Toddler waking up and won’t go back to sleep

Help folks! usually has been sleeping great but when he has a bad night I just basically don’t sleep. So he’s 2, this morning he woke us up at 5:30 and wanted to start the day.Mum struggled to drive to work as she was knackered. Not good when she has 45 mins to drive to work.  So we go to bed early tonight to recoup.

11pm wakes up screaming and crying, it’s now 2am and I’ve been sat with him in his room. Read stories, wouldn’t be cuddled, rocked, swung back to sleep and we’re talking beside himself level of crying.

Medicine given, nappy changed as he’d soiled it, his energy has just been through the roof. His room is an absolute tip as he’s got everything out and on the floor, for my sanity I’ve cleared it up and just piled it high so he can’t get to it. He just keeps finding things to move, throw, jiggle around.

Mum as yet hasn’t been to sleep, is NHS so is pretty critical. At this rate as i’m in here and she’s in bed unable to sleep, she will not be able to drive to work tomorrow or be able to do anything. He’s literally at my knees babbling away….

Previously I’ve either given up and got in the car with him which works almost straight away but then he wakes getting him out the car and it’s the vicious cycle again or pushchair walked him up until as late as 5am after being up all night.

But tonight I’ve just refused and stayed in his room.

White noise is on my phone and has been for over an hour, his night light is on annd I’ve changed to relaxing music to try a change.  I just don’t know what to do to break this cycle! Last time he was awake for 5 hours, the answer is probably let him play wildly so he falls asleep but doing so it’ll take hours and he’ll make so much noise Mum won’t be able to sleep.

2:30am after he insistently wanted toys which I refused due to it being nighttime… he finally crawled on me and dropped. Still 3.5 hours sleep we missed out on. Just wish we could quickly settle him to sleep when he’s like that but it seems it’s just not possible.

Sorry to hear you guys are having such a crap time of it. It doesn’t really help to say it gets better I know… but it does. Kinda.

But my wife and I understand why when we asked our parents detailed questions about what we were like as kids they just couldn’t remember – either trauma or sleep deprivation blocks it all out!

Both our boys were terrible sleepers at that age unless they were in our bed, and then we all got a good night.

Clutching at straws, but does he get a sleep in the daytime? Maybe he needs to be denied that to wear him out?

I’m not seeing anything unusual in this thread. Welcome to parenthood.

Yep, sorry to be another on the +1 but it’s a phase. Accept it and it’ll pass.

If he isn’t tired, he isn’t going to sleep no matter what the clock says or what you want to do. As a parent your needs are secondary to his and if you can’t get to grips with that you’re going to struggle. So the ‘I’ve taken all his toys away for my sanity’ and ‘Taking him out in the car works but tonight I’ve refused’ – you’re ‘punishing’ him because at 2 years old he isn’t being logical, and now you’re reaping the consequences?

Still 3.5 hours sleep we missed out on

Dry your eyes on that too fella. My two are 18 and 20 and I still regularly lose hours of sleep doing party and club pick ups, sitting up with them so they don’t hoy up in their room, making sure they get in safely, I was up between half two and half five yesterday doing the airport run and I’m up again now to see daughter off because she’s doing the early shift in her supermarket job….

Parenting is hard, that’s before you get to the psych issues, my advice is get your head around you’re no longer #1 priority.

You know that bit in MTBing where there’s a section of intertwined greasy roots, with no way through, and all you can do is aim at the flat bit beyond, hold on tight but not too tight, accept you aren’t going to look graceful, and somehow you get over it and enter the next section sideways with your pack over your head and your glasses half off? It’s like that, except you can’t see the flat bit the other side, you just have to assume it’s there, you can’t get off and walk, and it’s not your pack on your head, it’s dried vomit. Onwards!!

