Back in the 70's I was in Ashington in Northumberland, I went into a hairdressers & asked for a perm. The barber says, 'I wandered, lonely as a cloud...'
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Jokes that 95% of people won't get
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Posted 9 months ago #
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What's the best cure for seasickness?
Sit under an oak tree.Posted 9 months ago # -
All day I've been trying to work out what a void consists of....i've given up. Ah well no matter.
Posted 9 months ago # -
An egg and a sausage in a frying pan, the egg turns to the sausage and says 'Hows it going?' to which the sausage replies 'F*ck me, a talking egg!'
Posted 9 months ago # -
Posted 9 months ago # -
Oh, took me a little while to get that multimeter one.. hehehe...
Posted 9 months ago # -
Is that just a "Resistance is futile" thing, or is there more to it? Saw this today, wasn't expecting a nerd joke, so took me a while to get it. Brilliant.
This one made me giggle a bit today as well.
Posted 9 months ago # -
Which Tyler is now my favourite joke of all time. Oh my word, I can't stop laughing.
Posted 9 months ago # -
Should it not be the Pedants' Revolt?
Posted 9 months ago # -
Superb, Willard!
Posted 9 months ago # -
A Higgs boson particle walks into a bar. The barman says 'ah there you are!'.
Posted 9 months ago # -
An Electron and a Proton walk in to a bar,
Proton says, "Your round"
Electron "Are you sure?"
Proton "Positive"
Posted 9 months ago # -
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius strip?
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To get to the same side!A Neutron walks in to a bar and asks for a Gin & Tonic, "how much is that?" it asks the bar man
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For you sir, No charge!Posted 9 months ago # -
Enough of the neutron/no charge electron/positive jokes lol..
Posted 9 months ago # -
A Yorkshireman's dog dies and as it was a favourite pet he decides to have a gold statue made by a jeweller to remember the dog by.
Yorkshireman: "Can tha mek us a gold statue of yon dog?"
Jeweller: "Do you want it 18 carat?"
Yorkshireman: "Nah, I want it chewin' a bone yer daft bugger!"
Posted 9 months ago # -
One for Don Simon.
A Spaniard is in London and wanders into a clothes shop, and says in a very thick accent, "Hello sor, carn you elp me, I nid som, como se dice, how you say, calcetines?"The shopkeeper says "I'm sorry mate, I don't speak a word of Spanish, could you describe what you need?"
The Spaniard points at his feet. The shopkeeper says "You need some shoes?"
The Spaniard says "Shoos! Si!" and looks hopeful. So the shopkeeper wanders off and comes back with a pair of shoes in a box. But it's clearly not right, the Spaniard says "sorry, no shoos" and points to his feet again.
So the shopkeeper guesses again "You need some trainers?"
The Spaniard says "Trayners! Si!" and looks hopeful again. so the shopkeeper wanders off and comes back with a pair of Nike. But it's clearly not right, the Spaniard says "sorry, no trainers" and points to his feet again.
The shopkeeper's getting really annoyed, but suggests "Socks perhaps?" and goes to the back, the returns with a pair of black cotton socks.
The Spaniard is clearly happy with this: "Ah, 'socks'! Eso si que es!"
The shopkeeper scowls and says "Well if you knew how to spell it, why didn't you tell me in the first place?!"
Posted 9 months ago # -
Well, I lolled.
Posted 9 months ago # -
Cougar that went on so long, but still quite good
Posted 9 months ago # -
They can't all be one-liners. Variety is the spice.
No, wait, I'm thinking of cumin.
Posted 9 months ago # -
Arguements against the theory of nominative determinism?
Michael Winner?
Posted 8 months ago # -
Loving the revival, and lol.
Know any good sodium jokes? Na.
Posted 8 months ago # -
Not hard to get, but quite hard to tell, especially after a pint of Guinness or six...
Q How do you titillate an ocelot?
A: Oscillate it's tits a lot.
Posted 8 months ago # -
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.
Posted 8 months ago # -
Know any good sodium jokes? Na.
Posted 8 months ago # -
This is one of my favourites but nobody else seems to like it. It came from Kurt Vonnegut:
Q: What is the white stuff in bird shit?
A: That's bird shit too.Posted 8 months ago # -
Unbeknown to most people, Pavlov's first experiment was to ring a bell and make his dog attack Schrodinger's cat.
Oh, and a Freudian Slip is saying one thing and meaning your mother.
Posted 8 months ago # -
Did Schrodinger's cat survive this experience Pyro? Have you had a look to see?
Posted 8 months ago # -
Oh, and a Freudian Slip is saying one thing and meaning your mother.
Liked this one
Q: What is the white stuff in bird shit?
A: That's bird shit too.Is that even a joke..?
edit: Is it a deeply political ironic joke that's completely impossible to understand by anyone who doesn't have a real in depth knowledge of some commentary some guy did on something that sounds a little boring?
Posted 8 months ago # -
Loads of the bloody things at Chemistry Cat.
Posted 8 months ago # -
Laughed at that ^
Posted 8 months ago # -
Which Strictly Come Dancing contestant knows how many partners they can dance with this year?
Holly Valence
Posted 8 months ago # -
Mr & Mrs Bennett-Not-Another-Thread-Resurection and their son....
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Go on, finish it off, you know you want to!Posted 8 months ago # -
Gordon!
I was going to tell you all a joke about UDP, but I don't know if you'll get it.
Posted 8 months ago # -
if this is the same thread, the Acorbat PDF joke is the best.....
Posted 8 months ago # -
Why did the architect have his house maid/made backwards?
So he could watch television.
Posted 8 months ago #
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