Home Forums Chat Forum What age would you feel happy leaving your kids by themselves?

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  • What age would you feel happy leaving your kids by themselves?
  • 1
    bigginge
    Full Member

    I seem to have gotten into a pickle this morning with MsGinge. She, being a teacher, is home with the kids over the school holidays and I’ll be off to work as usual most of the time. This morning she suggested leaving the two eldest kids at home while she goes out for a run; I said I wasn’t comfortable with that. Grumpiness and a refusal to talk about it ensued.

    So, to gauge my level of reaction rather than collecting ammo for an argument, what age would the great and good of STW halls be happy leaving their kids alone at home? Would there be any conditions you would need to put in this. To be happy with it?

    I’ll reserve giving ages for ours just yet in case it biases anyone.

    Specifically this would be for short (less than an hour) periods of time but where they don’t yet have any of the own mean of communication (ie mobiles) or access to a landline in the house. Probably more useful to hear from those who have kids now but if you have tales, from back in the day, of being left alone with the dog when you were just two, crack on.

    tenacious_doug
    Free Member

    Left our 10 year old a couple of times while nipping to the shops nearby or similar errands, no more than 20 minutes at a time. Not sure I’d leave him to go for a run or something that felt like going out to enjoy myself while leaving him at home. Not really thought about when I’d be happy with that, 12 or 13 maybe?

    3
    binners
    Full Member

    Depends on the kid.

    Youngest Binnerette is eminently sensible and level headed (she takes after her mother) and was quite happy to be left alone from a younger age for short periods. Eldest Binnerette (who is a mini-me) is now 20 and I still worry about her accidentally burning the house down

    1
    northernmatt
    Full Member

    11 – left him for half an hour or so but he has a mobile so can call if needed. Depends on the child though, I reckon we could leave him sat in front of youtube for 3 days and he wouldn’t notice we were gone.

    anagallis_arvensis
    Full Member

    11ish with our son for short periods.

    1
    the-muffin-man
    Full Member

    10 – 11 ish. But our daughter was free to walk and visit friends in the village from 8ish up.

    As has been said, hugely depends on the child.

    Not sure I’d leave my 20 year old nephew alone in my house! 🙂

    but if you have tales, from back in the day, of being left alone with the dog when you were just two, crack on.

    Well, if we are going back to the ’70s – during school holidays you went out when to play in the morning and came back in when it was dark! Occasionally popping into some mates house to top up on Quosh and a sarnie! This was from about 5 or 6 yrs old.

    1
    sc-xc
    Full Member

    I think it was y5 for ours, they would walk home from school and sometimes be alone until we got back from work anyway. So that would be about 10?

    tjagain
    Full Member

    11 – 12 depending on the kid

    Tales from days gone by?  I grew up in Glasgow in the 70s.  I was walking to school on my own from 9 yrs old and from 11 was riding my bike around the city.  By 13 I was youth hostelling without parents

    yoshimi
    Full Member

    As the father of a 2year old I’m following this with interest – Like a lot of this new parenting…I have no idea of the answer 🙂

    Although the fact you’re asking the questions means that you and your wife will probably come up with the right answer for you and your family

    daviek
    Full Member

    Totally depends on the kid, but for me 10 or 11 for an hour or so.

    longdog
    Free Member

    Probably 10/11 for an hour or two, but he’s very tame. We will have made sure he had our mobile numbers and we had a landline.

    As an older teenager he even wouldn’t notice we’d gone for days if there was food in the kitchen and the electric and WiFi was working.

    2
    argee
    Full Member

    Usually around the age of 7, just make sure the iPad is fully charged and they can safely access the sweet cupboard.

    scaled
    Free Member

    Depends on the kid, my eldest would have been fine from 9, whereas my (now) 9 year old wouldn’t want to be left at home on his own, so obviously isn’t!

    jeffl
    Full Member

    As lots have said, depends on the kid. Also depends if they have any younger siblings, as leaving a 10 year old on their own is one thing, but leaving them with a 6,7,8 year old seems unfair, plus they’d probably end up fighting.

    Also any dogs? I appreciate that everyone thinks their dog is great and trusts them with their kids, but there are too many stories of kids being attacked by family pets in the news.

    But from memory 10-11 is what we did with ours. Since we’ve had a dog we’ll leave the 15 year old with the dog but not the younger one.

    thestabiliser
    Free Member

    Yup, kids are all different but I leave our youngest 10 for half an hour or so when the eldest and I go to karate and before Mrs S gets home. He hasn’t burnt down the house even once, yet.

    >sepia tones< when I were a lad I’d walk two miles home on my own and start making tea when I was nine. And we only ever had one, fairly minor, chip pan fire. HTH!

    dooosuk
    Free Member

    Started leaving our daughter for 10min or so from late 10’s. She’s mid 11’s now but if its over half an hour she’d still rather come with us than be left alone.

