[Closed] Serious male medical(-ish) question

sometimes when you think to yourself "should I really start this thread"... the answer is no.

I have no shame Weeksy.....

So, which camp are you in?

Worst case I had was after running a marathon. Poor chap went from 'normal' to now't but foreskin. Took a good bath and much vigour to revive.

As we used to say in the Navy

" Its not what is on the deck, its whats in the cable locker"

😯

Downshep - that's sort of what the good lady wife was so amused by this morning.

Her concern was "where's it gone?". And, to be fair, I wasn't sure. Where do they go?

Yes, if it is freezing cold or if I am not feeling well.

If you have lower back pain that too will have an effect especially if the pain is unbearable.

😮

Hmm maybe all those hookers really were telling the truth.

but she was wondering if other men who ride had issues with their gentlemen becoming MIA after a ride

So you're asking this question on behalf of your missus ?

Tell her it doesn't affect me. HTH

Could it not be coaxed out with a small piece of cheese maybe.

I didn't try the cheese method Chip.

The issue isn't so much that it vanished, the issue is where did it vanish to? It has substance, yet seemed to have vacated the area completely.

Is there a special pouch that no-one has told me about?

yet seemed to have vacated the area completely.

How do you have a pee whilst on a ride, do you carry a Shewee ?

I don't wee when I'm riding?

Do you carry a portable toilet?

Is there a special pouch that no-one has told me about?

You do know there's nothing solid in there, don't you?

Sorry I consider that I'm still "on a ride" when I stop to have a pee. No I don't carry a portable toilet, I find that trees provide all the assistance I need 🙂

You do know there's nothing solid in there, don't you?

Let's not go down that route....

Ernie, weeing in the outdoors is so uncivilised. Is there no way you could hold it in until you're home?

I get garden sprinkler syndrome after long ride - most inconvenient!

You did not step out the shower with a rogue estrogen patch stuck to your foot this morning did you.
Or maybe there was a mix up in the medicine draw,
Your misses is having hot flushes but on the plus side has not had a woodbine since breakfast.

As above. If you hold it in but then its disappeared when you get home the results can be spectacular if somewhat messy

No Chip, there's no HRT shenanigans going on in Casa S****. As for the woodbine, the good lady gave up smoking her pipe a few years ago now.

Tops 5 - this is why I worry about Ernie doing a pee in the wilderness. One single wee could seriously soak a stoat that was minding its own business nearby.

Is there no way you could hold it in until you're home?

Well I would if I had to sit down 😉

'soaking a stoat' 😯

cheekyboy - Member

As we used to say in the Navy

" Its not what is on the deck, its whats in the cable locker"

That's slang for anus, I take it?

It's not stoats that should worry. Marinated hedgehog anyone? (Yes really).

BTW I love the idea of being taught decorum by someone called R S**** 😛

Why don't you tuck your 'chap' into the top of your sock to keep him warm like the rest of us do?

[img] [/img]

It's not stoats that should worry

Indeed. I always have a quick check for anything with sharp teeth before unzipping.

Maybe for the best - is it any use to you anyway?

Surely a nice cup of tea and a warm jumper are more satisfying when you get to a certain stage of life!

Indeed. I always have a quick check for anything with sharp teeth before unzipping.

Let's not get obsessed by soaked stoats people. All sorts of wildlife could be injured. Maybe even Chris Packham could get a nasty soaking.

But this thread is not about the morals or ethics of weeing on wilderness. It's about the effect riding has on a gentlemans gentleman.

Surely no-one arrives home from a ride with a bigger one than when they started?

So I'm assuming most people find the cold air and tight, tight Lycra to be somewhat effective at reducing ones "impressiveness".

But the question still remains, where does it go to?

Dr s **** youre not a real dr are you.

Wear a few socks over your small appendage, then when you come in Percy penis will be warm as toast,

or just pop a few viagra on return and pp wioll rise to the occasion so one ride in the cold and one ride with the wife.

just superglue the old chap to your inner thigh when he's not feeling so shy....that'll stop him hiding when its cold*

*warning - may have unsavoury side effects

[img] [/img]

My dear Project, I find it awkward that this thread is now challenging my professional status....

So your answer to my question "where does it go?", in your case it goes into a sock?

