Work Stress – Options?

My GP you are lucky to get an appointment within 2 weeks let alone today….

All the best OP, I went through something similar albeit maybe not quite as severe.

I really wasn’t sure what to do and trying to have constructive conversation with management wasn’t helping (although in fairness they were at least listening but ultimately put it all back on to me).

I didn’t honestly believe there was anything better out there but did the maths and figured out how much of a pay cut I could afford. Not too long after a recruiter approached me on LinkedIn with a role that represented a bit of a sideways step from what I was doing and seemed a bit daunting, but she talked me in to a first interview and now I’m two months in to a new job and still adjusting to the fact that reasonably paid roles don’t HAVE to be miserable and stressful.

Long story short, the good jobs ARE still out there, don’t feel that you have to suffer out of principle (which was the headspace I had ended up in).

Best of luck OP, sounds like you’re on the right track.

I’d just reiterate the advice to become as familiar as you can with company processes and mechanisms for this kind of situation.

You may wish to raise a grievance with HR regarding specific individuals, to help emphasise that it’s a “them problem” not a “you problem”.

Most importantly bcc everything to a personal account,

Hmmm. Don’t agree with this. In most jobs this would be instant dismissal. And, more to the point, very easy and quick for the company to discover.

If I did that with my current employer I’d be amazed if I wasn’t suspended within 48 hours.

I’ve seen this with my wife (luckily I’ve never been in this position directly, though seen it also with my previous boss + her boss, who to their absolute credit did everything to shield those actually delivering work, from all the shit from the incompetence above (after a clusterfluck of a reverse takeover)).

– defo go see the GP.  My wife did that a few years back, and he’d basically signed her off for a month before she even sat down –  obvious to him ho stressed to the eyeballs she was.  Then extended the time off after that.  Then (maybe after 3 months or so) had a phased return.

It also gave the time to recover, and sort out an escape plan.

It takes a long time to get to that point of being so obviously in need of a break, and defo isn’t resolved in 1 or 2 weeks off.

(Actually with my immediate boss at the last place I worked,  after she had a month off, those of us she listened to, told her to get another month off and not rush back, as we could see she would otherwise soon be back in the same hole.  She subsequently thanked us as in hindsight recognised we were absolutely right.

Definitely also keep a diary / log of all this shit and inconsistency.  (A) it will help you , and (b) come any tribunal you have written evidence.  Another friend found that really useful for the subsequent pay-off discussion ls with lawyers, when the psychotic CEO turned on her and made life shit.  (Probably felt threatened by someone 10x more competent doing well).

Other things I’ve found useful…

– work out properly ‘where you stand’ in terms of how much remaining on a mortgage, pension status, any debts, what redundancy pay,  etc etc. I found it very reassuring when I did that myself about 4 years ago (start of Covid) and knew (in my case) that I wasn’t totally **** if the Co i worked for at the time (same reverse takeover stuff) just axed me.

And… find a way out of the Co.  I think you already know that.

Good luck.  And to miss quote Norma Stanley Fletcher… ‘Don’t let the barstewards grind you down”

” I was a bit unprofessional telling him how unsupported I was, it was all stick and no carrot with him and he was not a motivating or inspiring leader etc etc.”

I’d argue the opposite- you did precisely the right thing to tell some honest truths, rather than beating around the bush.  The world needs more if that, and less dodging the issue and sucking up.  Looks like it’s had some positive effect too.

I can’t add anything that hasn’t already been said but I’ve been there and it’s a horrible state to be in. I was saved by being made redundant otherwise I would have just walked not long after. Badly run company, shite flowed downhill, none of the high ups had a clue and were more interested in lining their own pockets.

Take the time you need, concentrate on you for now and then start looking for other jobs.

It was a massive and very horrible eye opening experience and to be honest has impacted my view on work and people significantly.

Oh yes, I can relate to this.

I work for a pretty big company who pride themselves on mental wellbeing. Guess I’ll be putting that to the test later today.

My experience is that the ones that make a fuss about great they are on this are the ones that have the biggest issues in causing wellbeing issues.

You’re doing the right thing taking control and getting signed off.

The Equality Act 2010 is on your side

what you describe will likely be considered an “impairment”, and therefore a “disability”

”An impairment doesn’t have to be a diagnosed medical condition. If you’re suffering from stress, you might have:

mental impairments – like difficulty concentrating

physical impairments – like extreme tiredness and difficulty sleeping”

source: https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/work/discrimination-at-work/dealing-with-discrimination-at-work/checking-if-its-discrimination/check-if-youre-disabled-under-the-equality-act-work/#:~:text=You%20have%20an%20impairment%20if,be%20a%20diagnosed%20medical%20condition.

