Unspoken battles with your other half…

Toilet Roll. I seem to have married a phsycopath who has no preference over which way it hangs and will consistently hang it the wrong way without a thought to others. I’ve even trained our children the correct way and they will now turn it round if it is found to be wrong.

Wife then notices how little I am taking so starts to fill up my bag with her overflow. Every bloody time

Hang on – are we married to the same woman ?

matt_outandabout … a smiling spoon … superb!

Hubby leaves nearly all the drawers and doors slightly ajar. I go around closing/shutting them. One day I lost the plot and slammed a drawer so hard, it bounced back open, which I hadn’t noticed, it was in fact further open than before. Sometimes the drawers won’t close because he can’t actually put his articles properly into the space so a tiny bit (maybe the finger of a riding glove for example) is preventing the complete shutting manoeuvre.

I tidy everything away in their own proper place, then I know where they are, he would like to leave everything out then he can see where they are.

Mugs stacked two high: check

I periodically have a clearout but they keep coming back, every Christmas/birthday/Easter/Mothers Day etc there will be a new “World’s Best Mum” mug. It’s like having a cupboard of tribbles.

Toothpaste tube must be squeezed and scraped to get the last little dregs out and then out back rather than opening the new tube that’s in the cupboard.

I have the opposite problem. At any given time there will be on the go (all identical) two tubes of toothpaste, four cans of deodorant, seven bottles of shampoo, three cans of air freshener, four squirty bottles of surface cleaner… half of them near death if not actually empty and stuffed back in the cupboard.

She has the same approach to bags of food. Need some pasta, open a new bag, doesn’t matter that there’s two half-full ones open already. I spend half of my life like a debt management company, consolidating all of our pasta into one easy-to-manage bag.

Edit: compare and contrast.

I like how you’ve conveniently cropped out the shitpiles on either side. (-:

In the kitchen cupboard, there are 3 piles of dinner plates – organised in such a way that different patterns are together (yes, I know it’s a bit sad, but that’s not the discussion point here)
Every time I open the cupboard, one pile has a bag of crisps on it, one pile has a bag of wraps, and the third has a cake or whatever on top. The result being that something needs to be moved, no matter which pattern of plate you go for. So, I take all those things, and put them on a different shelf. Next time I open the cupboard…. All. Back. Where. They. Started. FFS.

There’s some ugly cutlery on display here. Are folk trying to recreate the ambience of a motorway service station in their own home?

There’s some ugly cutlery on display here. Are folk trying to recreate the ambience of a motorway service station in their own home?

You are Jacob Rees Mogg and ICMFP

I tidy everything away in their own proper place, then I know where they are, he would like to leave everything out then he can see where they are

And you’re not ashamed of this man destroying behaviour?!?

Use of casement windows – it was spoken once but now we just silently correct each others approach with me boiling with internal rage……

We were lucky enough to get mates rates on v fine hardwood windows to match our period property a few years back. Smaller windows have a top hinged casements, which is the one you should leave open when required in case it rains. They have weather protection strips and a drip channel.

The bigger ones are side hinged and by opening outwards expose the inner jointing to rain. Slightly warm summer weather is apparently an excuse to jeopardise 10’s of thousands of pounds worth of joinery that we’d have no hope of replacing!!!

^^ niche. But valid.

@bunnyhop – do you have a sister? Do you have quite a lot of sisters?

Asking for a whole bunch of friends….

Energy usage, recycling and lights.

I’m the tree hugger in our house when it comes to energy usage, the boiler and rads are optimized, the house is insulated, we’re doing pretty well.

My OH though will sit in the dark and turn every (LED) light off whereas I keep trying to point out that every bulb in the house together still costs less than TV she has on and ignores whilst she plays games on her phone.  She will also leave the conservatory inner door open all winter which must cost a fortune. And then not open the outer door in summer so the house slowly cooks.

Same with recycling.  I’ll recycle 90%.  She’ll fish through the bin to find a discarded yogurt pot which should have been rinsed and recycled.  But she won’t rinse it, it’ll just sit on the side festering until I* do the washing up.

*yes, I. She for as long as I’ve known her has never actually washed up.  She believes that anything non-dishwasher just gets magically cleaned and put away if left on the side long enough.

Closing the window blinds.

Mrs 5390 always closes them so the light shines in from the street light outside, tilting backwards.

Obviously I close them the correct way, tilted forwards, which stops said light from shining in (and prying eyes, should anyone be so inclined)

My other half and I are basically 99% on the same page when it comes to clutter (no thanks), cutlery drawers (tidy please), and mug volume (no double stacking).

HOWEVER

What I fail to comprehend is her use of the hot tap. When wanting some water to say, dampen a sponge or a cloth to wipe down a surface, she will turn the tap to hot, turn the water on, quickly dampen the object in question for a second or two, then turn the tap off.

This gives our boiler/plumbing absolutely no chance of actually providing hot water to the object in question, but it does mean that I hear the combi boiler spinning up and then instantly down again for no benefit whatsoever.

