Why are some women so bitter & twisted?

My ex is stopping all contact with my 1 year old daughter, even though I pay the correct maintenance for her. This all started as she found out I has started a new relationship and she doesn’t want my daughter involved in this new woman. WTF? Why is she doing this apart from out of spite as I’m seeing someone. The woman in question hasn’t even met my daughter as it is very early days.

She has played this card before, so I’m now considering a contact order but have been reading so many bad things about CAFCASS that they paint you as the baddie.

In the meantime I don’t get to see my daughter, and that is tearing me apart now.

First off have you got any parental rights at all.? Were you on the birth certificate or were you married at the time.?

The courts are a lot less weighted towards the female these days and as a father you have are on a much leveller playing field. As in most contact cases I would get everything done through a solicitor and the courts. Get it set out in black and white.

Don’t mess around, get a solicitor.

Edit. In my case I had no money at all for solicitors so I did it alone. CAFCASs were a god send and I got full custody although I believe my ex’s circumstances may be a little different from yours.

Yes I have parental responsibility, thanks Neil – Solicitors first thing in the morning……shame all this could be avoided, in the meantime I don’t see my daughter!

if she stops you have to go down the legal route – suggest mediation and use lawyers.
Dont ever stop fighting it will get better.
CAFCASS are nothing to be worried about as I doubt your ex will make any form of credible claim as to why she has stopped you seeing your daughter. CAFCASS will then do a bog standard report for an arguing couple. They would also rather deal with the real issues than petty squabbles.
Get her to explain in writing shy she has stopped for you and hope for something irrational. Courts are not stupid they know what goes on.
Be strong it gets better. Its unfortunate you need to battle to see your child but it just shws how much you love her
Chin up.

Try replacing the why questions with ones that start with how. When you’ve made some questions about how to go about finding solutions to your problems then work on finding answers. Go to CAFCASS in the frame of mind that you wrote your opening post and you will be seen as the baddie.

To get where you are now you must have made some poor decisions, time to start making better ones.

Edukator – no need for that nasty comment.

Yes I have parental responsibility

Happy days then. Getting some sort of contact through the courts should be reasonably easy.

A friend of mine took his case to the courts and got access. One day in the week and 3 out of four weekends. That was seven years ago and that was also the last time he laid eyes on his ex. Perfect.

Get the access sorted out, see your wee one and keep the relationship with the ex purely business like.

And think twice about taking the already abundant advice to get all legally intimidating and nasty with your ex. Beat her into a corner and she might get really nasty. If your ex is as bitter and twisted as you make out you’ll soon be legal toast with no access at all.

Edukator – what have you based your opinions on, you know nothing about me or the decisions I have made?

I never said I was going to get nasty with my ex – that’s come from you Edukator

It’s not nasty Cinnamon girl, it’s cautionary, how many men have no acccess at all? And why? Think about it. We are only getting one side; I’d be interested to hear the OP’s ex’s version of affairs. It could be the OP who is bitter and twisted.

Sbrock – you have regularly shared with us in great detail your issues with your ex. it’s possible that this impacts on some of the comments.

Read again, Sbrock, I have given no advice to get nasty at all, I have advised treating advice from other forum members to get all legally nasty with caution. Do you misquote and distort what your ex says too?

Life would be easier if adults saw the world through adult eyes.

I only posted for a bit of advice/ reassurance …. Don’t think I will bother in future

We know you drive a black Audi and ride a black Santa Cruz, SBrock. And everything else you’ve told us.

Edukator – Member

To get where you are now you must have made some poor decisions, time to start making better ones

This is what I’m referring to.^

The OP is not asking to be judged.

Jesus! He only asked for advice…

I can offer none except a name of a very good family solicitor – good luck OP.

i dont understand where this phrase ‘get all legally nasty’ has come from,
this child has a human right to have contact with her father, the courts arent being ‘nasty’ if they say that the father is allowed to see his own child.

Here for one

?

Having read the earlier threads about this, it appears obvious that you need a court to determine and support fair access. As you say, this does not have to be nasty. BTW, did you ever get overnight access? Everest get external mediation or a solicitor. It sadly seems like your ex will use access to hurt you. She canon do this until you have a formal arrangement, so get one ASAP!

Im with e on this roll out the legals and it’s likely to get nasty (er) and expensive fast. Your ex is prolly v pissed off with you getting on with your life and breaking your balls over it.

Mediation first, softly softly catchy monkey eh.

And here

And the Apple thread.

I can’t help feeling that the OP’s propensity to rant on htis forum might be reflected in his real life persona and make him somewhat difficult to deal with. I pity his ex.

