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[b]Mark[/b] Thanks
nicely intervened, resident grumpy!
Can you make it a long time?
does anyone else think that edukator is the OPs ex?
Maybe..... He even knew what car I drove and bike I rode!
Just perhaps Edukator should have said wehat he said in private, or not at all.
As for the break up of a relationship, it happens and if there is a child involved its always as a bargianing tool or a weapon of destruction to end any thoughts of geting back together.
S brock best of luck
good luck fella.
SBrock
Haven't read all this thread as it appears to have gone off topic and personal very early (what is wrong with this place these days?)
But my sympathy is with you as in very similar position, all be it with older children that I do see but not as often as I should and controlled totally by other parties. It is going to get expensive for me and very difficult, but it will be worth it.
I've got a good solicitor that specialises in family law. She is a small practice in the SE corner of England. If you are in that area I'll give you her number.
In all your dealings with your ex, write down conversations, dates and her reasons for with-holding contact. And remain calm in all that you do despite the rage that at times will burn inside you. If you feel like you are going to boil over walk away, it will only hurt you later if you let that rage spill out.
Good Luck
Thanks, sadly not in the South East, that's the problem I need to find a good family solicitor in the Lincoln area.
At the risk of having to take some time off to calm down, i have to say re reading the history, I'm with educator on this. You need to spend less time posting for help on internet forums a lame enough past time at the best of times and re-engage with your ex for the sake of your daughter, if, as you claim, you rreally love her.
Living with women is a ****ing nightmare, they're irrational, moody, irritable at the best of times then childbirth comes along and they can go completely psycho, so what did you do? ****ed off and left her to her own devices. I'm not surprised she hates you.
Work something out, get back together with her, or stfu and take what's coming to you which aint much, when it was you who left the little girl alone with one parent..
Relationships are hard work, always have been always will be, chidren make them tougher, being a selfish male who 'can't take it any more' after what 6 months?..
As I see it you hold the key to your own fate.
(I've lived with and put up with the same miserable bee one tee cee aich for 4 kids worth), now and again it's totally worth it, most of the time it's a major drag, that's what bikes are for, but easy it aint' but never once did I think to abandon them because I'd fallen out with their psycho mother.
Get involved with lawyers= you both lose.
Don't have any first hand experience, but what I have seen of mates going through the same thing, get legal help. Good luck and I hope things get better.
SBrock - MemberCan you make it a long time?
Posted 31 minutes ago
Nice guy.
Living with [s]women[/s] derekrides is a **** nightmare
QFT
As for being unhappy with a 17yr old babysitting, I think he was comparing that his ex considered the baby too young to be without her care overnight. For the record, my wife finds it hard to let [b]me[/b] babysit for more than a few hours, let alone anyone else. New mothers are, unsurprisingly, quite protective of their babies.
Nothing to add sorry, except to the OP, I really hope things can be sorted soon for you. I despair of this place now - it's really not a nice place to spend time any more 🙁 .
As for being unhappy with a 17yr old babysitting, I think he was comparing that his ex considered the baby too young to be without her care overnight. For the record, my wife finds it hard to let me babysit for more than a few hours, let alone anyone else. New mothers are, unsurprisingly, quite protective of their babies.
Yes I was, it was ok to leave my daughter with a 17 year old, but not ok to leave her with me. However I have been having my daughter regular overnight for the past month with no issues.
Nothing to add sorry, except to the OP, I really hope things can be sorted soon for you. I despair of this place now - it's really not a nice place to spend time any more .
I take it you refer to the trolling which contribute nothing constructive to people's topics?
two sides to every story.
SBrock - Member
I take it you refer to the trolling which contribute nothing constructive to people's topics?
Sorry, yeah, I guess that probably makes me just as bad 😕 . All the best anyway and I really hope things work out.
I'm at the fatalistic end of the spectrum here, I'm afraid
I have only indirect experience of this but try this quote from a judge in family court about 8yrs ago:
"You are breaking legal agreements, lying to this court and damaging your children and the only punishment I can give you is a custodial sentence. I'm not willing to do that, so, how often would you [b]like[/b] the children to see their father ?"
Sorry, wish you all the best and hope yours turns out differently
(FWIW, the bloke's kids are now pretty much grown up and they see him lots and get on fine. In the meantime, he took a couple of years to get used to the "loss" of his kids and I honestly think that she only came round when she saw him out having fun again after being really down for a while)
mamadirt - Member
SBrock - Member
I take it you refer to the trolling which contribute nothing constructive to people's topics?
Sorry, yeah, I guess that probably makes me just as bad . All the best anyway and I really hope things work out.
no its fine, wasn't meaning you
SBrock just read this and your previous threads , i don't see that you come across badly at all . you are just in a difficult scenario and looking for support.
Getting a lawyer involved is not nasty child care lawyers are trained and paid to look to the long term interests of the child which normally involves seeking to achieve amicable agreed contact.. the old quote from a judge above reflects the obvious dilemma of what to do when parent with residence frustrates contact. Judges rarely want to imprison a parent for contempt of court as it is not in the child's interest but they sometimes award residence to the other party.
Lawyers will provide a good means of moving this on and defining a route for the future.
You have about 12 years of this to come I'm afraid so you do need to take positive action now.
SBrock just read this and your previous threads , i don't see that you come across badly at all . you are just in a difficult scenario and looking for support.Yes I came here for some support, not to be judged by people are not aware of all the facts.
That's forums for you I'm afraid, people will judge you on the facts supplied [i]and[/i] the facts you haven't but they've got in their heads 😉 Good luck with the access, and remember that the stories people tell you are their own. You get to write yours yourself...
best of luck mate, the days of supportive singletrack seem to be few and far between these days, with petty keyboard warriors and trolls being a more regular thing. Maybe when half term finishes a lot of 'em will be in bed early on a school night.
