Toilet humour….

Camping in France back in the 70’s on the way to Le Mans… My mate appears out of the woods, toilet roll in hand to announce ‘ah, pounds lighter’

Swim free my beauty…

Despite the forum now having a workable image upload function I have no intention of using it.

Like a bag of flip flops falling out of the loft.

An old biking mate returning to our camp after a visit to the toilets at mountain mayhem

”that came out like an angry cat”

Prairie dogging

Jim Royles finest line?

I think it was him i first heard say it.

Has anyone got a tape measure, that could be a world record.

How about the post-vindaloo “Brown Laser” …

Managed to irritate Mrs Scape on a river cruise by shouting  “and awaaaay” every time I flushed 😀

It’s breathing air

Nipping off a length with the rusty tin snips.

Like emptying a radiator

Like emptying a radiator

Rusty Watta!

Donald Trump

How about the post-vindaloo “Brown Laser” …

Or if your guts are a little more robust than that, “Pebbledash the poreclain”.

Though that just gets blank looks here, they don’t have pebbledash. Or a decent hot curry.

Parking a doughnut in Granny’s greenhouse.

What came first – that expression or the Bonzo Dogs album?

Not about going to the bog but a phrase that my mate uses that had me rolling about laughing…….

“They were shaking like a sh*tting dog”

Like a flock of Starlings

Stick a flag on it and claim it for England.

“What came first – that expression or the Bonzo Dogs album?”

Acccording to the Wikipedia page for the album, they heard it from Michael Palin.

Touché away!

“and awaaaay”

me too

(did hear a story – on here? – of some toddler whose mum was potty training them; did the shite and says “aaah, magic”.  When asked why they said that – “daddy always says it”)

“Just off to park my breakfast”

or

”Just going to turn my bike round”

”that came out like an angry cat”

About 0.5 seconds after reading that my boss walked in to ask what I’m currently working on.

I almost died.

Keep having to stop work now to wipe silent tears away 😂

Making room for lunch

My at the time 10 year old when his brother went to the toilet when we were out said he was away sinking ships.

Also away to carry out a bombing run

Coco-Shunter departing Platform 2!

After a noisy fart: “Hello Mr. Brown, I’ll put you through…”

Not mine:
Paying my respects to Royal Doulton

I always refer to going outside as ‘doing an impression of a bear’

For one that required more effort than was comfortable:

“That one came out with his boots on”.

For one where I only just made it:

“Done before me pants hit the floor”.

For someone scratching their arse:

“Brass rubbing”.

And I’m very surprised no one has mentioned “klinkers” yet – named after the little hard bits in coal that dropped through the grate of coal fires BITD with an audible ‘klink’.

Call the coastguard, that one will be a danger to shipping!

I’m sure I came across this here, but

“Made a sound like a sack of builders rubble being emptied into a swimming pool”

So evocative.

One of the many things I have to thank stw for is introducing me to the phrase “clean getaway” for those times when you realise that any wiping was unecessary.

And a twist on one mentioned previously – when time is of the esssence:

“a particularly irate mole at the counter”.

And a twist on one mentioned previously

That’s when you realise that wiping IS necessary.

Couple have made me laugh over time…

Laying brown heat

Standing one up (literally,  the idea was to stand it up in the pan, or say against a wall)

And for afterwards…

Job’s not finished ’til the paperwork’s done

Give it a week!

After a noisy fart:

“A little more choke and it would have started”

One of the many things I have to thank stw for is introducing me to the phrase “clean getaway” for those times when you realise that any wiping was unecessary.

AKA a ‘glory wipe’.

Desperately needing a pee

“Ma back teeth are floating.”

ghost poo when wiping unnecessary

Creating a shipping hazard