He was sitting on my knee when he decided to lean forward and throw himself back head first onto a cracked rib that I have. Pain like I’ve never felt before.

Anyone else ever been floored by a child?

I haven’t, but I did get headbutted by our dog and split my lip. Skills of a ninja, that one. Some sort of Glaswegian ninja…

Me: “Don’t go over there, there’s black ice”

3 year old runs off laughing and does a comedy fall with feet flying up to head height before landing flat on his back and winding himself.

I carefully go over to recover him and find myself going too – straight on top of him so I have to take all my weight on my arms and stop myself dead.

My wrist now hurts so we slide off the ice and head home.

Wrist really hurting but wife claimign it’s man pain.

Eventually I head off to a&e and have an x-ray which is incolcusive ‘it’s probably a sprain’. This confirms wife’s view of events and I’m told to mtfu.

Following day she regales freind ‘Melinda’ with tale of my woosiness.

Later in the day she receives a call from ‘Dr x’ at the hospital ‘I’m a radiographer and I think your husband may have actually broken his wrist.’ Convinced it’s her freind on a wind up she spends 10 minutes arguing with the ‘Dr’ and accusing her of being Melinda. Doctor eventually says ‘look, you will tell your husband I called won’t you?’ and hangs up.

Wife does 1471 and finds number was indeed local hospital and refuses to answer phone for a week in case ‘Dr x’ phones back.

It wasn’t actually broken, btw, but it did hurt for about 3 weeks.

a 10ish yr old kid on a microscooter stepped off the kerb as i was cycling home through hammersmith, i was going full pelt, big ring, straight, empty road
clipped the back of his scooter, we both went down, he was fine
i fractured my heal in 2 places and my ankle in one

6 weeks imobilised 9 weeks off work !!
did the megavalanche 5 months later though! coz im hard

Broken nose, mild concussion and the p*ss taken out of me for weeks. Damage done by my,then, 3yr old son…. you have my sympathy!

I reverse head butted my mom when I was three and broke her nose 🙁

Deleted – Prob not as funny to others tbh.

Brother in law got headbutted by his 5 month old and ended up with a black eye.

5 month old totally uninjured and oblivious.

Leaning over and watching my 5 yo niece playing on the floor, suddenly she decides this was the perfect moment to stand up to run somewhere random, head-butting me straight on my chin – I now realise how badly I’d suck in a boxing match.

Plus various ‘lets all jump on uncle schnor and land on his nads’ moments. Glad I don’t have kids 😀

Had a kid at work take a full swing on a clubgolf club and wallop me on the forehead. Managed not to pass out but felt sick and saw bright lights but was ok after the astro pitch we were on stopped spinning and stabilised to flat again.

My Dad tripped over a scooter i’d left in the garden and put his elbow through our shed window – result – over 80 stiches under general anaesthetic.. i’ll never forget it as it was Charles and Dianas wedding day!

My Daughter poked me in the eye when she was 2 whixh scratched the coating on my eyeball.. hurt like hell.

Every night since last tueday (when shoulder was dislocated by a punch) Eddy Likes to roll over in the middle of the night and grab my arm and pull. I’ve built a pillow wall, I’ve slept on my other side, still he grabs it!

Following accident on DH run – had 100+ stitches in lower face and inside mouth, despite wearing full face. Three days later when I bend down with extreme difficulty to talk to him, my 2 year old hits me on the mouth with a solid plastic Thomas the Tank engine. I almost screamed with pain and the world turned ‘white’. Thought I was going to simultaneously pass out and vomit…

3 year old jumped in my lap two days after I’d had the snip. One and only time I’ve almost reflexively punched a toddler out.

My son and me have had a Kato-Clouseau relationship since he was old enough to stage an ambush. He’s 15 now and we still attack one another when we’re least expecting it.

He’s 15 now and we still attack one another when we’re least expecting it.

^^This (or That)^^

My 15 son’s now 5’11” and weighs 10.5 stone. He’s not really learned that he needs to hold back a bit more and not just lay into me like he did when he was 2.

I never let on, obviously or I’d lose my silverback status, but it does hurt sometimes.

+1 🙂

Being rugby tackled over the back of the sofa comes as a surprise sometimes, as does being dragged out from under the duvet by one’s feet. He knows more arm/head/body/leg locks than any wwf wrestler

I once got floored by a troll. At a zoo. Does that count?