Just after junction 5 southbound on the M20 there are feeder lanes for Jctn 6 & 7. At one point these lanes go down to single carriageway. So when the traffic joins at Jctn 6, invariably as a slow moving train of vehicles, anyone on the M20 feeder lane has to slow down for them.

That’s not the rule. You’re supposed to be matching my speed, not the other way round.

The use of literally in every sentence.

The mad scrum in the Lidls

I know it wasn’t typed in this way but its reminded me of people that prefix a supermarket name with “The”.

Maybe its a regional thing.

Peter Kay

All the morons at the baggage carousel at the airport that seem to think you need to stand almost on top of it whilst waiting for your case. Stand back a couple of feet so we can all see the bags that are coming round and while we are at it how is your wife and 2 kids right beside you is that just to make the place even more crowded can they not wait a few feet at the back of you with the trolley.

And a trolley, butt up against the carousel

Incorrect use of reflexive pronouns: ‘I spoke with yourself the other day’ or ‘you can speak to myself about your query’…
I get this all the time from sales reps who I suspect are trying to sound more intelligent by using multi-syllabic words. Really drives me mad.

Speech liberally peppered with ‘obviously’ when what is being said is literally not obvious to anyone else on the planet.

Incorrect use of reflexive pronouns: ‘I spoke with yourself the other day’ or ‘you can speak to myself about your query’…

Yep. Somebody I work with quite regularly does this too and it really gets on my tits.

People who say haytch when trying to say the letter H

People who say sayz when trying to say sez (says)

People who turn off plugs at walls for things like unconnected chargers, so that you plug your phone/laptop/vibrator in and it doesn’t charge ARRRGGHHHH!!!

Peter Andre

I was very excited at the prospect of producing quote number 8888888 (yes, I know…)and had worked out roughly when it would be (we produce around 400 quotes a day). The week before, I get a letter about a doctors appointment that is scheduled for the afternoon I expect the number to be produced. Luckily it was early afternoon, they were running on time and i got a clear run of traffic back to work after, only to have miss it by 17 quotes…

I was similarly annoyed that I was distracting myself with the trivial matters of control of the the vehicle and the safety and well being of others and missed the odometer on my van clicking over to 333,333. I’d only kept it for the last 33,333 miles because I’m missed to clicking over to 300,000 too.

[video]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nqpySTFkb0I[/video]

All adverts, especially TV adverts. Being asked pointlessley speculative questions like “If you were religious, what religion would you be?” The cosy atmosphere of A Question of Sport. People who complain after not checking the car is in gear nor holding the clutch down when starting the engine. Heavy footed people in the room above. Cars on roads. Supposedly informative news articles containing entirely speculative content about what might happen if.

Peter Andre

He’s hot

Peter Andre

He’s hot

mrsfry? is that you? 😯

I could be if you supply the wig, high heels and £42

I could be if you supply the wig, high heels and £42

Thought so. Totally nailed it.

Wife who leaves lights on in rooms she is not in. Including the bathroom with a noisy light/fan combo.
Wife who lets the fridge door “swing shut itself”. It never does.
Wife who allows Microsoft to dictate to her when 3GB of stupid updates should happen. I.e. When we only have 3.1GB of data left and it’s a week until the end of the month.
Wife who gets herself a glass of water from the bottle in the fridge before bed and leaves it out overnight so that it’s warm in the morning.

People who do not wear any form of deodorant and who talk with food in their mouths. Both very common here in Spain.

Wife who leaves lights on in rooms she is not in. Including the bathroom with a noisy light/fan combo.
Wife who lets the fridge door “swing shut itself”. It never does.
Wife who allows Microsoft to dictate to her when 3GB of stupid updates should happen. I.e. When we only have 3.1GB of data left and it’s a week until the end of the month.
Wife who gets herself a glass of water from the bottle in the fridge before bed and leaves it out overnight so that it’s warm in the morning.

People who do not wear any form of deodorant and who talk with food in their mouths. Both very common here in Spain.
FTFY

The use of Twitter comments on TV news! in fact any news, seems to be prevalent on online newspaper sites now as well.

Who cares what Joan of Stirling thinks abut trident missiles? she’s not qualified in the industry or elected to make decisions about it, she’s just a numpty. Shut up Joan, no-one cares.

Postman bloody Pat!
If I was that incompetent every day or episode, I’d get sacked .

The use of Twitter comments on TV news!

[video]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mfxl_UsA-Qs[/video]

Christmas, or rather the muppets who give up a quarter of their life feeling all giddy about it – they’re also the type of slack jawed moron that uses ‘sleeps’ as a unit of time. I’m talking real grown up adults too.

People on the classifieds who have/had a great long list of things for sale, who when relisting the whole lot write ‘SOLD’ at the end of the thing that’s sold instead of just deleting that line. Uggggghhh. Why? I do not need to know that you sold that mech or set of grips, it serves no purpose whatsoever.

Mo Farah. Faulty doorbell? Yeah right.

People who ask you to help them fix a problem and then don’t answer your very specific question but rather tell you something else entirely. IF YOU KNOW HOW TO FIX IT THEN DON’T FRICKIN ASK ME, IF YOU DON’T KNOW THEN ANSWER THE QUESTION

and breath

Christmas, or rather the muppets who give up a quarter of their life feeling all giddy about it – they’re also the type of slack jawed moron that uses ‘sleeps’ as a unit of time. I’m talking real grown up adults too.

