Unlocking passcode on dead partners iPhone

So, recommendations are a little book of passwords stashed where the relatives know where it is (my mum does this)

I have an address book tucked away with everything in that might be useful to my partner or kids after I’m gone

So, recommendations are a little book of passwords stashed where the relatives know

Good plan.

Because he had kept them as an aid memoir, I was able to trawl through a number of my friends journalists notebooks for various scribbled passwords etc but I didn’t get into his apple account because he had used his landline number as 2 factor authentication & I’d already cancelled his BT account.

Yeah, a list of passwords might help with some accounts but thanks to the rise in 2FA/MFA you really need phone access for authentication too.

The more I think about this, the more I’m wondering,

What is on someone’s device that a partner would need to access after their death which wasn’t shared with them whilst the deceased was still alive?  The OP suggests “memories” – WTF does that mean?

I’ll hold my hand up here, I’m guilty of this.  All the household bills etc are done electronically wherever possible and that’s all through my accounts.  But that is absolutely a failing on my part, I need to have proxies / paper backups for if I check out before she does.  If nothing else, this thread has given me a kick to sort that out for her.

The idea that someone would just be handed the keys to my accounts though… I mean, it’s not even about me, I’ve had conversations with friends who have told me deeply personal things in strictest confidence.  How about historical intimate conversations with an ex before they even met, is that something that they’d want to read?  I trust my partner implicitly, but I don’t think other people would necessarily appreciate her going through their dirty laundry.  It’s a violation of privacy.

I understand the desperation, but no good will come from a grieving partner going through a deceased loved-one’s phone desperately looking for breadcrumbs.

Electronic legacy is interesting discussion and should be planned for when all parties are alive and well. Which is easier said than done, I know

Talk about memories usually means photos and videos, for my part I have shared my Google photos with Mrs, there isn’t much else in digital format for me to leave behind except some Kindle books and dodgy post histories on few forums.

What is on someone’s device that a partner would need to access after their death which wasn’t shared with them whilst the deceased was still alive?  The OP suggests “memories” – WTF does that mean?

as above, photos/videos taken with your phone. I don’t think they’re talking about messages, etc. (I can understand why those might potentially be wanted in cases where people had disappeared/died by suicide etc)

I understand the desperation, but no good will come from a grieving partner going through a deceased loved-one’s phone desperately looking for breadcrumbs.

The difference I see is that while alive I have actively given OH access to my emails for all the practical stuff, and we have a shared Google photos system. But that is active permission, so I tend to agree with you.

So the message is: sort you digital life out with those who matter.

Electronic legacy is interesting discussion and should be planned for when all parties are alive and well. Which is easier said than done, I know

It is being more considered now in the world of social media:
https://uk.pcmag.com/security/147526/how-to-prepare-your-digital-life-for-your-death

Related note: when a friend split from her partner, I remember it took them ages to “disconnect” electronically – all their online banking, joint accounts, social media stuff, shared folders etc, all on the one (shared) laptop.

It is being more considered now in the world of social media:
https://uk.pcmag.com/security/147526/how-to-prepare-your-digital-life-for-your-death

Good tips on FB, IG etc but I wouldn’t trust any online password service to be around in few years time, as services tend to come and go.

The idea that someone would just be handed the keys to my accounts though… I mean, it’s not even about me, I’ve had conversations with friends who have told me deeply personal things in strictest confidence.  How about historical intimate conversations with an ex before they even met, is that something that they’d want to read?  I trust my partner implicitly, but I don’t think other people would necessarily appreciate her going through their dirty laundry.  It’s a violation of privacy.

It all depends on what you’re likely to have on your phone, or other devices, though, isn’t it. I have nothing that I’d care about after my sad demise, basically because I don’t put anything down on paper or store electronically that would embarrass anyone. It’s also easy to password protect various things, and iOS 18 will be even more comprehensive in that individual notes, etc can be password protected, as well as individual apps. So the separate folder in your Photos library with all of the compromising photos showing tractor porn can be safely locked away, never to see the light of day!

Apart from my banking stuff (bank accounts, share scheme, etc.), nothing on my electronic devices would be embarrassing.

If/when I’m having chats with mates on deeply personal stuff, the chat gets deleted after the discussion is sorted. Absolutely no need to keep that stuff floating about.

Something else to add to my list of stuff to sort out and speak to people about, so they know what my version of the ‘plan’ is meant to be.

