Things I should do before the girlfriend comes home

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  • Things I should do before the girlfriend comes home
  • Premier Icon Drac
    Subscriber

    Why are you having to fake it?

    Mantastic
    Member

    Sit around in her underwear?
    Shit with the bog door open
    Leave toilet seat up
    Wee in the sink
    **** lots

    Premier Icon Wookster
    Subscriber

    Bikes in kitchen

    Muddy bike clothing just dropped on floor

    Last nights washing up left out over night

    piemonster
    Member

    Why are you having to fake it?

    She comes home at weekends and spoils the flow. I never fully get into it.

    piemonster
    Member

    Underwear and weeing in the sink added.

    allthepies
    Member

    LOL @ Jamie’s GIFs

    jekkyl
    Member

    Frw or lrw if you’re from the south.

    Edric 64
    Member

    Washing bike bits in the dishwasher
    Order takeaway in every night

    Premier Icon Drac
    Subscriber

    She comes home at weekends and spoils the flow. I never fully get into it.

    You have all week I can do it sub 1 hour I’ll be full bachelor mode as soon as the postie arrives today with my GTA V.

    loddrik
    Member

    Delete your Internet history of your computers so she can’t see what type of porn you’ve been watching.

    Premier Icon bearnecessities
    Subscriber

    Microwaved lasagne sandwiches.

    Premier Icon molgrips
    Subscriber

    Bike rides?

    bigrich
    Member

    leave every door open, every light on and the heating turned onto maximum.

    vorlich
    Member

    Delete your Internet history of your computers so she can’t see what type of porn you’ve been watching.

    This is some amateur shit, everyone is uring private/incognito tabs these days. 😉

    Premier Icon edd
    Subscriber

    Bleed you brakes on the kitchen table:

    Bike maintenance in the kitchen by eddkh, on Flickr

    I’ve just realised you can see my reflection in the window. Thankfully I was clothed…

    brakes
    Member

    have a nice long bubble bath with candles and a bottle of fizz whilst listening to Boyzone’s “Said and Done” album.
    :shrieks uncontrollably:

    piemonster
    Member

    So, the girlfriend has been working away mid week in London for the last 8 months. She’s due to start working from home again from the 30th.

    Any essential (pretend) batchelor activities I need to get in. My imagination is proving rather poor.

    So far I have

    Food binging. (Deep fried pizza inbound)
    Excessive alcohol consumption (within reason, I’m a lightweight)
    Endurance Pron
    Weeing in the garden

    And yes I know, this doesn’t paint me in a good light but hey ho.

    Not acceptable activities are those that involve genuine relationship betrayals. Eg hookers.

    Premier Icon binners
    Subscriber

    I was going to say farting. Lots of farting. But theres just no pleasure to be derived, even from the biggest, window-rattling rasper, unless there’s someone there to look appalled by your obvious enjoyment.

    So… first morning when she’s back… the Dutch Oven!

    Its good to share 😀

    Delete your Internet history of your computers so she can’t see what type of porn you’ve been watching.

    Unless, of course, she works for GCHQ, in which case she’ll be coming home with a printout as the basis for their catch up chat.

    Premier Icon jambalaya
    Subscriber

    Whatever you do when she’s away (bike maint in kitchen with photo evidence is a good one, mates round for beer, curry and poker evening etc) when she gets back book a dinner midweek somewhere nice, buy her some flowers and tell her it’s to celebrate the fact you can now enjoy being together all week. The boys will be boys stuff is all good fun but the welcome home will serve you in good stead for the future.

    emsz
    Member

    Most blokes I know want to sit around in their pants eating pizza, smoking joints, playing GTA and ****.

    Imagination much?

    wukfit
    Member

    Have you ridden you bike down the stairs yet?
    unfortunately the house i’m currently renting doesn’t have the run off and the front doors too narrow to fit my bars through, but i have done it on a sled a few time with varying amount of success/ level of carpet burns 😀

    Premier Icon binners
    Subscriber

    Riding motor bikes up the stairs is more fun! Though does present a problem removing tyre marks from the wall

    Jamie
    Member

    Most blokes I know want to sit around in their pants eating pizza, smoking joints, playing GTA and ****.

    Multitasking at it’s finest.

    bikebouy
    Member

    I’d:
    Run the Hoover round
    Do some washing
    Dust and clean all surfaces
    Fold clothes and put them away
    Clean the kitchen/bathroom
    Empty the dishwasher
    Cut the grass

    Post what reaction you get 😉

    baby
    Member

    bikebuoy wants it to look like he’s cheating on his Mrs.

    Only thing missing is some fresh cut flowers already in a vase.

    emsz
    Member

    Massive amounts of suspicion? 😆

    bikebouy
    Member

    Not a fan of fresh cut flowers 😆

    yunki
    Member

    I really don’t understand some of these responses..Surely the correct answer is pub.. Every waking moment and more..

    qwerty
    Member

    Text her a picture of you wearing her favorite lingerie 💡

    wukfit
    Member

    A bit of manscaping?

    leave every door open, every light on and the heating turned onto maximum.

    Is piemonster a woman?

    Jamie
    Member

    Is piemonster a woman?

    If he has followed Qwerty’s suggestion, then I believe he is currently dressed like one.

    Dunno, my missus has been away for 4 days, appart from just about everything mentioned above, I’ve managed to re-decorate the hallway how I wanted it!

    So if I don’t post anything tomorow I want Jamie to animate my demise in the form of an amusing .gif and mail it to the police.

    Premier Icon kimbers
    Subscriber

    back to back lord of the rings (extended), godfather, tarantino and star wars marathons, with the surround sound/stereo on max

    markrtw
    Member

    Increase the level of sedation for your ‘slave’ in the dungeon you built in your cellar, so she is unable to attract your missus to her existence?

    Premier Icon theotherjonv
    Subscriber

    Don’t wear her underwear, that’s sordid.

    Do – rearrange her underwear drawer. When I say rearrange, I mean hide all her day to day granny pants, and ensure that only the scraps of lace and a bit of string ones are left. She’ll get the message. For extra points* add a few more quality items in there in place of the granny pants.

    * When I say extra, I mean extra compared to ‘no points’

    Premier Icon Rusty Spanner
    Subscriber

    bigrich – Member

    leave every door open, every light on and the heating turned onto maximum off.

    Wimp. 😀

    piemonster
    Member

    Don’t wear her underwear, that’s sordid.

    Bit late to worry about that

    I mean hide all her day to day granny pants

    Hard to hide them if I’m wearing them

    piemonster
    Member

    To be honest, I wimped out of wearing them to work.

    Premier Icon theotherjonv
    Subscriber

    Now that does sound like a challenge. Wear your wife’s skimpies to work day. For charity, obviously 😳

    flicker
    Member

    She needs to open the front door to a house full of barely concious, v. drunk/stoned strangers. Preferbly with a pair (or more 😉 ) going at it on the dinning room table.

    Premier Icon gofasterstripes
    Subscriber

    What an interesting thread – MissStripes returns tomorrow…. 😉

Viewing 45 posts - 1 through 45 (of 68 total)

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