Enjoy them while they can’t talk.
I think you're worrying too much. Take everyone's advice with a pinch of salt and find what works for you (and you will get lots of advice). As someone said above babies are very resilient!
I have 3. Parenthood has involved me taking them out in boats and canoes when far too young, losing a couple in diy stores, dropping one, putting one off cycling for life (too much, too soon). All three are now in their twenties working for the NHS and seem pretty well rounded adults.
Kids don't come with the manual for a reason. Everyone is different and finding you're own path is part of the experience. Enjoy it + many congratulations to you both.
You’ll look back one day and realise that it was probably the best time of your life.
Having a new born baby? You've got to be kidding. It's a bloody nightmare.
Once they get older 16 month + then it's great, but the first bit is awful
NCT
Lullaby Trust
Sleeping bags
They might not like which ever bottle you buy so don't go balls deep on buying them in.
Blackout blinds, like proper proper blacked out. I bought black out material and cut it to the size of the window, stuck it on with velcro with a little overlap, ideally a channel fed blackout roller so no light gets in, then I have a set of blinds and black out curtains.
About month 8-9 concede to contacting a baby sleep expert and pony up the £2-300 for some tips which will get your sanity back.
Contact your partner at least once a day when you are out, support is a constant need for a mother who has had no sleep and the monotony of having a newborn.
Batch cook and freeze everything, get a spare freezer
Don't buy a sterilizing machine, get a decent size bucket and some tablets, 10mins and you are done.
Once they come off the breast or split up feeding get a perfect prep machine and make up the days portions religiously.
Preparation not panic.
Thanks all the good advice. At the moment I wouldn't have said i'm worried about it, just keen to learn from the mistakes of others! I'm sure i'll be bricking it at 0 hour. Surprised there isn't anything on youtube - it's a great educational resource, don't get me wrong there's a lot of bobbins on it, but stuff like smartereveryday, the stuff oxford uni puts out, medlife crisis, etc, is vastly superior to most of the stuff that passes for science on normal telly.
Perhaps there is a gap in the market - how to raise a baby, a peer reviewed guide (huge winky face).
Congrats! My advice - if you spot any BOGOFF for baby wipes just stock up now. Its not possible that'll you'll end up with any left over and if you do somehow manage that, they make excellent bike cleaners.
Good tip. Always need more bike cleaners! We've got an ever increasing amount of baby shit in the spare room - main problem is we're in the process of moving home. No completion date as yet, but I expect it'll be two days before the birth date - I figure that'll produce maximum stress!
Getting outdoors with them is achievable, so you don't have to give that up!
Reminds me when we took our 13mo out on a short snow hike. He was in a backpack and double his size with all the layers. All went well and he was a happy chappy until we climbed a hill and the biting wind hit. He sure did let us know he wasn't happy! We quickly descended and found a spot for mum to give him some warm milk (advantages of breastfeeding!)
My advice for an outdoors person is to spend your money on kit to make getting out easier and forget about all the other pointless stuff the baby products industry tries to tell you is essential.
Don’t buy a sterilizing machine, get a decent size bucket and some tablets, 10mins and you are done.
I was a big fan of our microwave steriliser - even easier to use.
Buggies are good for hanging bags of shopping off. Assuming you get one, make sure it'll fit in your car as some are huge.
I became a dad for the first time in May. The two best bits of advice that were given to me were don't bother reading too much as the advice is so conflicting and all babies are different. The other, really important bit, was make sure that you and your partner are nice to each other. It can be pretty stressful when you're sleep deprived and don't really know what to do but it really helps if you can maintain calm and provide the occasional treat.
If your partner is breast feeding then for the first few months you're likely to be a glorified helper for her every need. It gets more fun though as they start to get more interactive.
Second hand is great if you're on a budget. There is so much baby stuff available either cheap or free it's madness to buy much new. We got about £600 worth of burly, off road buggy for £100 and that's us sorted for years. Bundles of clothes can be had for not much money as well. Facebook marketplace and eBay are good.
Only skimmed through the thread but here's a couple of extra bits that may or may not have been said before:
New babies are very sweet and so on but it's not really a 'person' until he starts showing recognition etc. Don't be surprised or worried if it's difficult to feel a proper connection or love at first, it will come!