Given the way she does it, the water is going to be cold regardless of where the tap is. So just put it on cold and leave our poor boiler alone, or actually wait for hot water to come out. I don’t mind which, just pick one for the love of god!

My wife is a doctor, very highly qualified, expert in her field(s) and very well respected. She is, undoubtedly, very intelligent. But, she is completely unable to understand how a thermostat works. Despite my best efforts over 20 years, she still thinks turning the thermostat up to max will heat the house / car up quicker. So, every winter, we have an unspoken battle that involves her maxing the thermostat and me opening the heating app on my phone to turn it back down to a cosy 19degrees*

*of course there is another unspoken battle about whether a living room should be at the same temperature as the face of the sun or not.

Butter. Or marge, or any other solid spread. I will always take a smooth swipe across the top, akin to spreading it out onto a selected slice/confection/crumpet but in reverse. It leaves the remaining surface intact. This motion is always done with a clean knife.

my ‘better’ half attacks any spreadable comestible like a knife wielding psychopath, with associated stab wounds often tinged with jam, marmite or crumb shrapnel.

I weep silently for mankind as I smooth and reconstruct a consolidated surface before my next slice of toast.

@franksinatra I think incidence of this have been televised

Packing for holiday. If the airline says bag limit is 23kg, she sees that as a target, not a maximum

I silently object to taking of so much stuff so I then pack as frugally as possible, I could pretty much take hand luggage only.

Wife then notices how little I am taking so starts to fill up my bag with her overflow. Every bloody time.

Yep, this one too. If we’re away for a fortnight, mine seemingly loses the ability to count to 14 and just packs everything she owns. She’ll also turn the car into a rolling zip-file if we go camping.

SHE STIRS PAINT WITH MY BEST SCREWDRIVERS.

On a related issue, mine considers all paint brushes disposable, just because she can’t be bothered to clean them. That said, she doesn’t actually dispose of them; just leaves them in a paint-encrusted pile by the kitchen sink.

Lights.

If i am in a room and the light is on, let’s just assume its for a reason. At the very least atleast ask before you turn it off and walk back out because you have decided its bright enough…

yes, I. She for as long as I’ve known her has never actually washed up. She believes that anything non-dishwasher just gets magically cleaned and put away if left on the side long enough.

I get told to do the dishes despite being the only one who does the dishes.

I should add that Msvegas is ace in most ways. And i am by far a more problematic house mate.

@franksinatra this is getting weird. If you now tell me that your wife, despite being a generally tidy person, leaves the inside of the car like Glastonbury-the-day-after I’ll be proper suspicious.

 If we’re away for a fortnight, mine seemingly loses the ability to count to 14 and just packs everything she owns.

Whenever we or she gets back from a trip, MrsIHN just tips every item of clothing she took with her into the washing basket, regardless of whether it had been worn, never mind whether it actually needs washing (because worn /= dirty, another ongoing ‘conversation’).

@franksinatra this is getting weird. If you now tell me that your wife, despite being a generally tidy person, leaves the inside of the car like Glastonbury-the-day-after I’ll be proper suspicious.

Not the case here, her car is quite tidy, but do we need to have a chat about recycling waste being left in utility room rather than out in the blue lidded wheelie bin outside of the utility room?

Washing machine load weights.

A) most of the programmes you can choose from have a lower than maximum weight.

B) stuffing in as many clothes as possible does not constitute an accurate measurement of weight

C) if the clothes cannot move, they cannot get washed properly.

Gnnnnnnnnnnnn.

Now I’m on the phone and she’s not looking over my shoulder. A model S Tesla, a 2016 with free supercharging for life and a knackered battery. 12 000e for a new battery so about 32 000e total ready to go. Every time I admire them when we’re using superchargers she bristles. 🙂

Ediit: our washing machine won that battle Matt. It just stops when it’s overloaded so I one day I said that I wouldn’t be the one emptying it and mopping up the mess if she did it again, she hasn’t.

Another dishwasher quirk: there is nothing on God’s Green Earth that my wife will not try to wash in the dishwasher.

Wooden chopping boards that would otherwise last decades? Lets see how you hold up if I dissolve your glue!

Drip tray from a coffee machine? I’m going to turn you into a **** Salvador Dali-clock!

Earth covered flower pots? The earth will just magically disappear!

Ironing, Mrs dB loves ironing, so everything that gets washed has to go in the ironing pile until it gets neatly ironed before being put away, if I sneak a tee shirt that got washed a week ago & dare put to put it on without ironing I’m literally put on the naughty step all because she thinks it reflects badly on her caring for husband skills..

an excuse to jeopardise 10’s of thousands of pounds worth of joinery that we’d have no hope of replacing!!!

Oh yes.

Run a hot bath, turn off the extractor fan, close the door. Pick any two, I can’t afford a new bathroom.

every bulb in the house together still costs less than TV she has on and ignores whilst she plays games on her phone.

I ‘did the math.’ The main TV is broadly equivalent to every bulb in the house. We have a lot of bulbs, one of the first things I did when we moved in was replace all the halogens with LEDs. I’ll do a count.

I’ll do a count.

