Are men such selfish bars. though? How often do you refuse to something your spouse requests. "I need the car tonight, dear". I dutifully push the car out, put the battery on charge, wash the dust off etc.. Going back a few years "I think his nappy needs changing", I washed his arse and fitted a new nappy. "The sink's blocked (with my hair) again, dear", with not a hint of protest I start dismantling the thing.
Is it so unreasonable then for a man to say "if you don't fancy a shag (because I've looked at the calendar) I'd appreciate a massage and hand job"? I don't expect passion or even simulated passion every day but is providing a minimum service really any more arduous for a woman than ironing a few shirts, something I never asked my wife to do but you get the idea. Anyhow it works for us.
I think it is the later 