Nappy changing - this takes practise 😉
Our first had the most incredible projectile pooing abilities, could shoot a stream of it about a metre away. Hilarious if it's not your turn to change!
Your wife/partner/whatever will be very emotional what with hormones going haywire and the whole experience. Keep reminding yourself of this and don't take everything to heart that may be hurtful. Also bear in mind that seemingly innocent things you say might be taken too much to heart by her!
Baby blues is a real thing too and may not be obvious to you.
People will have all sorts of advice, some of which might be excellent for some babies but useless for yours. Babies are all different. I had some patronizing comments when mentioning that I thought our first was starting to teeth at 8 weeks old - hey just because yours started at nearly 1 year doesn't mean anything! (He was teething. So there. Someone else I know had a baby born with a tooth showing!)
Hands or feet are a good way to tell if baby is feeling too cold, they turn blue and feel cold to the touch quickly. Also careful you don't make baby too toasty hot!
My qualifications: father of 4 young boys, youngest is 11 weeks old now and hardly pees on the ceiling at all.
Congratulations!
We were told to layer the baby up in whatever we're wearing +1. So if we're going outside in t-shirts and jumpers, baby needs vest, jumper and jacket. Daughter has survived to 13months so it seems to work okay!
Best advice I was given was to prep the fresh nappy (and nappy bag) before taking the dirty nappy off.
Try not to worry too much - it's an amazing experience. Sleep will become a genuine currency between you and your partner, and to be honest all of the tips and tricks you read on the internet will fly out of your head as soon as you're knackered and you'll resort go into survival mode. Trust your instincts - there are plenty of idiots out there that somehow breed successfully, you'll be fine.
Oh, and the mum will probably be ruined for a good 3months afterwards - be as supportive as you possibly can and treat her like a queen. Birth is bonkers.
I'm sure you've already had plenty offers, but genuinely if you just want a chat/offload then PM me and I'll give you my number.
Us biking dads have got to stick together.
Just chill, it's at two that all hell breaks loose and as far as I know continues for at least another 26 years.
Thanks all the good advice. At the moment I wouldn’t have said i’m worried about it, just keen to learn from the mistakes of others!
Seriously, don't worry. You'll make your own mistakes, they won't matter ...
We’ve got an ever increasing amount of baby shit in the spare room – main problem is we’re in the process of moving home.
All you need is a changing mat or two, rear facing car seat (if you drive) and pram or something to get about, cot and a couple of blankets AND as many nappies and baby wipes as you can get. Some bottles (whether your planning breastfeeding or not)
Given your post, get an infrared thermometer as well to stop you worrying.
I very much regret buying half the stuff we did... it just didn't get used - I just convinced myself we needed it. If the OH is planning to breast feed then an pump might be good (depends on her) but something better to have if you need rather than find she needs and not have.
Pretty much everything else you either don't need or you can just get as the requirement comes up.
We're using reusable nappies (mainly off Aliexpress, also some second hand bundles from Facebook) and wet wipes (Cheeky wipes) for the last 7 months - no idea on environmental difference (no landfill, more washing) but they have been a huge help in terms of never running out of nappies (panic buying/brexit etc may affect supplies at certain times?) plus a lot less cost overall if that is an issue.
It'll get harder as the baby gets older, but at the moment it's just a case of sticking the dirty ones in a net bag in a sealed bucket, then chucking the whole net bag on a long wash every few days.
Do what works for you, multiple breast feeding vids/books all with their unique selling point/techniques left my wife paranoid she was doing it wrong. If the baby/partner are happy, then keep doing what you're doing.
Batch cook / freeze meals - saves hours each week, plus gives you time to ride!
Nothing on youtube because there is no time in the day to be creating content like that lol!
Nothing on youtube because there is no time in the day to be creating content like that lol!
That's spot on... anyone that has the time is doing it to sell you something you likely don't need. Usually by creating a worry with what has to be the worlds most vulnerable consumer group...
It's not like you don't get to go riding anymore I've been out at least 5 times in the last 18 months lol
On the breast feeding front, if the baby won't settle while mum is cuddling offer to do the job as you won't smell of fresh milk.
