A mate is on the verge of splitting up with his mrs – separating but not divorcing. They are married with one child (still at school) and the house is paid for and in his name (he’d bought it before he met her)

Who gets what in the eyes of the law?

Kids involved? Hmmmmmmmm. As a rule of thumb, just assume she’ll basically get everything. And he’ll be lucky if he’s still got the clothes he’s stood up in. That’s the way these things generally go

And a massive legal bill.

Tell him to get the best divorce lawyer possible, the best & then cross his fingers.

just assume she’ll basically get everything

Really?

Legally first port of call will be to make sure the kid is looked after properly, best bit of advice is to try & divvy it up without recourse to laywers otherwise all three of them will loose out & also whatever happens make sure the kid is first consideration in all decisions. Best of luck.

edit:- Kept house & kids & good relationship with Ex – lawyers got sweet f a

Definitely best to sort out something you both agree on rather than going to the courts. Not usually possible though, I guess. Although not all women are money grabbing bitches! 😉

And some men are money-grabbing gits.

best thing for them both to do right now is to stay cool, or as cool as possible – hopefully it’s an amicable split? As soon as lawyers/courts are involved it’ll take a turn for the worse and nobody wins.
As above, assume she’ll get it all.

I got to keep my clothes and cook books, she got everything else, including the kids, it took 5 years to have a civil conversation with her due to me leaving her. I took the view that I wasn’t giving everything to her but the kids and kept up the car repayments as the kids needed to get to school.

loads of my mum and dads friends are splitting up at the minute, It’s like “get to 40, git seperated” LOL

keep away from the courts seems to be the best advice

Don’t they prefer to do things through mediation by bring the parties together to find an amicable solution, it also depend on how if at they get along, if they utterly despise one another then it could be very messy, hopefully though for the childs sake they can both be reasonable, and find an amicable solution.

House in his name means nothing, even if it was bought and paid for before they met. It would still mean nothing even if they weren’t married; as I found out :-/

At least house prices are pretty much at rock bottom. I borrowed very heavily to pay the other side off. Soon as it was in my name the market crashed. Lost pretty much everything I’d spent 25 years working for.

Rule of thumb would be 50-50 on the house, with a 10-20% stake awarded to the person who stays in it if they have the child there too. So typically, she stays in the house with child whilst the bloke gets 30% of the value. If the woman can’t (won’t) pay the 30% then it gets messier.

Financially it is lose/lose 🙁

which law? england and wales or scotland

The split is fairly acrimonious tbh & has been on the cards for over a year.

She won’t mediate she just wants out which is not surprising since matey has provided her with a comfortable lifestyle.

Is there really no (English) justice in this? How is it possible that she gets the house/car/everything?

How is it possible that she gets the house/car/everything?

It’s not quite that cut and dried – I believe she only gets house until kids are 18, for example so he doesn’t lose all his stake.

He really needs some proper legal advice and I think mediation is mandatory now so she may have to accept it like it or not.

My brother’s ex got everything, his house and all it’s contents, which she then went on to sell, to move in to a house about 60 grand cheaper to pocket the cash. Now won’t let him see the bairn and he can’t afford to take it to court.

OP this post of topic is the worst to ask about on a forum.

He needs some proper advice, start at CAB.

How is it possible that she gets the house/car/everything?

People seem to forget that marriage is a legally binding contract, everything I own …blah blah blah, add in the responsibilities for any kids & there you have it.

Tried to warn a mate off marriage a few years back, his Mrs managed to engineer a rift so that they got married in secret without even telling the best man (me) still got my fingers crossed for him

Because she holds all the cards. She will, barring being a crack-whore, ALWAYS get custody of the kids. And the court will put the kids interests first. Thus, she gets everything!

And of course, then she can subsequently deny him access on a whim, whenever she damn well feels like. The courts will do absolutely nothing about this*.

