Viewing 40 posts - 41 through 80 (of 127 total)
  • Intellectual jokes…
  • Cougar
    Full Member

    Echo and the Bunnymen

    "and the Bunnymen"

    retro83
    Free Member

    Stoatsbrother
    Free Member

    what do adders multiply on?

    Log tables

    Fresh Goods Friday 696: The Middling Edition

    Fresh Goods Friday 696: The Middlin...
    Latest Singletrack Videos
    Cougar
    Full Member

    A man walks into an optician's.

    "Doctor", he says (for they are all much of a muchness), "I'm having real trouble using my computer. Unless I'm looking right at my keyboard, mouse or printer, I just can't see any of them."

    "Ah", said the optician, "I know what's the matter here. You've got a problem with your peripheral vision."

    Cougar
    Full Member

    f(x) = 6x + 3 walks into a bar.

    "got any sandwiches," he asks the barman.

    "sorry," the barman replies, "we dont cater for functions"

    Cougar
    Full Member

    I've just worked out why eyes are called the Windows to the Soul.

    It's because you have to shut them down every few seconds or they stop working properly.

    jahwomble
    Free Member

    Wanted
    £20,000 reward.
    Schroedinger's Cat.
    Dead or Alive.

    Cougar
    Full Member

    Oh, I likes that. (-:

    buzz-lightyear
    Free Member

    The minus sign turned down the job: he wouldn't commute. [lame effort, sorry]

    Cougar
    Full Member

    Can't find an Adobe Acrobat document? The Government has a handy PDF File register.

    skidartist
    Free Member

    Pessimists say that glasses are half empty
    Optimists say that glasses are half full
    Optometrists say that the second pair are half price

    kennyp
    Free Member

    Why are compilers female?

    One missing period and all hell breaks loose.

    highclimber
    Free Member

    Whats the hardest thing about being a Darksider?

    Telling your Parents you are Gay

    Cougar
    Full Member

    Re: Glass half full,

    An engineer would say the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

    eth3er
    Free Member

    There are two groups of people, those who believe people can classed into groups and those who don't.

    TandemJeremy
    Free Member

    some great stuff there chaps – keep 'em coming.

    Genuine LOL from me

    highclimber
    Free Member

    doesn't take much then, TJ?

    jahwomble
    Free Member

    Q: What's the difference between a mathematician and an experimentalist?
    A: A mathematician thinks that two points are enough to define a straight line while an experimentalist wants more data.

    jahwomble
    Free Member

    Q: Why are quantum physicists so poor at sex?
    A: Because when they find the position, they can't find the momentum, and when they have the momentum, they can't find the position.

    jahwomble
    Free Member

    There is a sign in Munich that says, "Heisenberg might have slept here."

    Spongebob
    Free Member

    Guy gets on a transatlantic flight and by chance gets to sit next to a really hot chick. They get talking and end up drinking a whole bottle of brandy together. Later on they have a snog and a cuddle etc under their travel blankets.

    Next day, bloke tells his mate about the encounter and their high consumption of alcohol.

    Mate asks; "You lucky baxxard! Any signs of deep vein thrombosis?"

    Bloke says; "No, I didn't give her one"

    (p.s. this is a true story – really!)

    tazzymtb
    Full Member

    I was walking through the cemetary and saw a guy crouching behind a tombstone. I said, "Morning..". He said, "No. Taking a shit."

    jahwomble
    Free Member

    Does a radioactive cat have 18 half-lives?

    JulianA
    Free Member

    Whistler sues Ruskin for libel – did he insult his Mother?

    muddy@rseguy
    Full Member

    Ok then:

    q: Who led the pedants revolt?

    a: Which tyler…

    and:

    Italians: Slanty little eyes…

    oh sorry, that should have read "Italics"

    edhornby
    Full Member

    binary eh, it's as easy as 1, 10, 11

    LeeW
    Full Member

    011001000111011001

    1

    😆 😆 😆

    fruitbat
    Full Member

    Q. How do you know if an engineer (substitute other geeksters here as required) is an extrovert?

    A. When he speaks to you he/she will be looking at your shoes.

    LabWormy
    Full Member

    Why did Karl Marx* drink camomile tea?

    Because all property is theft…..

    (*Pierre-Joseph Proudhon originally).

    BoardinBob
    Full Member

    Did you hear about the scarecrow that won a Nobel Prize?

    He was out standing in his field

    pop-larkin
    Free Member

    Ostrich eggs are that big you only get 3 to the dozen

    Watched a football match from the stroke victims league today- never seen such a one sided game

    midlifecrisis
    Free Member

    What would circles look like if pi was exactly 3?

    jahwomble
    Free Member

    Heisenberg and Shrodinger are driving down the road when they run over a cat. Shrodinger asks, "Is it dead?" Hesineberg replies, "I can't be certain."

    dalesboyz
    Free Member

    Q what happened to consteipated maths teacher

    A he worked it out will a pencil

    Cougar
    Full Member

    Ooh, ooh,

    If you take a pizza of radius 'z' and depth 'a', its volume can be calculated as pi.z.z.a

    jahwomble
    Free Member

    There are 10 types of people in the world – those who undersand ternary, those who don't, and those who mistake it for binary.

    paulpalf
    Free Member

    How about some visual intellectual humour?
    Hours to be wasted on xkcd – here's one to start:
    http://xkcd.com/747/

    Paul

    silverpigeon
    Free Member

    Einstein was awfully bright
    And he worked on the theory of light
    He went out one day
    And in a relative way
    Got home the previous night

    bassspine
    Free Member

    There are 10 types of people in the world – those who undersand ternary, those who don't, and those who mistake it for binary.

    now that is good

    jahwomble
    Free Member

    🙂 thanks, I like it……

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