    1
    wwpaddler
    Free Member

    From 6 or 7 for up to an hour.  Usually left on a Skype call to granny.  By age 10 left on his own for 3-4 hours.  Always had access to the home phone to call us and grandparents on Skype through laptop.

    2
    theotherjonv
    Free Member

    we were awful parents so they both had phones from about 10 so that’s one issue dealt with, what to do if something happened.

    Then my daughter from about that age, with her being sensible enough to supervise her younger brother so he’d have been 8. At that age in front of a Disney or Harry Potter film and they’d barely notice.

    It would only be to grab a pint of milk, or run one or other of us to the station so less than 20 mins, but we’d have been happy with longer and the barriers came down a year or two later anyway when they went to secondary school and used to walk there and back.

    To the OP – if there’s no contactability via other means, I’d suggest getting a ‘burner’ phone and a PAYG sim with just your numbers on it, and then your wife can go out for her run. But maybe do three laps of a 20 min route so she’s never more than a few mins away, if she’s worried. It’ll be good practise for her and the kids, as part of parenting is letting go. And if that’s too boring, well, she should have made you wear a hat 😉

    (son now 18 and going off on holiday to Portugal for a week tomorrow am…. the current MrsV is struggling a bit with that. Daughter went off to Uni at similar age – no such worries)

    nickc
    Full Member

    I think it’s varied over time. I was baby sitting younger kids at age 13 back in the 80’s. I also cycled to Winchester one summer at 14 without telling my parents what I was doing, and my dad had to come and get me.

    I’d be totally OK leaving 10/11 year olds by themselves for an hour or two, but younger if they’re sensible/reliable

    Dickyboy
    Full Member

    My eldest used to bribe his younger brothers* with sweets to make sure they didn’t tell me he’d gone out when he was supposed to be babysitting them.

    * they are all in their 30’s now so I can’t remember what ages they were back then.

    4
    dyna-ti
    Full Member

    My Dad once left me in the car while he went to the pub. I think I must have been about 4 or 5.

    Was supplied with a couple of chewy sweeties. After 1/2hour or so i got bored and started playing with the controls. Discovered if you pull one of the indicator stalks the headlights flashed. So i did that a lot not really realizing i was flashing the pub windows, which brought Dad back out

    He told me to never ever tell your Mother(his exact words), which i didnt until about a year or so ago. She was seriously shocked by it. But as Dad had shuffled off this mortal coil by then, I think he got away with it.

    Unless theres an afterlife, in which case he’s in serious bother.

    politecameraaction
    Free Member

    if there’s no contactability via other means, I’d suggest getting a ‘burner’ phone and a PAYG sim with just your numbers on it,

    Alexa devices can sync with phones and their contacts list so a kid can go up to it and say “Alexa, call Granny P” and it will work like a speakerphone.

    Yak
    Full Member

    11ish or so and with phones should there be any issues. It’s the age they walk without parents to school, friends houses, the park etc anyway, so all they need to do in addition is not burn the house down.

    1
    daviek
    Full Member

    @dyna-ti same sort of thing with my dad but at football. Would leave me in the stand in a good seat early 80s when I was 8 or 9 and he would stand at the back as he was used to terracing. Mum only found out when we were writing things down for his funeral last year …

    4
    FunkyDunc
    Free Member

    10/11 from what I remember, just nipping out to the shops etc for 30 mins.

    Clear instructions just to get out if there was a fire etc.

    Age 14 he is happy to be in the house all day by himself, although we have only done it once, and not really a full day

    I was not actually trusted to be left in a house when young. Cant remember how old I was, but I was left. Found a lighter and for some unknown reason thought it would be a good idea to see how the hair type things on a cactus would burn. Unsurprisingly they burnt rather well, as did the curtain next to it !!  Luckily brother and I managed to put it out. I got a right b@llocking. Lesson learned and all that, next time set fire to a less dry plant!

    2
    Kramer
    Free Member

    I was essentially free range from aged 8 onwards in the 80s.

    I’m not sure that my family was the epitome of good parenting though?

    Watty
    Full Member

    My mum worked when I was little, so junior school and up I was on my tod. This was the 60s mind. Our kids, who are in their thirties now I honestly can’t remember. Not much use am I?

    3
    jca
    Full Member

    As the father of a 2year old

    I think I can safely say that ‘not 2’ is an appropriate answer…

    1
    MrPottatoHead
    Full Member

    ours at 10 for about 30 mins if walk if walking the dog.

    initially was worried so kept checking in on the camera and he doesn’t move if he’s glued to a screen.

