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"How the hell else are kids supposed to deal with this world they’re in I don’t know."
Same as people the world over have historically dealt with wars, plague, famine and brutal dictatorships. Oh, we don't have those here at the moment.... So maybe kids in the UK could think they are bloody lucky and stay off the drugs before they wreck themselves and their families?
Same as people the world over have historically dealt with wars, plague, famine and brutal dictatorships. Oh, we don’t have those here at the moment…. So maybe kids in the UK could think they are bloody lucky and stay off the drugs before they wreck themselves and their families?
We are at a unique point in history where, if we were so inclined, we could feed and house everyone. There aren't enough 'essential' jobs to go around. Therefore, the vast majority are left with something between a sneaking suspicion and a burning certainty that what we do for 8 hours a day 5 days a week is actually a massive waste of time. At least, those of us who are lucky enough to get paid to sit around wasting our lives away.
Coping with the idea that you are an irrelevance is tricky. Medication is sometimes needed.
tell him some jobs test for alcohol and drugs and have zero tolerance (like mine, we've lost a few people due to the testing), it may make him think about it long term.
A copper came into our school years ago to give a presentation at assembly.
His son was of the age where he could get a 50cc moped, but his father knew of the dangers on the road and was unhappy, so offered his son a 250cc trials bike and to take him to races, etc.
The son took up the offer, got to spend more time with his father, and looked cooler to his friends than if he had got the 50cc moped.
Maybe there is something similar you can do ?
Sit down with him and outline all your fears and show him the stories on here about how people have seriously messed up their mental health.
Strike a deal that he doesn't go down the drugs path at all but follows another activity/hobby which may also get his 'cool' points and keep him away from his peers that might be guiding him into drug use.
A form of bribery, yes, but so what ?
Same as people the world over have historically dealt with wars, plague, famine and brutal dictatorships.
So hallucinogenics and opium based products, bit of an escalation but I guess in for a penny in for a pound.
Chat to him sensibly about it and other drugs.
Given it's legal in loads of places now any knee jerk over reaction loses you a card when they decide to try proper drugs.
Do the research with him and take away some of the 'cool' when you discuss and learn things about it together.
So maybe kids in the UK could think they are bloody lucky and stay off the drugs before they wreck themselves and their families?
Yeah kids of the UK MTFU. That child abuse you suffered as a kid, the mental health problems you have, the bullying you faced everyday or the loss of a parent at a very you age that lead into an addiction is noting compared to some kid abroad.
OP don’t worry too much discuss with them the risks, the issues if caught and the police even bother to prosecute. But above all keep an eye on him make sure he doesn’t over abuse it chances are like many he’ll just get bored of it. He’ll then move onto alcohol which is if course absolutely fine and never sent vulnerable people down a path of destruction.
I've known a few people who have partaken of the 'erb over the years.
Of them, most were the occasional dabble, a joint being passed around at parties and suchlike. Never did any real harm and most if not all have got bored and sacked it off now.
One was a serious stoner and as far as I know still is, though I've not spoken to him beyond the occasional Facebook comment in years now. He was stoned daily, for him it became a hobby like some people are into football or we pretend that we ride bikes. He'd build bongs out of toilet roll tubes and Coke bottles, like some post-watershed episode of Blue Peter, it all rather struck me as way too much like hard work. Even back in like his 20s he had a thousand yard stare, was totally paranoid, and as the years went on he developed other mental ailments which may or may not have been attributed to the weed. Probably didn't help at best.
So I guess what I'm trying to say is, purely anecdotally based on observations of friends, dope is pretty harmless to the majority of users. But if you're the sort of person likely to get sucked into it being a lifestyle choice then it has the potential to mess you up quite badly.
I'd be more concerned about what else he might have access to, or the people who have access to him. Or already might have been in your house.
From my own experience; my ex smoked weed and she quickly got into other stuff too with the opinion that it was fine and didn't cause any harm. There were some bad people that she knew and I didn't want anything to do with. I certainly didn't want them knowing my address.
Also, it's illegal. whether its more or less harmful than other substancies is one thing, but if he hangs around with the wrong group of people or the wrong group thinks he is dealing etc, thats where the real danger could be. Or the wrong person gets a good look in your house with your son while you're at work.
That child abuse you suffered as a kid
Whoa - I didn't know the OP had been abusing his kid - that put's a different perspective on it...