You’ve had a whole 265 sleeps christmas – let it go!

Before I post mine I think I should issue a warning. It’s a fairly obscure one that I never used to suffer from but once it was pointed out to me I can’t get past it now so please don’t read the following if you don’t want to add another pet hate to your list.
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Australians who finish a sentance with an upturned intonation making everything they say sound like a question, even when it’s not.

Australians Lancastrians Young people who finish a sentance with an upturned intonation making everything they say sound like a question, even when it’s not.

FTFY?

It’s a fairly obscure one

Have you just been defrosted? 🙂 If you have we’d better bring you up to speed. Marathons are now called Snickers, Oil of Uley is now Oil Of Olay. There have been numerous changes of wheel sizes and axel widths and complained about them all whilst buying them and we’re not in Europe any more.

Toffs who go to a ‘ gathering ‘ ? WTF

Chav mums who drive at 30 round Chavsda car park because their little shytes are inside 1.5T of steel and yours are running free

Limp wristed handshakes . Are you an actual smoked Haddock?

Men / Lads in their sisters jeans , with a Lambswool jumper and a white shirt and some pointy brown shoes. They have spent 50 minutes ensuring the shirt is equally untucked round the back, the left sleeve has a 2″ projection ,and the right sleeve has a 3″ projection, one collar is inside the lambswool jumper, and one is outside. Like you just got dressed 2 mins ago and didnt design your look to appear edgy

Tailgaters , they can do one . There are 100 cars in front of me, why are you 3ft off my bumper?

I have to admit my handshakes are a bit feeble, but I have an excuse – when I broke my elbow years ago it did a number on my nerves in my hand – for the first year if someone gave me one of those overbearing “I’m turbo tough me” crush-a-shakes I’d weep with pain, after that it went the other way and my hand is pretty numb now and combined with the sort of forearms you get from being a cowardly mountain biker I can crush other people’s hands without really meaning too, so I keep it light n’ breezy… unless someone fancies a go 😉

Toffs who go to a ‘ gathering ‘ ? WTF

Why don’t they call it what it is – ‘an encounter group for people who can’t quite find their way into a sweater’

missed

missed

missed again

**** tractors, on busy, windy, Lincolnshire roads at **** rush hour.

You know what, just Lincolnshire in general. It’s absolutely **** lovely, but there is just **** nothing to do and it takes months to escape as all the roads are reduced to a crawl by agricultural machinery, lorries and imbeciles gawping at the lovely fields.

Moon landing deniers

Progress bars, or specifically the lack of them. Software used to have progress bars which showed how much longer you had to wait / go make a coffee, etc. Now they often instead have cheery messages like “We’re just updating your system, won’t be long”, “Almost finished now”, etc.

Parent child parking being used by Grandma, as her teenage grand-daughter just sits in the car on her phone. Takes the piss really.

Mums who think that everybody behind them on the pavement is happy to wait whilst their pre-schooler moves at glacial speed towards the school gates whilst looking at an iPhone. If he wants to do that stick him in a buggy and make progress rather than making everyone else have to step onto the road into incoming traffic just to get past.

This whole thread reminds me of a song, Breaking News by HMHB.

Bus drivers who don’t wait for people to sit down before pulling away from the bus stop;
Taxi drivers who use their horns instead of knocking on the door;
People who moan at the council about the streets being full of litter, not stopping to think that it is people who drop litter, not the council;
A room full of drama teachers listening to Björk;
Grown men with replica shirts worn over their jumpers, who stand up and stretch out their arms when the opposing team fail to hit the target;
An assortment of scriptwriters, novelists and playwrights who own Agas but don’t know how to use them;
A musical equipment reviewer responsible for an article titled “Microphone of the Month”;
A woman who described herself as “A little bit Bridget, a little bit Ally, a little bit Sex And The City” and chose to call her baby boy Fred as a childishly rebellious attempt at a clever reaction to those who might have expected her to call him Julian or Rupert. Bit of advice: call him Rupert, it fits, and besides it’s a good name. Don’t be calling him Fred or Archie, with all its cheeky but lovable working class scamp connotations, unless you really do have plans for him to spend his life in William Hill’s waiting for them to weigh in at Newton Abbot.
Also being held is a whole wall full of teenagers spitting needlessly;
An amateur thug in camouflage trousers whose Japanese fighting dog had run amok on a Swindon council estate;
A man from the record company who said that George Michael continues to challenge social taboos through his music;
Lisa Riley;
Continuity announcers introducing comedy shows;
A pub band who get uppity when everyone goes to the bar during a song they’ve written themselves;
A group of football fans referred to as Commodores, as in once, twice, three times a season, who feed sugar lumps to police horses at Cup Finals;
An artist who said his next album would be more “song-based”;
A man who informs people that he gets up at six am every morning and seemed to want a medal;
People who say they speak as they find and are somehow proud of it;
Journalists who try to spell an interviewee’s laugh;
An organisation who declared an awareness week for awareness weeks;
And a council worker who dropped litter.

From http://halfmanhalfbiscuit.uk/cammell-laird-social-club-2002/breaking-news/

^ a fave of mine too !