    I’d be more hesitant if he was the type to go wandering round the house or if we had more than one kid to get up to mischief.

    1
    jonswhite
    Full Member

    My boy is 6. We will leave him in the house for 15-20mins on his own and he is happy. Knows not to answer the doorbell.

    Once he starts school in September he will walk there with his mate and will go to the bakery 5 minutes away himself to get stuff for home.

    We do live in Munich where the traffic is much better behaved.

    At a push I know he would be fine for an hour in front of the tv with snacks.

    House phone has Mum and I on speed-dial for emergencies.

    scotroutes
    Full Member

    From a legal perspective I was under the impression that there was no minimum age, but it was not lawful to leave an under-16 “in charge” of a younger child.

    Personally, I reckon it’s whatever age you’re happy with them walking home from school unaccompanied. In my case, that would have been age 7.

    cookeaa
    Full Member

    Specifically this would be for short (less than an hour) periods of time but where they don’t yet have any of the own mean of communication (ie mobiles)

    I’d say 10 or 11ish depending on the child. All assumed it’s just Mum/Dad nipping out for a local run or errands, make sure they know where you’re going, when you expect to be back and address the lack of Comms i.e. show them how to use a landline (if you have such a thing) or spare mobile then can use to contact a parent in a pinch.

    Clear instructions not to answer the door, turn on anything in the Kitchen (I think our eldest, 15, would ignore that one now TBH) or leave the house for any reason short of a fire.

    It’s a useful little exercise, make it clear you are trusting them not to do anything silly or dangerous and that their behaviour now contributes to any future decisions on their potential ‘freedoms’ to do other stuff.

    You have to deal with this stuff eventually so whatever age it’s at, easing the kids into it and taking the novelty out of them being left alone for short periods is better than having a sheltered 16 year old suddenly testing the limits.

    1
    thegeneralist
    Free Member

    where they don’t yet have any of the own mean of communication (ie mobiles) or access to a landline in the house.

    I’m amazed nobody has picked up on this. Have I misunderstood?

    There’s no way I would consider a kid old enough to stay home alone if I didn’t already trust that kid with access/.use of a telephone.

    And there’s no way I’d leave them alone without it below the age of about 15

    3
    IHN
    Full Member

    turn on anything in the Kitchen

    Dons flamesuit, but if you have kids of high school age and they’re not capable of cooking themselves a simple meal (I’m talking beans on toast) unsupervised, you’re doing something wrong.

    argee
    Full Member

    My 8 year old is under strict instructions not to use the chip pan when she’s left home alone!

    scotroutes
    Full Member

    Something for the OP to consider (and possibly related to the phone issue) – what happens if the one hour run turns into something longer due to, for instance, a bad fall? Would it be useful to have some sort of contingency arrangement in place and would the child be responsible enough to consider it?

    2
    the-muffin-man
    Full Member

    Re the phones thing and communicating I understand it’s a concern for todays parents.  I think a big problem now is people don’t know the people in their communities.

    Even as kids in the ’70s we’d know where to go to get help, who’s door to knock on, and how to do a reverse charge call in a phone box (as kids would have spent any money they had on them on sweets!). There was even a police house in our village.

    nickc
    Full Member

    Similar, I grew up on married quarters (military housing) and the groups of kids I hung about with all knew how to get help, where to go, who not to talk to etc etc, Our parents expected us to just get with on with it.

    I let my own son walk to his mate’s when he was about 8 or 9 I think (which would’ve been early noughties), and in the summer holidays they roamed to town by themselves, no harm came to them.

    ads678
    Full Member

    We’d have left my son alone probably about yr 6 so 10-11 ish, maybe would have been earlier but had younger daughter as well. Think I’d want them to have access to a phone though.

    As for tales…. I remember putting the kids to bed when they were 4 and 2 or something like that, wife was out and I had a couple of jobs to do in the garage, thought they were fast asleep, so quietly went out of the house and into the detached garage. I’d locked the house up, and let the garage door close behind me. I think I was only in there for about 15-20 minutes but thought I ‘d just pop my head out of the door and look up at the kids bedroom window. There was my son staring out of the window crying his eyes out shouting Daddy where are you. I have never felt so **** awful in my life!! ?

    Yak
    Full Member

    No phone, so primary school age, 5-10 I guess? That was nip 2 doors down to the shop for a pint of milk , not go for out for a ride leaving them alone age for me.

    But yeah, bitd in the 80s, I walked to infants and junior school without parents, came in from junior school alone often, but only to get my bike and go to the bmx track with lots of other kids. My folks would usually go out running longish distances every morning so we’d be alone then, but asleep when they went out. Just got up, poured a bowl of some cereal and got on with being late for school.

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