Yes, you have 215 followers on Strava, and yes some random bloke in Brazil gives you kudos for every ride you do, but that’s not enough, is it? What you need is a way to show the real people in your life how amazing you are. Epic in fact. Because once you’ve peeled off your lycra and put your shirt and tie on, it’s really hard to convey to people that you’re a cyclist. Not just a cyclist, you’re a warrior, you’re serious, you rode an epic 100km and there was a 150ft climb (hot tip: it sounds better when you mix your metrics this way) with an average gradient of 8% – all of that before taking the boat down the coast to that little fish restaurant you like.
So yeah, you need some way of telling people who you really are beneath that suit. Cycle themed socks and cufflinks are not enough. What you need is a talking point. Like this.
That’s what you need. It brings new meaning to the term ‘Strava Art’. Possibly new meaning to the term ‘Art’ too. A colour changing desk sculpture. Not just any sculpture, but a personalised engraved sculpture showing all your ride data from that most epic ride that you did. The ‘Illuminfo’. Hey, maybe you could have more than one…you did the whole of the Epic Hardcore Death Ride Sportive Series in the Chilterns last year, why not have one for each event? What colour should you choose to light them up with? Red – like your suffer score? Green – the colour of money? White – symbolising the purity of your pan y agua achievements?
Or you could just ride, enjoy it, and keep it to yourself.
If you do really want one of these they’re on Kickstarter here. Hopefully they’re too expensive to be appearing as presents from well meaning relatives whose only bit of knowledge about you is that you like bikes.
Have you seen worse? Have you been given worse?