Mama and tazzy +1
SBrock,
D'you know what, I haven't read the earlier threads referred to above. They don't matter. You're her father and she needs her father regardless of what has gone on between you and her mother.
I'd be seeking legal help. Good luck.
Oh, and can't we all just be nice to each other? 🙂
I'm with the two sides to every story brigade, rather than the 'he's on STW and is therefore blameless' crew...
I think I said this on one of the other threads...there are actually three sides. The OP's, his ex's and somewhere in the miggle, there's the truth. 🙂
(I've lived with and put up with the same miserable bee one tee cee aich for 4 kids worth), now and again it's totally worth it, most of the time it's a major drag, that's what bikes are for, but easy it aint' but never once did I think to abandon them because I'd fallen out with their psycho mother.
Well, there's 4 damaged kids in the making. Nohing like a happy home to nurture young minds, eh?
If it isn't working together, apart is worth looking at.
Don't worry, Derek, at least you are sure it isn't your fault.
Fair enouvh crikey. Can you tell us what hes done to warrant loss of contact then?
two sides to every story.
Amen. OP I'm guessing here but you split from her when your ex-partner had literally just given birth? You wonder why shes ****ing angry? **** me maybe we could recommend a self-awareness course?
Can you tell us what hes done to warrant loss of contact then?
How do you know he's lost contact.........because he says so ? 🙂
It's fairly clear that the guy needs to be regularly reassured by a bunch of strangers on the internet who know zilch, that his ex, which he abandoned with their young baby last Christmas, is Mrs Unreasonable, whilst he on the hand, is Mr Reasonable - the evidence for his innocence appears to be that he rides a mtb.
Surely it would be more useful and constructive if he were to seek the advice of family and friends who actually know his situation and ex partner ? Or aren't they telling him what he wants to hear ?
He's started 2 threads to garner sympathy because his ex committed the horrendous crime of getting her child christened. The first one to say how upset he was that she was going to do it, and then the second one a few weeks later to tell everyone that it had come as an unexpected shock.
Now he's saying :
SBrock - MemberShe has played this card before, so I'm now considering a contact order but have been reading so many bad things about CAFCASS that they paint you as the baddie.
Posted 16 hours ago
But hang on a second....... it was all apparently sorted out over 6 months ago :
SBrock - MemberI'm going to speak to the Court tomorrow and ask them for a Contact Order form C79.
Posted 6 months ago
He starts these threads to invite people's opinions, I've given mine, will I also get banned for giving the 'incorrect opinion' ie, not the "there there you poor thing, she sounds like a terrible nasty woman" ?
Whatever the situation here, posting on a mountain bike forum is unlikely to do anything other than make you feel better if everyone posts in support, which in this case they've not done. Bit of an own goal.
In the real world though, the one where you want to see your daughter, the only sensible thing you can do is follow the rules as closely as possible. Speak to a solicitor, get some proper advice, and follow it.
On top of that, try to maintain some 'normal' communication with your ex. You don't have to be the best of friends, but equally, it doesn't have to be solely via solicitors' letters. Don't get drawn into arguments, nor rise to the bait. Note down anything you see as a breach of the rules.
Finally, your referring to your ex as 'bitter and twisted' is telling. The cliche that all exes are somehow dreadful women who hate all men is, quite frankly, rather lazy. In my experience, women (and men) tend to be angry only if they have a reason to be;, and from what I've seen, the people referring to their ex in relentlessly negative terms are often the cause of the problem, even if they don't realise it themselves.
I despise the term 'snake with t*ts'. There are always two sides to every story.
Everytime I've heard its from blokes who are abit 'wideboy' or haven't grown up.
Two sides to every story, and even though we've only heard his it seems to point towards things being not as one sided as claimed.
It's the children I feel sorry for.
SBrock, Go down the legal route. Worked for me, have loads of time with my boy (although its never enough) and now have a workable/amiable relationship with his mum..
Takes time, but worth it.
when my ex wanted to go abroad with my nipper i talked to a solicitor. i said she could go but wanted a legal agreement about them having internet access- times to chat, flight contributions etc. the ex decided against going abroad but it was nice to know the solicitor thought i had every right and would easily get these things granted if it came to court.
the law has changed some point in the last 10 years to favour male access especially if you have been a present and reasonable father figure to the child already. the courts are likly to favour you if you can show this.
a solicitor is the only way out of your mess. you need to let her know YOUR rights as a parent. do this in writing and be polite. dont get wound up. if she goes off on one dont get sucked in.
However you need to be 100% honest to your solicitor in every regard otherwise it will come out in the end (and look really bad on you) and the advice given wont be right.
Won't somebody think of the children?!
^ Indeed.
she needs her father regardless of what has gone on between you and her mother.
That's the first post in this whole sorry tale which even mentions what is best for the bairn. It might not be true (i.e. She might not need her father), but at least it mentions her needs!
Get over the battle with your Ex, and BOTH of you HONESTLY consider what is best for HER.
Clue - She's not a prize in this 'competition'
FFS!
Agree Dave but maybe the Mother thinks the 'bairn' really is better off without her biological Father.
Maybe one day the mother will meet a decent bloke who will be a father figure to the child.
After all, we aren't all better off for knowing our fathers. I had years of 'access' to my own Father and as soon as I was listened to I cut off all contact with him.
Sometimes 'what is best' isn't one of the parents in the equation. Again, we aren't party to the break up or what the Mother knows.
as soon as I was listened to I cut off all contact
So if we pretend to listen you'll flounce off?