DrRS**** - Member

So your answer to my question "where does it go?", in your case it's hidden by a rolled up sock?

FTFY

Try windsurfing in Febuary in the UK.
After 30mins you can't feel your hands or face, 60mins and I can feel core temp starting to drop. Only time I feel really, really cold and that I'm 'chilled to the bone'.
Chipolata anyone?
A hot bath and Im sorted but the gap between getting out of a wet wetsuit in a windy car park and getting in the bath is most unpleasant

have had cramp in my prostate region before whilst riding my bike,it was bloody horrible (literally felt like my balls/prostate were being squeezed hard in a vice 😯

as for shrinking tallywhacker when riding (well it's small when it's not excited,so doesn't really feel much different tbh 😐

But Singletrackmind, I can almost see an advantage for you.

You've been wind surfing and need to change into normal clothes for the drive home. Isn't it better to be the perfect human representation of Action Man in the sea front car park? Surely it must scare fewer children?

Raceface, having not had my balls squeezed in a vice(*) I'm struggling to find empathy.

* - the night is young.....

Is this an amazing nano sculpture post?

Many years ago worked with a part time male stripper, well endowed chap he was but to make the ladies more excitable he would wear an extention piece, a bit like an extra 5 inches with a condom type sleeve to hold it in place, he would then helicopter Percey, one night he went a bit far, Perceys extension flew off hit a lady in the face, knocked hjer glasses off, she jumped up to run out screraming, ran into the door and knocked her self out.

Perhaps that what you could use.

Isn't the internet brilliant.

That part of the body is spongey and full of blood. In cold conditions vaso-constriction happens where the body shuts down the blood to the extremities so as to keep the core temperature up.

I swim in cold water sometimes, after which I need tweezers to hold it when I'm peeing, and my balls disappear completely, as per the ninjas in a James Bond book . It all returns to normal when I warm up.

(f$%K that 😯 after watching that shaolin video above.

The Kombai tribesmen invert their penises when not in use....

http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p00ckmdt

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/3634363/Do-you-really-want-to-be-in-our-tribe.html

I'm now more confused than ever.

It is true that the Monk in the video is a true man of steel (or at least his gentleman vegetables are). And as for the Bruce Parry link..... Well I don't really see my meat n two veg as a sausage roll to be squeezed and tortured,

These are all highly informative items. But WHERE does it go.

Moses - I feel your pain (well I would if they were visible after a cold water swim). But where had they gone?

Globalti - I accept your suggestion that things down there are spongy. But that doesn't account for them just disappearing.

I dread the day I might see my gentleman on the side of a milk carton as part of a "missing" campaign.

Mmmm....after suggesting some further 'exercise' after an early morning cycle my lovely wife simply said "With that teeny little maggot? I doubt it!"

In fact my becomes ingrown.

Globalti is right in that the penis is simply a very large number of blood vessels and, when they are not full, everything will get much smaller. The whole thing is a bit squishy anyway so could easily appear to be a lot less than you are used to sometimes!

The testicles are not even on the outside when you are born. There is a little space for them still inside your groin where they came from and, should curiosity get the better of you, they can be persuaded back in there without too much trouble. It's what drag queens do to look right on stage...

Rachel

The testicles are not even on the outside when you are born. There is a little space for them still inside your groin where they came from and, should curiosity get the better of you, they can be persuaded back in there without too much trouble. It's what drag queens do to look right on stage...

hey - I'm not suggesting curiosity *should* get the better of you!

Surely no-one arrives home from a ride with a bigger one than when they started?

Try riding along the rumble strip.

I don't really know quite how I got myself into this mess but a while back I was doing a turbo session in the garage and my fly was undone. Freezing cold out there, and me working fairly hard so sweating like a madman despite having the door open and the fan going. Got off bike, staggered into house for shower, removed shorts and the HORRORZ- nothing had vanished completely, it'd just all been replaced by an exact 1/10 scale model, which was ice cold to the touch and had no sensation whatsoever.

Well not til it started warming up again, then it had a lot of sensation, which was a mix of relief, and whimpering agony.

After a freezing session in the kayaks I was in the car park getting changed when the guy next to me who was shivering and in a hurry whipped off his suit to reveal one of the most enormous trouser snakes I've ever seen!

