Some of you may be familiar with the concept of “first world problems” or have seen the #firstworldproblems tag on Twitter. These are the problems that are so petty that if they’re all that you have to complain about in life when billions of people are eating badly, drinking bad water or otherwise missing out on basic needs, then you must be pretty lucky.

But I think there should be a place for privileged douchebags with a sense of entitlement like me to carp and whinge about insignificant nonsense, so here goes:

– sometimes when I buy a takeaway coffee with a plastic lid, the tiny ventilation hole isn’t big enough so I have to practically suck the coffee out through the drinking aperture (?) and it hurts my cheeks a little

– sometimes when I buy a croissant, the people making it toast it without asking me and I really hate that because it makes it very greasy, but I can’t bring myself to tell them to give me an untoasted one

– there’s an office cleaner who comes around at 8pm every night (while I am still working) and she insists on throwing the bottle bins around at a height and it’s really noisy and it puts me off

– sometimes the business support people in my office don’t treat my core business needs as more important than the requests of business support people

What are your problems?

I’ve almost run out of black pepper.

Nespresso capsules previously only ever went up to strength 10.

They have just released a strength 12 blend.

Have they never watched This is Spinal Tap?

11! it should be 11 you fools!

I opened a packet of Chocolate Hobnobs today, but found out they were actually plain.

I’m not sure how to fill in the day.
To be honest, I can’t be bothered to go out and buy some food.

The gimp I keep tied up in the basement has started to make a lot of noise recently.

I have to move from my “workstation” to make coffee

The Queen has a sent the heavies round to ‘have a word’ about eating her swans. i thought we had an understanding. Royal etiquette? Its a minefield

Sometimes I take a knife out of the dishwasher and it still has a little bit of dried-on food stuck to it

I’m out of coffee beans, and will not drink instant.

however joao, it is clean food so you can carry on and use the knife.

The other half doesn’t seem to think its acceptable though.

F5 has broken on my keyboard so I have to use the mouse to refresh STW.

The gimp I keep tied up in the basement has started to make a lot of noise recently.

A lifetime ban from STW can be so upsetting, can’t it?

As to my current problem, I need to nip to the shops for some more spray on waterproofer for my spare ski gloves. I’ve somehow run out.

There’s loads here and here

😉

My fluffer keeps complaining about wrist and neck cramp.

You only have one fluffer? There’s your problem!

Saw a genuine FWP moment from a friend recently who posted, genuinely, on facebook:

I have too much red onion in my salad 🙁

You only have one fluffer? There’s your problem!

It’s an austerity measure. 😕

This morning I got dressed and I thought I put on barely black tights. They’re navy.

– sometimes when i go to put petrol in the car i clean the windscreen with the squeegees that they have but i only realise after i get back in that i haven’t squeegeed properly and so it’s worse than it was, and i get really upset

– sometimes when i buy coffee people who come after me swoop in and steal my drink because it’s the same as their order, and then i have to to wait until their order is ready because i am too embarrassed to tell them they stole my drink

Oh Emsz! What a simply frightful Faux Pas!

You must be mortified!!!

posting gibberish instead of an image probably fits the thread title too 😉

I daren’t leave my desk binners 😆

i’m trying to get thinner but i’m surrounded by tasty foods

Waitrose almost over charged me for my Financial Times

my housekeeper never hoovers/mops behind doors that are wedged open, despite me having subtly pointed this out to her by saying “could you make sure you clean behind open doors, i’ve noticed they’re still a bit dirty, particularly in the bathrooms”.

i’m at the end of my tether and don’t know where to turn

🙂

The front of the sole of my shoe is coming off a little bit, and I can’t decide whether to glue it myself or bite the bullet and pay for a re-sole.

sometimes when I buy a takeaway coffee with a plastic lid, the tiny ventilation hole isn’t big enough so I have to practically suck the coffee out through the drinking aperture (?) and it hurts my cheeks a little

Poke it a bit with a biro.. come on.

Emsz.. don’t talk about your tights please… I don’t think I can handle it 🙂

Just remembered another one!

In BA Club (Business) Class, the port is ALWAYS too cold.

I am pleased to say, however, that in First, it is not.

BA Club sucks balls.

Truly.

Even people in the 3rd world would be able to identify the cost/quality imbalance there.

😉

http://www.flatseats.com/Reviews/ba-j.htm

– sometimes when I’m looking over someone’s shoulder to read their text messages I see something I don’t like and it makes me sad

– my husband took me to Center Parcs and now he’s demanding a quid pro quo

I can’t decide what tyres for the 1st world …

F5 has broken on my keyboard so I have to use the mouse to refresh STW.

Try control-R.

You all may enjoy: White Whine – A collection Of First World Problems

I opened a packet of Chocolate Hobnobs today, but found out they were actually plain.

I fancied some plain Hobnobs but Tesco only had milk ones, so I got plain choc digestives instead.

😥

I got sent an iPad 1 case instead of an iPad 2 case and it doesn’t fit properly.

F5 has broken on my keyboard so I have to use the mouse to refresh STW.

Have you considered using Alt + F4?

The remote control for my tele is broken, so I have to get up to change the channel.

The pop-up headlamp washers on my BMW don’t ‘pop-down’ when they’re finished.. it’s quite humiliating..

There’s nowhere to put my iPod in my new car. It keeps falling off the passenger seat.