[Closed] Funny things people newly introduced to cycling say . . .

In what way is it a mountain bike if it doesn't have any gears? The other one is "but you can only ride one bike at a time" to which I would ask how many pairs of shoes they own.

"I'm going to need a comfier saddle - one with gel".

/\ this..

"50psi? Thats more than the car tyres!!"

I'm trying to help a friend at the moment get a bit of confidence on a bike, however I cannot convince her that her feet do not need to be able to touch the floor when she is seated on the bike and that the reason it hurts is that her saddle is too low!

"You could buy a car for that!"

Binners +1

Also why are you always fiddling with your bike, if it cost that much it shouldn't need anything doing to it.
Ever heard of preventative maintenance and regular servicing?

I'll put my brakes and shifters wherever I damn well fancy! Didn't realise they were some kind of badge of honour!

You think putting the brakes where they work best is just some kind of badge of honour?

Blame it on Archimedes and all that fashionable nonsense he spouted about levers.

"I built mine myself/I had the man at Halfords build it for me"

The giveaway is that the brake levers are absolutley horizontal, necessitating an uncomfortable bend of the newbie's wrists.

"I want back suspension, I saw this bike in Tesco..."

"Where do you put your water bottle?"

And said to me more than once on a trail whilst I was sipping from my Camelbak - "Wow, does that contain extra oxygen?". If only!

You don't have inner tubes in your tyres!!??
HYDRAULIC disc brakes!!???

"How do I get faster"

Stepson 2 has been riding his bike for best part of two and a half years, which I've built up out of spare bits for him. I haven't held back on the spec but he doesn't take me seriously.

He came home from school the other day and told me that he'd been chatting to a mate of his and he wanted to upgrade his brakes. He decided that he wanted Avid Juicy 3 hydraulic brakes as they're better than the ones on his bike. I asked him if he knew what brakes he already had... 🙂

If I have my brakes as far in as I want them, I can't reach the shifters properly. Is that just me?

I get lots of kudos from newbies and oldies alike for riding a single speed. Shhh, don't tell anyone else, but it's an Alfine...

My dad swears that the LBS he got his Spec hardtail from set his bike up correctly despite the fact he can sit on the saddle with his feet flat on the ground.

Other half had me chop down the seatpost (wouldn't go low enough as it was) and put a gel cover on the saddle to make things easier for her.

I argued about the first, the second I didn't really want to get into a fight over. She doesn't ride enough to make a big difference and when she does I'll adjust it properly.

"You could buy a car for that!"

I got the Evans catalogue through the post the other day, and there was a BMC time trial bike in there for £8999.99.

I've been riding for decades and that's still the first thing that sprang to mind.

'Shouldn't cycling help you lose weight??'

*Is Birches Valley this way ?*

*Is The Monkey this way ?*

*How do I get to the car park* ?-
[i]Which car park ?[/i]
*Er...*

Do you have to get your frames specially made/reinforced? 😯

I am a bit of a fat biffer 😳

"Why do you need more than one bike?"

"you went up there? on a bike?!"

"You're only faster because you have a better bike"

we swap bikes...

"You're only faster because you're a better rider"

..... 🙄

"why would need more than one bike" I get a lot. Once to howls of derisive laughter in a pub as about 5 colleagues were in hearty agreement that surely one bike is all you would ever need.

And from newbie riders "my wheel is flat (puncture)" and "my tyre isn't working properly (wheel out of true)"

I once witnessed a bloke having a meltdown after taking his son into my old LBS (RIP) and storming up to the counter to complain about how much the bikes cost. The assistant rather cooly replied "the toy shop is four doors down mate".

There are hills in Surrey?

[countered by my own - the "summit" of Pitch Hill!!!]

This is a mean thread you mean sods! Everyone had to start somewhere.

but to continue.... 😈

Does anyone elase get really frustrated when they see people riding along with their saddle so low their knees barely make it over 90 degrees? They often have very colourful cheap helments that look huge and funny.

When I bought t'other half a rockhopper I used to keep sneaking the saddle up and up each week. Sometimes she would notice if I did it a bit too much but eventually she did admit it was much nicer to ride and started moving it up herself as she got more confident.

Have also attacked friends bikes with a set of allen keys to adjust bars, contols, saddle etc and they are always amazed at how much nicer you can make a bike feel without spending a penny.