Mastitis is the very devil as is post birth infection of any episiotomy wound.
Don't be afraid to do your parenting in a different manner to your partner.
On the same topic you're parenting not child-minding if in sole charge. (Winding mother up with this should not be undertaken in early months unless you can sleep with an eye open).
If you get the fathering part and support right sexy times will happen sooner than the naysayers would have you believe. 😉
I’d say ignore everybody (I don’t mean on this thread) and make your own decisions, one at a time. You’ll get most of them right and that’ll do.
If you enjoy the first year or so, it’s a bonus. Most of my mates really didn’t enjoy early fatherhood and worried a lot about that - it worked out for all of them in the end.
Oh aye - hormone crash causes baby blues about 3-5 days after birth, so be nice to your partner who will in any case be sleep deprived and recovering from the birth.
Longer term, if you can create a bit of protected time off for each of you each week then do it. I kept my weeknight 5-a-side football one day a week and made sure my partner was left to her own devices for an hour or two at the weekend, then when the kid was older she went back to netball. Just gives you a bit of a release and an opportunity to not be a parent/worker bee for a little bit each week.
Take as much time off work as you possibly can.
Shared parental leave, holiday, unpaid leave, 4 day week whatever they will give you.
Work strict hours when you do go back 9-5 on the dot etc.
Play an active role in changing nappies, settling crying baby, 3am cuddles - don't just do the washing up and cleaning and go to bed as you "have" to work.
It's OK to cry. Men can cry.
Watch for and recognise signs of depression in yourself and your partner, talk about it - do not let it cause problems between you.
Longer term, if you can create a bit of protected time off for each of you each week then do it. I kept my weeknight 5-a-side football one day a week and made sure my partner was left to her own devices for an hour or two at the weekend, then when the kid was older she went back to netball. Just gives you a bit of a release and an opportunity to not be a parent/worker bee for a little bit each week.
This, and also make use of in-laws/parents at least once a month to go out for a meal as a couple - you'll worry and feel guilty the first time, but don't worry: it soon wears off 🙂
Congratulations, exciting/ scary times! This has been my first year as a parent, so from my own experience:
- Book: Contented Baby by Gina Ford.
- A schedule is what kept us sane. We knew roughly when we should be feeding, when the sprog should be sleeping etc. Obviously it didn't make getting up in the middle of the night for feeds easier, but we knew broadly that it had to be 10pm, 1am, 4am (or whatever) and could plan around that.
- Knowing how much the baby was eating was key too. We were bottle feeding breast milk (long story), so it meant we knew exactly how much sprog was having at each mealtime. And we tracked it - how much milk, poo, pee, sleep etc - every day for the first 2 months.
- From there, being lucky to have a fairly happy and healthy baby, we generally knew that screaming meant hungry (but unlikely because we knew how much we were feeding and when) or dirty nappy. Obviously you're naturally really careful around a newborn, but for the most part with the feeding and sleep routine under control, we had a bit more confidence that if something was seriously wrong, the sprog would let us know.
...and it also meant that we could escape demand feeding, which I know can be an absolute killer for mothers in particular, and the worry of "OMG we haven't fed the sprog enough, maybe it's starving!"
Oh, and:
- baby Bjorn bouncy chair was a massively worthwhile investment
- we were told the nose snot sucker thing was amazing, bought one, and it has not been used once!
Good luck!
Sleep now while you can.
Was meant as a joke, I think, but you won't realise for a long time just how utterly knackered you are all the time.
I found time to ride. Much reduced compared to what I did before, but still a few hours a week, often very early morning or late at night. BUT the knackeredness I mentioned probably contributed to many crashes and several injuries that I still carry, and possibly a weird chronic fatigue syndrome type thing that eased off as the kids got older. (Youngest is 9 now..)
And most important:
When they were little, the first time I ever raised my voice and gave them a real telling off (for something trivial) they were stunned. .............................................
Smallest child then says” It’s ok Dad, you’re just the Dad we need”
Ignore this - it's not normal and his smug virtual face needs a virtual slap! 😀
Stay up the dry end.
DO NOT look, no matter how persuasive the midwife tries to be.
Do a head count at the end of each day. If everyone is still alive then you're doing a great job.