That child abuse you suffered as a kid, the mental health problems you have, the bullying you faced everyday or the loss of a parent at a very you age that lead into an addiction is noting compared to some kid abroad.
https://rationalwiki.org/wiki/Not_as_bad_as
Try reading the post I was replying to Jonnouk.
I doubt he is Turnerguy which is why I didn’t suggest he was.
Easy done.
I only fabled a bit in earlier life and had pretty laid back opinions on it till a few years back
You are Aesop and I claim my 5 Tetradachym
Ok so things have progressed unfortunately. Acid, coke, ketamine. Spoken to compass and talk to Frank. He's not flagged up as dealing in county lines, but for sure had gone way beyond the boundaries.
Lots of bravado of him smoking joints with his mates etc. I have always said the one rule with regard to their phones is that we can look at them at any time. I looked on boxing Day and there was a message from his mate asking if anyone fancied some key. I took a photo and sent this to the parents. I then looked at Laurie's photos and it would appear that he's been doing drugs more frequently since September.
It's got to be his choice to deal with this, do he's got a counselling apt on Monday. Anyone been in a similar situation, give me the good and bad please. Anything that helped out? I'm trying to get him back into biking, and need to plan longer term for the school holidays.
Don't sound great.... but lots of my mates were at it and only one of our large clique turned out to be a total **** up (but then again he was always going to be left by the wayside).
I and my group smoked weed when 16. Lots of mdma/ecstacy in London clubs from 17/18 onwards with a fair bit of coke down the snooker hall during the week.
For me a change of scene (going away for a year with a backpack) got me out of it.
On advice from my lawyer friend I attended "counselling" after getting into trouble with the German plod for smoking weed. The lady didn't quite understand the irony of her being late for the first session because she needed her morning coffee.
I even had to see a psychologist after I lost my license. That was a joke and in hindsight I could have saved myself several hundred euros.
Try not to panic would be my advice. He's taking party drugs with his mates (I'm sure MDMA should probably be on that list too). They're all fairly safe if used with a bit of common sense. Coke and Ket are the worst if taken to excess. Especially Ketamine. Is he drinking too? Booze and coke don't mix well (actually nothing mixes well with booze) so some education on that might be wise. Chances of stopping him altogether are low, and he won't appreciate being separated from his mates so woudn't advise that. Probably just something he has to go through and grow out of, and the vast majority do grow out of it, if my own experiences are anything to go by.
Thanks Drac. Seems he's now a functioning user if I've got my terminology correct. Ket nearly daily along with weed ffs.
I've got his dealers name and details, and a few others so straight to the plod with that. Need to somehow regain his trust as he's not talking to me.
On a positive, of he was balls deep in this he'd be coming the walls to get out and deal, would have a queue of people outside.
He's got a a* in a few subjects, just done his mocks so time will tell.
Hopefully his bladder isn't ruined and he won't need a catheter if we can stop him using. Somewhat comforting to know others have got through this, but I think I'll be shitting myself for years to come.
That's a crap situation and it makes the initial replies to your first post look even more facetious. Irie, indeed.
Good luck in helping him find his way back to the life of not using.
Sorry Dazh, in my panic I credited Drac. Worrying thing is recriminations from his dealers etc as Laurie has no phone now,it'll not take much of a bright spark to make the link between this and his dealer getting fingered.
If you know the other parents in his social group, a group effort could be the best option, shutting down the whole social network of drug taking is much more likely to succeed than just on an individual level.
I'd probably hang fire on involving the police at this stage , their arrival wont help resolve your immediate family issues
Plus it could be your son who ends up getting charged regardless of your original intentions.........
Sad to hear this OP. We went through something similar with my stepson when he was 18 which culminated in his mother finding a big "rock" of MDMA in his bag when he returned home after a couple of days absence and was so out of it he did not wake up for 20 hours. He was dealing this to friends and could not see why it was an issue even after I showed him numerous articles about kids doing similar things getting jail time.
Five years on things are a bit better but I think he stills smokes cannabis and he is very highly strung and unable to cope with minor setbacks or hold down a job. Before getting in with a group of friends in sixth form who were heavy drug users he was a keen sportsman and ambitious to have a good career.
Just a question - where does a 16 year old get enough money to fund what sounds like a fairly developed drug habit?
All kids are different, if he’s experimenting then role with it. If he’s sat in his room on his own getting blazed then that’s a problem.
Don’t do what my old man did.
Checking my pockets every time I came home didn’t work.
Finding my well stashed bong made me even more sneaky.