The situation that started this is on the way to being resolved but I wonder… Apple run the OS and the phone so can help with iphones, as in the original case. Nothing but iCloud backups will be accessed. All contacts, whatsapp, texts will not be shared.

What is a recommendation for “Android” as that is the OS, but Samsung, Motorola, Ule, Blackview etc etc …

Similar situation with an Android phone and deceased partner. No password, phone locked….

Yeah, a list of passwords might help with some accounts but thanks to the rise in 2FA/MFA you really need phone access for authentication too.

This is a good point.  We use a paid password manager (LastPass) that has a mechanism where if one of you disappears/dies the other can get access to the account info after a certain time.  That doesn’t resolve the 2FA thing but in any case we know each others phone PIN so not a problem, but that isn’t really a ‘proper’ solution and doesn’t work for everyone (and nor should it really).

I use bitwarden and partner knows or can access my account.  Phone access is shared anyway

What is on someone’s device that a partner would need to access after their death which wasn’t shared with them whilst the deceased was still alive?

Well my dad hung himself so there’s that.

Every household account was in his name.

I realise there’s a correct way of sorting that and a right way of doing it, the correct way is a pain in the arse and despite changing account names my mum was still getting letters addressed to ‘The Estate of….’

Ultimately there was no note and no closure other than accepting it was the actions of a very ill and desperate man so no, no good came from that angle but being able to systematically go through accounts to cancel payments and close them down is a lot less stressful than trying to speak to someone in a call centre who wants a death certificate and might not even understand the situation.

Talk about memories usually means photos and videos

Sure. But photos and videos never seen outside of that device can’t be that important. If they were they’d already be shared on OneDrive / Facebook / Flickr / GDrive / Twitter / home NAS / etc etc.

So the message is: sort you digital life out with those who matter.

100% this.

It is being more considered now in the world of social media:

I have friends whom I only know online. It’s easy to dismiss them as “online friends” but some I’ve known for over half my life. If I dropped dead tomorrow, would they even know beyond “Alan’s gone quiet”?

How about this place? I’ve met a few people from STW in Real Life(tm) but don’t know anyone sufficiently well enough for them to realise to raise a flag if something happened to me.

It all depends on what you’re likely to have on your phone, or other devices, though, isn’t it. I have nothing that I’d care about after my sad demise, basically because I don’t put anything down on paper or store electronically that would embarrass anyone.

That’s easy to say. Is it true?

As a random example, recently I was talking with a friend going through a divorce, he told me a degree of things in confidence (online) that I know he wouldn’t want anyone else to read. I would be astonished by – and probably deeply distrustful of – anyone genuinely walking around not holding someone else’s secrets.

… a lot less stressful than trying to speak to someone in a call centre who wants a death certificate and might not even understand the situation.

One thing I discovered from helping after my dad died and taking full responsibility more recently after my mum passed, many larger organisations have a dedicated Bereavement department.  Not really directly relevant here but just mentioning in case it helps anyone.

Eg.  When my dad died, Carphone Warehouse were Olympic-grade incompetent bastards.  “My dad’s dead” – “ok sir, I understand, can I speak with him to confirm?”  On maybe the fifth phone call, one of them suddenly went “oh, you need our bereavement team, I’ll put you through!” and they couldn’t have been more helpful.  So frustrating that it took so long to speak with someone sensible when they have an actual team explicitly to deal with this stuff.

That’s easy to say. Is it true?

As far as I’m aware, yes. I only have one brother, no other close relatives only cousins and apart from some social media posts, and texts/Messages between various friends and acquaintances, there’s nothing else of any real consequences on my devices. I don’t have any secrets that I’ve squirrelled away that anyone else would give a shit about, especially if I’m not around to care anymore. *shrugs*

Oh, and still not able to use emoji’s on my phone on here, I see.

Sure. But photos and videos never seen outside of that device can’t be that important. If they were they’d already be shared on OneDrive / Facebook / Flickr / GDrive / Twitter / home NAS / etc etc.

Discussion moves to philosophical level – does the photo that is never shared really exist 🙂 My guess is that fraction of people’s photos taken with phone are ever shared. And that is a mostly a good thing. 

Anyway, the lost one might have mentioned that “I have picture of important document / my house’s electrical layout / lost Inca treasure on my phone “ but has never shared it. On cases like those the contents of the phone might become very interesting.

Sure. But photos and videos never seen outside of that device can’t be that important. If they were they’d already be shared on OneDrive / Facebook / Flickr / GDrive / Twitter / home NAS / etc etc.

A lot of assumption going on there.