There are two groups of people.
Warriors or Worriers
not a joke, but still wondrous:
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DOH! I'd only tried Hex -> Dec, not Hex -> ASCII!
🙂
The IT 47 45 45 4b 53 at work are now slightly less of a mystery as a result of this thread.
Buddha walks into a Burger King, points at the picture of the veggie burger and says to the chap behind the counter, "Make me one with everything".
Bloke walks into the quacks and says Doc, I can't pronounce my F's, T's and H's.
Doctor turns round and says "Well you can't say fairer than that then....."
Another variation: There are 10 types of people in the world; those who understand binary, those who don't, and those who understand Gray code.
- there are 10 types of people in the world
- to get to the other side
q. whats brown and sits on a piano stool?
a. beethoven's first movement
Real Madrid - 1, Surreal Madrid - fish.
What's the difference between a duck?
Schroedinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.
Q:What's the first thing a snooker ball does when it stops rolling?
A: Looks round.
TSY - one of its legs is both the same.
"Sartre walks into a cafe and asks for a coffee without cream."
As an aside, this actually happened to me. I asked for a beanburger without cheese in Burger King once and was met with the reply, "I'm sorry, we've run out of cheese." Had I been on the ball I'd have asked for it without tomatoes instead.
Cougar- yeahp, I hate that [s]duck[/s] joke.
(-:
2 cats are sat on a sloping roof; which one slips off first?
The one with the smallest mew...
Lol, most of these are geek jokes though rather than actually intellectual. Here's a bit of a literary one from xkcd tho that I loved.
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The best bumper sticker.
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A bloke walks into a chemists and asks for some adenosine triphosphate. The chemist says "that will be 80p".
How many software engineers does it take to change a lightbulb? None - it's a hardware problem.
The optimist says the glass is half full.
The pessimist says the glass is half empty.
The accountant says the we have a 100% glass overcapacity.
The engineer says we have an adequate glass safety margin to avoid spillage under normal operating parameters.
More interprofessional nastiniess than intellectual but:
-How many cardiothoracic surgeons does it take to change a lightbulb?
-One, he stands on a chair holding the lightbulb and waits for the ward to revolve around him.
-How many psychologists does it take to change a lightbulb?
-Answer is irrelevant unless the lightbulb [b]wants[/b] to change.
My favourite one on here so far is the sartre one. 🙂
BigJohn - MemberA bloke walks into a chemists and asks for some adenosine triphosphate. The chemist says "that will be 80p".
🙂
I dig the sticker. But you'd have to be driving very very very fast.
Paddy, the irish builder turns up at a building site looking for work. The foreman looks at him and says,
"Well, I could do with some labourers, but first you have to prove to me you know what you're on about. If you can tell me the difference between a girder and a joist you can have a job."
"Oh dats eezy" replies Paddy, "Goethe wrote faust and Joyce wrote ulysees."
🙂
An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician are staying in a hotel. During the night fires start in each of their rooms.
The engineer wakes up. He sees the fire and also that there's a bucket in the room. He grabs the bucket, rushes to the bathroom, fills the bucket and tosses its contents over the fire. The fire goes out but much of the room is soaked.
The physicist wakes up. He sees the fire and a bucket. He gets up, thinks a little, fills the bucket with enough water to put out the fire and the water indeed extinguishes the blaze. Making the necessary calculations meant the fire spread a bit further, but water damage was minimal.
The mathematician wakes up. He sees the fire, the bucket and the taps in the bathroom. Knowing the solution to the problem, he goes back to sleep.
surely :
sum ergo cognito
Descartes before the horse......boom boom
yes - most people I tell this little beaut too stare at me strangely too...
Stoner e^ix = cosx + isinx. Take x = pi, and it will be -1.
Love that sticker david_r.
Some more from xkcd
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And how about a few horrible statistics jokes?
79% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
Studies have shown that 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.
What's the best way to approximate the amount of fish in the sea? A poisson..
Joke relating to Jaques Lacan:
stranded on an island with Angelina Jolie, she says 'well we might as well get down to it', the evening passes. Later she asks you 'is there anything else I can do for you?' You say 'yes please, can you shave your head and pretend to be my best mate Steve?'. 'ooookay' she says, and she goes off to get into role. You meet later and you say 'steve, steve! guess what?! I ****ed angelina jolie!'
awful, i know.
What would circles look like if pi was exactly 3?
hexagons, although it does depend on your definition of radius.
A day without fusion is like a day without sunshine.
Barium: What you do with dead chemists.
"Today, everybody remembers Galileo. How many can name the bishops and professors who refused to look through his telescope?" - James Hogan, Mind Matters
Also from Wikipedia:
An astronomer, a physicist and a mathematician are on a train in Scotland. The astronomer looks out of the window, sees a black sheep standing in a field, and remarks, "How odd. Scottish sheep are black." "No, no, no!" says the physicist. "Only some Scottish sheep are black." The mathematician rolls his eyes at his companions' muddled thinking and says, "In Scotland, there is at least one sheep, at least one side of which looks black."
jahwomble and david_r had me genuinely laughing out loud
3 Microsoft and 3 Apple employees are getting a train up to London for a computer conference. The Microsoft guys buy 1 ticket, the Apple guys buy 3. On the train, the Apple guys ask,
"Aren't you going to get fined?"
"No. Watch."
So the Apple guys watch as they all jam themselves into a single toilet. The train guard comes along, knocks on the door, and asks for a ticket. The door opens a tiny bit and out comes a ticket. The train guard goes on his way.
Coming back from the conference, they all end up on the same train again, and the Apple guys reckon they can pull it off too, so they buy only 1 ticket. The Microsoft guys don't buy anything. So the Apple guys jam themselves into a toilet, then a few minutes later, one of the Microsoft guys goes over to the Apple toilet, knocks on the door,
"Ticket please."
Also
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How many psychologists does it take to change a lightbulb?
One I heard here, I think:
How many Freudians does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two; one to change the bulb and the other to hold his [s]cock[/s] err, ladder
