To be honest l dont know why i'm posting this on here, as this is something that l think l should be discussing with my wife alone, but if anyone has ever felt the same way, at least l wont think i'm going mad.
Basically, we found out about a months ago that my wife's expecting. It was unplanned and now i'm going through a riot of emotions and guilt pangs because l didnt want kids until l was at least 33-34 (I'm 29).
Apart from my nephew, l have no emotional desire towards kids. I enjoy my life the way it is, and am feeling pretty gutted that it's all coming to an end. No more foreign adventures, meals out whenever, last minute decisions, money to do what l want with etc etc.
I feel like s*** saying it but l put it to my wife that this was the way l felt, and that if we went through with it, l didnt know if l would feel love towards it. I dont feel ready for the responsibility and l dont want to be a crap dad because of how l feel now. I'm ashamed to say that if it was my choice, l'd be paying a visit to the clinic before things went further.
I love my wife dearly, and l meant it when l said in our vows that we'd be together through life and death - I'm not going anywhere. She has said she cannot consider abortion / adoption, yet at the same time can understand what l'm feeling. She lives with an attitude of 'things happen for a reason', i'm more of a 'l determine my own destiny' kind of person.
I'm struggling to cope with the idea that this is happening, that my life feels like its someone elses' hands. Its not what l wanted (yet - i've got too much to do with my life), and l'm crapping myself that when it comes along, l will resent it.
Anyone had this?
**Apologises profusely for non coherent rambling**