All babies are different. Listen to everyone but ignore them all if you don't think it'll work for you.
The second one is much easier.
The third one is much harder than the first two.
It'll all be fine.
Buy all the batteries in all the sizes. Nobody warned me how much I’d end up spending on batteries. Also develop a caffeine addiction. As for serious advice, there’s already been loads in this thread so I’ll end with a question. What size TV for a newborn?
Congratulations and you’ll do a grand job. I’m the most useless person I know and I’ve got two fully functioning little ones.
I'm sure some people will be able to relate to some of these...
FOLLOW THESE 14 SIMPLE TESTS TO SEE IF YOU'RE READY TO HAVE CHILDREN....
Test 1 – Preparation
Women: To prepare for pregnancy:-
1. Put on a dressing gown and stick a beanbag down the front.
2. Leave it there.
3. After 9 months remove 5% of the beans.
Men: To prepare for children:-
1. Go to a local chemist, tip the contents of your wallet onto the
counter and tell the pharmacist to help himself
2. Go to the supermarket. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to
their head office.
3. Go home. Pick up the newspaper and read it for the last time.
Test 2 – Knowledge
Find a couple who are already parents and berate them about their
methods of discipline, lack of patience, appallingly low tolerance
levels and how they have allowed their children to run wild.
Suggest ways in which they might improve their child’s sleeping habits, toilet training, table
manners and overall behaviour.
Enjoy it. It will be the last time in your life that you will have all the answers.
Test 3 – Nights
To discover how the nights will feel:
1. Walk around the living room from 5pm to 10pm carrying a wet bag
weighing approximately 4 – 6kg, with a radio turned to static (or some
other obnoxious sound) playing loudly.
2. At 10pm, put the bag down, set the alarm for midnight and go to
sleep.
3. Get up at 11pm and walk the bag around the living room until 1am.
4. Set the alarm for 3am.
5. As you can’t get back to sleep, get up at 2am and make a cup of tea.
6. Go to bed at 2.45am.
7. Get up again at 3am when the alarm goes off.
8. Sing songs in the dark until 4am.
9. Put the alarm on for 5am. Get up when it goes off.
10. Make breakfast.
Keep this up for 5 years, look cheerful at all times.
Test 4 – Dressing Small Children
1. Buy a live octopus and a string bag.
2. Attempt to put the octopus into the string bag so that no arms hang
out.
Time Allowed: 5 minutes.
Test 5 – Cars
1. Forget the BMW. Buy a practical 5-door people mover.
2. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment.
Leave it there.
3. Get some melted chocolate. Insert it into the USB socket.
4. Take a box of chocolate biscuits; mash them into the back seat.
5. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.
Test 6 – Going For a Walk
Wait
Go out the front door
Come back in again
Go out
Come back in again
Go out again
Walk down the front path
Walk back up it
Walk down it again
Walk very slowly down the road for five minutes.
Stop, inspect minutely and ask at least 6 questions about every piece of
used chewing gum, dirty tissue and dead insect along the way.
Retrace your steps
Scream that you have had as much as you can stand until the neighbours
come out and stare at you.
Give up and go back into the house.
You are now just about ready to try taking a small child for a walk.
Test 7
Repeat everything you say at least 5 times.
Test 8 – Grocery Shopping
1. Go to the local supermarket. Take with you the nearest thing you can
find to a pre-school child – a fully grown goat is excellent. If you
intend to have more than one child, take more than one goat.
2. Buy your weekly groceries without letting the goat(s) out of your
sight.
3. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys.
Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having
children.
Test 9 – Feeding a 1 year-old
1. Hollow out a melon
2. Make a small hole in the side
3. Suspend the melon from the ceiling and swing it side to side
4. Now get a bowl of soggy cornflakes and attempt to feed them into the
swaying melon while pretending to be an aeroplane.
5. Continue until half the cornflakes are gone.
6. Tip the rest into your lap, making sure that a lot of it falls on the
floor.
Test 10 – TV
1. Learn the names of every character on kids tv.
2. Learn the words to every song they sing.
3. Watch and sing along to nothing else on television for at least 5 years.
Test 11 – Mess
Can you stand the mess children make? To find out:
1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains
2. Hide a fish behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.
3. Stick your fingers in the flowerbeds and then rub them on clean
walls. Cover the stains with crayon. How does that look?