SHifters/levers against the grips isn't a faux pas but it is indicative (tho not always an actual fact) that the user has not experimented with their setup and found what works for them. I've seen brake levers pointing up. Put 'em where you want I don't care as long as it works for you, just don't leave them where the bike shop did (unless they set it up for you properly) thinking that's "right"

I remember riding my brand new bike home then raiding my dads tool box for allen keys to mess around with bars, levers, shifter, saddle etc, dad complained "it's brand new what do you need to fix it for?" that's a tricky one to explain away, well to pig headed facetious fathers anyway 🙂

newbies don't normally say much to me, either too out of breath going up the 20% climb we take right at the start or quietly grimacing at the pain in their knee/elbow/whatever from the off they had on the techy downhills I've taken them down.

Might not be kind but it soon sorts the wheat from the chaff, if they turn up for a second ride they are serious 🙂

I think a common one - and you see it quite regularly - is people riding with their helmets on back to front. And about 2psi in their tyres

Donk - Surely getting the allen keys out is the first thing anyone does when they get a new bike home? 😀

HYDRAULIC disc brakes!!???

upgrades. newbies always going on about upgrading this and upgrading that.

how do you upgrade a saddle? 🙄

how do you upgrade a saddle

Ti 🙂

How many gears has it got.?

My friend in Whistler mountain bike park:
If I knew I had to stand up on the pedals for descents I would never have come!

Is my seat to high?

Errr...No looks alright.

You sure?

How the **** do I know?

Do you ride over bumps and things?

How many gears has it got?

I get asked this too, it makes me have to stop and think. I probably only use about 3 gears (climbing, pootle and road chomping)

"Why do you need so many tyres?"

Thats a bloody good question if you ask me

You're going [i]HOW[/i] far.... [i][u]TEN[/u][/i] miles !

Not sure I go along with (or even follow???) the brake / shifter thing

From inboard to outboard I have:- brake, shifter, grip - all butted up against each other.

Works fine for me...

... can shift / brake / steer simultaneously and in comfort

Why do you need so many tyres?"

Thats a bloody good question if you ask me

You're going HOW far.... TEN miles !

I was just going to say that. Mind you.... Any distance over 500 yards tends to elicit this response with most people. Over ten miles, in most peoples mind, seems to represent a circumnavigation of the globe

"How many bikes do you need?"

"I got a full suspension MTB for £200"

"you are so fit and skinny" (compared to them and not other cyclists)

"I've seen this Trek...."

"How many gears has that got?" is usually followed by "Eighteen? My mountain bike has twenty one!".

I regularly get "Is that a downhill bike?" when I'm out on my old Enduro.

SHifters/levers against the grips isn't a faux pas but it is indicative (tho not always an actual fact) that the user has not experimented with their setup and found what works for them. I've seen brake levers pointing up

I've had to point one up once just so I could ride a bike. OK, my arm was in plaster, and I was going stir crazy living at my parents house as an 18 year old with a broken arm (we lived miles from anywhere) and had been told not to drive, after a few days I just grabbed the Allen keys and pointed my front brake lever skywards so I could even attempt to use it at all...

The other brake lever "fail" if there is one, is nearly vertical. I was surprised just how much control this robs you of when I started pointing my levers upwards a bit more after some experimentation.

And as for the comment about if you want your levers where they feel comfortable, you can't reach the shifters. I hear you... But then I'm one of the few people who still finds gear lever windows useful. Though I must concede I've taken the window off on my hardtail (with a 1x10) and run the shifter outboard of the brake lever and it feels a lot better, so I might just have to ditch the lever windows on my full sus too.

Just recently I had "HERE, YOU'RE RIDING DOWN THAT?! MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU!" - not sure if that counts...
The thing that gets me though is when you see people wearing their helmets like skullcaps on the back of their head. If they crash, they will have no benefit at all.

newbies don't normally say much to me, either too out of breath going up the 20% climb we take right at the start or quietly grimacing at the pain in their knee/elbow/whatever from the off they had on the techy downhills I've taken them down.

Might not be kind but it soon sorts the wheat from the chaff, if they turn up for a second ride they are serious

MM remembers cold windy night and being forced to ride up San marino/belmont [ is an ex roadie shh]

Remember those who pushed their bikes all the way up with lamus and then pushed them all the way back down again 😉

OT usual
HOw many

from my kids

I only ever want to ride downhill [ dont we all son to some degree]
Can you ride that Daddy? [ I say yes no matter what it is ]
Can we ride like the wind? yes you can son, yes you can
Is this a cheeky trail Daddy ?

I quite like having shifter - brake - grip.

I use my outer 3 fingers (together or individually) for the brakes and I have to admit I still have my shifter windows on 😳