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This romance lark....

76 posts & 41 voices | Started 2 years ago by The Southern Yeti | Latest reply from Karinofnine

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grievoustim - Member

whilst attempting (and failing) to save my marriage I read a few relationship type books

a common theme seems to be that people have a different ideas about what constitutes "love and attention" from their partner - so I guess romance

some like sex, others gifts, others "service" or "acts of kindness", others talking and one to one attention.

Where you get problems is where one person is always buying gifts and flowers for their other half , as this is their idea of how to show someone you love them. But the other half just wants to talk - and barely registers or appreciates the gifts as tokens of love.

Posted 2 years ago #
molgrips - Member

Being romantic means thinking about the best possible things in life and not letting the everyday drag you down. Being romantic with someone means focusing on the things they like and doing stuff for them. Not just so you can get brownie points, but because you love them and want to be nice.

And it's not always flowers/chocolates/holidays, although it could be. It's whatever that person needs at that time.

+1 for grievoustim. Last weekend me and the Mrs lay in bed for an hour and a half talking whilst the nipper slept. Made a big difference to the Mrs' state of mind.. cheered her up no end after a load of tribulations

Posted 2 years ago #
theotherjonv - Member

after coming back from a day in the hills both freezing cold and knackered, collapsed on the sofa. Totally totally exhausted. The guy had hurt his leg so was really crippled, but still got up ran a bath for me, brought me a glass of wine, washed my hair.....

Wow, sounds like a keeper

then left me in peace

EPIC FAIL

What you interpret as being left alone was him lying on the bed upstairs waiting for you to appear and compensate for all that ikky lovey stuff by doing things that only appear on the expert pages of ancient oriental texts. In the end he had to knock one out while thinking of Kylie, and then move to the other end of the country to avoid you!!

Posted 2 years ago #
noteeth - Member

The most romantic thing I ever did on account of somebody else was to completely self-destruct.

Posted 2 years ago #
jon1973 - Member

jon........ she finished it?!

and...?

Posted 2 years ago #
Kit - Member

A disgusting schmaltzy insincerity designed to shift flowers, chocolates and hotel rooms that should be banned for the good of humanity ?

Blokes only drag out the flowers when they have misbehaved or are about to, so at least it has that going for it.

Women are easy to please just listen to them, talk honestly and don't be a ****, buying flowers is the cowards way out.

Oh yeah and edit to above, they drag out the flowers etc when they want to do something they have seen on t'internet.

Not that you're bitter, right? Good! Because I'd hate to think that you'd tar all men with the same brush hels.

Posted 2 years ago #
thisisnotaspoon - Member

Does it feel like a match made in heaven?

Well the first 3 months were great, then she got flu, which meant no romance for 2 weeks, just a continuous supply of tea and drugs.

Then things were fine again, then I mentioned that I'd applied for a job in the midlands, and she went ballistic about how I'd made the decision to move to the other end of the country without even telling her, etc etc etc.

Then things calmed down (I just told her to her face she was being utterly unreasoble) and everything was great again.

Now she's determined to drag me away on a holliday I've absolutley no interest or enthusiasm for. And keeps saying "I dont mind where )or when) we go, you chose" then every suggestion gets met with "hmmmm, no" because she want's to go on a seaside holliday to a chavtastic caravan park in March!

Posted 2 years ago #
The Southern Yeti - Member

and...?

He obviously wasn't doing something else quite right. IF I'd done that for a girl she'd be feeling so romantic I'd need a sh1tty stick to fend her off.

Posted 2 years ago #
VooDoochild - Member

thisisnotaspoon; Best is to find her a chav, introduce it to her and send them to that chavtastic caravan park in March.
They live happily ever after.

On a serious note, I think you need to be honest to yourself.
She doesn't sound like an inteligent, reasonable person to me.
If something like this would've happened to me, I'd probably would've said goodbeye.

Posted 2 years ago #
satsoma - Member

Romance is different for everyone, but for me it's making time for each other, remembering why we fell in love in the first place and making sure our relationship is always fun.

I don't need my bloke to buy me flowers, it's enough that when he goes to the shop he buys me a chocolate bar that he thinks I'll like. He finds new ways to tell me he loves me and if he ever thinks I look good, he'll tell me.

It's the little things that matter

Posted 2 years ago #
scu98rkr - Member

"Then things were fine again, then I mentioned that I'd applied for a job in the midlands, and she went ballistic about how I'd made the decision to move to the other end of the country without even telling her, etc etc etc."

This is an impossibility as the midlands are in the middle on the country.

Posted 2 years ago #
teagirl - Member

Thisisnotaspoon : Do you really think you've got a future with this girl? Doesn't read like you have to me.

Romance is very different for me, Spouse isn't on that wavelength but on the odd occassion he's bought me a book that I've loved and an artisan piece of jewellery. I don't seek materialistic gestures but it's the little things that matter when you least expect them, like the time he bought me my current bike! Ok, someone will say thats materialistic, but it was to make life a whole lot more comfy! He thinks I'm romantic tho' as I made him a gallon of Piccalli, he loves that! A labour of love?

Posted 2 years ago #
hels - Member

Thisisnotaspoon - sorry to be blunt but you are not crap at "romance" your lady is just not a nice person.

Kit - I'm not bitter, cynical and realistic, the rose petals fell off my eyes many years ago !

Posted 2 years ago #
alpine girl - Member

southern yeti - I didn't say what I did after I had had my peace and quiet

Posted 2 years ago #
The Southern Yeti - Member

Well then Ms Alpine, you've confirmed that my simple brain just doesn't understand women haha!

