Mate of mine has recently split from his partner, not married but they have a little lad who's about 2 yrs old. Her idea, saying 'it's not working etc etc'. Gareth was pretty upset & tried to work things out but she's having none of it & it looks like she's been seeing someone else for a while anyway. Anyhow, he's accepted it eventually & only has his kids interests in mind, plus his own interest in being interested in the lad. (does that make sense?) Now she's for some reason getting arsey & making things awkward for Gaz to see his son, IE a solicitors letter telling him when. I didn't think it was up to a solicitor to say when!
What's his best course of action other than his own brief, expensive but is it the only choice? She's on legal aid BTW.
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Advice required for a mate, child access content.
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Posted 4 months ago #
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You see this is why marriage is such a good idea. I can't offer advice but as a father he has my hopes and sympathies.
Posted 4 months ago # -
Is he named as the father on the kids birth cert?
Posted 4 months ago # -
Is he named as the father on the kids birth cert?
Not sure but I'd think so. (She's got 4 kids to 3 different dads, as if thats any relevance)
Posted 4 months ago # -
As long as his names on the birth certificate then he has parental rights and is in a very good position. If he hasn't then it's a whole lot different.
If he has then he should go and get a solicitor and get some sort of access sorted out asap. Don't mess around with verbal agreements between him and his ex as this is a grey area. Get it set in black and white from the start.
Edit.
(She's got 4 kids to 3 different dads, as if thats any relevance)
Get it set out in black and white and run for the hills.
Posted 4 months ago # -
Just text'd him & his name is on the birth certificate as being the dad.
Posted 4 months ago # -
Sadly either walk away from the child, but the child support agency will chase him for funding,
or go see a solicitor who deals in child seperation cases,
But be aware things may turn nasty, and insults will usually fly as well as accusations from her.
Seen it a few times and its not nice, just be supportive of him.
Posted 4 months ago # -
It makes a big difference if he isn't on the b/c, though he can apply for parental responsibility through the courts.
Have a look here:
http://www.separateddads.co.uk/yourrightsasaseparatedfather.html
Posted 4 months ago # -
But be aware things may turn nasty, and insults will usually fly as well as accusations from her.
Seen it a few times and its not nice, just be supportive of him.
IME as long as he has not got a criminal record for violence, in particular against his ex then he is in tip top condition to take it to court. If she starts throwing the accusations around then don't throw any back unless he really needs to, by all means defend himself but don't get into tit for tat.
I keep banging on about this, on this one and on previous threads but get it set out in black and white from the start. Do it correct the first time.
Posted 4 months ago # -
I went through this five years ago. He needs to make an application to the courts to establish a contact order. He can do it himself (£175 court fee) or pay a solicitor to do it. I did it myself under guidance of a solicitor to save money. She will be summoned to court to xplain why she hasn't given contact and the court will establish a contact schedule which states he gets access on a regular basis, which if she breaks she will be summoned again. if she wants to be a pig she can always make it difficult. Your mate has to be whiter than white though ie keep up CSA payments, don't aggrevate her etc. He should also phrase an application as though it is in the child's best interests to see the father, rather than than in the fathers interests. Happy to talk it through. If you / your mate wants to, email me on slowboydickie AT gmail DOT com.
Posted 4 months ago # -
He's one step ahead of the CSA, he's taken all that into consideration. It's his 1st & only kid so he wants to do things properly.
Posted 4 months ago # -
Get him a diary and tell him to keep notes of whats happening,phone calls letters sent etc.
Posted 4 months ago # -
Your mate has to be whiter than white though ie keep up CSA payments, don't aggrevate her etc.
He won't need to, she'll manage that herself...
tbh with 4 kids by 3 partners she's probably an expert in the rules, and her past ought to have provided a warning.
Posted 4 months ago # -
Oh cheers Dickie, nice one. I'll forward your address to him. His name's Gareth (ducatigaz....)
He'll probly mail you tomorrow.Posted 4 months ago # -
tbh with 4 kids by 3 partners she's probably an expert in the rules, and her past ought to have provided a warning.
My sentiments entirely!
Posted 4 months ago # -
Hi i have just been to court got a contact order it cost me £200 try to phone to speak to ya lad ceep a diry top tip dont kik off if you dont get any were at first tempting as it is if your on the b/c u have birth rights your in a strong possition the corts will make the disitionon when you see ya lad if you and your ex carnt agree. write it all down what you want to say as when you get into cour the judje only dose question anser sort of thing i wish i had got a a soliciter to do the speaking for me i have to go back in march more than one way to skin a cat . chin up pal
reg Paul
Posted 4 months ago # -
Thanks Paul, I've told him to keep his head on the right way round & not kick off at the 1st hurdle!
Thank **** my ex was sensible & we both had our kids interests at heart first & foremost. (couldn't get rid of the little bu**ers when I got divorced!)
Posted 4 months ago # -
Couple of my mates have been through this, real eye opener for me....
This country is way behind in this kind of thing. My mate has been completely screwed over. She left him and had been seeing another guy and now lives in a big 3 bedroom house (with two amazing kids) and he lives in what can only be described as a shed in Isleworth. He works full time and as much overtime as he can stand, she does occasional freelance work... His patience is way better than mine and if he wasn't so, he'd be screwed even more.
My advice is don't pi$$ her off, she will have the full weight of the system at her disposal.
She's making his life hell at the moment with seeing the kids, now he has (eventually) started to date a woman. She is now single....
Stay focused on the kids obviously.
Posted 4 months ago # -
Trouble is with this witch is she's having her cake & eating it! Like telling Gaz he can have Brodie (the kid) then changing arrangements to suit herself at the last minute. He's a nice lad & I feel a bit sorry for him! (& being 27 yrs older than him feel more like his flippin Dad!!)
Posted 4 months ago # -
This is what I mean when I say to people that the notion of 'equality' is a myth.
Posted 4 months ago # -
its not worth angering her but it is worth using the courts if necessary - I would suggest mediation first as it is cheaper
Standard default is one day per week and every other weekend so he needs to ask for at east that - with 2 yr old it would be reasonable to ask for sma number but more frequent
it every monday and every friday night returned tea time sat- he wont really get much more without her consent tbh so he has to be realistic which is to accept he will get shafted/the worst deal.
I got more but it took 2 years to get there.CSA works it out by nights stayed so that may also be a factor in what access he/she want
if he has parental rights he will get access but she can still make it very hard for him so it est , as far as possible, to try and do it amicably
Posted 4 months ago #
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