Does anyone else see the insensitivity of talking about peoples ‘fight’ with cancer? Are we to presume that people like my mother who ‘won’ are somehow stronger than people like my father who ‘won’ once (if you can call losing an eye winning), but ‘lost’ the second time round?

I’m sure that in some cases a persons chance of surviving cancer CAN be influenced by their mental strength, but not nearly as much as by severity of cancer, speed of diagnoses, and of course by subsequent treatment.

I just think ‘fight’ is perhaps an inappropriate word when dealing with terminal illnesses. Maybe I’m overly sensitive on the subject?

Maybe I’m overly sensitive on the subject?

On one sense, I’d say yes, in an other, I’d say not at all sensitive, not one little bit.

I’m not sure I’d agree, I always take it to mean struggle, or battle with something rather than the ‘fight’ the person has in them. Fights can be won or lost, it doesn’t always suggest the person that lost the fight lost it because they are weak.

I seem to remember that there was a study that said there was no measurable difference between “fighting” and just accepting that you’re ill and it could go either way.

I think it’s probably a media / charity driven narrative – a picture of an ill looking person and a story about their brave battle sells papers / raises donations.

I dislike the assumed narrative of “fighting” and “brave”, However it is easy terms to see it in for the press who perpetuate this myths.

its too close to deserving and undeserving to me

Its bumped off all of my mums side of the family bar one. Took my mum, who suffered so much she made medical journals, when i was 16 and she was only 36. I can fully appreciate why some see it as the ‘fight’ against cancer….

TandemJeremy – Member

its too close to deserving and undeserving to me

And yet miles apart at the same time

Maybe it has more to do with the kind of treatment often used which can be varying levels of aggressive………..that often seems to be the biggest battle.

What other word would you use? For myself I don’t feel I ever ‘fought’ my lymphoma, radiotherapy did that. My ‘fight’ was with my own, new, sense of mortality, the damage to my self image as a strong and healthy person and then the consequences of the radiotherapy. I did ‘fight’ in the sense that I made a conscious effort to stay positive, refused to back out of mayhem which was during my treatment and set myself new challenges to look forward to which culminated one year after diagnosis with riding snowdon and scrambling up tryfan on a fantastically sunny day 🙂

I agree with the OP in that there is an unfortunate value attribution which results from the use of words such as fight, struggle and battle but feel that fight is probably the best word that can be used, given the way we talk about cancer as a personal journey.

I deal a lot with people with cancer, diagnose it, tell people they have it and care for them if they are dying.

I think it is absolutely fine for someone with cancer to use it as a metaphor if they wish to whilst they are receiving active treatment, and I would never ever criticise them for describing their journey in those terms…

BUT, for relatives, friends and media I feel very differently. It implies a struggle in which the skill or motivation or decisions of the person with cancer can make a difference, and also the reverse, that there might be some element of wrong choices, lack of courage or determination or just acquiescence when they “lose” the fight. This is insulting. Basically it has become lazy cliched media shorthand.

as someone who has dalied with being seriusly ill stoatsbrother has it as spot on.. for me it was just a case of being poorly i took it for granted ( naively) that i’d get better thankfully i was largely right

Agree that it has become media shorthand, but, for those living with cancer, if they want to treat it as a fight, if that is what motivates them to do everything right, then I say get as angry as you like and treat it as a fight. It’s a very personal thing, and really, is there a correct answer on a subject as emotive and subjective as this?

I think this is possibly not the best day for this thread. 😐

That is all.

Whatever word you use cancer can be really shit and sometimes all the ‘fight’ in the world won’t change anything.

A friend who was in remission from breast cancer recently felt unwell and they found mets in loads of bones and her liver. She has just been given 4-5 weeks. The speed that it has happened is dreadful.

Having lost my Dad to it earlier this year (he was diagnosed in the October and passed in the March). I do think there is an element of the individual “fighting” ie remaining positive and thinking I am going to kick this thing. My Dad was like this, until they told him there was no hope for him 🙁 He did remain strong to the end though (Christ knows how he did it though!!).
At the end though, I think he gave up and knew it was time to go. Because, pretty much as soon as he heard the Dr start talking about him needing pads etc for toilet time (he had been doing it himself but was getting too weak) that’s when he went.
I get very sensitive about the subject as well as my closest Aunt died due to breast cancer a few years ago and by God she did not give up!!
Another story that’s related. A my wife’s, friends, mother, should have been dead over 12 months ago due to tumor in her brain. She never gave up! unfortunately neither did the cancer and she is now in the Hospice, ironically in the same bed as what my Dad had and my Mum’s friend who died of cancer a 2 weeks before my Dad (weird!!)

This may be a bit hard to read, I know and I am sorry.

Interesting insight.

Cheers.

I had lymphoma when I was 16 and had 18 months chemo and 6 months radiotherapy. It would do my head in when people would tell me to keep fighting. All I did was feel like crap and have needles stuck in me.
Towards the end I understood what they were saying if maybe they weren’t really sure what exactly they meant. It took some real willpower sometimes to attend 6th form and get out of bed when I was in massive pain, had no energy, couldn’t play all the sports I used to (rugby, squash, cricket) and just really wanted to walk in front of a bus to make life easy for me and (in my mind) others. To me that’s what it meant to keep fighting. Not fighting the disease, but fighting to desire to sack it all in.

Took my mum last year. ‘Fight’ is a rather patronising term I feel – more like insipid creeping agony

I think some people can be brave; but anyone living with cancer during its terminal stage will appreciate that bravery becomes a luxury like so many other things.

**** awful disease.

If there is some all-powerful Deity out there he can go **** himself

Just realised that my previous post looked like a bit of a slight against the previous posters. In reality I’d commented on the original post, but typed, re-typed and then procrastinated, hence the perceived harshness of the post.

I feel that my battle with incurable cancer is a fight. I may win, I may lose, but that doesn’t mean I’ll give up. Good luck to all those that continue to work against cancer.

I Don’t see it a particularly insensitive, more a way of some feeling positive. It’s just a word. God forbid I should suffer with the big C at some point in my life, I hope I will have the same guts and positivity to ‘fight’ and regain my health as several members on here have done / are doing. Their stories are inspirational

Bullheart keep up that spirit 🙂
My positive vibes go out to anyone battling this disease, it’s **** horrid.

I think people with a positive attitude are far more likely to get diagnosed early and to actively seek treatments early which hence makes their survival rates higher. Negative thinkers are more likely to ignore the signs eg a breast lump for ages and therefore get diagnosed late and hence present when disease has spread with poorer outcomes.

I am fighting cancer. The sense of raw survival I feel growing inside of me is powerful. I am not giving up, no matter how hard it gets.

Works for me! welcome to the world of massive gonads!

I’ve thought about this a lot over the years since my father died of cancer about 30 years ago. I accept the fighting spirit and a will to live are a very important part of overcoming cancer, and of enduring what is required sometimes to treat it. However, despite that, many people die from cancer, as my father did. When some people speak about “will to live” or the like they sometimes seems to imply that those who die would not have done so if only they had been mentally stronger. That is unfair, and I can easily see how it can hurt those left behind – it still hurts me at times.
I can fully support anyone with cancer saying “I’m going to fight this – its not going to beat me” or the like. Its those comments – on this forum almost always from others – that imply that will power is always all that’s required to beat the disease that can cut to the quick.

Colin