So, do I need different “nature’s bog roll”, depending on where my particular poo sits on the Bristol Stool Scale???

Am I missing something here, I thought the correct etiquette was to poo in a bag and hang it from a tree?

Whenever I’m caught “felling a log” across my local trails I just shout out loud “stop staring you weirdo”

allthegear, so long as a good spread is used, cleaning products shouldn’t alter…..of course if the bleeding eye stool is being passed, a moist piece of moss may be more soothing to wipe with and certainly never contemplate using dry lichen…

If your diet gives the possibility of a looseness, shaving regularly will help in wild wiping…..but always be sure of a plentiful supply regardless of how you feel it may pop out.

The worse ones are the hangers on…..no amount of ass shaking will dislodged the mess, so careful use of a stick will be needed..

For disposal, the bark lavy trap method works well for most types, with the poke and freeze technique used for the strays…..

‘never had a shit outside’ half of you boys have never lived.

Try having chronic IBS and see how far you get without dropping them…

If you are going to burn the paper afterwards – take care you’re not in a fire risk area – you’re going to wish you’d had a ziploc with you instead….

Oh – I was in a bothy last year and some army guys were there – this subject came up and their tip was not to carry toilet paper, but to carry one of those tiny tins of vaseline – apply liberally pre-keech and voila! no wiping required afterwards….never tried it myself yet…

I’ve suffered the ‘bingo dabber’ whilst riding. Had to crimp it off in the woods. Got home and chucked my riding gear in the wash basket then jumped into the shower. Thought no more about it.

The missus duly followed shortly after to empty said washing basket en route to the washing machine. She nearly kicked the bathroom door in, and I was told under no circumstances to leave my cycling shorts inside out with the chammy in full view; which was the area she grabbed when emptying the wash basket. She was not happy.

Moss is very overated IMHO. Didn’t clean up as well as I thought.

swello, i think they fancied you and were prepping you for the ‘oh no you don’t, not quite yet’ treatment mid croutch…

Moss is very overated IMHO. Didn’t clean up as well as I thought.

Wrong kind of moss, definitely.

Yeah you tell him jojo..

BTW does that moss work in shewee’s???;-)

I must admit to being very, err, regular shall we say: I’m a morning person. I rarely feel the need when riding.
That said sometimes a mans gotta do what a mans gotta do….And I have done in the past.

However, Mrs PP could (And probably will if she sees this thread) recount a story of absolute horror that we both witnessed in the centre of Reading one sunny afternoon last year as we sat ouside a coffee bar. It left me scarred and I don’t like talking about it.

Put it this way, out in the wild with nobody around is one thing, this was entirely another. The exact opposite. Ahem.
😯

not in your coffee cup?

ewwwwww, thought it was all made up….

PP More details, MOOORRREEEE!

My mate’s father-in-law had a story about one of the engineers who works for him…

He’d been driving back from a job and realised there was no way he was going to make it back to the yard intact, in fact, even the next mile up the road was looking dicey.

Unable to contain himself any longer, he pulled up at the side of the road, leapt over a wall, pulled down his overalls and dropped the kids off.

Sadly, his location was less than ideal and he was disturbed by nearby voices. As the worst was out the way, a quick wipe of the backeye was made and he whipped his overalls up… and covered his neck and shoulders in his own scat.

He’d shat inside his overalls.

Apparently he turned up at the yard, got out the works van, straight into his car and went home. Presumably for a wash.

I’ve heard a great story from an army source. Apparently there was an individual who made it his duty to burgle the turds – he’d sneak after squaddies heading out for a dump while on exercise, unseen, lower a shovel into position, catch the evidence. And then rate it in detail on a daily scorecard for the benefit of all.

So one squaddie, aware of this is extra cautious to make it as far away from camp as subtly as possible. Drops his full all in one NBC (Nuclear/Biological/Chemical) suit afer making sure all’s clear. Lightens his load accordingly, pulls up his noddy suit and turns round to check the details – and nothing there?

Saddened to have fallen foul of the burglar like many before him, he makes his way back to camp. But there’s this lingering smell that seems to be following? Maybe he trod in it – he’ll check properly in daylight but for now being on blackout he daren’t get the torch out.

And then – a simulated gas attack. Quick as a flash he pulls up the hood of his noddy suit and dons the gas mask. And promptly realises that’s where Mr Hanky had been hiding all this time. In his hood.

I’ve been known to go and drop one off mid-ride. We also have had to carry our whole teams poos out during a few expedition races. Thanks to some sage advice from a French guy with a wild look in his eye we took an empty Replace container with us (round light plastic thing with a screw on lid). The year before they only had a bag of littler bags and fell over with them all in his pack – pop! – merde sur la bag. Anyway he said it was quite awful and we thankfully didn’t have to carry too much around in the heat !

stop shitting on the trails you dirty pig dog, worse than a bloody toddler 😀

Dump afore you go laddie

Agree with JojoA1 – sphagnum moss, from a boggy bit of ground is the business. Ferns?! Ferns are full of strichnine (which is how they manage to cover vast tracts of land – by poisoning the ground so nowt else can grow) so I damn sure won’t be wiping with ferns any time soon.

As for the base layer stuff… surely you wear ur base under your bibs? Thats what makes it work! Its supposed to be on your skin to regulate temp etc…. wearing it OVER your bib means 50% has got your bib between skin and layer. Also stops bibs rubbing on shoulders.

PP More details, MOOORRREEEE!

OK. You aSked for it. But I recount this story under duress.

It was a busy, sunny Saturday lunchtime, and, just opposite the main entrace to the Oracle shopping centre, in Reading is a narrower street which has a few sandwich/coffee bars in it. Very nice.
We were sitting outside one of these with coffee and cake, as you do. Then Mrs PP points out a woman sitting maybe 10-15 yards away just up the street on the opposite side.
Picture the scene – The street widens slightly and the top floor of an office overhangs the shops below. This is supported by several cylindrical columns, about 2-3ft diameter. At the base of each column is a handy curved concrete block which arcs nicely round the front of said column, leaving a gap twixt block and column of a few inches, just the right height to sit on….
This woman sat there as people passed on the busy street with her trousers etc pulled down to mid thigh, her bags at her feet. People were walking within a few feet of her. Lots of them. It was pretty obvious to anyone that noticed that she was curling one off between block and column. But you couldn’t see it……. It was all in the mind.
We were utterly horrified.
“Maybe she’s homeless?” offers Mrs PP. “Look at all those bags.”
“That’s her shopping” I reply. They were bags from a well known supermarket, and not one of the cheap ones either.
She was well dressed, in her early 40s.
Mrs PP wanted to investigate further, I put my foot down and said we’d be best leaving her be.
The woman pulled up her keks and left, like it was a normal thing she did all the time.
We’ve never been back to that coffee bar, surprisingly.

This, I swear, is the 100% truth. As witnessed by me and scores of others.