4. Empty every drawer/cupboard/storage box in your house onto the floor
& leave it there.
Test 12 – Long Trips with Toddlers
1. Make a playlist of someone shouting ‘Mummy’ repeatedly. Important
Notes: No more than a 4 second delay between each Mummy. Include
occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet.
2. Play this in your car, everywhere you go for the next 4 years.
You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.
Test 13 – Conversations
1. Start talking to an adult of your choice.
2. Have someone else continually tug on your shirt hem or shirt sleeve
while playing the Mummy playlist above.
You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a
child in the room.
Test 14 – Getting ready for work
1. Pick a day on which you have an important meeting.
2. Put on your finest work attire.
3. Take a cup of cream and put 1 cup of lemon juice in it
4. Stir
5. Dump half of it on your nice silk shirt
6. Saturate a towel with the other half of the mixture
7. Attempt to clean your shirt with the same saturated towel
8. Do not change (you have no time).
9. Go directly to work
You are now ready to have children. ENJOY!!
Start saving old bike bits. Your n+1 is about to become 2n+2.
Enjoy. Don’t over think it. It’s fun.
Though you will have to remind yourself it’s fun sometimes.
Dad of 2 here.
A couple of thoughts -
Nobody is ready for their first child -
I remember walking out of the hospital with our first in the little baby carrier/car seat thing thinking - "Sh*t - what do i do now" but it kind of comes naturally.
Assuming you have a warm house, the means to look after your child properly, and the desire to be a good parent then your child is already better off than a lot of kids..
Good luck - don't overthink it..
The only advice I can give is to ignore everyone else's advice and trust your instincts.
I’d recommend Commando Dad (mentioned earlier) - very practical and an easy read. Might come across a bit clichéd, but he gets the point across.
All babies are different (my two certainly are) so take most peoples advice with a hefty pinch of salt.
NCT groups are reasonably useful - but main benefit is connecting with others going though the same things, arc pretty much the same time.
White noise apps are a godsend, though.
Enjoy - they’re only little once and time absolutely flies by...
*stealth edit* What Fin25 says.
White noise apps are a godsend, though.
Until someone phones part way through putting baby to bed. Got that t shirt.
A white noise machines about a 10er and a godsend. With the white noise on our little one managed to take mid day naps through our building work on going in the room below
Enjoy it, it’s all over far too soon - from a VERY empty nester
So much rings true, when we left hospital after an extra nights stay we got home then it all felt very very real and we wanted to run back into the hospital.
Our wee man slept all night the first night. The health visitor gave us a bollocking as he needed fed more often than that.
After the first night I woke, jumped up and checked he was still alive. I still deem every day he is alive a success.
Commando dad was a good read.
Most of our clothes were second hand up until 2 years old, lots of toys are second hand.
We got a barely used osprey Poco back pack which has been great. A Thule Yepp mini seat has been good
Oh and congratulations.
And his umbilical cord fell off very early which had me phoning the hospital only to be told it's ok.
I have driven to hospital with a child screaming uncontrollably for 3 hours only for him to stop as soon as the doctor so him
Lots of good advice here.
Bits I remember from 2.5 years ago:
Being terrified is normal.
Support your wife.
First 12 weeks is just about surviving
Don't let anyone visit until you want them to.
Don't be afraid to ask for help from whoever you think can give it.
Make sure the freezer is full of single portion meals
Support your wife (again)
Sleep training will pay you back many times over
It is easy to tell if they are too cold, but harder if they are too hot. Feel the back of their neck as a guide.
Dont be afraid to try different things to get them settled or sleeping (but avoid doing things that lead to you suffering eg driving around for hours that they become dependent on)
Prioritise practical over pretty for dealing with a baby
Use sleeping bags. Tkmaxx often have them cheap.
Support your wife.
Don't buy anything unless you are sure you need it
Cheap pram, expensive buggy.
Top tip is 200mL of formula in the microwave before bedtime with timer set to a min on 300W.
