Worst coffee ever?

“Tim Hortons was surprisingly poor I thought.”

Heretic!

To be honest, I prefer McD’s to Costa, and it is half the price. But I would only ever drink it when travelling. Otherwise, I just prefer my own. Almost nothing tastes as good as the stuff I make myself at home. Except the coffee at the NLC in London. That’s good stuff, that is.

Smile Bungalows, Bottle Beach, Koh Phangan, Thailand. It cannot be just an accident, they must go out of their way to make it that bad.

I know it’s not a popular opinion but I much prefer Starbucks of the major chains, usually espresso or occasionally macchiato – I find Costa too sour, Nero a bit weak.

Mexico does bad coffee — usually tepid instant with about 8 teaspoons of sugar in, but you can find good stuff if you look for it. In Chile, a ‘fancy’ coffee is a cup of hot water and a sachet of instant Nescafe. I wouldn’t tell them, but Spain does pretty abysmal coffee overall — basically black sludge and an “Americano” is just an expresso with the machine left running, basically a tall glass of panic attack. Mostly consumed with copious amounts of milk and sugar, disgusting but at least it’s cheap.

Back in the 90’s had a job refilling Klix drinks machines. Muddy puddle with a lingering chemical aftertaste would be my memory of the coffee, was better than the tea or ‘soup’ though!

An americano from number 1 cafe in Innerleithen. Had the appearance of dish water that you’d left the roasting tin in to soak for a few hours, which may of explained the faint chicken broth flavour. Nice omelette though

… what’s the worst coffee you’ve had?

One of the cheap Fairtrade brands, then the Costa Coffee, then a local cafe etc, too many to mention.

Actually, it is better to name good coffee because it is so difficult to find a good one.

weirdly, although Starbucks coffee is yuk, their tea is not too bad…

The old BR on train catering.  I would always get “tea” as it tasted just the same and was cheaper.

The worst one I had recently was a black Americano from Starbucks at Milton Keynes Central station. The coffee itself was unremarkable but £4.20 for hot water with a bit of coffee flavour? That left a nasty taste.

Nescafe original.

Starbucks. Tastes like burnt arse hair. Probably.

I can actually tolerate instant, dealt with it for years as unlike some I didn’t have all the time in the world to fanny about making a brew. Now I do I never touch the stuff and it helps regulate how much I drink. Even had a decaff macchiato out the industrial Nescafe machine at work. Didn’t taste bad, just didn’t taste of anything.

Actually had decent coffee in Lanzarote, cortados are good.

It’s probably better now, but BITD when traveling in SE Asia, a Lao cappucino was actually wickedly strong instant with condensed milk. I can still taste it.

My contribution to the best coffee thread was americanos in northern Spain. 🙂 Tastes differ I guess. My brew at home is Senseo Classique and I rarely drink coffee in French cafés because it’s too bitter.

Tim Hortons at Birstall. I went there full of hope for a nostalgia blast. Alas they failed to live up to the memories.

Best coffee was on the boardwalk at Kandahar Airfield, either TH or Green Bean.

RM, what about ‘coffee’ which could also be tea. Beverage, hot, general purpose L1A1. Served out of a norgie with top notes of all in stew and a bouquet of compo sausages.

RM, what about ‘coffee’ which could also be tea. Beverage, hot, general purpose L1A1. Served out of a norgie with top notes of all in stew and a bouquet of compo sausages.

Coftea? I didn’t think many would get the reference 😂.

But yeah, that mystery hot morale juice served out of a heavily stained container is something that will be remembered fondly.

I really recommend this podcast about coffee, with James Hoffman, even if you’re not a fan of Diary of a CEO. Really entertaining and informative. I think the reviews of 4 high street coffees and an independent is at about 35 minutes and well worth watching. You’ll all agree! 😂

When I worked on the Forth Bridge the safety critical guys drank something instant in a sachet that made Maxwell house appear up market. We referred to it as gravy granules, which is perhaps a disservice to bisto.

That’s just reminded me.  Working away years ago with my mate Dave.  We’d stopped at some random café for breakfast and got the weirdest coffee I’ve ever known.  You know how you watch a film and go “oh, I know that guy, who is he?”  We were doing that with the coffee, what is that taste?

The it hit us and we both agreed.  It tasted exactly like Weetabix.  Weetabix coffee.

When I was young and money was too tight to afford instant coffee, we would be given Camp chicory and coffee essence 🤮🤮 (of course my parents generation had everything so easy 😉).

Of the high street brand McDonald’s is awful, had it once never again. Costa is just bitter, Starbucks is weak. Nero is okay, but Pret is actually pretty good, IMHO.

But generally I’d rather go to an independent. Even if it’s crap it’s not going to be worse than McD and at least the money goes into the local economy.

Yeah the factory coffee machines with the beige plastic cups were pretty dire. When I first worked at a place like that I got schooled on how to use them – ie hit the strong button. It was pretty much why I started drinking coffee. Prior to that, I think my gran made me  a cup of Camp Coffee once when I was in my early teens I think – which I remember liking.

Can’t say what the worst coffee I’ve drunk is. Probably a cup of instant at my parents – they don’t drink coffee, and I was desperate for coffee so used the jar that had gone stale – stale instant coffee – it changes colour, depending on brand usually some shade of gray. Might need to knock it about to de-clump it. Tasted like shit, but I drunk most of it.

Realized this evening I drunk a mug of decaf that was heading the same way – utterly pointless.

had no depth or texture

Frankly, if I start getting ‘texture’, then I’m gonna be worried about the cleaning regime of the machine!
TBH, I rarely drink coffee, never at home, and usually mocha if I’m in a cafe somewhere.
There’s a Costa, a Nero and a number of other cafes in town, my favourite closes at 3pm, because they’re open again at 5 for evening meals, but they do good coffee, but if they’re closed I go to the Nero, they’ve got nice comfy seats.