Well done, time off is a great start, your union will be experienced to support you obtain the changes you want

take care, you’ve got this

Sorry to hear your job is causing a hangover into your personal time.

As last man standing – and the project seemingly in difficulty. I guess those above see you as a convenient person to throw under the bus as a convenient time.

I’d not make things easier for them by leaving gaps for them to exploit by the impact of the stress they causing.

Couple months off to get back to your base is needed. In that time I’d imagine they will be fully aware nobody will play their scapegoat .. and maybe your boss will be off with stress when you return if it all gets placed on his lap whilst your off..

This situation has happened to my wife a few times in recent years. Latest was last year. Finance Director and Financial Controller left, finance staff all stepped up. Temporary Finance Consultant came in for two days a week. Promised to review salary (folk stepping up). Wife suffered some unwelcome ‘attention’ from a male colleague and complained. Handled very badly. Roll on 6 months, consultant decides no pay rises. Folk working extra hours, no pay. Wife had enough went off sick, accessed the works counselling service (these well being services many places have). Was off for a number of months, then found out she was ‘at risk of redundancy’ (basically pushing her out), ended up walking with equivalent of six months pay.

She’s not gone back to work full time, been nearly a year now, and just does a day or two a week in a fabric shop on minimum wage which she loves. We could afford the drop though, but it’s amazing what you don’t spend when you aren’t going to work.

It happened to me 15 years or so ago.  I tried to fight it, had a breakdown and was removed from site in an ambulance.  It cost me three years of my life.

You are doing the right thing by getting signed off, but be in absolutely no doubt, you need to leave.   Take the time you need to do it on your terms, but leave.  You are currently in an abusive relationship and just as in an abusive domestic relationship your abuser will tell you they love you and it’ll all be fine.  Then the abuse starts again.

Well done – glad you posted here & have the support of your wife.

I was in a similar situation, got to the point where in my rush to get home on my bike to eat tea before heading back to work I crashed & broke my femur.
6 weeks off work, then back took be another 12 months or so where I got the point where every commute home in the car I contemplated just steering into the oncoming traffic. As soon as I got signed off sick (felt like fraud in doing so) it was a huge weight lifted.

[boriselbrus this is exactly what it is.]

just as in an abusive domestic relationship your abuser will tell you they love you and it’ll all be fine. 

Nail on the head @boriselbrus this is exactly what it is.

what you describe will likely be considered an “impairment”, and therefore a “disability”

”An impairment doesn’t have to be a diagnosed medical condition.

I was pleasantly surprised that the second time I had to have time off, the occupational health report stated they felt that my symptoms would qualify as a disability and I’d have legal protection.

I’m getting closer and closer to this point at my workplace as each year passes. It’s a completely different place to what it was when I joined it six years ago, but I think the true change has been somewhat hidden behind the pandemic. Most senior staff have left and either not been replaced or internal promotions have filled those posts with people not really experienced enough.

I think the point where I realised it was taking the piss was when I started having episodes of losing my vision and heart palpitations for days on end.

I would say exactly as others have, **** the system and do what you need to do to protect yourself. Health effects from serious chronic stress can affect you for the rest of your life so it’s not worth it.

Some excellent points here,  and well done to you for taking considered action. I would reiterate another poster. Do not start sending work messages to a private email account that is an enforceable breach of most organisations policy on information security, and just gives them an excuse to take this in a bad direction.

Ps to add and they can very easily check that, no work email is in any way private

Yeah, just compose the email then take a photo of it on your (personal) phone instead 😉

Print them off.

You need some form of copy  of the emails

I really feel for you OP. I hope you can enjoy the fresh air again. Breathe deeply, smile and enjoy not being in work.

I had an awful manager years ago. A terrible man and on my back constantly. I phoned up one day and said I won’t be working for you again. I walked in and handed back my car and laptop that day. Whilst he was going through the formalities he told me to get him a coffee. I simply laughed and walked out. Felt amazing and free outside. I was in a fortunate position where I could move in with my folks for a while whilst I got sorted.
That summer I painted fences all day and it was amazing albeit temporary.

This experience has always taught me to have an escape route planned/safety net in place.

Lots of good advice on here. I was in a similar situation with stress a couple of years ago and posted on here for advice. Like you I found writing the post helpful and it was a catalyst for me to change (as the role couldn’t).

I would echo all those that have said to see your GP, it was only really when I was in floods of tears on their surgery that I realised I had to make some significant changes.

Your life & health are too important and you’re worth more than that job.

Good luck.