Barney is smearing snot and sweat on his bedclothes [it’s performance art], so Hannah has been let loose on Fresh Goods Friday this week. That means there will be no intellectually stimulating preamble, but instead some brief excuses and apologies about the lack of intellectually stimulating preamble:
Hannah is not going to attempt to compete with Barney’s wordsmithery. Hannah is sorry about this. [But Barney has fiddled with it from *beyond the grave* (WOooooOOoooOOo etc)… so if anything’s ace, blame Hannah. If it’s dreadful and/or completely lacking in coherent puns, blame Barney. The rest of the office normally does. *sob*]
You should all be out riding your bikes anyway – have you seen that band of rain that’s coming? Don’t wait until Sunday, get out now, before the trails turn back to slop. Or get out in it anyway, and just be grateful that it’s about 10 degrees warmer than the last time it was chucking it down when you rode. About two weeks ago. Alternatively, select the most appealing of your least favourite child’s Easter Eggs, and settle down with it (on your most comfortable child) to this, the very latest Fresh, Good Friday Fresh Goods Friday!
A new bike for Hannah’s eldest minion, which has grown out of its Frog 52. Ladies and Gentlemen, we give you the Frog 62! As the name perhaps suggests, this model is suitable for minions with a minimum inside leg of 62cm (around 8-10 years old), rather than being an indication of the riders’ age. Or perhaps the year of the Frog’s birth. Or perhaps it’s some sort of genetically modified frog, which has escaped from a facility using it’s heretofore unknown superpowers, and now lives in the Todmorden Underground, fighting crime and eating worms. If you have a problem, and if no-one else can help (and presumably if it involves nothing in an arid environment), maybe you can hire… oh, never mind.
Apparently available in red, purple, orange, Union Jack, Team Sky black or Team Sky white – and – er – non-Team Sky black. None more black. Enduro Nun more black, even. Well, young Enduro Nun more black, at any rate. Oh, help.
It has 24″ wheels, with two natty green spokes to chow you where the valve is.
Tektro brakes. No point farting about with disk brakes when the rider weighs about as much as two dandelions.
A crank length of 127mm for hucksters of diminutive leg. How long before chain guards like that appear on biggerer(er) bikes, hmmm?
Since the end of June 2015, bikes come with 2 sets of Kenda tyres: a hybrid tyre and a more knobbly off-road set for full-on flared-nostril trail wazzage.
Dakine Seeker 15L Backpack
Another pack for our bags with spine protectors grouptest. Made of burly waterproof fabric for ALL TEH STRONGZ, but it still manages to look sweet.
Fox Head Attack Pro Shorts
Nicely cut, lightweight-yet-gnarly shorts, complete with a padded liner. And those are Richard’s legs, Singletrack Leg Fans, so you may proceeed to mark your score chart NOW. Also festooning the Ginger Prince’s delicate (and surprisingly moreish) pins are the…
Fox Head Launch Enduro Knee Pads
Which are ride-all-day slices of knee protection. This is not the most flattering of poses; we’re hoping Richard managed to find a loo before he sent those pads off to the reviewer…
Fox Head Attack 3/4 Jersey
There is no question that Rob, in this pic, needs a flapping cape and a city-esque backdrop. Instead, he gets a Todmorden-esque backdrop, and Chipps’ flat cap.
Fox Head Attack Gloves
A very lightweight glove, made of gossamer and fairy-breath, we think. Essentially, it’s like wearing no gloves at all, but y’know, with gloves on. We like. Rob is suitably dazzled by the sheer gossamerity. Gossamerness. Gossameresqueityness. Oh, whatever. They’re, like totes floaty light, like helium-filled Quavers (heavily breathing fairies just out of shot).
Fox Head Trail Socks
And some gnarly socks, in so far as socks can actually *be* gnarly. But we’re not letting Richard put his feet in them before they go out to our tester – mostly because of Richard’s little *issue*. We were happy for him to wear the shorts though, you’ll note. Mwahahahahahahaha
TSG Trailfox Helmet
A very Enduro looking helmet. Extended at the back, and at the side, it’s light at a claimed weight of a mere 280g. Not bad. It’s also got 16 vents and all that good and righteous stuff.
SIS Team Sky 3-Hour Fuel Pack
Products to make you go fasterer, furtherer, longerer. Possibly. Maybe. 3 hours of fuel in a box, for if you don’t like pies. Someone really needs to make a cycling pie, they really do.
Hope Pro4 Boost Hubs
Price: F: £67, R: £160
Hope’s new Pro 4 hubs – a direct evolution of the Pro2 EVOs… have come in for a 27.5+ chubster build. 10% faster engagement, wider flanges – and hence shorter spokes for stiffness, and very Boost and very, very Orange. So about as on trend as a pair of hubs can be. Also, being Hopes, BZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
Morvelo FUCK CANCER socks
These rather forthright socks are made by Morvelo in honour of our Dep Ed, and our friend. Jenn, who we lost to cancer in 2015. In very, very pink (she’d approve) as modelled by husband Tom’s pins. They have righteous swears (she’d also approve), and all proceeds (not just profits) go towards Macmillan, Cancer Research and St Gemma’s Hospice. She’d definitely approve of that. The 500 pairs they made sold out in less than 24 hours, so they’ve ordered lots more – we will let you know when they’re available. We’ve bought lots of pairs, and you should too.
Price: not much
Remember the Kickstarter campaign we had for the film Mountain Biking – The Untold British Story? Well some generous folks contributed to the campaign and their reward was to visit us here at ST Towers and ride our local trails. Not content with having given to the Kickstarter campaign, one of our visitors brought these Welshcakes with them. Actually, they gave us two packets, but one of them got scoffed before the Fresh Goods photos were taken. AND HANNAH HAS THEFTED THE OTHER PACKET.
WE WANT THE WELSHCAKES BACK!
Grumpy Mule Coffee
Price:Roast To Order bags (Seasonal Specials): £4.50 – £9.50
Enamel Cup: £4.95
Tote Bag: 2.95
From: Grumpy Mule
The lovely folk at local bean brewers/grinders/marketeers Grumpy Mule (near Holmfirth, West Yorkshire) have sent us a selection of their fairly traded caffeinated products for testing in the ST HQ WEGA machine. And yes, for reasons know only to himself, Our Jamie is wearing the tote bag on his head. This is a whole new order of ‘special’ from a man who has a special corner of the Singletrack bus just to himself. It’s caged off, but it’s not cruel – there’s a slightly smelly cuddly toy in one corner for him to chew, and lots of newspaper laid down in case of little accidents.
Right, that’s your lot! Have a lovely, lovely, long bank holiday weekend. May the skies be blue and the trails be dry under tyre. Or at the very least may your waterproofs be highly effective for one last time…