What was the Wilco store, and was originally a big grand Co-op, is being refitted to become a Tesco Express, because the precinct behind it is likely to be redeveloped, but one of the front corner sections, I’ve learned, is going to be a Starbucks! Oh joy of joys, let my excitement be unconfined! 😝🤬 Chippenham had a ‘bucks years ago, when coffee chains were a Whizzy New Thing, and there were cafes around, but not like these places from America. It lasted maybe a couple of years, possibly less, because people quickly realised just how shit their coffee actually was. There were two in Bath, one of those shut soon after, the other lasted a bit longer, mainly, I guess, because it was a name all the international tourists were familiar with.

Worst coffee I’ve ever had? When I was at college in Bristol on day-release, there was a machine in the student canteen. It was absolutely rank! It smelt like the pipes were just left from week to week with no cleaning, like the dishcloth that gets chucked under the sink after wiping the draining board off. I’m feeling queasy just thinking about it now, and that was probably fifty years ago! 🤢

Just standard nescafe, it tastes like an ashtray.

In Singapore, they drink instant coffee that’s about 50% sweetened condensed milk. It’s just awful. Yes, you can get decent coffee at a proper coffee shop, but if you go to a local eatery, they’ll serve you the local drink.

Starbucks. It’s just a massive cup of warm milk

The problem with Starbucks is that they overbrew the coffee because they are basically selling coffee-based drinks with lots of milk and sugar. Those things are bad enough, but if you order a coffee, it tastes **** too because it’s overbrewed.

The coffee served with the complimentary breakfast in motels in the USA has to be as bad as it gets.

Balgownie blend beans  as served in many Aberdeen  offices b2c is pretty awful.

To the point that if my 0.750l homebrew runs out during the day and I want more for what ever reason  I’ll nip to the Starbucks up the road.

Even Costco dark roast beans is better and that’s pretty bad.

France wins that one for me. Painful to drink. How do they do it?

So having spent a lot of time working in France, french coffee has exactly one task, and that is WAKE YOU UP.

After the two bottles of red wine after work every night with the workmates it is certainly needed!

Even Costco dark roast beans is better and that’s pretty bad.

You know that Costco source their coffee from Starbucks, right?

@blokeuptheroad & @relapsed_mandalorian

Also requires an aftertaste of diesel/kerosene and served in the middle of a cold wet forest for the full experience.

Frankly, if I start getting ‘texture’, then I’m gonna be worried about the cleaning regime of the machine!

Good coffee does have texture/mouthfeel though, because it’s an emulsion.

If it resembles water then something has gone wrong.

The coffee served with the complimentary breakfast in motels in the USA has to be as bad as it gets.

Don’t forget your little pot of non-dairy creamer.  (What is that stuff?  Vegetable oil and cornflour?)

Anything (everything) served at Tim Hortons.   How on earth they are actually in business is a mystery.  Just dreadful coffee.  Starbucks is world-barista-championships-winning by comparison (which is in itself a whole lot better than Costa).

Anyone mentioned IKEA cafe yet?

You know that Costco source their coffee from Starbucks, right?

you know its custom roast and not the same as they sell in their shops ?

Starbucks isn’t great either -its just better than the stuff in the office B2C

 and I can’t fathom why costa/strbuck/nero is poor when it’s their core business

Same reason MacDonalds burgers are terrible, lowest common denominator innit.

I am never, ever drinking vending machine coffee.  A well-maintained one is grim enough, I’m surprised Preston Megabowl didn’t have a Listeria outbreak.

They put a little tent over the ones in the factory here when they clean or fill them, ostensibly for hygiene reasons, i’m not so sure. Some of those machines are pumping out a cup of coffee every 60-90 seconds for 3 shifts a day, 6 days a week…

Swedes/Scandis drink a metric tonne of crap coffee, daily. Some of my colleagues will have had 4 or 5 before i roll into the office at 8. If they didn’t get up so early, they wouldn’t need so much coffee to stay awake.

Also, have mentioned it before, but Volvo HQ is in the midst of a full on coffee war at the moment, we now have 5 different coffee locations (with baristas) across the main site (up from 4 last year) and two different people who turn up in vans Morning and Lunch time for a couple of hours.

Shame i think it’s rancid and it makes me nauseous…

Greggs

I’ll see your Greggs and raise you Greggs decaf.

They use instant coffee because there isn’t enough demand to justify getting beans in.

And yes, Greggs own brand instant decaf is every bit as bad as you’d imagine!

I had to resort to a ‘Costa Express’ machine the other day. Just rank, so bitter.

This morning I ordered a couple of spring rolls and a coffee from a kiosk by the beach.  They guy gave me the coffee and said he has a rule that the first coffee he serves each day is free, in return for a verbal review.

The coffee was rank, I just didn’t know what to say.

I went to a greasy spoon in the highlands. I knew it wasn’t going to be good but had no option so when I saw latte on the board I thought it cant be easy to screw that up. Then I watched the server put catering grade instant coffee, water, and elmlea in a mug, then stir it with a teaspoon.

But at least I knew what to expect, the local posh cafe have a professional coffee machine that probably cost them thousands- worked by kids with no training on how to use it, and its vile.

An americano from number 1 cafe in Innerleithen. Had the appearance of dish water that you’d left the roasting tin in to soak for a few hours, which may of explained the faint chicken broth flavour. Nice omelette though

You have been exceptionally  unlucky. What did they say?