Feel for you OP, but as others have said iir sounds very normal. Losing sleep once it feels like you’ve cracked it with a toddler is in my opinion worse than the constant barrage of no sleep from a newborn. Once you’ve recovered to something normal, those off nights feel like you’ve been robbed. But, it’s all normal, whether a one off night or a phase. Try not to get so worked up about it, accept you will be tired and some days underperforming at work and life… and keep calm for everybody’s sake.

Our son was pretty ill for the first few years of his life and had to be kept upright and given medicine every couple of hours. Sleep was little and not very often for me and Mrs F. At ten he sleeps like a log and I can barely remember the details from the early years. I just know it was hellish. It will pass OP but you just have to find coping mechanisms. Mine was and still is, ridiculous amounts of caffeine. Good luck!

Yeah, I’m sorry but that’s not unusual especially at that age. But if he is sounding distressed, maybe see a doctor or health visitor to rule out anything.

On eldests first birthday we calculated we’d lost the equivalent of 6 months worth of sleep. I started cycling to work as I was basically unsafe to drive some days.

They are now 17 and 21. In the last week I’ve picked youngest up at 1am when she returned from a gymnastics trip and yesterday got up at 1.30 to drop her off for a music tour in Germany. Spent the weekend driving Derby-Scarbourough-Leamington-Rugby to help eldest move in to a new place with his girlfriend.

Kids, eh? Who’d have ’em?

Sounds pretty standard TBH. I didn’t really get a consistent night’s sleep for about 6 years (ours are a couple of years apart).

Me and the boss agreed to shifts, I’d handle one night, she’d do the next, that mostly worked…

It’s not called the terrible twos for nothing. I feel your pain OP, but it will pass, honestly. There’s no magic cure, the best you can do is try to find out what’s best for child’s comfort, try colder room, more blankets, warmer room fewer covering, night-light on/off etc etc, and even then those preferences will change over time.

Every kid is different, there is no right or wrong

And not a big fan of coming in giving parenting advice, but limit sleep in daytime, dont feed them crap food, don’t give hugs in the night, don’t entertain them in the night.

A +1 on sometimes it’s just hard, but also…

would he sleep if he came in with you? Lots of pros and cons with co-sleeping, but we basically ended up with our son in with my wife and I slept elsewhere as the only solution where everyone gets good sleep.

Maybe not “ideal” but even though it’s hard there will come a time when we miss having him snuggled in bed because he no longer wants to.

and tbh who care about “ideal” if everyone is safe, happy and has slept enough.

edit: also I’m familiar with being in with him trying to get him to sleep to let my wife sleep, but she’s not sleeping cos she’s worried about him etc. In that situation the co-sleeping can help her too. Then sometimes they’re both asleep and I’m stuck up unable to get back to sleep! But I’ll take that as a win.

What’s his daytime napping like? We had similar with our three year old at two-ish. She dropped her first nap at about 6mth old. Second nap, we kept going because it gave us a couple of hours peace during the day. But then she started waking in the middle of the night, sometimes distraught, sometimes in a delightful mood and babbling all the words she knew, which was hilarious.

Anyway, after a couple of weeks of this, I didn’t put her down for her nap one day. It was tough, I felt like I was losing my only bit of freedom. She slept through and pretty much has done since.

So might be worth dropping the nap.  She’s now also push bedtime out until 8 and usually doesn’t fall asleep until 9. Last couple of days she’s picked up on the general mood in the house and announced she was ‘sad for Rusty’ last night. She’s been coming in to bed with us at 3am, but falling straight to sleep.

So we’ve got, on balance, a great sleeper, but it’s come at a cost of us having little down time during the day. Which I think is preferable.

Sorry to hear that, it sucks but it’s just what they do (and you probably did) .

Youngeat would only accept help over night from my wife and would scream if I tried. I’d still be kept awake. I now feel crap if I get a full night’s sleep.

It doesn’t help you just now and everyone says it, but it will pass eventually but right now it sucks.

