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This thread is actually making me lol 😆
When riding your bike don't think "oh my front tyre looks a bit flat" and try to give it a squeeze..
From my 8 year old - don't take your camelbak off and hang it on your handlebars with the hose dangling towards your wheel...
Start a thread suggesting the Orange Five is less than perfect.
[i]try to change the seat height of your QR seat post while riding
[/i]
I had nearly mastered this before I got a dropper post. Certainly dropping it was no problem, getting it back tothe right height took more practise.
Pull your pump off your back wheel to fast cutting knuckle open on gears ending in finger fusion
I have actually tried the arms crossed one... twice!
I can confirm it doesn't become a better Idea
Utter the fateful words "just one more run" because that's when it always goes horribly wrong. Also giving your brake levers a good squeeze first time you changed the pads on your first pair of hydraulics ' to see how they worked'
"just one more run"
I always say just two more for that exact reason!
Get distracted while servicing a rear disc brake, forgetting to reinstall the split pin that holds the pads in. Trying to find said brake pads after their leap to freedom on the side of a dark cycle path was equally something I won't be bothering with again.
monks trod
Tail-whipping your BMX a bit too close to the curb, then spectacularly binning it, and stabbing the brake lever into your thigh.
Then going to hospital, explaining you did it by falling off a BMX at 27 years old, which results in the miserable doctor having no sympathy for you, and stitching you up without an anaesthetic.
Peruse page 3 of a well known newspaper while cycling towards an unseen parked car on my paper round.
Peruse page 3 of a well known newspaper while cycling towards an unseen parked car on my paper round.
Ha ha ha, than f££k it was not just me that did that as a yoof 😀
Subscribe to MBR 😕
Go on a once in a lifetime bike holiday 
After removing the disc and cable tying it inside the wheel for a flight, cutting the cable ties to refit the disc again.... as well as cutting the spokes its cable tied to...
Great way to start a bike holiday...
Not me, but I have heard of someone mixing up their Chamois Cream with deep heat!
Run you finger through the gap between the cage and chainring as your spinning the peddles to lube the chain and your hand slips.
Still makes me wince thinking about it and the resulting ring shape cut through my nail.
Forget to tighten the pad retaining bolt on your front caliper and end up in the scenery.
Ride with extreme fatigue and in a daze grab the front brake to cut speed when going downhill.
Ride your rear brake only jump bike with a hangover and a bottle of coke in your left hand.
Ride an 80s gravel BMX track without knee pads... I still have very visible scars on my left knee nearly 20 years later 🙁 The stupid thing is I was old enough to know better at the time!
Ride along standing on the saddle and then think "I bet I can take my hands off the bars as well...".
Turns out you can't. In my defence I was about 8.
Try to bunny hop a drain without first checking that your front wheel is properly attached 🙁
Ride over shap fell
Jump 6 people on a grifter
Be the 6th person being jumped
Put slide in brake pads the wrong way round on a road bike....in the alps
Leave your brand new mountain bike unlocked outside a pub in Cambridge to look for your mate
I remember learning to ride standing up when I was a nipper. Once stood up I realised I could push and pull with my arms, moving the bike from side to side under me, like you do when sprinting. This movement became more and more exaggerated as I sprinted standing for the first time, until I found the coefficient of friction between 16inch tyres and hard packed gravel.
I still remember the shock at the speed of transition between being king of the world and being on my arse, tangled in tubes. I've truly never repeated that method of crashing, but the hero to zero feeling has struck me few times since that day.
Driving for an hour to Swinley forest and realising you didn't bring any money for parking.
Fortunately I had a big collection of tickets in the door pocket of my car. Put one from the same date the previous month in my window. Success 🙂
A few weeks later I was 20min late getting back to the car and had a parking ticket. Not so lucky 🙁
Ride over shap fell
What's wrong with Shap ?
Never lean on them new style Keep Left bollards when clipped in at lights, yep they are spring loaded so they go under Vehicles that hit them.
Clean your BMX and forget to tighten the front wheel up.
Pull a wheelie on said BMX with Mate stood on rear stunt pegs.
Leave your brand new mountain bike unlocked outside a pub in Cambridge to look for your mate
On a variation of this, never lock up your bike to something less stronger than the D-Lock locking it!
Ride across a reservoir spillway which has 6 inches of ice cold water flowing across it despite there being signs which say don't cross when wet.
Was on the floor before I knew I was going down and by the end of that ride I was the coldest I've ever been on a bike.
Forget that rental bikes in other countries have the brakes the wrong way round.
Forget that they drive on the other side of the road in other countries. Even on really fast quiet mountain descents with lots of hairpin turns
Test your bike is together properly by doing some quick turns in succession in the motel car park just before you leave to go on a guided tour in the Brian Head mountains Utah washing out your front wheel, slamming down and end up dislocating your left index finger necessitating a lift to the ER (and requiring $10k worth of operation to reseat...)
Forget you have a mate's bike on the roof of the car, and go under a limited height barrier.
Watched my mate do this (to his own bike though). Did £1100 worth damage to his Audi roof ripping off the roof rack.... Ouch!
Volunteer to be the guinea pig when river jumping on the first sunny day of the year. Firstly, just because it's sunny doesn't mean the water's warm and secondly, if the bike doesn't float, it's your duty to try and find in in almost freezing water.
Bunnyhop a wall outside a train station with a heavy, but not very secure, rucksack on your back (unless you actually want to frontflip onto your head in front of all the passengers)
carry on riding your singlespeed commuting hack after the handlebars have snapped and you're riding along steering with the left hand and braking with a dangling half handlebar held on by the brake cable in the right hand. Not a lot of control...
Cut a steerer tube too short
Nobody put their buckled skyways in the freezer to straighten them?
Reach forward and squeeze the front tyre to see if its a bit low on air when you are actually freewheeling steadily down a gentle hill
Try and ride no handed and no footed down the school drive whilst being followed by you design teacher. You invariably look round, bars do a 90 and you land 50/50 on face and shoulder.
Trying to adjusting rota while slowly spinning the wheel..
Result black finger nail for a few weeks.
Think to yourself when you look at the front tyre going flat, I'll stop when I get round this bend and sort it out......as it rolls off the rim as you go round said bend and you fall off!
Also try to bunny hop something high(something that you've done before with no problem on your play bike) whilst learning to ride in spds on a xc bike. Cue front-wheel hitting the front of said obstacle and your sack tearing on your stem. 5 hours in A&E waiting to be stitched up
I've done so many of these more than once, I think I must be retarded
Forget to drop down a few cogs after crawling up very steep hill and then on the way down the other side nerf the rear mech which is still on 34 cog into rear wheel at 20+mph. Luckily Mavic Crossmax ST's are very strong so I managed to stay on bike and stop but.... Every spoke was bent, rim was pringled but hadn't jammed in frame so...
£180 for rebuilt wheel, £65 for new rear mech, £20 for mech hangar and a change of underpants later I resolved not to do it again
Try and bunny hop a wall with the back brake on- escaping a security guard whilst car park racing. I hit the wall, OTB, landed on my arse, jumped in the air and back on the bike so fast.
It only hurt later:(
Jump on a strange bike and riding without checking break lever orientation
Think that the Skate park looks like a laugh when riding home from the pub.....
Phone wife (whilst riding - I blame the convenient location of the phone pocket on the Camelbak) to tell her I've done all the dodgy bits of the ride and am just on the flat cycle path, home soon. Then decide to use my left hand to change gear on the right shifter, but, you know, without holding the handlebar and getting the crossed hands thing going on, cos that would be really really silly.