopus and a string bag.
2. Attempt to put the octopus into the string bag so that no arms hang
out.
Time Allowed: 5 minutes.
Test 5 – Cars
1. Forget the BMW. Buy a practical 5-door people mover.
2. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment.
Leave it there.
3. Get some melted chocolate. Insert it into the USB socket.
4. Take a box of chocolate biscuits; mash them into the back seat.
5. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.
Test 6 – Going For a Walk
Wait
Go out the front door
Come back in again
Go out
Come back in again
Go out again
Walk down the front path
Walk back up it
Walk down it again
Walk very slowly down the road for five minutes.
Stop, inspect minutely and ask at least 6 questions about every piece of
used chewing gum, dirty tissue and dead insect along the way.
Retrace your steps
Scream that you have had as much as you can stand until the neighbours
come out and stare at you.
Give up and go back into the house.
You are now just about ready to try taking a small child for a walk.
Test 7
Repeat everything you say at least 5 times.
Test 8 – Grocery Shopping
1. Go to the local supermarket. Take with you the nearest thing you can
find to a pre-school child – a fully grown goat is excellent. If you
intend to have more than one child, take more than one goat.
2. Buy your weekly groceries without letting the goat(s) out of your
sight.
3. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys.
Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having
children.
Test 9 – Feeding a 1 year-old
1. Hollow out a melon
2. Make a small hole in the side
3. Suspend the melon from the ceiling and swing it side to side
4. Now get a bowl of soggy cornflakes and attempt to feed them into the
swaying melon while pretending to be an aeroplane.
5. Continue until half the cornflakes are gone.
6. Tip the rest into your lap, making sure that a lot of it falls on the
floor.
Test 10 – TV
1. Learn the names of every character on kids tv.
2. Learn the words to every song they sing.
3. Watch and sing along to nothing else on television for at least 5 years.
Test 11 – Mess
Can you stand the mess children make? To find out:
1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains
2. Hide a fish behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.
3. Stick your fingers in the flowerbeds and then rub them on clean
walls. Cover the stains with crayon. How does that look?
4. Empty every drawer/cupboard/storage box in your house onto the floor
& leave it there.
Test 12 – Long Trips with Toddlers
1. Make a playlist of someone shouting ‘Mummy’ repeatedly. Important
Notes: No more than a 4 second delay between each Mummy. Include
occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet.
2. Play this in your car, everywhere you go for the next 4 years.
You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.
Test 13 – Conversations
1. Start talking to an adult of your choice.
2. Have someone else continually tug on your shirt hem or shirt sleeve
while playing the Mummy playlist above.
You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a
child in the room.
Test 14 – Getting ready for work
1. Pick a day on which you have an important meeting.
2. Put on your finest work attire.
3. Take a cup of cream and put 1 cup of lemon juice in it
4. Stir
5. Dump half of it on your nice silk shirt
6. Saturate a towel with the other half of the mixture
7. Attempt to clean your shirt with the same saturated towel
8. Do not change (you have no time).
9. Go directly to work
You are now ready to have children. ENJOY!!
Start saving old bike bits. Your n+1 is about to become 2n+2.
Enjoy. Don’t over think it. It’s fun.
Though you will have to remind yourself it’s fun sometimes.
Dad of 2 here.
A couple of thoughts -
Nobody is ready for their first child -
I remember walking out of the hospital with our first in the little baby carrier/car seat thing thinking - "Sh*t - what do i do now" but it kind of comes naturally.
Assuming you have a warm house, the means to look after your child properly, and the desire to be a good parent then your child is already better off than a lot of kids..
Good luck - don't overthink it..
The only advice I can give is to ignore everyone else's advice and trust your instincts.
I’d recommend Commando Dad (mentioned earlier) - very practical and an easy read. Might come across a bit clichéd, but he gets the point across.
All babies are different (my two certainly are) so take most peoples advice with a hefty pinch of salt.
NCT groups are reasonably useful - but main benefit is connecting with others going though the same things, arc pretty much the same time.
White noise apps are a godsend, though.
Enjoy - they’re only little once and time absolutely flies by...
*stealth edit* What Fin25 says.
White noise apps are a godsend, though.
Until someone phones part way through putting baby to bed. Got that t shirt.
A white noise machines about a 10er and a godsend. With the white noise on our little one managed to take mid day naps through our building work on going in the room below