Can’t beat Junior football for the patter
One of the football magazines used to have a regular feature on that sort of stuff – the so called ‘Bloke Behind Me’
I’ve heard some terrific humour over the years, some of it repeatable. The one I remember most was at a terrible lower league Reading game; both sides were dire even in relation to an age where centre halves could control a ball further than most normal people could kick it. This was the era where people didn’t play from the back – never mind clearing it into the stand, it was a regular occurrence for the ball to go over the stand. And in one such break in play (may have been an injury, which also in those days would probably mean at the very least broken bones if not partial amputation of a lower limb – but immediately fixable by application of a cold sponge out of a plastic bag of iced water)
And as the players stood around waiting for the magic sponge to do its job, TBBM calls out….. well don’t just stand there! Practice!
Even the players laughed.