As said above ..every kid is different…my kid would be awake most the time…we just took this as he wants to learn…but yeah 5am starts are pretty normal for kids…

My best advice to you is…enjoy every stage….because 18 years later you’ll be where I am looking back, thinking how wonderful it all is

This is way easier said than done… but you possibly need to try not engaging with him at all. The fact you go in his room and hang around means he thinks you’re there for good times so he’s not going to sleep because of FOMO!

Make sure there’s no distractions available to him in his room, when he wakes go in, settle him a bit. Say “back to sleep” and leave. Leave him for a few minutes and repeat if necessary,  minimal interaction every time and extend how long you leave him each time by a few minutes.

It’s bloody hard, but he has to learn that night time is boring and the best thing to do is sleep because the good stuff happens during the day. This obviously takes quite a few nights to set in!

I hated people telling me “it gets better” and “it’s just a phase” because that doesn’t help right now, but like someone said up there, you will look back eventually and not feel it all quite as intensely as you do now. Plus there’ll be someone else on here asking questions that you’ll be able to advise on

I post this every time one of these threads comes up……. put classic FM on in their room. Get in the routine of leaving it on when they go to bed and you can always turn it off once they are a sleep. Same thing if they wake at night……check they are safe, nappy change, back to bed, radio on and leave the room back to your bed.

It needs some tough love for a bit and it breaks your heart but it will pay off in the long run.

Never did the car drive thing or the take them to bed with you. Anyone I know who did that ended up being the only way and is massively impacting your sleep. Not to mention the co sleeping thing being really dangerous.

I’m now at the stage of doing the Classic FM thing with a parent that is having a breakdown…..full circle.

No reply, must be sleeping in and recouping those lost 3.5hrs… (kidding)

Just do whatever you can to get through it. Tag team, alternate nights looking after him, knackered him out in the car, no daytime naps etc

Unfortunately, this is part of having a kid. It’s how they are. It will pass, eventually. My son never slept properly, and is still a night owl – had to tell him to get to bed at 2am last night – was still up and has work today.

don’t give hugs in the night, don’t entertain them in the night.

This – go in, don’t speak, put him back in his bed, walk out. Repeat.

Yep, very much to be expected. Could be they need to drop a nap in the day, but could also be a developmental leap phase, which always screws things up. Stay consistent with keeping it to bedtime mood with darkness and no play, and don’t make a rod for your own back by trying to get them asleep in your bed no matter how tired you are. The hard yards now do pay off later when they have the right kind of sleep habits. Keep trying to get them back to sleep as you are and it will pass.

johndohFree Member
don’t give hugs in the night, don’t entertain them in the night.
This – go in, don’t speak, put him back in his bed, walk out. Repeat.

johndoh is correct. I have looked after 0-14 yr olds (not my own). When they were tiny we always had a look in the room, didn’t speak and popped the toddler back into bed and left (keeping the door slightly ajar). They eventually get used to not getting attention. It’s very hard to do and I was in tears a few times, but it works.

Edit: We always had ‘quiet time’ for an hour before bed. Little interaction, a bit of story telling, glass of milk, no playing or getting the child wound up.

Good luck, it’s a difficult time.

My son turns 2 in a week and sleep-wise it’s been a tough couple of years.  Went through a period last winter when he’d be up multiple times in the night for a few months at a time.  It broke us.  He has improved of late now that we’ve night weaned him and started on some treatment for silent reflux.

Every kid’s different but we’ve found that he ‘needs’ around 11-11.5 hrs a sleep in a 24hr period.  He wakes at 6-6:30 and goes to bed at 8:30-9:00 with a single day nap.  If we let him sleep too much in the day we know it’ll push his bedtime too far back so we limit his day nap as we need to.

Development leaps, teething, illness, etc.. all affect sleep so much.  Separation anxiety peaks at 2 yrs old also so some of it could be that.  Be careful about dropping a nap too soon – in our case my son would just be overtired and over-emotional and a nightmare to get to sleep, and wake more in the night.