Then in the middle of the night you get up stagger downstairs and hit START. I used to think of it as minutes of sleep going into the baby. The mother needed the sleep and I always woke up anyway.
Your parenting will not descend into moral decrepitude if you mix breast and formula milk. We learned this the hard way after the first never slept and was always hungry.
And the one they never tell you, if it’s a boy, Point the penis down and nip up that nappy tight. Or you’ll be changing wet baby grows a few times a day!
New dad with baby born in March just before lockdown. NCT classes were okay, first was more about birth pain relief and when to get to hospital, the second was on breastfeeding, it was as well attended as the first and gave better opportunities to ask questions.
When the baby is born, they will more than likely keep mum and baby in for the night, go home, have a beer and enjoy the last good nights sleep for days/months/years/decades.
We were given the same advice of one more layer then we are wearing, seems to have worked so far. Babies drop weight when born, when getting checked out post birth the midwives will give you some guidance on how much to feed and how regulary, typically its every 3 hours till the go past birth weight.
My wife actually got admitted to hospital with very high blood pressure when our son was 3 days old and she was kept in for 2 nights, as she was shattered and needed rest I took the boy home and took care of him, what they dont tell you is that babies make a lot of noise when they sleep and flinch ALOT! first night I barely slept as he sounded like Darth Vader from time to time and kept jerking his arms or legs. Second night I put the radio on for some background noise and was much happier.
I had 3 weeks paternity, in those 3 weeks I did everything, feeds, nappies, settling, all meals for mum ready, it was great, I really enjoyed the night feeds felt like a bonding experience.
We intended to breast feed, but the boy didnt take to it in the hospital or at home, it wasnt till he was a week or so old at one of his last check ups I asked to recheck for tongue tie, he had minor tongue tie which we got sorted and he's been breastfeed ever since, this has been excellent but now we've got to weening or wanting to send mum out he doesnt like bottles! so if you do breastfeed do give them a bottle every now and then to make it easier down the line. Also the midwives arent that helpful at teaching breastfeeding, they will just take the baby and attach him with no real coaching!
and last thing, we have the wonder weeks app, it shows when the baby will be extra cranky due to changes they are going through, what these changes are and what you'll notice.
Actually I lied, one last thing, for the 8 week and 12 week jabs, get a morning slot, the fever kicked in at exactly post 8 hours for us, which for both was just after midnight and meant a sleepless night rocking an upset child!
EDIT: Osprey Poco owner here, picked up with boy 7 months, works wonders for off road walks, got second hand for 1/3rd of the price!
Worth persevering a lot with breast, as once you crack it it's so much easier than faffing about with microwaving bottles and stuff. It doesn't always work straight away but it can be done.
Best thing I read (and yes, I know I'm a bloke but we went through all this together, I'm reporting my wife's experiences) that didn't seem widely covered was that it's like sex, there's a hormonal side to it. Shoving it in there isn't always enough. Think loving baby thoughts, if you have any left at that point... Also we had specific breastfeeding coaches in Cardiff, which helped. My wife and daughter struggled for 3 highly stressful months before it clicked.
As for keeping babies warm outside - layer them up until they start to look red and fidgety, then remove a few. It's not rocket science - babies weren't freezing to death all over the place before thermometers were invented.
Also don't buy loads of crap up front because you will probably buy wrong. Just get a sling/wraparound, onesies and a sleeping bag. Then buy whatever else you need when you decide you specifically need it. Shops are open all hours these days.
Some great advice up there.
If I could do it again, I wouldn’t. But if I was forced to I would have liked to have know this:
1) the baby. It will be fine. It makes noise when you need to do something. If you’ve tried everything try some background noise
2) your partner. Probably won’t make noise when you need to do something until it’s too late. Talk to each other and make sure they’re ok
3) you. You will be holding, moving, carrying, twisting, lowering, raising, stretching in a way you’ve never done before. You will hurt your back. Stretch and strengthen your back and shoulders a bit now and you might get away with it.
Congratulations and all the best. Just the fact you’ve asked the question means I know you and your family will do well!
Oh yes, that other general rule - books on parenting are read by the people who least need to read books on parenting. I guess for you it's youtube.
But read "Toddler Taming" anyway - quite refreshing.