Reporting me to the police caused a massive rift and my eventual leaving home at 17,,,,,, then I got into proper drugs.
Look after your boy, help him through it with firm ground rules and understanding,,,,,
kids Chong ,it’s more acceptable now days.
hopefully he will grow out of it when he finds a girlfriend, gets a job or Starts riding bikes and finds that new shiney expensive seat clamp more attractive than a bag of green.
I do and I don’t regret my miss spent youth.
Thankfully drug free for almost 10 years.
He's agreed to go to counselling with young addaction, he's opened up to us a bit more. He's saying he'd be fine with just smoking weed now and then, ok I could take that at face value but look where it got him last time.
He'd previously setup a scam account to get money by selling weed but never sending it, all on Instagram and paid into a bit coin account. He got scared and sacked that off.
I'm holding back on reporting his dealer to the police, he's another lad at school and Laurie is very worried about recriminations, so I thought that may be more use as a bargaining tool. He'd only find another dealer.
So yeah, his mum and I are trying to provide support, telling him he can talk to us, making sure he's eating well and getting some fresh air whilst still keeping him under our control. He's accepting this at the moment, but it only has a finite life span.
This friend who he was taking drugs with is happy to go to counselling as well. I'm under no illusion here, it could well be bull to put us off the scent.
Getting into trouble yourself is one thing, seeing your kids do it is absolutely petrifying.
Thanks for the moral support here guys, I'm thinking of trying a diary of his behaviour, drug intake, my thoughts, might be useful for him to read, me to write...
Ket nearly daily
Ooof! That is definitely a different, and much more serious situation to 'partying with your mates', so sorry if my reply came across as a bit flippant. Ket is horrible if you have a lot regularly, I'm sure you've already been told that by the professionals given your comment about his bladder.
Mrs Daz worked as drug worker for a long time, just asked her and her response was to take him to the drug service, don't give him money, and if necessary shop him to the cops. Sounds like you're already doing all or some of that, so good luck!
and it makes the initial replies to your first post look even more facetious.
Boomer I've absolutely no intention of getting into an argument on this point, but suffice to say all situations are different. As someone above said, drugs are so prevalent and commonplace these days among both teenagers and adults that there's almost no way to insulate kids from them. All you can do is be honest, open and supportive and then put your trust in them. We've had to do that recently with my 15 year old daughter on the subject of both alcohol and weed and so far she's not got into either of them apart from a small flirtation with alcohol in the summer.
Yeah, ket so often is a real dumb ass move. I'll accept some weed, but that's it. I'm contemplating getting a drug test kit and checking his urine to see what he's been taking. Also maybe a test kit that will show impurities etc may be a good idea if I can't talk sense into him.
Failing that do any of you own a small island I can put him on for a couple of years?
I say all this whilst on my third gin to numb my brain.... In sure if he was here he'd have something to say about that!
ket so often is a real dumb ass move
I've never understood why Ket became so popular when MDMA and LSD are much more fun and a lot safer. I had it a couple of times back in the day (accidentally I might add, in pills that weren't what I thought they were) and I never had the urge to try it again.
Failing that do any of you own a small island I can put him on for a couple of years?
Is it an option to move? Could be the nuclear option if all else fails? Drugs are everywhere but removing him from the social influences and supply network will more than likely disrupt the drug use enough for him to move on from it.
It's an option I can make work somehow, problem is his mum can't move (we split two years ago) and I work all over the country. He's just about to start his exams, just done his mocks so may not be good now. But for further ed yes. I'm thinking a services apprenticeship may be good for him
Offer to sit down and smoke some weed with him, whilst talking about it. Make it seem really uncool by calling it things like doobies, whacky backy, the devil's lettuce, be one of those really embarrassing adults that smoke weed. Should put him off.
Ketamine is the one I would be worried about. My wife works in urology and she says they regularly get young people in who have wrecked their bladders from ketamine use and now have permanent catheters. Not very glamorous.
I’ve got his dealers name and details, and a few others so straight to the plod with that. Need to somehow regain his trust as he’s not talking to me.
Shopping his dealer will not help to regain his trust.
Boomer I’ve absolutely no intention of getting into an argument on this point, but suffice to say all situations are different. As someone above said, drugs are so prevalent and commonplace these days among both teenagers and adults that there’s almost no way to insulate kids from them
My initial thought when I read the OP was that a father was clearly concerned about a bad situation and was treated to all that "roll a fatty boom batty and sit back and chill" nonsense. Instead of empathy and, God forbid, advice.