Red light as a nightlight may help – supposedly promotes melatonin to help sleep.  Try not to engage too much in conversation when he wakes as will stimulate him more.  We’ve had our son in the cot and our bed co-sleeping on and off.  He currently co-sleeps and we’re OK with this.  It’s a cultural thing that is frowned upon by some in this country but normal in Sweden and Japan, etc… Follow guidance with Lullaby Trust if concerned about safety.  Our Health Visitor was not against it and perceptions are changing, but at the end of the day it’s what works for you and the family to get the sleep you need and every family is different and doesn’t need to be told by others what to do.  Also bear in mind babies/children form there attachments to their primary care givers (you and Mum) in the first 2 1/2 years, so don’t feel bad for engaging with him when he’s awake, he’s only 2 at the end of the day and just wants to be comforted.

Hope it gets better.

To join in with others, not that it’ll help much, but its completely normal

Completely destroyed my sleep pattern.  I no longer need an alarm clock.  Ours sleep brilliantly now, but wife and I still do not.

24+hrs of being awake feels like a very very long time.  I used to wonder how we as a species survived given our offspring seem intent on creating such tired parents they can’t function well…..

Stay strong its a phase 🙂

This thread is breaking the rule that we don’t let those who don’t yet have children know the utter hellscape that awaits them should they not take precautions. I remember in the mists of time my partner having a lot of unfounded anxiety about fertility. I used to tell her that if that turned out to be the case we would make sure to seek out joy and fulfilment in life anyway, and take the most amazing skiing and cycling holidays. I hate co-sleeping so much, but it’s better than not sleeping. Child 1 grew out of it, thankfully.

I have children; and they’re just the most amazing people.

I wouldn’t give any specific advice as all 2 year olds are different flavours of awful – just do whatever works for you and don’t feel any guilt for doing it

only word if caution I’d give is be very wary of limiting daytime naps so they are tired out at night, that might work for logical adults but it really doesn’t apply to little ones – a rested toddler is a relaxed toddler and a relaxed toddler will sleep (eventually) but an over tired toddler will just get more and more upset at being tired and won’t sleep unless there’s some external stimulus to make them forget (that’s why a trip in the car works)

Completely destroyed my sleep pattern.  I no longer need an alarm clock.  Ours sleep brilliantly now, but wife and I still do not.

I’d not really thought about this before but you are dead-on here.  I now routinely wake between 5-6am now without an alarm, almost irrespective of what time I went to bed (or how tired I am.) On reflection I think this is thanks to child#1 who got up without fail before 5am every morning until he was about 7. Still now at 11 he is an early riser (6.30 is a lie in!)  At about 4-5 years old though it gets much easier (unless you have ANOTHER kid, like we did) as they become less reliant on parents for entertainment, and can start to do some basics like eat a bowl of dried cereal that keeps hunger at bay.  But those first 4.5 years…  arrrghhh!

I used to wonder how we as a species survived given our offspring seem intent on creating such tired parents they can’t function well…..

I’ve pondered this before, I suspect it’s because from an evolutionary standpoint we were having kids much, much earlier when you’ve got the energy and wherewithal to cope!

My wife is vehemently against the “leave them to cry” method. Says it’s basically abandonment trauma and why do they eventually stop crying? Because they learn it’s pointless – no one’s coming for them.

Definitely +1 for for losing a daytime nap. Or making it shorter. Might make them more grumpy for periods during the day, just adjust snack/play times etc.

My daughter (currently 16 months, thankfully sleeping ok at the moment) occasionally wakes up properly in the night, all chirpy and wanting to play, no chance of settling back down. When this happens I lock us in a room and nap down on the sofa/beanbag, letting her play nearby. When she gets grizzly or starts rubbing her eyes it’s a sign she can be settled back down safely.

Basically just roll with it, in a way that lets me rest as much as possible.

