The Orange Blood would tick all those boxes but it may be heavier than you would like. Again, it depends on what you mean by 'weighing a ton'. Sub 30lbs should be achievable and would be what I call 'weighing less than a ton'.
Pretty much any bike built with 4x or Slopestyle in mind would also tick that box, e.g. Commencal Meta 4x, Transition Bottlerocket, Mythic Rampant etc.
If you're deadly serious about getting something that is 100% what you want though with that brief, the Nicolai could customise a Helius AC for you but you'll pay handsomely for the priviledge.
*Edit* Those 4x bikes won't have TTs as long as 23.5" but they wouldn't be too far off if you get the in their invariably named 'long' size.