Posted 2 years ago #
molgrips - Member

TINAS - sounds like you have fundamental differences there.

Posted 2 years ago #
BillMC - Member

Some while back Cosmopolitan did a survey to find out who women thought would be the best England goalkeeper. They found that most women preferred Seaman to Flowers.
Just a thought.

Posted 2 years ago #
MrNutt - Member

I once let a "patient" of mine gnaw halfway through her restraints before replacing the ball gag. She had beautiful eyes, I think they may be still around here someplace?

Posted 2 years ago #
The Southern Yeti - Member

MrNutt - I hope you were singing;

'I wanna know what love is, I want you to show me....

Posted 2 years ago #
jojoA1 - Member

Personally, romance is definitely not about being given gifts (unless there has been real thought behind them) (or it's a new DH bike ).

It's more about being made to feel wanted....so to be grabbed and kissed passionately in public, brought a cup of tea in bed in the morning, being allowed to be who I am without criticism....that's romance for me.

I think we must be twins!

Definitely not typical 'romantic' stuff like flowers and chocolates and not necessarily large gestures. A look, a word or a touch can be romantic especially if it evokes another past shared moment that meant something between you. Being made to feel wanted physically and spiritually, attractive and valued for who you are are the elements that need to be captured for something to be romantic.

*sighs* When can I get me some of that?

Posted 2 years ago #
molgrips - Member

Leaving yourself wide open there jojo - this is STW

Posted 2 years ago #
jojoA1 - Member

.... I'm in a relationship.... *sighs again*.

Posted 2 years ago #
The Southern Yeti - Member

Hey this is my thread and you've started making me think about touching twins! I'm trying to escape my smutty past and become romantic and maybe even a bit sensitive. You've just ruined a day of good work!

For now though I'm more than happy to ~~grope~~ grab twins public or private I don't mind!

For twins, I'll even drop the no relationship rule, how's that for romance?

Posted 2 years ago #
FoxyChick - Member

Romance is NOT about giving flowers. MrfC used to give me flowers after a fall-out and then they would just sit there for a week reminding me of the row.

Romance is not about giving wine and chocolates; it's more about remembering the exact favourite bottle.

Well the first 3 months were great, then she got flu, which meant no romance for 2 weeks, just a continuous supply of tea and drugs.

Are you mistaking romance for sex??

Being looked after when you are ill and look and feel like sh1t can feel really romantic.
One of the most romantic things I find is that MrFC can choose the exact book I would like to read. He knows exactly what I'll enjoy.
Romance is a shared look of naughtiness when the kids are around. It's about still holding hands walking down the street after 15 yrs of being together.
I think that romance is like beauty; it can sometimes only really be felt by the receiver. So when MrFC buys me a book he just sees it as practical, whereas I see it as quite romantic as he has taken some trouble and made me feel really special.

Posted 2 years ago #
Bunnyhop - Member

Romance, as many others have said is different things to different people.
For a friend it would mean the whole slap up meal, flowers and a gift on Valentines day.
Myself, just a walk or mtb ride in the countryside with him leaning over to kiss me when looking out over a hill at a favourite beautyspot would make me quiver at the knees.

Posted 2 years ago #
Shibboleth - Member

I'm a big old romantic at heart, and my favourite thing is notes. I've left them in her purse, behind her credit card so she finds them when she's at the checkout, in her dressing gown pocket, in her makeup bag. I've sent her off to work with some lunch in a tupperware tub so when she opens it she sees a note saying "I love you more than lasagne its self"... things like that.

She tells me it's romantic because it makes her smile when she's busy or feeling tired and fractious first thing in the morning.

And I put toothpaste on her toothbrush if i get up first...

And I've just broken up with her and I'm utterly devastated. Romance f*****g sucks.

Posted 2 years ago #
miaowing_kat - Member

Romance is getting off the bus or train and seeing your partner there waiting for you- when you didn't expect them to be. (that's never actually happened to me but it's something I can dream about..)

The 'sweetest' things my ex did for me were buying me a chocolate pudding. or cookies at a reduced price. he also once gave me a flower that someone had left stuck on his windscreen.. I was touched by all those gestures. I don't consider them romantic, but they told me he was thinking about me when he wasn't with me

Posted 2 years ago #
thisisnotaspoon - Member

Are you mistaking romance for sex??
nope, although there was none of that either!

Being looked after when you are ill and look and feel like sh1t can feel really romantic

nope, eventualy resulted in me getting an earfull for doing the housework.

Posted 2 years ago #
littlegirlbunny - Member

And I've just broken up with her and I'm utterly devastated. Romance f*****g sucks.

Posted 2 years ago #
coffeeking - Member

miaowing_kat - from those comments you come across as remarkably low-maintenance!

Posted 2 years ago #
iDave - Member

Shibboleth - maybe she heard about the little cute client doing some overtime for you and flicking the kettle on?

Posted 2 years ago #
aleigh - Member

for me it's when a guy is really thoughtful, makes me feel really attractive and who will do anything for me....not to the point where i walk all over him i hasten to add

Posted 2 years ago #
Shibboleth - Member

Tribalchief, that was long before she came along. Weeks in fact...

Posted 2 years ago #
ahwiles - Member

the one thing i've learned from this thread is that women really ARE obsessed with chocolate.

Posted 2 years ago #
miaowing_kat - Member

CK - I wouldn't claim to be low-maintenance at all.. Whilst he might not have been romantic, he was always there for me in a crisis (of which there were many)
The fact that he bought me a burger and chips for my 21st birthday doesn't matter. and besides, the quickest way to my heart is food

Posted 2 years ago #
Karinofnine - Member

Romance - pah!

Posted 2 years ago #