I have been having my daughter regular overnight for tha last month with no problems, until she has found out about a new relationship.

Edukator – just shut up.

Edukator – Member

I can’t help feeling that the OP’s propensity to rant on htis forum might be reflected in his real life personal and make him somewhat difficult to deal with. I pity his ex.

Good grief. Are you his ex? I just read the first thread you mentioned and the OP was calm and chatty.

Stop judging the OP Edukator, you’re not making yourself look good, just strangely bitter.

Mediation first, softly softly catchy monkey eh…

Utter tosh.

Take it to court. End of.

roll out the legals and it’s likely to get nasty fast,

How.? The father has a right to see the child and the child has a right to see the daughter. As long as sb is not a raving alcoholic or a wife beater then the ex will not have too much of a say in court.

And another one.

Do you ever approve of anything your ex does with your daughter? How many parents wouldn’t trust a 17-year-old woman to babysit? When you walked out you left your ex to bring up your daughter, why shouldn’t she get your daughter christened?

“How” are you going to stop the destructive spiral your life (as portrayed on STW) is in, SBrock?

Edukator – what is your purpose?

Well thats some progress SBrock. I think zulus idea of a diary is a great one. Issues like this will need to be remembered. Have you explained to her that your new gf wont meet your daughter? Made any promises? Tried to make her understand that stopping contact is unfair on all 3 of you?

Educator, I see nothing wrong with either of those threads. Just a bloke in a tough situation.

as above, ive had 7 years of doing EXACTLY what my ex wants if i want to see my children, and all i have got for the trouble were more demands.
i honestly wish i had went to court at the start, it would have saved so much heartache. and money.
i pay the correct amount as detailed on the csa website and i still get hassle off her, ive had to change my phone number to stop her threatening me, i have had 6 threatening letters off her solicitor, and she talks of little else but battles in court and me not seeing my kids.
i could have avoided all this by getting a contact order at the very start, however as it stands i havent seen my children for more than a year and ive given up hope, she has broken me.
my advice: apply to the court for a contact order, it will stop your ex from having the opportunity to be nasty, and it will better for you and your daughter in the long run, its not nasty, the courts dont do nasty.

Bitter? We’ve watched SBrocks conflicts with his ex like car-crash TV for months. I think it’s time someone pointed out that he is his own worst enemy. Well I have.

SBrock has posted a series of threads in which it is apparent he has a highly conflictual relationaship with his ex and is unnecessarily provacative with her. I’m suggesting he breaks the vicious circle he’s in and tries to build a realtionship with his ex based on a series of positive expereinces rahter than a series of barnies.

Thank you for all your constructive comments

Edukator – are you a father?

and is unnecessarily provacative with her.

False. From what I’ve seen he’s been pretty reasonable.

I’m suggesting he breaks the vicious circle he’s in and tries to build a realtionship with his ex based on a series of positive expereinces rahter than a series of barnies.

Yep, establishing proper contact with his daughter would achieve that IMO.

The courts may not deliberately do nasty but:

would these fathers agree?

SBrock,

You have legal right of access to your daughter, (unless you are a criminal of some kind)

Go down the solicitor route asap,
One; your ex might back down anyway once she sees you’re serious, and Two; she might not try pulling the same stunt again.

If shes done it before and is trying it now its so that she can still have some ‘control’ over your life,

Fuckk her I say and get a court order.

Oh, and if she/solicitors say ‘lets just have a friendly agreement, nothing formal’ then say no, you want it in writing, that way she cant play silly buggers with you later.

I’ve have had the same happen.

Get tough, quickly.

Edukator? you’re not really are you?

edit: pretty much what neilsonwheels said, plus, make it clear to her that you are only there for the daughter. leave her in no doubt that its over with you two. texting/ fb mates/ ‘pop round for a chat and a cuppa’, ‘lets just be friends’ and all that bollox just leads to more trouble.

Edukator and we saw just how rant-free and reasonable you were in the deleted steve jobs thread…

I hope, just really hope, you are not a teacher.

I read his previous threads as demonstrating some conflict – yes- but to an extent where he felt he was being subject to domestic abuse…

Sure – there are always two sides – but I’m not really sure what you are trying to achieve here…

My 2p. Get a solicitor. Don’t play hardball, but don’t be soft either… do everything by the book and through official channels as far as dealing with her goes – ie if an offer comes to you informally, or a promise of changed behaviour, say ‘that’s great, but if I couyld just have it through my solicitor please’. And good luck.