Rachel, yours has come closest to an answer, but sadly not a complete one.

I can understand that the vascular nature of the area my make it prone to shrinkage. But this is more, much more. The button mushroom that is left after a ride seems to have somehow become tortoise like and burrowed within.

A warm shower doesn't just grow it. There comes a point where it pops back out.

So, something was there, and not just deflated and cold blood vessels. And something popped out.

Where did it pop out from?

The wife really wants to know in case she needs to go digging with a warm tea spoon one day.

I work on the basis that all the below waist blood supply has been diverted to my massive pistoning quads and calves.

In reality; the extra amount of blood diverted by not being used to swell my distinctly weeny friend would barely be enough to power my big toe!

The wife really wants to know in case she needs to go digging with a warm tea spoon one day.

I wouldn't recommend that. Far better to apply some kind of suction to the area, that'll fetch it out far faster.

I find a pee on a cold ride is near nigh impossible without a magnifying glass to find the thing. Trying to extract a pink pubic hair over the top of some zipless bibs is a real trial. I understand fully the Op in his distress. Just be grateful. When you get to your 50's you also find that need to find him more often and in a hurry.

DrRS**** - well, it does but I forgot to mention that the vascular expandy section of your penis (I should have been a doctor, I really should...) is quite a bit bigger than the bit you see on the outside - it goes in and back a fair way. Otherwise, if it was aroused and you knocked it against something, you'd break it off!

Because all of it shrinks in the cold, it pulls back in a bit.

Rachel

[img] [/img]

I knew it. How much is inside and does anyone mind if I start counting it as part of my stats?

Anyone of us including yourself op could give you an informed answer to your question using the power of google.
But where would the fun be in that.

If you wife really would like to know posting an account of your disappearing todger on an Internet forum is not the way to go about it.

How can you not know all this stuff about your own bodies???

Rachel

Chip my boy, informed answers are so much less interesting than uniformed opinions, hence the thread.

I rarely trust the "truth" of the internet and so decided to ask assembled wise men (and women) on this forum.

So far I've learned little more than if you're a monk you might get kicked in the nuts a lot.

Rachel, we understand our bodies to a certain extent, and we accept that which we do not understand.

My wife, on the other hand, won't accept my answer of "I don't know" when asked where it's gone.

Now if you want to see the opposite problem, you should see someone when they have fractured the shaft whilst erect (not just the old banjo string). The screams!

Memories of an ER in oz...

Yep, all the time when its cold and seems worse when I've been Jogging than Riding the Bike.

With that and I've also got Phimosis it adds to an interesting post exercise pee........

I once had a serious case of cock chaffing that left my old chap looking like it belonged to the singing detective.
It would look smooth red and shiny until I got an erection at which point the top layer of epidermis would split and peel much like a *large snake shedding its skin.

* use of the word large may be credited to poetic license and not a true reflection of actual dimensions.

/me suddenly feels unwell...

This wasn't supposed to be a thread about horror stories of the member....

I just want a simple answer to my wife's question. Where does the little man hide when it's cold? He doesn't just evaporate. He reappears when warm, and not gradually, but with aplomb.

So where has he been - and I'm sure it's not to London to see the Queen.

Chip, imagining your gentleman as Sir Michael Gambon isn't helping.

Now if you want to see the opposite problem, you should see someone when they have fractured the shaft whilst erect (not just the old banjo string). The screams!

I know someone who put a serious kink in his erect appendage while dry humping a schoolgirl in a swimming pool.
I hasten to add he was a school boy at the time and had to be taken to his doctor by his mother as a result.

Do not try and google "THAT" image in the Modern Primitives book. I still shudder 20 years on.

With that and I've also got Phimosis it adds to an interesting post exercise pee........

Goddamn you [url= http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phimosis ]wikipedia[/url] 😡

*stops peeling, and puts down banana*

Tie a bit of string around the end of your appendage and secure just below the knee with no slack in the string before you set off.

First couple off miles are interesting but he will be where he's supposed to be when you get back.

hth 😆

With that and I've also got Phimosis it adds to an interesting post exercise pee........
Goddamn you wikipedia

He just needs to add a French cut, that'll sort it.

Dry? In a pool?

Poor girl was known as the one who snapped Xs penis for quit a long time.