The wisdom of 5 year olds…

I just got the turbo down from the loft, and when I explained what it’s for to my 5 year old son he said “oh yes, like the hamster one…”

🙁

😆

Of 6 year olds:

I’ve decided I don’t want a Wii for christmas, I want an mp3 player instead.

<with mild panic> Why don’t you want a wii any longer?

Because Elsa’s (her sister) asked Father Christmas for one too and I’ll be able to play on hers.

Yesterday I got:
“We have proper winter at our house, because when it’s winter outside it’s winter inside as well”

They are magic, mine are 4 and almost 7. They never fail to amuse me. They are in the middle of putting togther some sort of Christmas dance routine to ‘Mariah’.

Of 2 year olds

Seeing the front cover of Sunday Times Style magazine a couple of months ago
Large photo of tanned and oiled buxom model lounging on beach with all the bits artfully covered with sand.

Daughter saw it and said “Dirty Girl”

I bet she is I thought 😀

3 year old watching Mrs Toys feeding the baby
“Daddy your boobs are nearly as big as mummies, but they don’t work do they?”

My six year old last week

Daddy

Yes darling

Who made God?

Erm…………. go and ask your mother

toys19 – thats genius!!!!

A mates kid was in church for a christening. She spent the entire service staring quizzically at the ceiling before confidently announcing to the assembled congregation

“Yes. Its definitely big enough for a giraffe”

They do have a painfully efficient way of popping your ego don’t they!

Mine are a little older now, but I do remember this with some affection: http://pickled-hedgehog.com/?p=244

toys19 – thats genius!!!!

She is a precocious little monster and loves to take Daddy down whenever possible.

After stringing fairy lights and tinsel round the house, I asked my 7yr old if she liked the decorations… “Daddy, I think you’ve gone mad” she replied!

My mum told me a hilarious one. At Overbecks, the national trust property above the Salcombe estuary, there’s an information board about pirates. A dad asked his daughter what she thought the pirates did with the treasure they stole. She said “sell it all on ebay.” 😆

Daddy, you’re always talking the jokes, and NO ONE thinks you’re funny.

Thanks son.

As well as pointing out my hamster like qualities, my little boy also likes to regularly remind me that “mummy is his favourite because she has the lovliest tummy in the world and yours is furry…”

And I can’t really argue with that.

Many many classic quotes from my 3 year old including (having just eaten a chocolate finger) “Daddy, can I have another chocolate thumb”.

Also, when he was younger, he could quite say the word “rocket”, so, when walking through the Early Learning Centre in Merry Hill he pointed at the toy rockets and shouted at the top of his voice “F*cket”

toys19

She is a precocious little monster and loves to take Daddy down whenever possible.

🙂 Takes after her father?

I went to leave for work this week and my 20 month old said to me ‘bye bye daddy’ followed with ‘miss you’ – nearly started to well up there and then on the spot!!

If I pass wind she looks at me and says ‘silly daddy’.

It’s the looks she gives though, if looks could kill when she is asked to do something she doesn’t want to we’d all be dead!!!

I don’t have any kids, but my nephews seem to have the right idea. There are four of them; 2 are 2yo and 2 are 4yo.
They seem to take great pleasure in grabbing my other half boobs and always seem to get away with it….

Whilst frying some mini chipolatas to make pigs in blanket, Stoner Jr (Aged 3 11/12): “I like those daddy. They’re like willies”

Maybe yours, son, maybe yours.

My 11 month old isn’t talking yet but she did very kindly put MrsP’s mobile down the hole into the bass speaker for the surround sound thingy last night. It is a bit like a lobster pot so after an hour trying to get it out with tongs and various other kitchen implements through the hole in teh front through which it entered we had to admit defeat. Had to take the back off and the cut open the internal box and will have to mend the big hole with some ply this weekend.

She wasn’t the most popular housemate last night…

My 4 yr old this morning whilst looking through the argos catalogue “daddy if you bought me this trumpet I would play it every morning”
I feined sleep

3 year old. 1st of December; “If I eat all the chocolate in this calendar will I have to go into the naughty corner?”.

In a shop in Dubai.
English mother and (probably about 5 year old) daughter browsing the shelves when in walk 3 burqa clad women. The daughter says:

“Look Mummy more witches.”

When my sister had her 2nd, my eldest niece announced on the phone “Mummy’s had a baby, it’s one girl!”

One girl, I asked my sis?

Evidently the woman in the next bed at hospital had twin boys…

I am happily without kids (or girlfriend come to think of it…) but at an XC running race a couple of years back a five year old girl started talking to me whilst I was looking at the course information board:

“Are you doing the senior race?”

A glance at her mother “Yes…”

“Oh good. My Daddy’s doing the senior race.”

Time to cut away methinks “Really?”

“Yes, and then he’s going to have a mid-life crisis.”

Cue hysterical laughter on my part and a look of complete terror on her mother’s face.

That’s gold Roadie!

Other day my four year old while watching balamory saw the girl in the wheelchair and said why can’t she walk is it cos she’s fat ? While I worked out how best to explain she said oh it can’t be that cos rose the cook at nursey is really fat and she can walk. The girl on tv must be fat and lazy

On priming our 3 year old for her Christmas present…

Me – “What do you think of these Guinea Pigs?”
Her – “They are silly, stupid and they don’t do anything but just sit there and do nothing.”
Me – “Oh…”

Going to be an interesting morning in a couple of days, anyone want a Guinea Pig and homemade hutch? Can I put it in the ‘for sale’ forum, I see there are a few pigs for sale in there.

And finally, she’s recently started shouting “Cock” at the top of her voice, before a long pause and “-a-doodle-do” much to the relief of everyone present.

After a fancy dress party where a guest came as a Minstrel, she became obsessed with them. On entering Costco a few days later down in Cardiff she blurts out “Look another minstrel!” There was no explaining that one.

he pointed at the toy rockets and shouted at the top of his voice “F*cket”

haha, my daughter makes a similar sound when trying to say “quack quack” like a duck.

We don’r pretend to be ducks when we’re out in public any more.

I had trouble with words beginning with the letter ‘a’ as a kid, which led me to shout “look mum a wanchor!” cue red faces all around.

After watching Avatar my son casually remarked “Americans are such ****”.
Devastatingly accurate character assessment based on the films content, which holds for many of the US population if not all. I didn’t reprimand him on the use of the **** but did point out that it was basically a reworking of the Pocahontas story which, by his definition, made us the ****.

Edit: I should point out that my son isn’t 5. He’s 12. And I have tried to prevent his swearing in the house but his mother has a terrible case of toilet mouth

Our friend’s little girl (2.5 year old) came running into the room and showed us a dance she’d seen on the telly. The words to this dance were (and it took us all days to work this out), “crunch”, “crunch”, “crunch”. it turns out “cr” comes out more like “c” and “ch” comes out more like “t”. We didn’t stop laughing for hours!

My 2 year old neice won’t come near me if I’ve not got a t-shirt on, because apparently she doesn’t like my boobies.

I tried not to be hurt.

Another from my three year old. The presenter on cbeebies with one arm is lazy because she always gets the other presenter to do stuff for her…

A mate’s confused 5 year old who’d obviously heard Elvis referred to as ‘The King’:

“Daddy, is Elvis Presley the king of all music?”

“Yes son. Yes he is.”