79.  There are 79 ceiling bulbs in this house.

She believes that anything non-dishwasher just gets magically cleaned and put away if left on the side long enough.

Well, it demonstrably does.

I have the opposite problem here, on holiday with ‘the fam’ she won’t stop fussing around and just relax because “if I don’t do it, it won’t get done.” Well, it won’t get done then, will it. No-one died.

If i am in a room and the light is on, let’s just assume its for a reason. At the very least atleast ask before you turn it off and walk back out because you have decided its bright enough…

Again, opposite problem, as she wafts through the house leaving a trail of illumination in her wake.  Did I mention, seventy nine?

I get told to do the dishes despite being the only one who does the dishes.

Yeah, my ex was the same. I’ve been away for a couple of days, pile of stuff in the sink, starting to smell. “Why haven’t you done the dishes?”

FFS woman, i’ve been 300 km away for the last 72 hours, and i left the sink empty, draining board clear and dishwasher empty.

If you now tell me that your wife, despite being a generally tidy person, leaves the inside of the car like Glastonbury-the-day-after I’ll be proper suspicious.

My girlfriend is meticulously clean, tidy and clutter free, almost a hygiene freak. Yet Glastonbury-the-day-after would be a massive improvement for her car though. First time i went in it, i found some weeds growing in the rear passenger footwell, under a bag of rubbish from a road trip her and daughter took two years ago. The boot has 4 pairs of football boots of decreasing size, at least two still in the plastic bags they went in after the last game they were usable in.

I’m quite glad i’m not married to my ex anymore, and that i don’t have to get in the GFs car very often…

(Recycling is all my fault, usually gets to the point i need to put the back seats of the car down before i finally capitulate and go to the centre.)

My wife is a doctor, very highly qualified, expert in her field(s) and very well respected. She is, undoubtedly, very intelligent. But, she is completely unable to understand how a thermostat works. Despite my best efforts over 20 years, she still thinks turning the thermostat up to max will heat the house / car up quicker.

Put her in an open-plan office. Bring popcorn.

We used to have this at work.  Someone would come in going “I’m cold” and turn the thermostat up to 30′.  The next person in would go “Jesus H Corbett it’s hot in here” and knock it down to 16′.  Then the rest of the office throws open all the windows and I’m phoning Maintenance because the aircon is trying to climate-control the whole of East Lancashire and has shat itself.

They put a key-operated perspex lock box over the controls in the end.  The fact that such a thing even exists makes me think that this is not a unique situation.

Where the hell should those drainer plug things be? Not in the bloody plug hole as nothing goes down and away. Flaming nuisance I reckon. I take them out every day. Why do mugs have to all point the same way when hanging? Why do we need a spare bog roll out just in case when we can reach the cupboard where they live whilst sitting on the bog? Doesn’t she anticipate and think “oh dear, I’ll need more than the two sheets left on the roll”.

That bloody mug with a bit of kitchen roll and orange peel in it. Left every night by the sofa where she has been sitting. Take it to the kitchen when go to make the Ovaltine!

79.  There are 79 ceiling bulbs in this house.

Cougar’s house, earlier today…

I ‘did the math.’ The main TV is broadly equivalent to every bulb in the house. We have a lot of bulbs, one of the first things I did when we moved in was replace all the halogens with LEDs. I’ll do a count.

79.  There are 79 ceiling bulbs in this house.

Think i counted about 130, including all the outside ones. And the garage.

They use about as much energy as the 6 halogens that i can’t swap because the LED equivalents don’t fit in the housing.

Most of the LEDs are on timers or smart, so they switch themselves off if no one is in the vicinity as well.

Think i counted about 130, including all the outside ones. And the garage.

Oh, I forgot outside.  That makes 80.

That bloody mug with a bit of kitchen roll and orange peel in it.

Oh, this boils my piss. What’s the progression here? “Can you wash up for me?” Sure, right after I’ve fished around in your slop to retrieve whatever you’ve stuffed in there which needs to go in the bin.

I don’t understand it. It just creates unnecessary work. Put your shit next to the mug / bowl / whatever, it’s one less step to deal with. Two less in fact, because shoving it in is a step in itself.

This might be a ‘me’ issue, I don’t know. Stacking dirty plates without rinsing I think “great, that’s just doubled the required cleaning effort.”

my ‘better’ half attacks any spreadable comestible like a knife wielding psychopath, with associated stab wounds often tinged with jam, marmite or crumb shrapnel.

^ this is known as conjaminating the butter in our house (it’s *always f’in jam and I hate jam!) and is punishable

Ironing, Mrs dB loves ironing, so everything that gets washed has to go in the ironing pile until it gets neatly ironed before being put away, if I sneak a tee shirt that got washed a week ago & dare put to put it on without ironing I’m literally put on the naughty step all because she thinks it reflects badly on her caring for husband skills..

^^Needs to be posted on Mumsnet to attract more rage. 🙂

Take it to the kitchen when go to make the Ovaltine!

I think that we have found this week’s “Living Life to the Max” winner.

Mrs BWD is perfect in pretty much every way.

She also occasionally reads this forum…