Cheeseburger – professional help! ie counselling

TandemJeremy – Member

Cheeseburger – professional help! ie counselling

Yes, I think you’re right. Just need to MTFU, get over my worries and sort it out. It’s just that niggling feeling that it could ruin the relationship. Then again, do I want to be in a sexless relationship? But I do love her … argh!!

its not a MTFU situation – it can and could poison your relationship and professional help could help you sort out ways to deal with the situation.

I’m not so sure about this councelling lark. If you both really get things off your chest it’s going to result in a lot of emotion which will be expressed with tears, harsh words, saucy suggestions and a passionate shag to conclude the deal you work out. Not the sort of things I feel comfortable with in front of a third party. I find physical contact when we’re discussing things useful, even if it’s only holding hands.

Its never easy what ever your going to do. If your not in happy relationship and this other wonderful person comes along and you think wow I am really happy, your kind of blinded in away. Happiness masks being unhappy but doesn’t necessarily make it right. This situations don’t always work out long term. If your unhappy at home it is best I think to sort it and make it work or leave and then when your settled start again with a clear head. Hard I know. 🙂

Its never easy what ever your going to do. If your not in happy relationship and this other wonderful person comes along and you think wow I am really happy, your kind of blinded in away. Happiness masks being unhappy but doesn’t necessarily make it right. This situations don’t always work out long term. If your unhappy at home it is best I think to sort it and make it work or leave and then when your settled start again with a clear head. Hard I know.

the most balanced view so far!

So Desperategit how did this all work out?It would be interesting to know who you are with now, or even if you are alone.

ouch…..

Well. Update.

Under the tension of the situation the GF and I started over analysing everything we said to each other. Time spent together not in bed was not working well, things started cracking between us and between me and wife at home. Then about 6 months ago, wife found out, and gave me a choice. I chose her. And things worked very well for a few weeks, more effort on both our parts, and it sometimes seemed as though she was enjoying the intimate side of things. But then it all stopped again. No sex, few hugs, a boring passionless life. And huge pain to the GF which she did not deserve.

So now I have to think about what to do next, as I don’t want to spend the rest of my life like this.

Time to move out and have a “trial separation” ? How do you say this to someone in a kind way?

Nothing other than abuse expected here. Just thought I’d update the story.

Why “trial”? You’re not happy at home (physical side of things is obviously an issue). Just leave and let both of you get on with your lives.

Remember this line?

I now have a lover with whom I am much more physically compatible. And I love her.

You obviously didn’t. What you were experiencing was a (for you) unusual level of intimacy.

Get out, give yourself some space and find someone you really are happy to share the rest of your life with.

Ta for the update. Tried counselling? Its worth a shot as you obviously still feel something for your wife.

My 2 p – don’t bugger about – stay and give it your all or go.

So now I have to think about what to do next, as I don’t want to spend the rest of my life like this.

Masturbate. At least you’ll only be damaging youself, you sound a bit selfish anyway.

Tried counselling? Its worth a shot

+1. In fact, I think I (along with plenty of others!) suggested it several months ago. Still reckon it’s the way forward.

Why “trial”? You’re not happy at home (physical side of things is obviously an issue). Just leave and let both of you get on with your lives.

+1 sorry it has to be said, you know it won’t work so move on, you’re only delaying the inevitable if you stay.

no need DS not a joking subject
Try counselling and hope it works – she obviously loves you or she does not want you to leave

Tried counselling? Its worth a shot

+1. In fact, I think I (along with plenty of others!) suggested it several months ago. Still reckon it’s the way forward.

+1 again. Really.

no need DS not a joking subject

Who’s joking?
He‘s destroyed the relationship with his wife, used the girlfriend for his own satisfaction and he‘s now asking for a solution because he doesn’t want to live the rest of his life like this!! No joke bud, but I agree on the counselling with a bit of reflection, not the marriage guidance flavour though.
Purely selfish and I’ll step away now.

Nice one DS! Masturbating comment made me smile anyway…

DS I think that is pretty fair. The relationship with my wife is potentially back on track, but like masturbation, I won’t be getting much affection. Just like before the GF came on the scene. The GF and I didn’t work beyond the sex and being friends. We were tearing each other apart. But I feel really really bad about the effects on her. So yes. Selfish. And probably better on my own.

I think Druidh is right

Masturbate. At least you’ll only be damaging youself, you sound a bit selfish anyway.

Don Simon, always ready with a kind word. Do you do volunteer work for Relate or Samaritans, by any chance?

Can you get counselling for self-obsession.

Agree with DS on this one.

dg – I know what it’s like to be in that sort of marriage. Comments like “just masturbate” are obviously from those who see women as no more than a container for their spaff and who don’t appreciate that sexual intimacy with another person is about more than tossing off like some frustrated teenager.

dg – I know what it’s like to be in that sort of marriage. Comments like “just masturbate” are obviously from those who see women as no more than a container for their spaff and who don’t appreciate that sexual intimacy with another person is about more than tossing off like some frustrated teenager.

Of course it is druidh, fortunately the OP has the ability to think and has understood what I meant.

Some unpleasant words being spouted above.

Sounds as though the marriage has run its course so you would be better off moving out and starting a new life. Don’t know your wife’s reasons for giving you a choice but perhaps they’re different to what you think they are?

FWIW I stayed in a miserable marriage for far too long and regret not leaving sooner. You only come this way once.