As everyone else has said, and likely drives you mad to hear it again: “it’s a phase” 😉

limiting daytime naps so they are tired out at night, that might work for logical adults but it really doesn’t apply to little ones

Well it did for us and was a real lightbulb moment that if they are regularly awake at night they were sleeping too much during the day. It was just sleep training like any other toddler training, you might have some grumpy daytimes but establishing a pattern night time is for sleeping was worth it for us.

I remember an earlier phase maybe under 1 year when we were in perpetual wake, feed, sleep every few hours we just had to go to bed earlier ourselves, maybe a couple of hours, so impact of being woken was lessened. Didn’t give us much time to ourselves, but you know, that’s parenting.

Meh. My eldest did not sleep for more than two hours from birth to age nearly 4.

#FourYorkshireMen

You were lucky, we had 6 kids and they set up a relay system so that we stayed awake all night until they were 25 AND made us do hard sums for 12hours a day as a job.

got in the car with him which works almost straight away but then he wakes getting him out the car and it’s the vicious cycle again

Leave him in the car?

don’t give hugs in the night

Huh? Hug your kid whenever you or they need it.

It needs some tough love for a bit and it breaks your heart

Your kid doesn’t need tough love. That’s a choice to make based on you and your kid.

don’t make a rod for your own back

Was talking to a mum the other day who said that this is the single most hateful phrase she remembers from the early stages. Do what works for you without worrying about unnuanced and unhelpful phrases like this sticking in your head.

Not to mention the co sleeping thing being really dangerous.

Plenty of countries and cultures where co-sleeping is the norm.

I’m not advocating for or against sleep training or co-sleeping btw. It’s different for every family and every child.

Hopefully the one shred of comfort you can take from this thread is that basically everyone has to deal with this, and everyone deals with it differently according to our family’s needs, and our parenting values (which we all made up as we went along, and now with the wiseness of time and distance, try and explain and justify to others).

Sorry, but yes the world still turns and by 6:30 am he was up wanting to start the day.

So if it’s me I can handle it, it’s when it’s her who badly needs sleep to function and hearing “I really struggled driving to work” is not what you want to hear. Mother of your child nearly falling asleep at the wheel…. Even with a coffee in her. I’ll read all responses later and reply, but yes accidentally he had 2 naps yesterday so I think that was the cause, he was false tired by bedtime and wasn’t tired so woke and wanted to play. Little sod still got 8 hours to our 4 ?

What thebunk says.

We found co sleeping worked. With No1 I was working away and bringing eldest in was the only way she could sleep and he slept better. Everyone piped up that we’d be making a rod for our own back etc…. he sleeps fine on his own and has had for years. (Youngest has had the same treatment and he’s fine).

It’s tough, everyone has an opinion (on what they think you should do) and you need to do what works for your family .

You and your wife are doing great.

I went through this with both of mine, as they transitioned from needing a nap in the afternoon, to sometimes needing one, and then not needing it. Was a big shock to their mother, as they both were sleeping through (10pm-6 am) before they were 6 months old.

Made bugger all difference to me as i’m a chronic insomniac. So i did the bulk of the night time escapades anyway!

Get some decent earplugs, take it in turns to get a nights sleep.

Well, maybe it was a sign. Apologies for the delay in replying but…. At 21 months he’s finally started walking. Literally on Friday he did it, about 4 months after we expected him to… and he can now walk about 50m after just one day. So maybe that night was him building up to that…

That’s exciting – congratulations. I still remember my eldest son’s first walk.

You have to raise things even higher off the ground now!

My two are 18 and 20 and I still regularly lose hours of sleep doing party and club pick ups, sitting up with them so they don’t hoy up in their room, making sure they get in safely, I was up between half two and half five yesterday doing the airport run and I’m up again now to see daughter off because she’s doing the early shift in her supermarket job…

Say what, now? How old? At that age both are more than capable of sorting out their own travel arrangements, without relying on parents. I had to at 16, I’d lost my dad at 13, finished school and started working at 16, my mum didn’t drive, so it was up to me to sort out any travel arrangements if I wanted to go to a gig anywhere that wasn’t Chippenham.