I woke up in a cold sweat last night, knowing that we’re only a matter of weeks from Russia flexing its muscles over Ukraine by firing off a few nukes to major sites. Actually, I was quite lucid, realising that they might even consider dropping one in one of the Great Lakes as a show of force…

Anyway, the reason for my concern was knowing what to do when that happens. As an established city dweller with no countryside skills and severe myopia, realistically I’m in the “collateral damage” cohort of the population. Even if I escaped out to the wilderness I’d have no clue what to do when I got there, other than trying to club squirrels to death with some golf clubs. Which makes me sad 😥

So, cheer me up – what are your apocalypse plans? And what skills can I learn to improve my chances?

I’d probably drive over to RAF Menwith Hill to get it over with quickly.

Surely as a city dweller, you’ll have ample access to coke and hookers. Just go out in a blaze of glory, and die happy

what are your apocalypse plans

Eating people like you mainly 😈

I’ve got an old Mercedes with a full tank, so transport is OK for a while. Beyond that, guns and knives are all to hand, so I reckon I’ll just turn in to a more genteel version of Mad Max.

Eating people like you mainly

Plus 1

What condiments shall I stock up on?

since it all started kicking off in the Ukraine, ive been wearing my full stormtrooper kit.

[video]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5AUYCnzmDJY[/video]

I live within vaporisation range of Aldershot so will stock up on more tinfoil.

Eating people like you mainly

Didn’t help that in my lucid 2am state, my brain instantly went to The Road and that 70s BBC show that I’ve not actually seen, but have seen referenced, about the nuclear holocaust.

Unfortunately regular cycling does result in some nice tasty muscle mass, and my guard dog is definitely of the less scary, rather dim, variety.

Beyond that, guns and knives are all to hand

Are they *really* though, Flash? At all times, just in case it kicks off while you’re out? “Which handgun for Swinley?”

As someone who grew up in the 60’s and 70’s, I would sometimes have the thought of being fried from an overnight exchange of ICBM’s whilst I slept soundly. Even in those formative years I figured the best thing to do was to be fried rather than be a survivor.

Whilst my skills and experience now would enable me to shelter and feed myself and family, I still think my childhood plan would be the better option. If it ever happens!

We have an off-grid ranch which is only accessible by 4×4 which is self-sufficient on water, electricity and has enough food for 6 months (not taking into account Deer and Fish that could be caught locally.

I reckon I’ll just turn in to a more genteel version of Mad Max.

Miffed Max?

Because I want my apocalypse plans to be successful, I’m not going to tell you want they are.

The first rule of apocalypse plans, is that you don’t talk about apocalypse plans.

Holmbury hill on the Orange 5. Great riding and a superb view of Lahndaaan going bang whilst pulling on a hip flask of Laphroaig… 😀

“Which handgun for Swinley?”

Keep it on trend, old chap!

Although, this being STW, I’d imagine the Nuge-variant is more niche du jour

Fat bike, tinned beans, 3 Ray Mears DVDs and my Swiss Army knife

If I’m home I shall ride the Downs, on my own, with my R5ca under my ass and ride it until I fall off exhausted.
If I’m here I’ll ride home 😆

Need a gat to help loot the shop of cheesy comestibles and cakes at Peaselake, mind.

CHF, not singlespeed. Disappointing 😥

Unfortunately regular cycling does result in some nice tasty muscle mass…

You might be all right – fat is flavour… 🙂

A long trip to the seaside with cucumber sandwiches, tent, and an air rifle.

First thing I would do is barricade the wood stores to keep the likes of sharkbait out.
Then stockpile 2 stroke oil for the chainsaws.
Finally Id do a quick nip over to the Loire to stock up on a few cases of pre-irradiated Savennieres to see me through the nuclear winter.

You have your go-bag ready, yes?

As I live in a garrison town 2nd largest in England after Cattrick I shall mainly be putting head between my legs and kissing my bum goodbye 😀

If I am not already nuked to ashes due to proximity with Vickers.

I shall have the followings ready to start hunting:

1. Benelli M4
2. Chiappa Rhino & Little badger
3. Glock
4. Parang
5. Kukri
6. Fire striker.
7. Water container (the one you can fold)
8. Water filter.

That’s all then I shall live in the Toon forest.

😆

You have your go-bag ready, yes?

Yep.

I’d just stop paying my rent. And stop working…

Hang on..

Viva La Armagedón!

Being of the Midlands, I wonder whether we might be all right (unless Putin has some kind of fear of Spitfire production starting again, or a strategic dread of Land Rovers).

Should that be the case, would it please you to know that the nation’s ancestry may all have Black Country accents? 😀

I reckon I’ll just turn in to a more genteel version of Mad Max.

Building a V8 Intercepter was my plan.

I will have a really good view if he nukes Leeds.

As another child of the 70s I firmly believed (brainwashed by right and left for different reasons) that we were all going to die in a nuclear fireball so am pretty relaxed about it.

I suppose I could go and stay with my former work colleague who is fully prepared for any apocalyptic scenario (he even has a garage full of Fray Bentos pies just in case – I kid you not)

3 Ray Mears DVDs

To signal passing planes with, or are you intending to reverse engineer a turbo-trainer to power a DVD player? 😉

Looking around online there are some guidebooks on ‘prepping’ that look like they come with complimentary membership of various government agency lists. The billowing US flags on the front covers do seem to have connotations…

pillage and plunder.

Try and get a quick fumble in with Miss Houns. Try and time both explosions perfectly

Also, this place isn’t too far away

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Drakelow_Tunnels

Probably keep sweet FA out now

I have a simple 2 stage plan.
1) Lie down.
2) Die.

*Looks out of window at Burnley*
I think it’s already happened, but they forgot to let us know.

To be honest. It’s what this planet needs a good wipe out then a few thousand years to recover from mankind. Whatever replaces us should hopefully learn from our mistakes

Why, nature is no nicer or better than humans! It subjected our ancestors to brutal levels of disease, malnourishment and predation. **** it.

There’s lots of really good research done by the Soviets around the Maiak plutonium plant in the Urals.

They’ve basically had an experiment goind there since the fifties on the effect of living in an environment saturated with radiation. Not all of the villages in that area were evacuated, and the people there have been living with the radiation ever since.

Some of the researchers were deployed to Chernobyl to study the effects there and help with the cleanup. Sadly, almost all are now dead of one form of cancer or another.

Anyway, a few tips:

1. Consume lots of iodine – it will protect your thyroid gland.
2. Wash your hands *before* going to the toilet as well as after.
3. Don’t eat beef. Cows absorb a lot more radiation than rabbits.
4. Don’t have children.