This situation enables her to demand the moon on a stick, or she doesn’t play ball. Your mates going to have to bend over and take it, basically

*One of my mates racked up £25,000 in legal fees to find this out

al, matey is seeking professional help I just wondered what other people’s experiences were

Can hardly believe she gets everything – from a financial point of view she has contributed FA

If there’s no divorce, they’re still married, so the law doesn’t really come into it.

Having said that, professional, not STW desk-jockey bitter or not ex-divorcee, advice is needed.

Is there really no (English) justice in this? How is it possible that she gets the house/car/everything?

Because no-one on here is a family lawyer, and so isn’t giving true advice.

Out of interested, is there any legal reason why the mother would normally get the kids?

If there’s no divorce, they’re still married, so the law doesn’t really come into it.

Hmm…but for an acrimonious split how else is it possible to sort things out without getting solicitors involved?

ourmaninthenorth – ssssssshhhhhhhhhhh. He doesn’t want sound legal advice. He wants a deluge of bitterness and cynicism from a bunch of grumpy blokes who’ve been collectively taken to the cleaners. 😉

Out of interested, is there any legal reason why the mother would normally get the kids?

cos men are horrible, brutish creatures who only care about chasing other vaginas, fighting and drinking until the wife becomes a blurred target for their testosterone induced fists.

wimmin on the other hand can only be loving mothers with nothing but the best intentions of their offspring at heart, unless they’re arrest sheet approved crack-whores.

its a sexist world out there, and that sexism seems to be (based on anecdotal evidence) turned firmly against even the best dads when it comes to divorce 🙁

Has he asked her to leave rather then him leaving? Worked for me – kept the house & kids

There’s a lesson here I think. Don’t ever get married. Just in case, like.

I don’t have kids or anything, but IMO Fathers for Justice are right on with their view on divorce and custody. This is not a man’s world. It is a very confused world, full of sexism on all sides, none of which help anyone. OP, I hope your friend will be alright through all this and can come out the other side still able to see his child.

my advice would be no matter how hard life gets at home is DO NOT move out of that house becasue he’ll never get back in

Whatever he does, don’t leave the house without advice.

I went through divorce nearly 20 years ago, we split on good terms and she (and the kids moved in with her b/f) – I kept the house, although it was pretty much +100% owned by the Building Society (late 80’s crash).

We never paid for advice, just had the solicitor draw up the legals’ – and no CSA since either – I’ve always paid whatever was needed.

But it does need both sides to want to – lucky she’d seen the CSA from the other side, with her b/f’s ex 🙂

EDIT – and we split up the stuff using a combination of which side of the family had bought it and/or who needed it – only arguement was over the dishwasher.

she gets what she wants, all the stuff she doesn’t want you have to pay her for.

There’s a lot of bitter misogynistic cobblers being spouted on this thread.

Best go with cynic-al’s advice –

OP this post of topic is the worst to ask about on a forum.

He needs some proper advice, start at CAB

stanley, sounds like you were shafted as married rights are different to those who are unmarried, although if there’s kids involved it may change things.

There’s a lot of bitter misogynistic cobblers being spouted on this thread

You say that like its a bad thing?

from a financial point of view she has contributed FA

well if kids are involved she’s (presumably) contributed a hell of a lot right there, caring for your/his kids should not be under valued.

Just for balance like 🙂

There’s a lesson here I think. Don’t ever get married.

Or if you do then make sure it’s to a crack whore.

There’s a lot of bitter misogynistic cobblers being spouted on this thread.

Not bitter, just says it like I sees it.

Or if you do then make sure it’s to a crack whore.

😆

Of course your mate (;-)) needs proper legal advice, but the anecdotal “evidence” is overwhelming- In general, blokes earn more but then lose more when a relationship ends.
Married v cohabiting rights maybe different…. the “rights” that conspired to rob me weren’t!!

Might be coming across as bitter here…. but I’m genuinely not. I’m glad that my ex has gone on to do well. And after I lost so much financially, then had a breakdown and couldn’t face the world for a year, I now live with a great woman, in a lovely house in a good area, etc. My position now is better than it was before the money-losing split.

Shouldn’t happen again- I’ve not much(financially)to lose now 🙂