I know its a hypothetical thread, but you don’t have to have a tandem specific LH crank, you can get away with a Heath-Robinson set-up.
On our tandem I’m running a Raceface Evolve crank at the front, fitted the wrong way round, and a normal square taper drive crank on the stokers LHS. We run SPD’s on the Ventana, so I had to strip the pedals and swap the axles round so the pedals stay in the correct orientation. A dab of threadlock on the cone & locknut.
Then a healthy dab of threadlock on the pedal threads and nice & tight onto the crank. I put a line of tippex across the crank & pedal axle so I can see if the thread starts to back-off, but after 18 months none have moved at all.
Continue brain-storming!
Rob