For context, my son is 16. I wouldn't like this one bit.
I and my group smoked weed when 16.
From Alpin above. If you're in your 40's Alpin what you smoked then is worlds away from what is smoked now. The advice to roll a joint and smoke with him will not end well.
So last night all was calm. We had a family meal at his mum's. I left at 8. At 12:30 I had a call from her, he'd fallen backwards off his chair whilst playing the Xbox and trapped his finger smashing the end of it. Mum had had a beer so I went around. He was in severe pain, didn't want to talk to me but didn't want to go to hospital, but was sobbing uncontrollably with the pain. After about 30 mins of us talking calmly to him we got him to leave the room, I was going to take him and his mum to hospital and come back to look after our daughter as she was upset also.
I stupidly muttered "you and your ****ing weed" he kicked a chair over and darted into his room, I lunged at the door to stop him hurting himself or chucking other stuff around. His mum thought I was going to belt him so started at me. I collected my daughter and left. Came back here and collapsed in a heap. At 3 am I'm sure I heard footsteps on the gravel outside, so then spent an hour curtain twitching to see if it was one of his mates dropping off drugs. Didn't spot a thing, collapsed again at 4:30.
Both kids are still asleep in respective houses, his mum has now decided she's looking after him for two days, I'll look after our daughter (16 year old twin) to give her some space and hopefully limit any damage to her from this shit show.
Apparently he didn't have any weed yesterday, his room didn't smell strongly.
Counselling on Monday, this is going to be the bloody longest weekend of my life. Including a big family do for my mother's 80th on Sunday. I've suggested that Laurie and his mum can just stay at home if they'd rather.
Laurie is still saying that he'd be happy to just smoke a bit of weed, loads of kids are doing more than him, loads of pills etc. He's researched lots of drugs and the risks online, and knows about ket and catheters. I've bought some test kits for ket, coke, acid. Maybe if I can get him off this shit and just on weed somehow, with maybe some goals, a little freedom etc that would get his trust back
If you’re in your 40’s Alpin what you smoked then is worlds away from what is smoked now.
This absolutely. Some of the stuff these days you have a couple of tokes and you're off your face for 6 hours. It's hard enough for a 40-something with 20 years of experience to ride it out so can't imagine what must go through the head of a 16 year old.
and was treated to all that “roll a fatty boom batty and sit back and chill” nonsense.
Fair enough, although TBF it's probably just a clumsy way of saying 'don't panic'. The vast majority of these cases don't result in any lasting harm or damage.
It's not a clumsy way of saying it. It's the same dismissive blase attitude displayed in every thread on weed on this forum and people with an alternative opinion / knowledge on the impacts of drugs are hounded out by the halfwit 'theres nothing wrong with weed' crowd. You're still trying to justify it in your second sentence.
OP has now been manipulated to accepting his CHILD regularly smoking illegal drugs. Combined with thinking he's the one who has to gain his sons trust (you don't - your son abused your trust don't be guilted into pandering to his childish tantrums). Pretty standard behaviour for addicts.
I'm frankly aghast that you know the details of the child supplying other children with drugs leading them to commit other crimes to fund their habits but seem reluctant to do anything with them. Whoever is pushing that child to bring them into school needs locking up.
At the end of the day he's your kid but he's going to get himself into big boy trouble - he needs to understand his actions have consequences (possession class B + C, fraud, possibly supplying controlled substances if he shared with a friend etc).
It's the same with fags; "they won't do you any harm", "everyone tries them" etc.
Plenty go 'ug' and move along. But a percentage get hooked. A percentage of them die messily of cancer of the everything many years down the track.
Don't listen to the stories of "it'll be fine", listen to the big panicky parent klaxon that's going off inside your head.
Some drugs are normalised on the forum. I don't agree they should be.
If you’re in your 40’s Alpin what you smoked then is worlds away from what is smoked now.
True. Still smoke now. Guess I've built up a tolerance over the years.
Good luck op.
My goodness there is a lot of humbuggery and nonsense on this thread!
Millions of people in this country take drugs frequently with no issues at all
If you’re in your 40’s Alpin what you smoked then is worlds away from what is smoked now
Aye the soapbar that pervaded the world in the 90s was poison.
Situation is much better today.
I'd rather my wean smoke today's grass than that shite.
People like to make that the low grade shite, which is still available btw, was better, it's complete and utter nonsense.
The weed these days is much better.
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